If You Wish You Didn’t Exist

[Fidei Defensor]

10 minutes ago, Aimes said:

I remember standing in my bathroom with a bottle of Oxy in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. My mom had recently died, my dad was stalking/harassing me/and threatening me, and I was facing homelessness. The years of abuse I endured in my childhood from both of my parents was stabbing my heart daily and there seemed to be no escape from the constant lies of the wicked one who whispered constantly in my ear "You're not worth anything, no one loves you, you should just die". I was a new convert, saved about 6 months, but definitely not mature enough in my faith to battle the demons I had surrounding me alone.

I was done. I had no will to live anymore. I was broken and destroyed to my core. I wanted to close my eyes and never wake up again.

I'll never forget as I lifted the first handful of pills up to my mouth that I heard the gentlest of whispers say "You're my beloved and I am here" and without doing it myself, my hand opened and the pills crashed to the sink/floor around me. 

I'd never in all of my life felt loved until that moment. I didn't understand it then, but now I know it was the Holy Spirit surrounding me and fighting those demons away on my behalf. 15 years later, I'm still so thankful for that night in the bathroom, when I felt love for the first time. It hasn't been easy, there have been days when I wished He would call me home, but I'm so glad that even on those dark days He stands with me and helps me fight through. 

 

No matter how low you find yourself, God is there, and He will literally fight to keep you. 

Thanks be to God! You are such a fun and loving person. Your Smores idea made me run for President in the “Buddy Runs for Pres Thread.”  

A great movie about this subject is “The Sea of Trees” Starring Matthew McConaughey, where he travels travels to the "Suicide Forest" (Aokigahara forest) to kill himself at the base of Mount Fuji in Japan, but something incredible happens. I don’t want to spoil the movie, but it is amazing.  

Edited July 30, 2020 by Fidei Defensor

[Aimes]

1 minute ago, Fidei Defensor said:

Thanks be to God! You are such a fun and loving person. Your Smores idea made me tub for President in the “Buddy Runs for Pres Thread.”  

 

if you win, I'm honorary VP  

[Henry_iain]

To me, what is happening in this thread, is what this place should be all about in the end. When I look at the world and the chaos in the world, and I look at the hatred and intolerance around me, it dawns on me that there are so many people who might seem ok, but who are slowly dying inside from pain. The need out there is so huge. And we as the Church of Jesus Christ have to be the solution to this. And instead, unfortunately, in my experience, the church just makes things worse. The harvest is not the issue, the labourers are. I relate to art and especially music. And I listen to a song by Leeland called "Tears of the Saints." Every time I hear it I find myself wishing there was more I could do. That I could forget about all the side issues and just jump in  and begin to do something about the real needs out there. This site has to be the place where we encourage one another to good works and just generally lift each other up. 

So I say right here and now, that if you are here and you are in pain and you need someone to talk to privately or in the forums, please let me know. I am far from perfect, but I will help any way I can. And I hope I can say that goes for the rest of the regulars as well. 

[SisterWells]

12 minutes ago, Aimes said:

I'll never forget as I lifted the first handful of pills up to my mouth that I heard the gentlest of whispers say "You're my beloved and I am here" and without doing it myself, my hand opened and the pills crashed to the sink/floor around me. 

I'd never in all of my life felt loved until that moment. I didn't understand it then, but now I know it was the Holy Spirit

What a beautiful testimony.  God is good ♡ I'm glad you're alive during this very special time, Aimes 

[Aimes]

11 minutes ago, Henry_iain said:

To me, what is happening in this thread, is what this place should be all about in the end. When I look at the world and the chaos in the world, and I look at the hatred and intolerance around me, it dawns on me that there are so many people who might seem ok, but who are slowly dying inside from pain. The need out there is so huge. And we as the Church of Jesus Christ have to be the solution to this. And instead, unfortunately, in my experience, the church just makes things worse. The harvest is not the issue, the labourers are. I relate to art and especially music. And I listen to a song by Leeland called "Tears of the Saints." Every time I hear it I find myself wishing there was more I could do. That I could forget about all the side issues and just jump in  and begin to do something about the real needs out there. This site has to be the place where we encourage one another to good works and just generally lift each other up. 

So I say right here and now, that if you are here and you are in pain and you need someone to talk to privately or in the forums, please let me know. I am far from perfect, but I will help any way I can. And I hope I can say that goes for the rest of the regulars as well. 

Count me in! We're supposed to be His hands and feet. I'm here and will stand with anyone who needs someone. We'll fight with you and for you in the Name of Jesus. 

[Aimes]

2 minutes ago, SisterWells said:

What a beautiful testimony.  God is good ♡ I'm glad you're alive during this very special time, Aimes 

For a "nun", you're pretty cool. It's been nice getting to know you.

 

 

[Henry_iain]

I note the SisterWells is nearing 500 posts. I wonder if she knows what happens then  

[Aimes]

I bet the chicken has told her. 

[SisterWells]

No, what happens 

[Guest]

That is a terrible thing. I am so sorry. I am so grateful that we have our Lord Jesus Christ to tell our troubles to.