Thewhitedove Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted May 18, 2022 Background: husband and I raised nominal Catholic, I got saved after our second child was born and just had our third. Extended family very keen for 3rd baby to be baptised into the Catholic Church like the others. After a lot of praying and seeking advice I decided to do it in a low key ceremony in order to keep the peace. The Christening is booked for Sunday. I asked a friend from work to be Godmother. The priest sent me some paperwork but I only read it two days ago (Monday) 3 problems. 1) The Godmother cannot be cohabiting. My friend isn't married to the father of her children and they live together. I didn't think it would matter: in a panic I just asked a Catholic that I really like to get this farce over and done with. I have since emailed the priest and told him, to see if there is any way around this as I have already asked her. 2. The form asks that I sign to agree that I am not in any organisation that opposes the catholic church. Catholic is written with a small 'c', so to me that just means universal Christianity and I can sign that. 3. The big one. I have to sign that my child will go on to do the Sacraments of Eucharist, Reconciliation and Confirmation. On one hand, I know exactly what the form is asking (having done these Sacraments myself) and I have no intention of putting my baby through these. However, I have every intention of my children partaking in the Lord's Supper, repenting and hopefully one day receiving the Holy Spirit, which is supposedly the function of these Sacraments. I feel like to sign this would be deceptive, and although I won't see this priest again after this (so he won't know what I do with my kids) I have a sick feeling in my stomach that God will be angry that I am signing something I know to be a lie. My husband, who doesn't believe at all, will most likely be angry with me for stalling over this. He hates it when I really deliberate over being truthful, as I can very get legalistic and drive myself absolutely crazy about this. I feel like I am in a complete mess trying to keep God AND other people happy. If I start causing problems with this I will most likely cause tension with my husband and in-laws, possibly my own parents too. I just feel all over the place and have no peace. I believe that God can fix any mess, and I have faith that He is behind the scenes helping me make the right choice. However, I feel paralysed in the interim. Does God even care about this or is this going to be a big deal for Him? I spoke to a Christian counsellor about it who told me go for it and to 'think big', ie not get hung up on the minutae but see if as an outward declaration of claiming the baby for Jesus. I don't know if my doubts are from God or the enemy. This might sound strange but I have been noticing some unwanted spiritual activity lately so I don't know if there is some kind warfare going on. I'm feeling so confused and anxious. Any advice? Ps: I know the whole thing is a big mess of my own making. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladypeartree Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 539 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,771 Content Per Day: 5.03 Reputation: 23,453 Days Won: 222 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted May 18, 2022 First take a big breath and try to stop panicking I doubt that any priest is actually going to ask a stranger if they are co habiting , from my own experiences of these things they dont really care . Second NO parent is abletoforce a child toconformto things they dont want to do soeven if with thebest intentions you declare that they will participate in various ceromonies it is ultimatly the child who decides and if they are not taught that this is a part of normal behaviour that they are expected to take part in (like going to school) why would they agree to do it ? If you want to avoid signing these form and your husband doesnt object why does it have to be YOU signing them?? Since you are doing this if I recall to avoid a big row with your parents or his parents then it is no more a lie than going through with it in the first place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 18, 2022 3 minutes ago, ladypeartree said: First take a big breath and try to stop panicking I doubt that any priest is actually going to ask a stranger if they are co habiting , from my own experiences of these things they dont really care . Second NO parent is abletoforce a child toconformto things they dont want to do soeven if with thebest intentions you declare that they will participate in various ceromonies it is ultimatly the child who decides and if they are not taught that this is a part of normal behaviour that they are expected to take part in (like going to school) why would they agree to do it ? If you want to avoid signing these form and your husband doesnt object why does it have to be YOU signing them?? Since you are doing this if I recall to avoid a big row with your parents or his parents then it is no more a lie than going through with it in the first place You're right. The whole thing is a farce but I felt able to glean some kinds of peace from it. I even liked the idea of having a kind of initiation into Christianity for my baby. I know it doesn't mean anything really, but I like the idea of the symbolism of it. Actually signing a form seems too black and white. There are no grey areas for me to work with and I guess that I am so angry with my own cowardice that I can't think straight. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Who me Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,300 Content Per Day: 1.72 Reputation: 1,685 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted May 18, 2022 1 hour ago, Thewhitedove said: feel like I am in a complete mess trying to keep God AND other people happy. If I start causing problems with this I will most likely cause tension with my husband and in-laws, possibly my own parents too. I just feel all over the place and have no peace. Just go ahead and do it. God knows your problems and intention. If asked reply that you will be bring your children up in the Christian faith. A ritual done at thia age means nothing. It is far more important that you establish regular attendance at a church for your whole family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 18, 2022 35 minutes ago, Who me said: Just go ahead and do it. God knows your problems and intention. If asked reply that you will be bring your children up in the Christian faith. A ritual done at thia age means nothing. It is far more important that you establish regular attendance at a church for your whole family. Thank you. And just sign the papers anyway? