Lucy1857 Posted March 16, 2020 Group: Newbie Followers: 2 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/16/2020 Status: Offline Share Posted March 16, 2020 (edited) I am 30 and my boyfriend is 35. We have been together for five years now. When we were 6 months into the relationship, he told his parents about me. And they right away disapproved of the union. We are both Christians. Initially, my boyfriend had assured me that we need not worry and to give them time. And now that we want to get married, his parents still hasn't been opening up to the idea of our marriage. I want their blessings and approval as much as he does. But now he thinks if he married me, it would be dishonouring his parents and that he was willing to leave me. This has really broken me. Because I want us to build a life together. I have tried to reason with him and talk to him about looking to God and that if we seek for his wisdom and ask for his words he would provide us. He seems hesitant and says he can't promise me anything. And that eventually if they continue to disapprove he would leave me. I told him we wouldn't be dishonouring him for going against them because we both want their blessings and all I need is for him to work with me together. I emphasised on the fact that above all things if we continue to call upon Jesus's guidance and his love, we could endure and will wait. I don't know what to do. I haven't been able to stop crying thinking of what I could do to get his parents approval. His parents had told him last Dec, if he has chosen me to marry then they would speak to me first on the phone and arrange a meet up after. But that call never came and when I asked him about it he said their parents haven't made any effort and he didn't want to push him cz they would always end up fighting. I don't know if I am doing the wrong thing by trying to get him to give me his commitment and work on him 's parents approval. I have been praying for this relationship since the beginning. I just wanted to look for other Christians who were much more closer to God's word so they could help me see things. I trust in the Lord's plan but I feel I also need to work together with my boyfriend to get his parents blessings. Edit: I want to reply to Ayin Yade but I don't seem to find the reply section. So to answer your questions. 1. The parent disapproval is basically because they don't know me. Bottomline is they want him to marry someone of their choice. I can't think of any other major reasons than this. 2He's never been married 3. The wait was because of me. I asked him to wait. And in 2019 of Sept we decided we will start thinking of it. 4. His other relationships has ended because of his parents. But he was still living being taken care of by his parents. But he started working in 2007 and he did not have any gf during that time and we started going around in 2015. 5. The culture I live in, is not very common to meet parents. Some do. But this time we tried but his parents changed their mind. 6. We are both Christians. 7. Never been married Edited March 16, 2020 by Lucy1857 Response to the questions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted March 16, 2020 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,798 Content Per Day: 6.20 Reputation: 11,244 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Online Share Posted March 16, 2020 So much to say about this. Why do they disapprove of the marriage? From the sounds of things here, this marriage is doomed from the beginning. Altho the bible says a husband should leave his parents and cleave to his wife (Genesis 2:24), it sounds like his parents will always come before his wife. Which makes me wonder, why is he getting married at 35? Was he married before? If so, what happened then? If not then why so long a wait? Have his parents been a source of conflict with other women in his life? If you are both seriously thinking of marriage then you should get pastoral counseling first. From the sound of things though, it does not sound like he is serious about getting married. Sorry I know this isnt what you wanted to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amanda Frances Posted March 16, 2020 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 38 Topic Count: 365 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 8,700 Content Per Day: 3.89 Reputation: 10,045 Days Won: 64 Joined: 03/27/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted March 16, 2020 Sorry to hear about your difficulty. Have you been married before? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coliseum Posted March 16, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 14 Topic Count: 133 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 1,123 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 2,055 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/07/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted March 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Lucy1857 said: I am 30 and my boyfriend is 35. We have been together for five years now. When we were 6 months into the relationship, he told his parents about me. And they right away disapproved of the union. We are both Christians. Initially, my boyfriend had assured me that we need not worry and to give them time. And now that we want to get married, his parents still hasn't been opening up to the idea of our marriage. I want their blessings and approval as much as he does. But now he thinks if he married me, it would be dishonouring his parents and that he was willing to leave me. This has really broken me. Because I want us to build a life together. I have tried to reason with him and talk to him about looking to God and that if we seek for his wisdom and ask for his words he would provide us. He seems hesitant and says he can't promise me anything. And that eventually if they continue to disapprove he would leave me. I told him we wouldn't be dishonouring him for going against them because we both want their blessings and all I need is for him to work with me together. I emphasised on the fact that above all things if we continue to call upon Jesus's guidance and his love, we could endure and will wait. I don't know what to do. I haven't been able to stop crying thinking of what I could do to get his parents approval. His parents had told him last Dec, if he has chosen me to marry then they would speak to me first on the phone and arrange a meet up after. But that call never came and when I asked him about it he said their parents haven't made any effort and he didn't want to push him cz they would always end up fighting. I don't know if I am doing the wrong thing by trying to get him to give me his commitment and work on him 's parents approval. I have been praying for this relationship since the beginning. I just wanted to look for other Christians who were much more closer to God's word so they could help me see things. I trust in the Lord's plan but I feel I also need to work together with my boyfriend to get his parents blessings. Edit: I want to reply to Ayin Yade but I don't seem to find the reply section. So to answer your questions. 1. The parent disapproval is basically because they don't know me. Bottomline is they want him to marry someone of their choice. I can't think of any other major reasons than this. 2He's never been married 3. The wait was because of me. I asked him to wait. And in 2019 of Sept we decided we will start thinking of it. 4. His other relationships has ended because of his parents. But he was still living being taken care of by his parents. But he started working in 2007 and he did not have any gf during that time and we started going around in 2015. 5. The culture I live in, is not very common to meet parents. Some do. But this time we tried but his parents changed their mind. 6. We are both Christians. 7. Never been married Hi Lucy. This is not someone's fault, so try not to think that it's yours. Don't make his parents your idol that you must persuade or convince; you already shared they do not know you. Your BF is not ready to make a commitment on his own since he must wait on his parents' approval. Appearing to convert his opinion will not help you, or him. He must decide that the relationship means enough to him beyond his parents' constraint. What you can do is give him time---time you both agree is adequate. And pray that it is God's will for both of you. We all fall into the trap of letting our emotions decide for us when we are deeply immersed into a situation. Put it on hold, collect your thoughts, pray, and listen to the Holy Spirit. I wish you the very best in your decision, sister. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted March 16, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 540 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,973 Content Per Day: 5.05 Reputation: 23,772 Days Won: 234 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted March 16, 2020 unless you want to be his next parent and take care of him for the rest of his life dump him now .. He is far too immature to be married and you would have a miserable life trying to appease his parents and pander to him sounds like a very lazy mummies boy If he is still being looked after by his parents at the age of 35 he is never going to be able to stand on his own two feet Cut your losses and find a MAN not a child 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin Adams Posted March 16, 2020 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 25 Topic Count: 61 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 9,606 Content Per Day: 3.95 Reputation: 7,798 Days Won: 21 Joined: 09/11/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted March 16, 2020 (edited) Perhaps 5 years is way too long. Difficult stuff this because we do not know the history or society you live in. Here there is a battle against child brides that want to escape from the social prison they were born to. It can be extremely difficult in some societies to break the chains of in-laws. Perhaps that is why you never married...? Edited March 16, 2020 by Justin Adams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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