Funeral guilt dilemma

[FriendofJonathan]

On 3/20/2025 at 5:41 AM, irishbeast said:

I'm struggling with some mixed feelings and could use a bit of perspective. Someone I knew only slightly passed away recently, and his cremation is scheduled today. Although we weren't close, I know his sister quite well. Part of me felt obligated to attend, and I genuinely would have gone—I had even arranged a lift with a friend to make sure I'd be there. However, I was hesitant because many of my old drinking friends, who've distanced themselves since I became sober six months ago, will be there. I'm not keen to face potential pressure to drink or revisit uncomfortable dynamics.

I asked God for guidance about what I should do, and shortly afterward, as odd as this sounds, a huge filling came loose from my tooth while eating a biscuit. Concerned about infection and admittedly how ridiculous I look, I called the dentist and was offered an appointment today at 11 am, exactly the same time as the cremation. I accepted immediately, almost feeling relief at having a legitimate reason not to attend.

Yet, I'm now second guessing myself. Was this just coincidence or possibly divine intervention? Proverbs 3:5-6 comes to mind: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." I've never been to a cremation, and while I don't necessarily want to attend, I feel somewhat guilty for not paying my respects, even though afterward everyone will head straight to the pub, exactly the environment I've worked hard to avoid. I'm caught between guilt, relief, and confusion.

Have I done the right thing here, prioritising my dental health (and possibly sobriety), or should I have rearranged things and attended anyway, out of respect? Any thoughts appreciated.

Perhaps losing the filling in your tooth was God's way of giving you a way out of not attending the cremation.  Or, perhaps it was God's way of giving you an excuse for not attending the gathering after the cremation. 

In any event, though you didn't attend, you still have the opportunity to console your friends sister and encourage her with the gospel message. 

On a side note: as one in recovery myself, I make no bones about telling my mates that I can't join them at the pub, not because I don't trust them, but because I don't trust myself. 

[Indentured Servant]

On 3/20/2025 at 5:41 AM, irishbeast said:

Yet, I'm now second guessing myself. Was this just coincidence or possibly divine intervention?

Don't overthink it. You had a medically related concern... 

Offer to serve food if there is to be a "celebration of life" gathering in honor of the individual.

[Galleon]

Obsession or addiction is pretty strong. It's best to avoid triggers. I think the dental appointment was divine intervention. As well, you can always pay respects in other ways as well. I'm nowhere near old graves I'd once visit and yet the ones lost are held in my heart fondly despite distance.