Looking for advice

[Debp]

@GerdaHannah Our Southern States have mild climates.   Florida can sometimes get hurricanes but many people choose to retire there as Florida has a cheaper cost of living, no snow, beaches, tropical climate, etc.   I have cousins living in Jacksonville, Miami and the Tampa area for many years.    Another cousin used to live near Pensacola, Florida.    

Here in Southern California our climate is very mild but California is too expensive so I don't recommend it.

I have a cousin who recently moved to Montgomery, Alabama.   Other people like South Carolina, Texas, Arizona.

Of course, it all depends on what the courts decide upon visitation for your ex-husband with your son.    If they deem him an unfit parent (deserting you and your son, denying your son proper nutrition, etc), maybe you can move away.

 

[ladypeartree]

Why do you think you still have to obey a man who caused both you and your son such suffering ? He is not being led away from the Lord by your actions indeed if you continue to obey his unreasonable demands he is going to keep thinking he is right .  At the moment you are safe and have the ability to care for your son and feed him both in meat and in faith If you throw that away to move to a country that you KNOW will forbid your son to know the Lord then YOU are guilty of forcing him away from God YOU have a choice HE doesnt .   

Your husband made the choice  to abandon you and to force ill health on both you and your son . HE made the4 choice to divorce you so why are you letting him continue to bully you both 

[JohnD]

On 11/25/2022 at 7:54 PM, GerdaHannah said:

The only thing that is bothering me is, as believers our duty is to lead others to the Lord. Will my actions lead my ex spouse away from the Lord?

Do not do as so many believers mistakenly do, Sister.

Don't try to do the Lord's work. Do yours of course, if and when it presents itself.

But winning souls to Christ is God's job. Ephesians 2:10 we are [HIS] workmanship...

As for your husband, you never know what will work... perhaps your devotion and determination will convince him more than the traditional submissions etc.

Overcoming the world (through faith in Jesus who is the actual Overcomer ← John 16:33) and enduring in faith till the end (Matthew 10:22) is what is of paramount importance for you and for your son.

Opportunities to witness to others may or may not come. Believe in Christ Jesus is all that is required of us in the New Covenant (John 3:16-18 / Ephesians 2:8-10 / John 6:29 / John 16:27) ← memory verses

If this seems to conflict with what Jesus taught in the Gospels, just remember the New Covenant did not actually begin until his death on the cross:

Hebrews 9:16–17 (KJV)
16 For where a testament is, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator.
17 For a testament is of force after men are dead: otherwise it is of no strength at all while the testator liveth.

Who is the Testator of the New Covenant (New Testament)?

His death was not until Matthew 27:50 / Mark 15:37 / Luke 23:46 / John 19:30). All the scriptures before that point in history have to be understood as under Old Testament Law under the Old Covenant (Mosaic Law). Then things like "forgiving everyone of your Heavenly Father will not forgive you..." proves to be OLD Covenant Law not NEW Covenant Grace.

Be blessed!

[Alive]

“For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?”

(1 Corinthians 7:14–16 ESVi)

[TrueFollowerOfChrist]

On 11/25/2022 at 1:00 PM, GerdaHannah said:

Hi,

 

I am a single mom with a son. My ex-spouse is an unbeliever. I was frequently abused, and my ex-spouse refused to take care of us when my son was born.

My ex-spouse meets my son once a week in my presence. To be clear, my ex-spouse took my money and abandoned us for 1.5 years, after which I asked for a divorce and am in the process of getting one.

I have 2 questions:

1) I want my son to grow up as a Christian. I cannot tell my ex-spouse this because he will either forbid me or try to take my child away. (We were married in India where if a spouse converts, the custody goes to the other spouse).

2) My spouse has always insisted I be a vegetarian. My son has health problems, (mainly poor growth and malnutrition) that can be helped if he eats meat.

I know my spouse has no authority over me any longer, but does he have authority over my son? I am the sole provider, my spouse does nothing outside of meeting my son and paying for lunch once a week.

