Dysfunctional families

[Guest]

6 minutes ago, Saved.One.by.Grace said:

I think many of us are in the same situation.  My sister and I haven't spoken in many, many years.  She's a Roman Catholic and married an atheist.  He was welcomed into the family while my born-again wife and myself were not.  My mother even wrote me out of her will because I rejected the pope as head of the church.  By all means pray, but put it in God's hands.  His will be done.  You have my prayers.

Wow! You have truly suffered. I am sorry to hear it. God bless you. 

[Marathoner]

My family of flesh and blood disowned me long ago so we've remained apart since. They collectively wrote me off as a lunatic when Jesus Christ called me which in their eyes was justified: I resigned a job working for a wealthy man, gave away my possessions, and disappeared from their lives. 

[missmuffet]

5 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

I do, daily. I ask for mercy on their souls. They have no idea what danger awaits them when they die. You belong either to Jesus or the Devil. That is correct? The choice is our own. 

It is very sad when we know a person who is an atheist and we know where they will spend their eternity. It is even more sad with family members. 

[LonerAndy]

On 9/27/2020 at 2:39 AM, Melinda12 said:

Mine is. My brothers are stone hearted atheists. I cannot bear their company and we generally find life a lot easier to keep well away from each other. They pour scorn on me being a Christian and treat me as if i am simple in the head

I know i must pray for them. I do, daily. A few times i tried to tell them but am always met with a brick wall. I always feel derailed and awful inside after any contact with them. The only thing that connects us is that we have to cooperate in order to take care of our elderly ailing parents. When they are gone i look forward to never seeing my brothers again. Sadly. I have tried but accept failure. We truly cannot get on and have nothing else in common. 

Is it ok to pray for people you do not like and yet ask God to keep them away from you? It really bothers me. 

I guess I would have to actually see how these interactions worked.

Are you saying that when you get together, you walk in the door, and they say "Hi Melinda.  How's your magic fairy god today?".

Is that what is happening?

Or are you saying "Well my bible says..." to everything they say?

Now I'm not mocking you, or anything.  I'm just trying to understand how these interactions work.  It is possible that without any instigation on your part, that they are being cruel.

However, what I see many people doing, is they try and use every single interaction as an excuse to start witnessing.  If you walk in the door, and say "So ready to be a Christian yet?" or "Hey how are you?  Let me tell you about Jesus".

Now that sounds like I'm making light of this, but I've actually seen Christians do this.  It makes people around you, feel like you don't care about them anymore, and they are just a target for your cult.

I don't know if you ever met one of these people, but have you run into a member of one of those multi-level marketing organizations?   Where they are only interested in trying to sell you something?  Well instead of selling lipstick and Mary Kay, and vitamin pills, some Christians treat their family like a marketing event for Jesus.  Not saying you did that... but I've seen some do that.

So if you said to them "You know it hurts me when you say those things.  Why are you hurting me?"

What do they say?

If they say to you "Well we don't believe in god", and you say "Ok, that's fine.  But why do you have to hurt me?"

What is their answer?

The reason why I'm asking this, is because I have dozens of non-christian friends.   I have friends that are Muslim. Friends that are Hindu.  Friends that are atheist.  Even friends that are Wiccan.

We get along fine. Totally fine.  In fact, we get along so well, that I've had people contact me, asking me why I'm a Christian, and I talk to them about it.  One still to this day, asks me to come play games with her online.  And her and her boyfriend both, think Christianity is as myth like the tooth fairy.

Now have some of them at times, mocked my faith?  You bet.  And I just smile and be nice.

Suffering for Christ is part of the Christian life.

Jesus didn't say "Pick up your Chardonnay and beach chair, and follow me."   What did he say?  Matthew 16:26 "Pick up your cross, and follow me."

Sometimes we have to simply bare our cross.

Now, I want to be clear.  I still don't know what you are going through. 

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

There are limits to what you should subject yourself to.   If someone is really trying to harm you, then you need to put up some reasonable boundaries in your life.

