44 years of loneliness

[heavenlyfavoured]

Hi,

"womanafterGod" whats that suppose 2 mean??? Pliz explain!!!

"Whysoblind" mayb thats not ur answer coz it works 4 others. It certainly worked 4 me. Mayb u dont have enough faith in it, its ur faith that works.

God bless!!!

[Guest suffering_lessons]

Kent,

First of all, I don't think God would punish you for something you did when you were 17 yrs old. You made a pact with God? You made a promise you didn't (or couldn't) keep? I think that happens all the time, especially with people who seem to view God as some mystic deity who exchanges favor for good behavior.

I'm sorry for your situation. You are not alone. This may sound hmmm, funny; but, did you ever think that by not having the relationship that you desire is a blessing in itself? Maybe God knows that it would have made you more miserable. Then you would be praying to be released from it and telling Him what a mistake you made, and promising Him that if you escape you'll never ask for anything again. Think about it.

[heavenlyfavoured]

Kent,

First of all, I don't think God would punish you for something you did when you were 17 yrs old. You made a pact with God? You made a promise you didn't (or couldn't) keep? I think that happens all the time, especially with people who seem to view God as some mystic deity who exchanges favor for good behavior.

I'm sorry for your situation. You are not alone.

Well, he certainly doesn't give favor away to just anyone.

This may sound hmmm, funny; but, did you ever think that by not having the relationship that you desire is a blessing in itself? Maybe God knows that it would have made you more miserable. Then you would be praying to be released from it and telling Him what a mistake you made, and promising Him that if you escape you'll never ask for anything again. Think about it.

Is this a serioius answer? If God answers a prayer, the answer is not going to make someone more miserable, they may question why God in fact did answer the prayer and not other prayers,etc, but they aren't going to be made miserable by the gifts of God. Jesus told the disciples he would not give someone a stone if they ask for bread, etc. Asking God for blessings is never a mistake.

Telling a 44 year old single guy that being married would just make him miserable cant be an honest answer. Its one of those things people say when they don't have a clue what else to say.

Not directed at anyone in particular:

Its kind of funny how people who have been married since their late teens or early twenties can come on and tell someone some of the stupid answers that have been given in this thread. People so full of themselves that think they are married and others are single because they think they are more righteous and more godly than the next person. Everyone's advise is either "ITS ALL YOUR FAULT YOU SINNER!" or "Just wait a while longer, 'someday' things will turn around", and now, "youd just be miserable anyway." Well, at least it'd be a different "miserable" than the one I have now, and I'm only 24.

Hello? No offense to the OP, but I pray to God that I don't have to go another 20 years being single. As a matter of fact, I'm hoping and praying I don't have to go another 2 years being single.

Edited November 14, 2005 by heavenlyfavoured

[heavenlyfavoured]

Hi,

First of all ur tone is a little 2 strong. Honestly if u talk 2 God like this or even harbour such thoughts while u pray, how do u think God feels? He does have feelings. And according 2 these feelings, how then do u expect him 2 answer u. Like i said b4 ur faith does matter!!!

God bless!!!

[heavenlyfavoured]

"Whysoblind" mayb thats not ur answer coz it works 4 others. It certainly worked 4 me. Mayb u dont have enough faith in it, its ur faith that works.

God bless!!!

Yeah, yeah. Here we go again. What can you possibly know about my faith? Nothing.

"Don't have enough faith" is a very tired and over used answer, again, when people simply don't know what they are talking about, it is the go-to answer, as I've seen time and again.

Jesus could use that answer because he is and was GOD, and knew what he was saying.

Hi,

sorry but i didnt say u dont have enough, I said "mayb" u dont have enough faith.

i didnt use this answer coz i didnt have nothing else 2 say or coz its a used phrase, i said it from experience.

U know u can get upset as u want 2, but remember u cant demand from God. Remember anger is a sin whether u believe it or not. Repent of it and start a fresh with Him.

God bless!!!

[heavenlyfavoured]

Good night!

[ChadB]

First off I was unmarried for 27 years. I got married a year ago to a wonderful girl. Anyhow, all of my friends got married by the time they were 23. Some even by 21. I was ALWAYS the single guy with all the couples which made it worse. Finally, after YEARS of prayer I did get married but it took WORK. I did have to pray. I did have to actively search for my future wife. She did not fall out of the sky or anything. I made the effort to meet girls and was lucky enough to meet her. Although God did arrange that meeting!

Anyhow, I do know that I had anger towards my situation when I was single. I was mad at God sometimes because I was so alone. But I stopped. I started focusing on Him and most importantly became content with my life. It was then that I met my wife. You see, its not always our timing. Its God's. I know this sounds like garbage from a married guy but its true. God truly knows whats best for us. I think that is what was being mentioned earlier. Not that you lack faith and you are not as holy as others. Its that anger for what we don't have that gets in the way. God has given us so much already. Be happy with your life and salvation. You may be surprised how He blesses you. Peace and love.

Chad

[felix]

Hello Everyone,

I need help. Like many faith issues and questions, mine is multifacted and "deep." I'm not sure where to start, so I'll try to do a "Readers' Digest" version.

I'm a 44 y/o male, and I am alone. I have family (mom, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc), but I do not have a "helper." A helper as God promises people who need one will be given.

The longest relationship I've ever had lasted only 3 or 4 months, and it has always been the choice of the woman to end them. Only one of these relationships involved any sexual activity, and it, to borrow a modern term, was only "heavy petting." Yes - I'm a 44 year old virgin.

All I want to know is why I'm alone, and why I always end up hurt and full of self-doubt with women that I have feelings for. And why, each time I think that I may have found someone, and am led to believe that, I have the rug pulled out from under me. There may not be "answers" to that question, but I need to get this all out and get the input of other Christians.

