Dating advice

[debrakay]

2 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

When I was 18 I had to have a boyfriend. It was idolatry. I thought about nothing else. Kept asking God when He would send him and got no answer. My mom often went to a guy who gave personal words from God and she asked him if he had one for me and he sent me a letter. He did not know what I asked. So I really expected a: Hi this is God and your Mr. Right comes there and there in 3 months or whatever. Instead it was: This I hope and long for that the relationship with Me will come on the first place for you.

After 2 divorces I asked God: Do You want me to go back to my first ex (which he did not want), 2nd ex (atheist, the whole relationship was sin) or can I marry someone else? Cause I looked up all these preachings about remarriage and really did not know anymore. Lets just ask God. He said: Marry Me. Time is short. They were marrying and giving into marriage. I said: if You really want that I want it to be romantic and I want to see Your Face. That night I had a dream of Jesus and me on a sail ship and He was the Captain and I saw His face through two wooden small planks like a cross.

We have a lot of similarity's Sister!  I have a beautiful 50 years old daughter because of my persistence to have a boyfriend at age 18.  After my divorce from my first husband I told the Lord "I am married to you and you alone.  I do not want a man.  I do not need a man and I will raise my 2 childen without a man."  The very next month he dropped my second husband in my lap and said "No, you need this one and he needs you."  It was a beautiful 40 year marriage.  I tell everyone I had one marriage from hell and one marriage from heaven.  I'm done now and back with my true Bridegroom Jesus.

Note: It did take me a lot of years to forgive myself for that first marriage which came when the Lord said to me that is was not a valid marriage in his eyes anyway.  The second marriage was till death we did part. 

[JohnD]

On 11/13/2023 at 4:45 AM, Renskedejonge said:

My mother was christian and she dated and married my dad who was an atheist and got saved last year at 87. It gave a lot of problems. So I thought: Lets be smart and listen to the advice from church and wait for the one God has for me, who is obviously christian. My parents are happily married. I'm divorced. It was horrid. God knew, but He was more interested in the kids I guess. Leah didn't have a too great marriage either. Anyway now my son is the age that he gets interested in girls and had I been happily married I would have told him: Wait on God! Wait for the one He has for you. But now I'm like: Don't! Listen to Paul! Stay single. Buy a rabbit. Or show me who it is, so I can judge and if I see a tiny red flag it's a nope from me and even if it is a green flag parade watch out. I just read the story of Jim Elliott and his wife. What a lie that God wants you to be happy and have a nice relationship. It's not true. Danger. Don't proceed. Look at Adam. His whole life ruined. The whole world ruined. He'd still be chilling with the monkeys if he never got a wife.

Anyway so what do you think is best? Just don't give him any advice maybe. We had a comedian. When his daughter came home with a guy he didn't like he said: I praised him out of heaven.

I gotta say, parts of your post amused me greatly. LOL

The thing to remember is that human beings are fallen, sin natured beings. We're freakin' nuts!

Now try to make one blissful peaceful life together with two of these nutty human beings and...

IMHO if it were for romance, lust, and the desire to belong to someone no one would get married or even think about procreation.

So to preserve the species until God's plan is fully realized... these things must needs be.

Best advice I can give.

What I would tell a son or daughter (if I had any) "Daughter, if you find a man who doesn't love you as much as he loves himself... run far run fast!" And, "Son, if you don't find a woman that loves you as much as your mother does... run far run fast!" Only heartache will ensue.

Even with the best husband's love and provision or the best wife's love and adoration... there will be trouble... problems... failures.... disappointments... times when you don't know why you stay married... this is where the commitment aspect comes into play. It always pays off when you stand by your commitments. Because people fall in and out of love the whole time they are married. It's because of that satanic human nature everyone but Jesus has.

I believe I have been spared much by not being a parent.

I'll never bury a child. I'll never have a child that I love more than life itself tell me they hate me or my God.

I'll never have to worry myself sick about them hanging out with the wrong crowd, or driving a car on their own...

I realize I have missed much on the positive side of the ledger. But I also don't have to sit idly by as my child ruins their life with the wrong spouse and has children with them (linking them to that spouse forever). I grew up watching children being used as weapons one parent against another... I missed out on that as well as a childless adult.  

In your situation, I think you should go by your own suggestion (red flag / green flag).

Beware of the fact that most mothers do not believe any female is good enough for their baby boys. Not really. This is where the disgruntled mother-in-law comes from. Given sin nature in humans, there probably isn't anyone good enough for "our baby boys" or "our baby girls." But there you have it, God is stuck with the human race being what it is and having to perpetuate the species long enough to save all who would be saved.

So people marry, etc.

I know, I know, I am no help!

[RdJ]

11 hours ago, JohnD said:

I gotta say, parts of your post amused me greatly. LOL

The thing to remember is that human beings are fallen, sin natured beings. We're freakin' nuts!

Now try to make one blissful peaceful life together with two of these nutty human beings and...

IMHO if it were for romance, lust, and the desire to belong to someone no one would get married or even think about procreation.

So to preserve the species until God's plan is fully realized... these things must needs be.

Best advice I can give.

What I would tell a son or daughter (if I had any) "Daughter, if you find a man who doesn't love you as much as he loves himself... run far run fast!" And, "Son, if you don't find a woman that loves you as much as your mother does... run far run fast!" Only heartache will ensue.

Even with the best husband's love and provision or the best wife's love and adoration... there will be trouble... problems... failures.... disappointments... times when you don't know why you stay married... this is where the commitment aspect comes into play. It always pays off when you stand by your commitments. Because people fall in and out of love the whole time they are married. It's because of that satanic human nature everyone but Jesus has.

