If You Wish You Didn’t Exist

[furrychristian]

I haven't been truly suicidal in a decade. I used to cry every night and pray to God that I wanted to die, I didn't want to live like this anymore, but I didn't see any other way out but death.

However, my mind dipped into suicidal ideation territory again as recent as June of this year. It wasn't to the point that I truly longed for death, as in years past.....but I felt like no one cared about me and no one would miss me except for my mother and my job, and my friends just tolerate me but all I do is make them uncomfortable.....so why not just die.
It was a temporary mindset, and I felt better after a few weeks. But it was scary how fast and apparently easily my mind went back to that place.

[Henry_iain]

7 hours ago, furrychristian said:

I haven't been truly suicidal in a decade. I used to cry every night and pray to God that I wanted to die, I didn't want to live like this anymore, but I didn't see any other way out but death.

However, my mind dipped into suicidal ideation territory again as recent as June of this year. It wasn't to the point that I truly longed for death, as in years past.....but I felt like no one cared about me and no one would miss me except for my mother and my job, and my friends just tolerate me but all I do is make them uncomfortable.....so why not just die.
It was a temporary mindset, and I felt better after a few weeks. But it was scary how fast and apparently easily my mind went back to that place.

Yes our minds and our emotions can lead us astray.  One can think too much. And I found that when I'm stuck in my own thoughts too long, generally that leads to depression not upliftment. Which is why prayer and meditating on the Word is better. Sometimes,  just the fact that it's cold outside can make us feel sad.  And a simple thing like a healthy sleep pattern can make me feel better.  

We need to demolish those strongholds. For even if no one else should care for you (which is not at all true), God always does. And what He thinks is more important. 

[Aimes]

*bump*

[Henry_iain]

Praying that every lonely person will see this.

Many of us will be spending some of our time together on Christmas day. Just a reminder that you need not be alone.

Even before that , if you are in pain, you don't know where to turn to and you need someone who will listen, do let us know  by posting in here. We will do what we can.

[Henry_iain]

Bumping up this thread. 

For those who need it. 

[Marathoner]

Bumping.

What the Spirit of the Lord revealed to me isn't a new thing: we are the work of His hand, set aside for His purpose before we were born. That's the heart of my testimony but in truth this is our testimony. It's your testimony, my friends.  

I'm not the only one chosen by God to be conformed to the image of His Son. I'm not the only one who has suffered... the only one who despaired of living... the only one who struggled to see the light of day. 

Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?
For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
And like a root out of dry ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we would look at Him,
Nor an appearance that we would take pleasure in Him.
He was despised and abandoned by men,
A man of great pain and familiar with sickness;
And like one from whom people hide their faces,
He was despised, and we had no regard for Him.
(Isaiah 53:1-3 NASB)

The Lord Himself is well-acquainted with suffering. Never forget that God remembers our frame is dust. Christ knew us before He created all things both seen and unseen. He chose us before the foundation of the world. 

I pray that your sorrow will become a song of thanksgiving and joy. Your life is not your own but rather, is hidden in our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Edited December 4, 2020 by Marathoner

[Henry_iain]

I recently heard a song which said "my circumstances don't determine what's true." This resonates with me, as there was a day when I finally started to realise that what was happening around me and to me is not necessarily a reflection of what is going on inside. And this has helped me tremendously. I trust God in spite of everything. That doesn't mean I don't feel the weight of the circumstances or can't empathise with others. It just means that I find I am able to resist fear and worry more easily. 

[enoob57]

3 minutes ago, Chicken coop2 said:

It's so hard. 

Do you fight with depression coop?

[enoob57]

2 minutes ago, Chicken coop2 said:

No. I have very serious problems beyond my control that require miracles.  Far worse problems than my health conditions which are quite bad and my chronic pain conditions that are also quite bad.  These problems I can't voice in public, but of course God knows.  

The assurance of His Word in this, the temporary, waiting upon the eternal should give you hope  Be praying for ya!

[Aimes]

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." Psalm 34:17-19 

 

He is near to you today and He is willing and able to restore, renew, and revive you in every single way. He is ever working on your behalf though our natural eyes cannot perceive it. Take heart, Your God cares for you in a way that we could not ever understand. His love is all encompassing and without end.