Some Christians have no boundaries, and people in their family actively destroy their lives.  Don't do that.  But if they are simply saying Christianity is a joke.... so what?  Let them say that.  Everyone has a right to be wrong.

Don't let something small like that, damage your relationship with your brothers, or cause you to be angry.

So I don't have any specific advice for you, because I don't know exactly what is going on.  Just consider carefully to see if there is anything you are doing to cause the hostility, and stop doing that.   Or if you really are not doing anything to cause the hostility, maybe just ask them why they are treating you that way.

And if nothing else, then maybe you do need to put a healthy distance between you and them.  I don't know, because I'm not there, and don't know what exactly is happening.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

I guess I would have to actually see how these interactions worked.

Are you saying that when you get together, you walk in the door, and they say "Hi Melinda.  How's your magic fairy god today?".

Is that what is happening?

Or are you saying "Well my bible says..." to everything they say?

Now I'm not mocking you, or anything.  I'm just trying to understand how these interactions work.  It is possible that without any instigation on your part, that they are being cruel.

However, what I see many people doing, is they try and use every single interaction as an excuse to start witnessing.  If you walk in the door, and say "So ready to be a Christian yet?" or "Hey how are you?  Let me tell you about Jesus".

Now that sounds like I'm making light of this, but I've actually seen Christians do this.  It makes people around you, feel like you don't care about them anymore, and they are just a target for your cult.

I don't know if you ever met one of these people, but have you run into a member of one of those multi-level marketing organizations?   Where they are only interested in trying to sell you something?  Well instead of selling lipstick and Mary Kay, and vitamin pills, some Christians treat their family like a marketing event for Jesus.  Not saying you did that... but I've seen some do that.

So if you said to them "You know it hurts me when you say those things.  Why are you hurting me?"

What do they say?

If they say to you "Well we don't believe in god", and you say "Ok, that's fine.  But why do you have to hurt me?"

What is their answer?

The reason why I'm asking this, is because I have dozens of non-christian friends.   I have friends that are Muslim. Friends that are Hindu.  Friends that are atheist.  Even friends that are Wiccan.

We get along fine. Totally fine.  In fact, we get along so well, that I've had people contact me, asking me why I'm a Christian, and I talk to them about it.  One still to this day, asks me to come play games with her online.  And her and her boyfriend both, think Christianity is as myth like the tooth fairy.

Now have some of them at times, mocked my faith?  You bet.  And I just smile and be nice.

Suffering for Christ is part of the Christian life.

Jesus didn't say "Pick up your Chardonnay and beach chair, and follow me."   What did he say?  Matthew 16:26 "Pick up your cross, and follow me."

Sometimes we have to simply bare our cross.

Now, I want to be clear.  I still don't know what you are going through. 

https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

There are limits to what you should subject yourself to.   If someone is really trying to harm you, then you need to put up some reasonable boundaries in your life.

Some Christians have no boundaries, and people in their family actively destroy their lives.  Don't do that.  But if they are simply saying Christianity is a joke.... so what?  Let them say that.  Everyone has a right to be wrong.

Don't let something small like that, damage your relationship with your brothers, or cause you to be angry.

So I don't have any specific advice for you, because I don't know exactly what is going on.  Just consider carefully to see if there is anything you are doing to cause the hostility, and stop doing that.   Or if you really are not doing anything to cause the hostility, maybe just ask them why they are treating you that way.

And if nothing else, then maybe you do need to put a healthy distance between you and them.  I don't know, because I'm not there, and don't know what exactly is happening.

Hi

I completely take all you say on board. I can assure you i never force Christianity on anyone. I approach the subject sensitively. 

My family hate each other. My brothers are always vicious to each other. Sibling rivalry mainly. 

I see how they suffer though and i quietly despair. As they are all atheists i know what danger they face when they die. 