I believe I have been spared much by not being a parent.

I'll never bury a child. I'll never have a child that I love more than life itself tell me they hate me or my God.

I'll never have to worry myself sick about them hanging out with the wrong crowd, or driving a car on their own...

I realize I have missed much on the positive side of the ledger. But I also don't have to sit idly by as my child ruins their life with the wrong spouse and has children with them (linking them to that spouse forever). I grew up watching children being used as weapons one parent against another... I missed out on that as well as a childless adult.  

In your situation, I think you should go by your own suggestion (red flag / green flag).

Beware of the fact that most mothers do not believe any female is good enough for their baby boys. Not really. This is where the disgruntled mother-in-law comes from. Given sin nature in humans, there probably isn't anyone good enough for "our baby boys" or "our baby girls." But there you have it, God is stuck with the human race being what it is and having to perpetuate the species long enough to save all who would be saved.

So people marry, etc.

I know, I know, I am no help!

That's great advice! If it's one sided it's asking for trouble. He did not let her walk over him, which I thought was great. He does that better than me.

[Starise]

11 hours ago, JohnD said:

I believe I have been spared much by not being a parent.

Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. 

I have seem mine come around. They still aren't totally there yet, but praise God they are moving in the right direction.

[farouk]

On 11/14/2023 at 1:38 PM, debrakay said:

My 21 year old grandson is the quiet, reserved type.  He was in a relationship for a several of years in high school but her family did not think he was good enough for their daughter.  She treated him very poorly too.  So when the relationship ended our family was happy because he had been very happy. For the past couple years we have been praying for him to find a wonderful, loving young woman who cares about him and likes him and who he is.  Early in the summer he went to Montana to visit a friend and met sweet Christian girl.  Since then they have been texting and talking.  She came out to visit him and now we just found out he is going there to be with her and her family for Christmas.  We are trying not to get too excited but ....... we know it is all in God's hands and he always has a plan for each of us. 

@debrakay Well....you know the expression: "He who learns to walk away lives to fight another day".....

Let's hope that by prayer and the Scriptures he gets a sense of the will of God.......

[teddyv]

On 11/15/2023 at 5:51 AM, Starise said:

Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems. 

I have seem mine come around. They still aren't totally there yet, but praise God they are moving in the right direction.

Our kids, all teens now, have been fantastic and I can't really say why that is - but for the grace of God, I suppose. Neither my wife and I were hell-raisers as kids so maybe there is that. I think we have been blessed with a stable and relatively drama-free marriage and good family and church support surrounding us. We don't know how they will be in the future concerning their faith or other matters in life, but all we've tried to do is set a foundation for them. 

Rather amusingly, there was a parenting seminar being hosted by a local church that my wife and I considered attending (we were unable to attend). As we were discussing it at the dinner table our son states (paraphrasing): "You can go, but don't change anything when you get back." I am assuming that was a compliment.

[teddyv]

On 11/14/2023 at 10:25 AM, debrakay said:

That's funny you say "soul mate".  Jesus is our only true soul mate.  I was married to one man for 10 years and barely knew him could not remain with him or one of us would have ended up dead.  I was married to one man for 40 years and knew him pretty well but he would surprise me with stupidy every once in a while. (I know he felt the same about me.)

I said that in the context of a subset of people that seem continually discontented in their relationships, worried that there is the better person out there. I don't know how common it is, but I find the soul mate concept feeds that idea.

On 11/14/2023 at 10:25 AM, debrakay said:

We had a good marriage, but hey, when you are together basically 24/7, year after year, decade after decade, with any other person they are going to do or say something that irks you.  We are humans and where humans are there will always be trouble at one time or another.  Patience, endurance, perseverance, not saying everything you think, are some of the ways to keep any relationship going.  Marrying your best friend helps too. 

Oh yeah, it's only been 20 years for me any my wife. We've remarkably had virtually no conflict within out marriage. We both come from a very similar cultural and religious background, so we share a lot of the same assumptions that which probably minimizes that potential.

[farouk]

On 11/14/2023 at 1:29 PM, debrakay said:

@Starise Your wisdom is showing.   I love it. 

Young people need to hear our wisdom even if they think they don't.  I remember how smart I thought I was at 18. 

Hi @debrakay Proverbs is a great book for the theme of wisdom....which like you say a lot of young ppl think they have.......

Edited December 23, 2023 by farouk

[Who me]

On 11/13/2023 at 10:45 AM, Renskedejonge said:

What a lie that God wants you to be happy

Yes that is correct, God wants us to know him, not to be happy, healthy or wealthy.

 

Dating advice.

Do date girls, talk to them, dance with them, kiss them But not to have sex with them.

A simple rule if ordinary clothing is being removed it is time to Stop.

Is he a Christian, is she a Christian?

Test them, by asking him to prove that Christianity is true?

Do the same with his girlfriends.

What does he do in church, what does she do in church?

 

We cannot see the future,  but we can prepare our children for some of the challenges in life.

Encourage him to follow coldcasechristianity, wintery Knight, answersingenesis and reasonable faith.

Challenge him and your church's youth leaders to educate the youth in responsibilities  involved in having sex and to train the youth how to evangelise.

 

Then the only thing left is to pray for him and his future girldfriend/wife.

[farouk]

On 12/15/2023 at 7:21 AM, Who me said:

 

 

Dating advice.

Do date girls, talk to them, dance with them, kiss them But not to have sex with them.

 

Hi @Who me I always reckon that prayer and Bible study are far more effective means of bc than condoms.