What can I do?

[Guest GloriaV]

Greetings in the name of the Lord Jesus,

My husband and I have been involved with the deliverance ministry for some years now. But there has been a "secret" in our marriage. My husband has unforgiveness towards me and now it is years that this has gone on. He does not want anyone finding out about his behavior towards me. He will not pray with me, and will spend day, months, years not speaking to me. It is like he divorced me in his heart. We live together in the same house, but like total strangers. I tried to ask for help with another couple that does deliverance, but that lit the bomb worse. He does not want the way he treats me to be known. He goes about preaching, teaching, but is a completely different person with me. There has been alot that has been going on inside of him with rejection. He has operated this way with his first! wife also. I cannot do or say anything to him that can show him this is sin. He is 73 years old and does really know better, but cannot stop his behavior. What am I to do? Do I go about life and not be concerned? He has so much bitterness towards me from the past. And even if I do the smallest thing that would offend him, I am punished with his silence and neglect of home etc. It is like he is having a pity party and his neglecting me or doing anything for me is his way of power.

Your input would be greatly appreciated.

Gloria

[Iryssa]

I'm so sorry to hear of your plight, Gloria, and you are in my prayers. It's very difficult to help bring about change in someone without their co-operation. Does he have a close male friend you trust who can talk to him? If he does, ask him to do it discreetly, leaving you out as much as possible. I know, sounds silly, since you're the one mostly affected by this...but he could say things like "you seem to have something going on that you're not telling me. I'm very concerned, because to me you seem very cold towards your wife..." or things like that... *sigh* I don't know what else to say, really, but keep praying.

I pray that God will strengthen you as you go through this heart-wrenching fire. May He be your Guide and your Comfort.

- Iryssa

[godslilpromise]

My guess would be that it doesn't really have anything to do with you, but with himself. If this was me(and it was at one point) I would be so angry by now I would be livid. How can another person who claims to love you treat you in such a hurtful way. Women especially need to be given attention and they need loving comments and to be talked with. I'm sure you try to be loving towards him? Maybe you could break the ice around his heart, but I know if he was to open his heart up to God he would begin to heal whatever is keeping him so angry. Either he is doing this to have control, or there is something else going on with him. Unfortunately in a situation like this what can you do to change another person's reactions to life? You can only change your own. Have you tried to talk to him? I know this may not be an option. I know how much it hurts to be ignored in everyday life by your own husband. It really really hurts...

I don't know what advice to give since you cant make anybody change it has to come from within them. Pray for him, go and talk to somebody about how this is affecting you. Don't loose sight of yourself. Stay active with your own life. There are people out there that won't ignore you.

[Avodah]

My husband and I have been involved with the deliverance ministry for some years now

I do believe your husband is in need of deliverence from a spirit of rejection and the root of bitterness needs to be uprooted.

Not wanting people to know this "secret" is pride and deception. My personal opinion is, he should not be involved in this ministry until he has cleaned his own house.

It has always amazed me how people can minister to others and yet have such bitterness and unlovelyness toward the one they are supposed to love and nurture. You know, the word says that all sin will be revealed, so weather he likes it or not, the Lord will reveal it in due time if your husband does not deal with it.

I am not trying to be harsh, I know that it isn't your fault he has choosen to hold onto something that is causing this bitterness.

I will be praying for you and your husband.

[NITE OWL]

Shower him with love and affection. I know this may be hard, but try it. Expect nothing in return. Just be nice to him. If he doesn't respond, don't give up.

Ask God to lend a hand in this issue. Ask Him to convict your husbands heart. He'll do whatever you ask, if you ask. Start all your prayers with the Lords prayer. Don't forget to do that, it's very important. Lords prayer first, then yours. It could take a few days or weeks so don't give up. Don't expect instant results.

God is waiting and wants to help you. Go to Him.

Have a nice day.

[Guest GloriaV]

I thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement. Yes---I will shower him with love. It will be very hard, but I can do it. I do recognize the spirits that are controlling him, and how I thank the Lord for showing me the truth. And Kraz4gsus you are "right on". I am grateful for finding this post board. It does help me knowing I am not alone. And I can share with fellow Christians.

Gloria from Wisconsin

[Guest RJD Servant]

Dear Gloria

I am so sorry for the trial in your life.

You are enabling him to stay where he is in your life.

Remove yourself from being his enaber.

Make yourself have a Victorious Life in Christ.

I would go with him to travel but never go hear him speak any more or back him as he is a hypocrite in the pulpit when he does not live the truth himself.

He can not give out what you do not posses to give.

If you go with him you must not back what he teaches as you enable him to stay where he is.

You must find other out lets with out him, do you eill not be alone or isolated from life.

You can not force him to see his sin.

If you want to talk to him write it from Books that talk about his character that needs to be changed.

Ignore his sulking when he get into the moods he has, go out to eat with the Young people or take some children to play miniture golf. Go to the mall remove yourself from his silents and come home happy that you went and life filled smile.

Do not stay home and enable him to take your Joy.

Because you feeling hurt makes him win everytime, so you see he is controling you.

Next day if he is still sulking make plans to go to the Hospital and vist patients and pray with them or go to the childrens ward.

Go out to eat or take a lunch with you and make sure he see you taking it. Kiss him on the way out and let him know you Love him very much.

Still sulking and silent even more. Leave word with him your going out

Next day make it full of working and doing for others for that will make your life fulfilled by seen the lives of people being uplifted by Gods hand.

Still silent and your life is full he will respond in some manner.

Next day Go to the shelters around town and see what need they could have for you helping around their.

This is also a healing time for you with in because you are doing for others and giving so that the pain and hurt can heal and God will heal you as this happens.

Come home late and let him have left overs or a sandwich.

Make him wake up to what he has had for a wife.

If he yells or does anything degrading to the character in your life and he will because you have chosen to find a life with out him. He will respond.

Say if you need to have a argument have it alone with your self.

I have loved you and tolorated your character all these years and now I have asked God to help me to move on beyond you to a place of service to others. I will no longer enable you to control my life with your silence and your sin.

Go with him if he is going out of town to meetings so to leave no place for the devil to get in.

But never be in the service.

He needs to get the picture and change and see you have moved on to do Gods will with out him in your life. Tables are turned and he will not like it it is not being mean it is being Truthful and Honest for once and walking away from his dispositon that is hurtful to you and painful to carry.

He will face himself and grow and change as you leave truths behind that he needs to hear from other books and voices not your own.

Clean his house make beds always have food made before you go do whatever you want with your day with out him.

Leave a note on the refrig about food.

He will get lonely and he will find his controling you will not keep you down any more.

Arguments will come and you stay calm about your new life in Christ and the wonderful victory you feel when you go about doing what is need full for others.

Leave notes on how much you love him and Forgive him.

Love covers a multitued of sin.

Send a email of your passion for him. Draw him in to missing you one way, while living in freedom another.

Something will change.

I do not know how you would do it but make sure it is with grace and care and compassion, no harmfulness or bitterness on your part, with intent to hurt because it will back fire.

Just get busy with your life he will see you are living who you are in christ and that you will not back him in his lies. He will see you living and not waiting for him to step in and bring love or acceptance to your life. Because God already did that for you on the Cross and he brings the Life you will be living.

Pray keep strong because the winds are going to blow and the battle will be raging but you stay in God and his truth and become what you need in life and God will fill you up with new insight and people to care for you as you lean upon him and those that will support you. Meanwhile God will be dealing with Him for that is our prayer. Write me if needs be hotyarn@yahoo.com or Chat.

RJD Servant