Give you an example. One brother has serious health issues. We don't speak often but i felt moved to offer to pray for him. I wanted him to feel comfort. He was dismissive, sarcastic, horrible. He says there's no God. He openly says the Bible is fairy tales and he is fine

Now I've tried so hard over the years but i simply cannot stand the company of my family. My other brother curses God, saying how can He allow so much evil. He doesn't want to know my explanations. Another brother worships yoga Gods - i believe that is particularly dangerous. With each of my family i can sense demons around them. I prefer to avoid their company therefore. 

 

Edited September 28, 2020 by Melinda12

[Figure of eighty]

On 9/27/2020 at 1:34 PM, missmuffet said:

Praying for your family is all that you need to do. If they are toxic people then your best choice is to stay away from them. There are many disfunctional families today. 

Checking in-- mine is dysfunctional. Its crazy how many are. Its terrible.

[warrior12]

7 hours ago, LonerAndy said:

I guess I would have to actually see how these interactions worked.

Are you saying that when you get together, you walk in the door, and they say "Hi Melinda.  How's your magic fairy god today?".

Is that what is happening?

Really wonderful reply LonerAndy as this is so true.   In my early years, I sort of did a mild version of this, but as I matured and read scripture , I realized that it was my duty to sow the seed and how it germinates and grow from there will manifest it's elf and when I am need further, the spirit would move to engage.   

One scripture verse that stands out to me very clearly , shows that we are to be salt and light.  You see, the way I see it, is when your radiance is shining forth, it pricks the hearts of those around you as they cannot escape the truth that they witness.  It at some point has to have some conviction and the hardness that they harbor inside will be broken at some point.  We are talking about demons that are restricting these people and though they struggle, we can still share and be a witness like the scripture says  "  Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove ".

I play soccer with some guys that curse and swear and drink for about 12 yrs now, three times a week.  They know who I am and though they have tried immensely to get me to join them in drinks ect, I have kept to my word that I first spoke to them and now the respect that.  

They have to know that there is something different about the Christian, and we can just be that light . We don't have to bear down with scripture all the time, but when the opportunity arises, we take advantage as the holy spirit leads.  

Matthew 5 Amplified Bible, Classic Edition (AMPC)

¹⁴ You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.

¹⁵ Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a peck measure, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house.

¹⁶ Let your light so shine before men that they may see your ^[z]moral excellence and your praiseworthy, noble, and good deeds and^[aa]recognize and honor and praise and glorify your Father Who is in heaven.

Edited September 29, 2020 by warrior12

[warrior12]

5 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

Hi

I completely take all you say on board. I can assure you i never force Christianity on anyone. I approach the subject sensitively. 

My family hate each other. My brothers are always vicious to each other. Sibling rivalry mainly. 

I see how they suffer though and i quietly despair. As they are all atheists i know what danger they face when they die. 

Give you an example. One brother has serious health issues. We don't speak often but i felt moved to offer to pray for him. I wanted him to feel comfort. He was dismissive, sarcastic, horrible. He says there's no God. He openly says the Bible is fairy tales and he is fine

Now I've tried so hard over the years but i simply cannot stand the company of my family. My other brother curses God, saying how can He allow so much evil. He doesn't want to know my explanations. Another brother worships yoga Gods - i believe that is particularly dangerous. With each of my family i can sense demons around them. I prefer to avoid their company therefore. 

 

This is real life issues. I can go on with some episodes in my life that is truly staggering, but I choose not to do it on a forum, but on a believer to believer level as for my own reasons.   Yes, demons are employed in people who demonstrate these behaviors, but as a born again believer we are not to be afraid of them. This is what is part of spiritual warfare as those demons knows who you are and if you show weakness, then they take advantage of that.  

You have to engage in those battles, it is all in the spirit with prayer as you call upon the Lord.  You then witness the truth of the spiritual realm and as you see demons flee. I mean "see" as in the symptoms that can be in myriad ways, like coughing or just sweating or they just walking away.   This becomes a testimony to you so that you can  testify to others the truths that the power of the Lord helps his own in the battles .

  David when he went up against Goliath, did not go on his strength but by the power of the mighty God.  This power is given to you today if you so believe.  When you run from demonic encounters, you show weakness in your faith. So stand up in the name of the Lord and see what he will do.   

