Advice to help a suicidal friend?

[MiraculousFaith]

Hi,

 

I have a friend who has dealt with a lot of mental challenges in her life, including depression. She's been on meds (partially by force and not simply by choice) for much of her teenage and adulthood (she's in her mid-20s). This past week, she has been claiming to be severely depressed by reoccurring doubts that are plaguing her. She claims that she isn't sure she really believes in God's truth (but she is more worried about the doubt than it deserves in my opinion), and that her decisions are leading her down a terrible path. The irony is that, yes, she has definitely made a lot of bad -- at least bad to me -- decisions, but I know that God still loves her and is walking with her.

Today she messaged me that she felt suicidal, but also assured me that she would not act on it. I've been down that road before and I'm apt to believe her at this time, but I don't know for sure how I should respond. Was wondering what you might tell a friend who feels like a no-good burden and is far too hard on herself for her flaws, to the point of excessive worrying and fatalistic mindset. I don't want to encourage any erratic behavior, but I am also not so sure she would enjoy ending up in a mental hospital again (for the second time in the last month). I briefly considered taking her while we were hanging out today, and I know it sounds kind of odd, but I think there is a spiritual warfare aspect to this alongside the other mental issues she's already struggling with. She isn't sure what to make of it all, and I guess I don't know either.

 

It's a strange and probably difficult situation, but I'd appreciate any experience or advice I might be able to pass along to her as a friend. She is certainly trying to better herself, but right now it isn't working out the best for her.

 

Thanks!

[Iamnikki]

I personally am NOT going through clinical depression.. But I also have friends who are going through that and are suicidal. I also became depressed before. I admire your love for your friend, and your willingness to help her  What I've learned so far, is that it is very important to them to know they're not alone, and not isolated... Continue being there for your friend, even if you don't have to say anything. But be mindful of your own health also. If she mentions any plans she has for suicide... I think it's best to keep away any dangerous items in the house. Usually when they are in their lowest, they won't accept any advice or prescription u give, but will NEED your presence to be there. (Presence/listening > words)  you can bring her food sometimes (if u can). Continue to pray for her, and it's also good if she's part of a prayer/small group. It is not easy for them to reach out to people, so we have to check on them every now and then.
Does she go to counselling? It's BEST if she does.

Other advice I got:
1. Don't promise that it will be gone soon.
2. Don't judge and don't blame her.
3. Don't solve her problems.
4. Don't do things out of PITY.
5. Don't minimize her feelings.
6. Don't abandon.
7. If you're listening, don't tell your stories. (Prioritize hers.)

Hope this could somehow help.  will pray for your friend.

[AnOrangeCat]

Good advice in the above post, and yes, there can be a spiritual warfare element to it all. Despite all the focus on the chemical imbalance a lot of psychiatrists actually see it as a far more complicated thing. Sometimes the meds CAN trigger or worsen it and the withdrawals can range from relatively painless to brutal. Sometimes depression can be tied to our pasts or present situation. Diet and the amount of sleep we get can factor in there. It's important for her to look at her life from a variety of angles. If there are any things that can be identified as contributing to the depression, address them if possible. If sleep or diet are poor that needs to be handled. If she's feeling suicidal while on medication that she's been on for more than a month it might be time to switch and brace for the withdrawal.

[Faith 23]

All great advice given above. Does she have health insurance? I would consider talking to her about a longer treatment program than just a couple days in the hospital. Somewhere that can help with underlying issues and also correct medication. 

[BeauJangles]

53 minutes ago, Faith 23 said:

All great advice given above. Does she have health insurance? I would consider talking to her about a longer treatment program than just a couple days in the hospital. Somewhere that can help with underlying issues and also correct medication. 

These are important mental health care factors that do go co-jointly hand in hand. The problem is this. It is far easier to surmise the complications of individual needs first of all giving proper assessment. Then lining up decent psychological and or psychiatric care is a difficult match up. Cost is also insurmountable and if your income or insurance insufficient, there are difficulties lining decent patient/physician relations. Medication can be a long journey of exploration. Not all respond the same according to the symptoms and it's trial-and-error situation in many instances. Try to help your friend if you can with this so she doesn't get lost in the "system". 

[missmuffet]

11 hours ago, MiraculousFaith said:

Hi,

 

I have a friend who has dealt with a lot of mental challenges in her life, including depression. She's been on meds (partially by force and not simply by choice) for much of her teenage and adulthood (she's in her mid-20s). This past week, she has been claiming to be severely depressed by reoccurring doubts that are plaguing her. She claims that she isn't sure she really believes in God's truth (but she is more worried about the doubt than it deserves in my opinion), and that her decisions are leading her down a terrible path. The irony is that, yes, she has definitely made a lot of bad -- at least bad to me -- decisions, but I know that God still loves her and is walking with her.

