Can my former husband be that cold/uncaring?

[grace222]

I was married for 18 years. I absolutely adored my husband. He was a christian and we were in fellowship attending church

When he suddenly left me in 2016, (he literally walked out the door while I was attending to the laundry) I was bewildered and broken -hearted. He left me after my mother went to be with the Lord. When I needed him the most, he was gone.  He became very strange and acting differently chasing women in other countries, having relationships with various ones and wanting to marry someone else. He took on a new identity, shaved his head, changed part of his first name(shortened it), drawn to another country/culture, took up musical instrument, etc.

 

I was in so much shock and broken-hearted. I may not have been the perfect wife but I did love and care for him.

 

He never wanted to talk about why he left me and told me to mind my own business.  He became vicious and nasty and sold our home so he could fund his new adventures with travel and women, etc.

 

It took me a year to forgive him and I fought and prayed for our marriage to be restored but he didn't want that and divorced me.

I have a chronic illness and I had lost my mother prior to him leaving me; I had cared for her with dementia, even though she had gone into care.

He did email me after separation and divorce, sometimes would send an email on our wedding Anniversary despite him married to someone else(he never told me he was married, i had heard he got married.

He sometimes emails on my birthday. I don't really know who he is.

 

I was living in our home(the one he sold) but became a tenant to the new owners.  It was our home for 20 years and then I rented it. It was a big home with a big garden and lots to do to care for it. He also left a lot of his belongings behind.

 

I don't live there anymore, I rent elsewhere but have never told him as I don't trust him. I am not sure who he is, despite knowing him for over 20 years of my life.  

He would still think I live in this big home with garden and tonnes of responsibilities and also my health conditions.

 

As a christian, I wonder why he has no conviction or even care.

Would he not stop to think, "I wonder how she is coping with the house, and all the responsibilities I left her with:

 

I wonder how he could just walk away and not care, when I cared for him and his own family(his mother.father and siblings)

 

I am perplexed by this

 

Can anyone shed some light on this?

 

I still care about him and continue to pray for him.

I didn't have a bad marriage and always thought he loved me as I loved him.

Apparently, I must have been deeply mistaken.

 

 

 

 

[Charlie744]

24 minutes ago, grace222 said:

I was married for 18 years. I absolutely adored my husband. He was a christian and we were in fellowship attending church

When he suddenly left me in 2016, (he literally walked out the door while I was attending to the laundry) I was bewildered and broken -hearted. He left me after my mother went to be with the Lord. When I needed him the most, he was gone.  He became very strange and acting differently chasing women in other countries, having relationships with various ones and wanting to marry someone else. He took on a new identity, shaved his head, changed part of his first name(shortened it), drawn to another country/culture, took up musical instrument, etc.

 

I was in so much shock and broken-hearted. I may not have been the perfect wife but I did love and care for him.

 

He never wanted to talk about why he left me and told me to mind my own business.  He became vicious and nasty and sold our home so he could fund his new adventures with travel and women, etc.

 

It took me a year to forgive him and I fought and prayed for our marriage to be restored but he didn't want that and divorced me.

I have a chronic illness and I had lost my mother prior to him leaving me; I had cared for her with dementia, even though she had gone into care.

He did email me after separation and divorce, sometimes would send an email on our wedding Anniversary despite him married to someone else(he never told me he was married, i had heard he got married.

He sometimes emails on my birthday. I don't really know who he is.

 

I was living in our home(the one he sold) but became a tenant to the new owners.  It was our home for 20 years and then I rented it. It was a big home with a big garden and lots to do to care for it. He also left a lot of his belongings behind.

 

I don't live there anymore, I rent elsewhere but have never told him as I don't trust him. I am not sure who he is, despite knowing him for over 20 years of my life.  

He would still think I live in this big home with garden and tonnes of responsibilities and also my health conditions.

 

As a christian, I wonder why he has no conviction or even care.

Would he not stop to think, "I wonder how she is coping with the house, and all the responsibilities I left her with:

 

I wonder how he could just walk away and not care, when I cared for him and his own family(his mother.father and siblings)

 

I am perplexed by this

 

Can anyone shed some light on this?

 

I still care about him and continue to pray for him.

I didn't have a bad marriage and always thought he loved me as I loved him.

Apparently, I must have been deeply mistaken.

 

 

 

 

I am very sorry to learn about the events that you have had to indure. Life can be so cruel and unfair. For those that do not believe, obey and worship the one true God, those like you will HAVE TO continue to look at things at eye level. They will continue to look straight across at the one that hurt them.. asking why this or why did that have to happen. What did I do to cause this or what was my fault in this... For those people, they will NEVER find peach. They will NEVER receive an answer that will take away their pain, discomfort or anger. They will NEVER be able to go on with their life the way God intended it to .... They  will always be looking in their past and carry that ugly set of luggage with them wherever they attempt to go.