[LonerAndy]

19 hours ago, Melinda12 said:

Hi

I completely take all you say on board. I can assure you i never force Christianity on anyone. I approach the subject sensitively. 

My family hate each other. My brothers are always vicious to each other. Sibling rivalry mainly. 

I see how they suffer though and i quietly despair. As they are all atheists i know what danger they face when they die. 

Give you an example. One brother has serious health issues. We don't speak often but i felt moved to offer to pray for him. I wanted him to feel comfort. He was dismissive, sarcastic, horrible. He says there's no God. He openly says the Bible is fairy tales and he is fine

Now I've tried so hard over the years but i simply cannot stand the company of my family. My other brother curses God, saying how can He allow so much evil. He doesn't want to know my explanations. Another brother worships yoga Gods - i believe that is particularly dangerous. With each of my family i can sense demons around them. I prefer to avoid their company therefore.

So what I'm asking is, you said "He was dismissive, sarcastic, horrible. He says there's no God. He openly says the Bible is fairy tales and he is fine".  What happened directly before your brother was dismissive, sarcastic and horrible?  What happened directly before he said "There's no God. The Bible is a fairy tale"?

If all you did was at one single point in time say, "I'll be praying for you".  Then I would say this is just a burden of the cross, and you should just learn how to roll with it.  This is the Christian life.  This is the "if they hate you, remember they hated me first".  John 15:18.

On the other hand, if you are bothering him every single time you see him with "Do you want me to pray for you?  Do you want to hear about Jesus?" then you are instigating it.

You said....

I can assure you i never force Christianity on anyone. I approach the subject sensitively. 

When you say you approach the subject sensitively, I don't know what that means.    Are they asking you about Christianity?  Or are you bringing it up?

Let me put it another way.

I have two people I knew, who were both Jehovah Witnesses.  One, never brought it up, unless I asked them about their beliefs.  And I did ask him about his beliefs several times.  And we had a fantastic friendship.  I actually miss that guy.  He really was a decent and honest person, who just had a different belief system.

However, I also had a woman who was a Jehovah Witness, and she would find a way to work into every conversation, her religious views.  We could be talking about Pop Tarts, and she would work into the conversation a copy of the Watchtower.

Now she wasn't brutal or mean, but I had already told her a number of times 'not interested', and she kept at it.   That made her irritating, and annoying, and I don't miss her at all.

If I tell someone "I am not interested in X.  Thanks", and the next time I see them, they bring up X again... I was polite, and they are being rude.  They know, because I've told them five times, I am not interested in the Watchtower, or the Bible, or whatever it is that I am not interested in, and they keep bringing it up... sensitively or not, that's rude.

Again, I am not saying you are doing this, I don't know.  It just seems strange to me, that a guy would start complaining at you about Christianity, without any reason.

That said, There are people who are just cruel and mean. And we have no control over who are family is.

So... I'd suggest if you really are not doing anything, and he is just being a bully... this is your chance to be the better person, and care about people who don't deserve it.

Welcome to Christianity 101.  John 15:18 is your life verse now.

(edit)

I just remembered something a pastor for decades ago said, that may be helpful in this situation.  He said that people need to treat family, more like they would a complete stranger.  Meaning, if you wouldn't say it to a stranger, then you likely shouldn't say it to family.

Now sometimes you have to, like if you have an alcoholic brother-in-law that is leeching off elderly parents, then you have to confront that.

But otherwise, what happens when a stranger says that G-d is not real?  You smile and nod, and move on.  You don't stand in the middle of the grocery store, and start having an argument.   People routinely treat strangers with more respect than their spouses or family.

Maybe that would be helpful, maybe not.  I just a thought.

Edited September 29, 2020 by LonerAndy

[missmuffet]

15 hours ago, Figure of eighty said:

Checking in-- mine is dysfunctional. Its crazy how many are. Its terrible.

Yes, and Satan loves it.