Today she messaged me that she felt suicidal, but also assured me that she would not act on it. I've been down that road before and I'm apt to believe her at this time, but I don't know for sure how I should respond. Was wondering what you might tell a friend who feels like a no-good burden and is far too hard on herself for her flaws, to the point of excessive worrying and fatalistic mindset. I don't want to encourage any erratic behavior, but I am also not so sure she would enjoy ending up in a mental hospital again (for the second time in the last month). I briefly considered taking her while we were hanging out today, and I know it sounds kind of odd, but I think there is a spiritual warfare aspect to this alongside the other mental issues she's already struggling with. She isn't sure what to make of it all, and I guess I don't know either.

 

It's a strange and probably difficult situation, but I'd appreciate any experience or advice I might be able to pass along to her as a friend. She is certainly trying to better herself, but right now it isn't working out the best for her.

 

Thanks!

I hope your friend is seeing a professional mental health provider or a doctor. Sometimes we want to help but if we do not have the professional training we can make matters worse. If a person really needs a medication provided by a professional they should take that medication and not go off of it. That is where a serious problem can begin. You need to get the person stable. 

[Marathoner]

13 hours ago, MiraculousFaith said:

It's a strange and probably difficult situation, but I'd appreciate any experience or advice I might be able to pass along to her as a friend. She is certainly trying to better herself, but right now it isn't working out the best for her.

The Lord bless you for being such a comfort to your friend. I lived with severe depression accompanied by suicidal ideations for many years so I have some insight into what your friend is going through, @MiraculousFaith.

Medication was of no effect and neither were various therapeutic methods. Nothing seemed to affect the cycles I endured. I reacted adversely to most psychotropic medications; they would either make me ill or magnify symptoms, making things much worse than they were without them.  

Take her word for it: she experiences suicidal ideations but has no intention of acting upon them. I've been there myself. The simple fact that you're "there" makes all the difference for your friend. Making yourself available with no strings attached is every bit as important as praying for her sake. Pray with her if she's willing. 

Encourage your friend in the Lord. Yes, even the servants of the Lord despair of living. Read 1 Kings 19 with her where you'll both discover how Elijah, the prophet of the Lord, fled to the wilderness in fear of Jezebel and asked the Lord to take his life. Read the book of Job to discover how a man whom the Lord proclaimed as righteous --- there was one on earth like His servant Job ---  cursed the day he was born from his mother's womb.  

Look to the Psalms where we learn that God has regard for the affliction of the afflicted... He will never turn His face away from those who suffer. Finally, remind your friend of the work which Christ Jesus started in her, that He is faithful to finish this work to the glory of God. We are being transformed by the Spirit to conform to the image of Christ from glory to glory, which can also mean "from one trial to the next."

I'm living proof that there is indeed an end to the darkness of despair.  
 

[other one]

I have had several friends and acquaintances commit suicide over the years including a niece with two little girls....

In every case toward the end they had convinced themselves that everyone would be better off without them...

If she's considering it herself make sure she knows in her heart that others would not be better off without her.  You and the others she knows need to show her she's needed in whatever ways are between them....    people can withstand a lot of mental anguish, but being a total burden on all your friends and family is just not tolerable to most people.

[LonerAndy]

How can you convince someone, that others would not be better off without them?  Seems a strange concept.  I can't imagine a single person that would be worse off if I didn't exist.  Not one.

Obviously, if my extended family didn't have to bail me out when I get broke.... they would be better off, because they wouldn't have to pay for someone like me, that can't hold a job.   Just factually speaking... if I didn't exist, they wouldn't have to pay thousands to bail me out when I go broke.   Right?

[other one]

1 hour ago, LonerAndy said:

How can you convince someone, that others would not be better off without them?  Seems a strange concept.  I can't imagine a single person that would be worse off if I didn't exist.  Not one.

Obviously, if my extended family didn't have to bail me out when I get broke.... they would be better off, because they wouldn't have to pay for someone like me, that can't hold a job.   Just factually speaking... if I didn't exist, they wouldn't have to pay thousands to bail me out when I go broke.   Right?

well, I'd have to talk to your family to know the details, but they do keep bailing you out so there is something positive in your relationship that you are missing, and that's the problem with most suicide prone people.   They only see the down side of things.

I can only think of one person in this world that I knew personally that I was glad to see die...  he got beat to death in a bar fight.  He was so sorry-evil spirited that the preacher at his funeral service told his kids that their dad was burning in hell and if they didn't change their ways they were headed there right behind him...  He's the only person I know that everyone was better off without him.

Personally I would miss seeing your  posts.    Not sure if that's worth staying alive for, but it's just little things like that which can add up.   You have one big problem and you place your worth on that one problem not taking into account all the other things that make up a relationship.   And it's those things the make knowing you worth while.    Putting everything into that one problem does make you prone to wanting to check out....    and whoever does that hurts the people around them...   and I know from experience that their close friends and family really never get over it.