Meaning, YOU are NOT in that group of people. Do not look sideways any longer. Do not look at him or to him for answers. Do not look back any more! Because YOU are a believer and can ask ANYTHING FROM YOUR GOD, you must now ONLY look up. There you will find the One you need. There you will find your strength, answers and peace. Look up at every chance you get and every time you feel you are looking at eye level... stop, and look up and speak with HIM.... This has a 0% failure rate!!!!!!

God bless always, Charlie

[farouk]

Hi @grace222 Well, I can't answer your direct question. But beyond your immensely deep heartache, my mind goes to Hebrews 12.2: "Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God." He at the right hand of the throne of God it is Who 'ever liveth' to make intercession (Hebrews 7.25) for all who in faith trust Him and His work at the Cross.

Edited February 4 by farouk

[ladypeartree]

For lots of people the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence ....Lots of people see loved ones die and start to wonder if what they have is all there is in life  ( lots of mid life crisis )  No matter what his reasons it is done and you cannot go back ( I dont know why you would want to as he hurt you so badly and you would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop )  I am surprised he was able to sell your home without your consent but perhaps the laws are different where you are.  The most important thing at this point is for you to let him go in your heart and in your mind as you have  physically He is NOT the same man you married and until you let go of that imaginary man you will not be able to move on with your life and do what God has set aside for you to achieve. . I am glad you have moved out of a place that sounds as if it was becoming a burden  now you have to move out of the head space that is also becoming a burden and praise God that you are able to . DO NOT let the past hold you back Praise God that you had such a comfortable marriage whilst it lasted and that you can have soe good memories to keep as you make more memories in your new life. 

[RdJ]

10 hours ago, grace222 said:

I was married for 18 years. I absolutely adored my husband. He was a christian and we were in fellowship attending church

When he suddenly left me in 2016, (he literally walked out the door while I was attending to the laundry) I was bewildered and broken -hearted. He left me after my mother went to be with the Lord. When I needed him the most, he was gone.  He became very strange and acting differently chasing women in other countries, having relationships with various ones and wanting to marry someone else. He took on a new identity, shaved his head, changed part of his first name(shortened it), drawn to another country/culture, took up musical instrument, etc.

 

I was in so much shock and broken-hearted. I may not have been the perfect wife but I did love and care for him.

 

He never wanted to talk about why he left me and told me to mind my own business.  He became vicious and nasty and sold our home so he could fund his new adventures with travel and women, etc.

 

It took me a year to forgive him and I fought and prayed for our marriage to be restored but he didn't want that and divorced me.

I have a chronic illness and I had lost my mother prior to him leaving me; I had cared for her with dementia, even though she had gone into care.

He did email me after separation and divorce, sometimes would send an email on our wedding Anniversary despite him married to someone else(he never told me he was married, i had heard he got married.

He sometimes emails on my birthday. I don't really know who he is.

 

I was living in our home(the one he sold) but became a tenant to the new owners.  It was our home for 20 years and then I rented it. It was a big home with a big garden and lots to do to care for it. He also left a lot of his belongings behind.

 

I don't live there anymore, I rent elsewhere but have never told him as I don't trust him. I am not sure who he is, despite knowing him for over 20 years of my life.  

He would still think I live in this big home with garden and tonnes of responsibilities and also my health conditions.

 

As a christian, I wonder why he has no conviction or even care.

Would he not stop to think, "I wonder how she is coping with the house, and all the responsibilities I left her with:

 

I wonder how he could just walk away and not care, when I cared for him and his own family(his mother.father and siblings)

 

I am perplexed by this

 

Can anyone shed some light on this?

 

I still care about him and continue to pray for him.

I didn't have a bad marriage and always thought he loved me as I loved him.

Apparently, I must have been deeply mistaken.

Maybe he felt rejected because you had to give attention to your mom and then you were grieving. My niece got left too when her mom died because she wasn't happy clappy. It's just selfish. But he's not even sorry. Is he a sociopath or a narcissist? It sounds demonic. It's another demonic personality.

Is he on medical drugs? You can sear your conscience if you live in sin.

Edited February 4 by Renskedejonge

[Neighbor]

10 hours ago, grace222 said:

left me in 2016

Hi, So sorry that you have been grieving for eight years. 

Might it be that it is time to leave it in the rear view mirror, and proceed on your own sojourn, doing so afresh. Let it become a dim memory,  be freed from it and fill that void with some outstanding joy in your life.

Do not let it steal your joy any longer! Have a burial ceremony for if necessary,  but put it underground and behind. It is okay for you to seek joy. It is there for each of us, even in our own frailties it is there. 