And it probably goes without saying that once again I now find myself hurt and rejected by a wonderful woman whom I came to have very deep feelings for, and whom I believed there was a future with.

I have three reasons in my head as to why I am in this situation.

One - my loneliness is a "thorn" God has given me. But if this is the case, it's a thorn that I find pushing me further from God with each disappointment and heart break, rather than drawing me closer and affirming His love and His very existence. What is the purpose of a thorn if there is no reason to be seen in it, and if it is couter-productive?

Two - When I was 17 years old I was "in love" with a girl named Sally. I desperately wanted to be with her. My step-dad had some dirty magazines in a box in the basement which I had found. Quite often I would go downstairs and look at them. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyhow. One day, while in the throws of desperation over Sally I promised God - I mean actually PROMISED God - that I would never look at pornography again if he would bring Sally and I together. And I went on to make a part of this promise to God that if I did ever look at pronography again, that I would be alone forever, and that every relationship I entered into would end in hurt and pain for me. You can probably guess that within a couple of days I was down in the basement looking at those magazines again. Years after this happened I read in the Bible that only a foolish man makes a promise to God. So .... is God holding me to a foolish promise I made as a love sick, 17-year old kid who didn't know better? Am I being held to that promise? It seems that I am because the conditions are being met. Would God do that to someone?

Three - I have dealt with the sin of pornography since I was a kid when I found my real dad's Playboy magazines and other pornography when I was 8 or 9 years old. My folks divorced when I was seven and my dad and his new wife (which was #3 out of a total so far of five wives) were "swingers," and I found things in their house that no 9 year old boy should see. Through my young adult years and up until this very day pornography has always been a temptation, and one that I find myself yielding to often. I have, over the years, prayed for God to help me with this, but I can only assume that I didn't pray in the right way because here I am, still dealing with it. So .... are these failed relationships and deep, deep pain and heartache God's way of punishing me? Does God punish like that ... a parent who punishes a child playing ball in the house by taking away his bat, ball and glove for the rest of the summer. I know my analogy simplifies it, but do you see what I mean? I don't want pornography - I want a real relationship with a wife. Do I have to overcome this sin before I can have that? And if so - does every man (or woman) who uses pronography have to have the curse of loneliness? I'm not making excuses - I know it's wrong. But it seems this way to me.

Yet, this pattern began long before the day of that promise. From the first girl I ever even had a "crush" on when I was 12 years old I have been rejected. My first "girlfriend" I met in Bible camp when I was in 8th grade. She "broke up " with me after she met another boy in camp. In 9th grade I asked a girl out. She responded by calling me a "dummy" for doing so in front of the entire home room. Maybe those seem like isolated childhood instances. And if my history wasn't what it is, I would agree. But the pattern of hurt and disappointment has continued since then up until this very moment.

Right now I am stinging from a failed realtionship with a woman named Janette. She spent two years in a relationship with a horrible man who used her and abused her and took her for over $40,000. I've known her for 6 years and have always had feelings for her. When her relationship ended I was there for her to help her through the hurt and be there for her. We started to move in a direction beyond friendship, and I was happy about that. But then she met someone else and it all ended. Why would God give that horible man she was with the opportunity to straighten up and be with her - a wonderful, caring woman - but God won't even give me a real chance with her?

And why does it seem that God has been setting me up for disappointment? Why has He allowed me to believe, on more than one occasion, that I had finally met the woman I should be with, only to end it all?

I'm so full of hurt and doubt right now that I can't think straight. I've prayed and prayed, yet no comfort comes ... no feelings of peace... nothing. I'm on the verge of tears all the time, and I don't know if "turning to God," is even really an option. And this has happened to me too often before. And now I am prayed out.

Right now my motives are selfish - I would do anything for another chance with Janette. But there's something deeper here. Why is God allowing me to be hurt over and over and over again? What am I missing? What's wrong with me?

Please help me. Tell me what God guides you to tell me because I find myself unable to ask Him for anything anymore.

Please help me.

Kent

Hello Kent. God hears your cries. And He knows your loneliness.

I hope you get a chance to read this. In Jesus's Name may you find comfort and strength and joy in the Lord Jesus. Have you considered not finding a wife and simply just consecrate your life to the Lord?

Apostle Paul writes the following...

1 Corinthians 7:32-33

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs

[heavenlyfavoured]

Hi,

God bless you "ChadB" and "Felix"

Edited November 15, 2005 by heavenlyfavoured

[cag7800]

my husband was 40 when we married 5 yrs ago ..i had spent 26 with a man who abused me and our 3 children daily in some form or fashion.i prayed for this man but it never changed. when i finally let and let God handle things,we spilt for good.when i meet my current husband ,he had never been married and never had a relationship that lasted for more than a couple months.he wasn't a christian either,never attended church.he is kinda nerdy,reads a lot of history books. i had an ad on yahoo personals. he responded and i told him i was 45 i was the mother of 3 and had 2 grandaughters,if he was looking for *cindy crawford* look else where,i am overweight,and i was looking for a *christian man* well he wasn't a christian but we dated a couple time and,then i started pulling away from him(guess i couldn't handle nice).he asked me one day what was up with women like me,who had been treated like crap all our lives and then when we meet someone who would treat us right we ran,mmm i thought to myself.well we married 4 months later and he is my best friend, my partner and he gave is life to Jesus,he is spirit filled and loves to go to church and my grandchild love him more than their *real* grandfather..

my point is....are you looking for a model or are you looking for what GOD will. my husband tells everyone his story,he was alone and God sent me to him. do i believe his story? you better believe me, i do.

i'll be prayinf for God's will and show you who HE has for you.