If You Wish You Didn’t Exist

[Henry_iain]

The Lord never promises that things will be easy. We are told to live by faith. It is not "If you pass through the waters" but "when you pass through the waters, you will not be harmed" It is not "if you pass through the valley" but "when you pass through" There are times of peace and times chaos. But the promise is that we will not have to do it alone and that we will be more than conquerors. We will win in the end. Not because we try harder but because He fought for us. 

[Aimes]

17 minutes ago, Henry_iain said:

The Lord never promises that things will be easy. We are told to live by faith. It is not "If you pass through the waters" but "when you pass through the waters, you will not be harmed" It is not "if you pass through the valley" but "when you pass through" There are times of peace and times chaos. But the promise is that we will not have to do it alone and that we will be more than conquerors. We will win in the end. Not because we try harder but because He fought for us. 

I love that section of Scripture because if you note, it doesn't say IF you pass through, it says WHEN you pass through. He will not leave you to drown in the waters or perish in the valley, His plan is to bring you through them!

[Sower]

 Reading this thread, I'm reminded of this little quote;

"to be kind to others,
for everyone I meet is fighting a battle
I know nothing about"

 

 

 

[Henry_iain]

So true.

[Aimes]

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in You my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; He will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah! God will send out His steadfast love and his faithfulness!" Psalm 57: 1-3

You have purpose! If you're feeling like you don't, see above. Our purpose comes from Him alone. 

 

 

[Henry_iain]

Double bump. Might add something later.

[Starise]

I can't say I haven't wanted to fly away to be with Jesus. Has been a pull for a long time. Since a health incident in 2017 that devastated me and left me uncertain about my future I have been thinking about death almost too much in an unhealthy way. 

I'm still above the grass and hopefully I'll be around for a long time. God is good and He has been with me the entire time. Yet, I often wonder when I'll go to the doc and hear news that will cause me to just shut down completely. Things aren't that bad.....yet. It seems this never leaves my thinking and robs me of peace constantly. Feels like something is after me and it's only a matter of time. In reality this is how it is for everyone. Having an issue seems to intensify it more. Make it more front and center.

Like Woody Allen said, " I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

I wrote some rather odd music that reflected my thoughts on the scripture that talks about passing through the valley of the "shadow of death". The music is odd because that's how I feel about it. 

https://soundcloud.com/starise/shadow-of-death-work-in-progress

 

[Henry_iain]

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope that in some small way we can encourage you and make things a tiny bit easier. To me it feels like you fit right in and it almost feels like you are a important piece of the puzzle that has just been put in the right place. Naturally, you will go on my prayer list. Do continue to share how things go. We care very much.

Blessings.

[Marathoner]

1 hour ago, Starise said:

I can't say I haven't wanted to fly away to be with Jesus. Has been a pull for a long time. Since a health incident in 2017 that devastated me and left me uncertain about my future I have been thinking about death almost too much in an unhealthy way. 

I'm still above the grass and hopefully I'll be around for a long time. God is good and He has been with me the entire time. Yet, I often wonder when I'll go to the doc and hear news that will cause me to just shut down completely. Things aren't that bad.....yet. It seems this never leaves my thinking and robs me of peace constantly. Feels like something is after me and it's only a matter of time. In reality this is how it is for everyone. Having an issue seems to intensify it more. Make it more front and center.

Like Woody Allen said, " I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

I wrote some rather odd music that reflected my thoughts on the scripture that talks about passing through the valley of the "shadow of death". The music is odd because that's how I feel about it. 

https://soundcloud.com/starise/shadow-of-death-work-in-progress

 

Take heart, brother. When I found myself in that place where the shadows were long and the sunlight a fleeting memory, the Spirit of the Lord comforted me with the knowledge that we only suffer in this world for a little while. 

Christ gave His life to me so I might live abundantly but I haven't forgotten the lesson of Job. 