May God bless, and may it be most joyous for you that he does.

 

[RdJ]

11 hours ago, grace222 said:

I still care about him and continue to pray for him.

Lucky him. I had a granddad like that. I prayed for him for about 20 years and he got saved on his death bed. Such people may be very grateful that they know a christian who keeps praying.

[grace222]

9 hours ago, Renskedejonge said:

Maybe he felt rejected because you had to give attention to your mom and then you were grieving. My niece got left too when her mom died because she wasn't happy clappy. It's just selfish. But he's not even sorry. Is he a sociopath or a narcissist? It sounds demonic. It's another demonic personality.

Is he on medical drugs? You can sear your conscience if you live in sin.

Thanks  for your comment.  I tried so much to give him the attention that was needed. My mother also was visually impaired. There was also so much to do. I had helped taken care of his father in previous years and, at the time, I was caring for my mother, his younger brother was living with us (awaiting prison sentence). I was busy with him as well while he lived with us for six months. It was not easy.

 

I feel perhaps I didn't encourage him enough or even spend enough time in prayer for him.  That is something I could have done better!!

 

I don't know if he is   sociopath or narcissist although he does have those qualities, sadly.

 

Yes, I agree with you, it's very demonic.  

 

Do you mean prescription medication?  I am not sure but I suspect other substances he could be taking.

 

I am not in his life, although I have this burden on my heart  to pray for him.

When I met him, he was a new believer in Christ, having overcome huge drug addictions. He had a powerful testimony

and God brought him through and delivered him of these addictions. He went on to serve the Lord in various ministries.

 

I guess he has turned his back on God. I just really don't want him to spend eternity in hell.

 

I prayed for him before I even met him and I find I am doing that again.

Thank you for your encouraging words. God bless.

Edited February 4 by grace222

[RdJ]

1 hour ago, grace222 said:

Thanks  for your comment.  I tried so much to give him the attention that was needed. My mother also was visually impaired. There was also so much to do. I had helped taken care of his father in previous years and, at the time, I was caring for my mother, his younger brother was living with us (awaiting prison sentence). I was busy with him as well while he lived with us for six months. It was not easy.

 

I feel perhaps I didn't encourage him enough or even spend enough time in prayer for him.  That is something I could have done better!!

 

I don't know if he is   sociopath or narcissist although he does have those qualities, sadly.

 

Yes, I agree with you, it's very demonic.  

 

Do you mean prescription medication?  I am not sure but I suspect other substances he could be taking.

 

I am not in his life, although I have this burden on my heart  to pray for him.

When I met him, he was a new believer in Christ, having overcome huge drug addictions. He had a powerful testimony

and God brought him through and delivered him of these addictions. He went on to serve the Lord in various ministries.

 

I guess he has turned his back on God. I just really don't want him to spend eternity in hell.

 

I prayed for him before I even met him and I find I am doing that again.

Thank you for your encouraging words. God bless.

I didn't mean to blame you, but just tried to think why he left, because he refused to answer it. After a year or so when we said sorry my ex said he had felt rejected, because I was continually busy with the kids.

 

That's really sad. Great that you keep praying.

Yes maybe normal drugs. They put me on prescription drugs and it was crazy how mislead I was and hardened. My ex chatted with someone else and then I ran off with an atheist when he wanted to break up and for a year I thought God was fine with it. Absolutely crazy because we had had a church and I could not understand how someone could think that God saw you as married and was fine with it and then I was mislead and living in sin myself. My mom kept praying.

Wait I used marijuana after they put me on meds, because that guy did that too and then I saw spells and thought God said He wanted me to stay with him. That was satan.

Edited February 4 by Renskedejonge

[grace222]

24 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

I didn't mean to blame you, but just tried to think why he left, because he refused to answer it. After a year or so when we said sorry my ex said he had felt rejected, because I was continually busy with the kids.

 

That's really sad. Great that you keep praying.

Yes maybe normal drugs. They put me on prescription drugs and it was crazy how mislead I was and hardened. My ex chatted with someone else and then I ran off with an atheist when he wanted to break up and for a year I thought God was fine with it. Absolutely crazy because we had had a church and I could not understand how someone could think that God saw you as married and was fine with it and then I was mislead and living in sin myself. My mom kept praying.

Wait I used marijuana after they put me on meds, because that guy did that too and then I saw spells and thought God said He wanted me to stay with him. That was satan.

Thanks for sharing your story and sorry you have gone through this. I see how much satan can deceive a person.

I suspect my former husband may have a mental illness relating to substance abuse.  I think he may have lead a double life as well

and pretended to be a christian. It's so hard to say, God knows his heart.

 

If I may ask, where are things for you now?  Are you doing better?