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 87 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,873 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,610 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted May 18, 2022 To provide the other side... You've said that the whole thing is a farce. Isn't participating at all deceptive at it's foundation then? Leading others to think that you are receptive and accepting of these things when you clearly are not? Isn't this an opportunity to witness to your family with your convictions? Jesus tells us that he did not come to bring peace, but that the families of true Christians will be divided. To expect trouble and persecution. “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” -- Matthew 10:34-39 May I be so bold as to ask if what you're going through now is anxiety because you know what you should do, but you don't want to because of the potential (and likely) fallout with your family? Praying for God to guide and strengthen you, sister. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted May 18, 2022 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 18, 2022 4 hours ago, BK1110 said: To provide the other side... You've said that the whole thing is a farce. Isn't participating at all deceptive at it's foundation then? Leading others to think that you are receptive and accepting of these things when you clearly are not? Isn't this an opportunity to witness to your family with your convictions? Jesus tells us that he did not come to bring peace, but that the families of true Christians will be divided. To expect trouble and persecution. “Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person's enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” -- Matthew 10:34-39 May I be so bold as to ask if what you're going through now is anxiety because you know what you should do, but you don't want to because of the potential (and likely) fallout with your family? Praying for God to guide and strengthen you, sister. Yes you are right, mostly. It feels dishonest and deceitful and yet there is a small part of ME that does want to go through with it. I dont know if it the old Catholic guilt raising its head or just the beauty of a baby being set aside of Christ, but something is stirring. The first time I had any peace today was when I decided to tell the priest everything tomorrow. If I tell him everything and he still wants to proceed, then I will go through with the Christening with peace. If not, then I will have to deal with everything, and there will be things to deal with. Please pray for me guys. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BK1110 Posted May 19, 2022 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 87 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,873 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,610 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted May 19, 2022 6 hours ago, Thewhitedove said: Yes you are right, mostly. It feels dishonest and deceitful and yet there is a small part of ME that does want to go through with it. I dont know if it the old Catholic guilt raising its head or just the beauty of a baby being set aside of Christ, but something is stirring. The first time I had any peace today was when I decided to tell the priest everything tomorrow. If I tell him everything and he still wants to proceed, then I will go through with the Christening with peace. If not, then I will have to deal with everything, and there will be things to deal with. Please pray for me guys. Will be praying. Agreed about formally setting a baby aside for Christ. At our (Baptist) church we do have baby dedications. Not as ritualized but the parents bring their newborns on stage to essentially present them to the congregation, and the pastor says their name and prays over the family. It might be worth looking into a local church that would do something like that, without the questionable Catholic ritualism. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Who me Posted May 20, 2022 Group: Royal Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 17 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 3,300 Content Per Day: 1.72 Reputation: 1,685 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/27/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted May 20, 2022 On 5/18/2022 at 11:54 AM, Thewhitedove said: Thank you. And just sign the papers anyway? Yes, many RC are living together, have no intention of attending church. Do the ritual and seek to involve your extended family in your church's family services. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thewhitedove Posted May 23, 2022 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 70 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 459 Content Per Day: 0.25 Reputation: 384 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/14/2019 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 23, 2022 Just to update you all. I was in an extreme state of anxiety last week, and a big part of that was the sense of being deceitful. God put it very strongly on my heart to be honest with the priest. I went to meet him to sign some papers. Gave him a very short version of my testimony and told him that it wasn't the lifetime of being raised Catholic, nor the 15 years I went to Catholic school that I understood what the Gospel was, but at a Proetestant church. He became quite alarmed and shut the door. 'What is this gospel that they have taught you? Have influenced you with?'. So I just told him the Gospel, that Christ died for our sins and was raised on the third day, and this reconciled us with the Father so we can get to heaven. That we are then called to lead an obedient life, as laid out in the epistles. He instantly looked relieved and said 'ah, OK, that's pretty standard. Yes, that's not going to be a problem'. He said he appreciated my honesty. I told him that I hadn't wanted to be honest but I was being obedient to God and that God wanted me to be straight with him. I also said that I just wanted Jesus and didn't like how Catholocism is full of so many distractions such as parying to Mary and the saints, and that the Bible says not to pray to the dead. He said 'ah, that's a common objection. Remember that everything emanates from Jesus'. I said I didn't like how Catholics said the Rosary rather than read the Bible, and how the Bible is the real way to know God. He said that the Rosary is based on Jesus' life and death and didn't disagree when I said how vital Scripture is. In fact, he said that they run Bible studies that will be starting again in September and invited me to join. They are just finishing the book of Corinthians and why didn't I come along when they started up again? I said that while I had all of these objections, I did want to proceed with the Christening, if he was happy to do it. He was fine with it. I never quite said how the baptism was for show, because something inside of me feels connected to having the baby blessed. Maybe it does mean something to me. The thought of it not happening suddenly made me feel a little...disappointed. We have had to postpone it until next month for logistical reasons but I finally feel at peace about it. Thanks for the advice and prayers. 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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