Can I take these 2 decisions (bringing up my son as a Christian and giving him meat) on my own? Do I need to inform his father? What does God want me to do?

 

Thanks,

GerdaHannah

This is a difficult situation to find yourself in. I'm sorry for your difficulties. In the Christian sense,  I don't think you need permission from your ex husband.  Your obedience to Jesus trumps any earthly loyalty. It is always right to raise your kids in the truth of God. In fact I would say it's a command of God. Eating meat is certainly not sinful,  but if it offends your sons conscience,  he should not be forced to do it.  Romans says that something becomes sinful if you do it against your conscience even if the act isn't wrong in itself.  If raising your son as a Christian would endanger him,  make sure he is old enough to understand the risks and keep it inside the home secretly if needed. I pray for your situation and I hope you will let us know how things are going. God Bless.

[Debp]

9 hours ago, Alive said:

But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace

@GerdaHannah Please especially note this portion of the verses Alive quoted for you.

[Alive]

2 minutes ago, Debp said:

@GerdaHannah Please especially note this portion of the verses Alive quoted for you.

Amen….scripture informs us often with principles that apply broadly.

The Holy Spirit illuminates as required.

[Debp]

17 hours ago, ladypeartree said:

Your husband made the choice  to abandon you and to force ill health on both you and your son . HE made the4 choice to divorce you so why are you letting him continue to bully you both

I was really shocked when I learned GerdaHannah's young son is in ill health because the husband wouldn't allow her to eat meat or eggs while pregnant!!  How on earth did he expect a baby in the womb to receive any nourishment on just vegetables?!

I used to have Hindu neighbors.   While pregnant, Kavitha ate meat three times a week.    

[GerdaHannah]

On 11/25/2022 at 10:18 PM, Not of the World said:

Ok, I have prayed for you.  

You really need to speak to your attorney.  Have you told the attorney about how your husband restricts your son's diet and have you gotten an opinion from your son's pediatrician?  Have you spoken to social workers?  I believe these are the types of discussions that you should be having.  Write down and DOCUMENT everything.  Good luck and God bless you and your son!  

My spouse has done worse things than restricting my son's diet. He took my money and hasn't given it back yet, he tried to hit my mom, he threatened me with a knife. Unfortunately all this counts against custody only if he has directly harmed the child, which he is too smart to do.

As for eating meat, padeatricians never insist on eating meat - they even say the child can be a vegan (not eat even milk products). The problem is if my son eats meat, he has a wider range of foods to choose from, so he eats better. If it is just vegetarian food, he has a smaller variety, so he eats less and his health doesn't improve.

[GerdaHannah]

On 11/25/2022 at 11:49 PM, Debp said:

@GerdaHannah I think it would be unwise to move back to India since the Indian courts would side with your ex-husband.   You don't need any more stress.

Remember, in Canada and the USA....you will be protected from your ex-husband by our laws.    He cannot force you to withhold meat from your ill son.  The Western courts would consider that as child abuse, especially if the meat is necessary for your son's health.

If you feel your ex-husband could become dangerous, you should talk to the police department to see what your options are.    

I wish I could stay here. Unfortunately, the Canadian health system is under a lot of stress right now with very few doctors. It is fully government funded, and there is no parallel private practice, so I cannot even pay for the private care. My son recently got the flu + penumonia, and we got emergency care only after his oxygen levels dropped and he couldn't breathe.

Aso, the courts here push for 50-50 custody. I've spoken to an attorney here, and they said that since my ex spouse did not directly harm the child, he is eligible for custody. Nothing he did against me, or even interfering in my son's diet counts since it is his 'right'.

Even in India, my spouse let me get custody only because I have up child support.

All that said, I mentioned to my spouse that we go to church for a few activities. Either he overlooked it or did not hear, but he did not forbid me. So that is a win for now.

Please, if you find time, pray for his conversion to Christianity. That way,no matter where my son and I live, we can serve the Lord.