Need help with my mother in Law

[Nanners]

It must be really hard. Maybe things have calmed down since your husband now has no personal belongings at her home. She also may be feeling lonely since he got married and her husband is out of town a lot and getting resentful since the only consistent man in her live (her son) is no longer there. This will take time and a lot of prayers Although your husband has you and you are his primary responsibility, he is still obligated by God to honor his parents. That doesn't mean he should allow verbal abuse, but try to love and respect her. Kindness kills evil. Even though you haven't heard from her, call her. Just tell her that you wanted to say hi and hope she's doing well. If she starts yelling or ranting on something. Just calmly let her know that you will have to end this conversation, since you will not tolerate being yelled at. Keep praying and keep in contact. Let her know you love her. Send an inspiration card. Drop off some flowers at her house.

Hope this helps. May God guide you to do what is right. I'll be praying for you.

[Sisterchick]

 

It must be really hard.  Maybe things have calmed down since your husband now has no personal belongings at her home.  She also may be feeling lonely since he got married and her husband is out of town a lot and getting resentful since the only consistent man in her live (her son) is no longer there.  This will take time and a lot of prayers  Although your husband has you and you are his primary responsibility, he is still obligated by God to honor his parents.  That doesn't mean he should allow verbal abuse, but try to love and respect her.  Kindness kills evil.  Even though you haven't heard from her, call her.  Just tell her that you wanted to say hi and hope she's doing well.  If she starts yelling or ranting on something.  Just calmly let her know that you will have to end this conversation, since you will not tolerate being yelled at.    Keep praying and keep in contact.  Let her know you love her.  Send an inspiration card.  Drop off some flowers at her house.   

Hope this helps.  May God guide you to do what is right.  I'll be praying for you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WOW... this will go over big, I'm sure. But, it is true. I soooooooooooo wish that someone had given me this piece of wisdom early in my life. I probably wouldn't have listened, though. Don't wait until you're in your mid-forties (like me) to hear it. It will feel awkward and your flesh is going to fight you tooth and nail, but I have been so blessed by blessing others.

Also, the family dynamics change, when you get married. Maybe, she is trying to treat you like adults, by waiting for an invitaion to come over to your new place. Just an idea.

[Guest Morning07]

Well the day we moved out officially(We were staying there after our honemoon for about 6 weeks) she told my husband that his father would be moving his business back up home. So that means her husband will be there all the time and they also have another son (he's34) living with them now. So she's not lonely by any means. So the only reason why her husband is moving back up is because their son(my husband) is gone and she now needs her own husband to be there. I think that they will drive each other nuts!!!

Well, they haven't even asked how our place is at all. They haven't even mentioned it. They are the type of people who don't wait to be asked they just call you and ask to come over...so it's funny they haven't. I think that they honestly don't care about us and our lives. Even when we called them on our honeymoon to say hi it was all business and they didn't even ask how it was going....like they didn't care. It is always..."you forgot to do this..." or "your cat got out of the house and we are trying to find her" or "the pond is going good, you should see it" but never how we were enjoying our HONEYMOON!!!

I then realized the stark contrast when we called my parents and the first thing they asked is how the honeymoon was going and all the cool places we discovered and how the weather was(we camped by the ocean) up where we are. I could hear the excitement in their voices!! But with his parents they weren't excited for us at all...it was just business like always....they acted as if we hadn't even left.

Edited September 3, 2005 by Morning07

[Guest RJD Servant]

Hi Morning 07

I loved your letter as it must be the same things that happen to all women when there boys leave home and have only had mama.

Now it is sometimes very hard for them to respond or clear up the roughness that will be in between you both.

There are many books out there about what type of Mother he has had to live with and deal with. He needs to be able to see and deal with this from the inside out.

We had my mother to deal with and his and we have neither in our lives and moved away like someone said with many miles between us. We could not make the relationships work or come away with some mutual respect.

She wanted John my husband to do every thing for her for free, when she has money. While we had 5 children to take care of. She would alway call 9:00pm to disrupt our night time together when the children would go to bed. Constently.

If we did not answer she would call back in 5 to 10 minutes.

I protected us Both with my Mother and His Mother I backed him and praised him and gave him the honor due him. He would not protect himself but he protected me from his mothers attitueds towards me.

My mother did not want me to marry my husband so they never got along. Oh what a wonderful job you are doing, Yes my husband and I are doing a great Job with our children he is such a wonderful father.

His mom did the opposit to me and we turned the truth back to her.

You will have to protect your husband from her and get him to see how she really is through books and process. Look at Illregular People by Joyce Landorf she might be this in your life.

My mother dyed and no one told me of her death and I was not allowed to go to her funeral or respond in any way. I heard it through the grapevine.

I cried but new that I said my good byes a long time ago as we were never close.

I ran with the Love and compassion for my Husband and helped him build up his life in Christ and learn to live with giving unto his Children and Loving me that he was glad he stayed and gave up his Mother and I mine to become one in Christ.

You be the apple of your husbands Eye and move away to another state as this will take a toll on your marriage and children for they never change.

My husband had 6 Fathers and never learned about who he was but through the eyes of his mother. He got saved at the age of 18 and God defined his life and made him a wonderful great man as we both left our fathers and Mothers and Cleaved to each other. God became the truth we clung to and we never war against one another but deal with the problems and come up with the will of God for it in his word.

Get him to see and you take patience to take the time to change the circumstance between you both. Do not be made because he was raised this way and has patterns that are harder to change. Help him see how much you Love him and that you will not war with his mother but will work with him to desire to have you and your Love more that moms. Give him time to realize and grow and choose to change. He married you so you must be high on his list.

Use a answering machine. Do not run to her every becken call, have you find some one in social services that can deal with her checks and health or whatever she needs to gain your lives for yourself.

If needs be move a room mate in for rent and helping your mother out in any area she needs.

No one would ever full fill my husbands mothers life, two sons left and one son stayed and is not married to this day and is waiting for mommys money because he can not take care of himself.

Pick and choose but do not stay close for you will hurt one another over her and peaces of love will fade and it will take lots of time to heal.

RJD Sevant