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked I shall return there.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”
(Job 1:21 NASB)

I know how you feel. I wonder when my appointed time will come and I won't lie... I look forward to that day. It will be the greatest day, even greater than that moment when the Lord returned me to the land of sunlight. Walking through the shadow of death irrevocably changes your perception of life in this world.

Thank you for sharing your music. I wouldn't call it odd... it's very meaningful.   

[Starise]

20 hours ago, SONshine said:

Your music is beautiful, filled with intensity and pathos.  Thx for sharing.  Ahhhh...to know for certain that God will never leave us nor forsake us, and that we all have a destiny here on earth. Also, that we will see our loved ones again in heaven.  In the meantime, let’s stay strong in Him.

Thank you. I write what I'm feeling at the time. And often it isn't necessarily a good feeling

I try to take one day at a time. I wake up and I think I'm above the grass and I'll shoot to do what the Lord wants me to do. I usually say the Lord's Prayer in the morning and really think about the words. I talk with the Lord all day on and off. I fall constantly and don't always feel I'm making good use of my time. Many days I don't want to get out of bed at all. Then I am reminded to look at all of the things I can be thankful for as a Christian. That always helps. How can both blessing and cursing come from the same lips? It can be difficult to see the blessings some days. Much of what we as Christians hope for is in the future. A perfect world, to be with God, no more tears or sorrow, no more pain. This is not our present reality. 

One of my friends recently died of a terminal disease. The older we get the more this seems to happen. His outlook was simple- " I'll live until I die". I went to see him a little before his end here on earth. He was weak then and incapable of doing much of anything. He had family there who were doing their best to pretend life was normal so he wouldn't see their pain. One of his biggest frustrations was not being able to do anything. He had been a very active man and now there he was, all drugged up waiting. Is that how I'll go? I don't know. I hope not. 

I can remember quite a few people who I had conversations with I remember like it was yesterday. All of those people are laying in a cemetery now. All I have is a stone with their names on it to go look at. Life goes on without them as if they were never here. That will be you and I one day. What then? Paul said, "To live is Christ, to die is gain." 

20 hours ago, Henry_iain said:

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope that in some small way we can encourage you and make things a tiny bit easier. To me it feels like you fit right in and it almost feels like you are a important piece of the puzzle that has just been put in the right place. Naturally, you will go on my prayer list. Do continue to share how things go. We care very much.

Blessings.

Thank you Henry. It has been wonderful to meet you. I appreciate the warm heartfelt welcome.Means a lot and I hope I can encourage you too.

19 hours ago, Marathoner said:

I know how you feel. I wonder when my appointed time will come and I won't lie... I look forward to that day. It will be the greatest day, even greater than that moment when the Lord returned me to the land of sunlight. Walking through the shadow of death irrevocably changes your perception of life in this world.

Thank you for sharing your music. I wouldn't call it odd... it's very meaningful.   

Thank you Marathoner for your comments. I remember reading of some of your trials and how God brought you through them. I try my best to think about life and be in the now. It's only when I have a doctor's visit of a blood test that I am reminded that something is after me. If I dwelled on it all the time I would probably go nuts. It's usually in the background. Never seems to go away as a part of my thoughts. Right now I am "potentially terminal" in the future. When I asked my specialist if I should bother with getting dental work done, they said go ahead, so maybe things will hang on. They can buy me some more time with medications. Unfortunately those medications have side effects I would have to deal with. I am dealing with issues as a result of my surgery 3 years ago. Life has been a  bit of an adjustment.What I have has killed many people and I don't feel "special". The progression could be held back or it could exponentially grow worse. It all depends. I look at every day, every week, every year as a gift. Thank God I am still able to do pretty much anything I did before albeit I get tired easier now. Not sure if this is simply getting older or a part of my condition, or both. 

Honestly the most difficult part of it right now is trying to put it out of my mind so I can function. So long as I'm thinking something is "out to get me" I'm not a happy camper.