Strip Club and husbands

[brownster82]

Hi, Im new here and just need some advice.

My husband is the best man in a wedding and he is planning to go to a strip club for the bachelor party.

I totally do NOT want him to go and can NOT convince him not to go. I really dont know what to tell him.

I feel that regardless of whether this is for his friend or not he should NOT be going... he is a MARRIED man... I have tried everything... i am so stressed about this... what should i do???

[Guest LadyC]

brownster, does your husband know Jesus?

before i go on, i'll give my own personal opinions. i think bachelor parties with the topless dancers are irresponsible. i also think that people do not take the job of being a best man or a maid of honor seriously. most don't even know what it means to play that roll. it's not about some sort of status symbol because you're a close friend! it's a serious responsibility to accept the position of best man/maid of honor, and should be treated as such. it's function is to affirm that you will always try to be a role model of marital behavior, standing not just by the groom or the bride, but by their marriage to each other, encouraging the newlyweds to always honor and respect each other, forsaking all others, etc.

so what your husband is doing is contrary not only to his responsibility towards his own marriage, but to the foundation of his friend's marriage, and to his own relationship with God.

all that aside, your only recourse is prayer. you must put this in God's hands and leave it there... i will pray over this as well, not only for your hussband to change his mind regarding this, but for God to give you the courage to trust Him in this issue.

[brownster82]

LadyC,

Thank you for responding so quickly. I dont know how to answer if my husband knows Jesus. He does but at the same time there is a WHOLE lot of other issues there. I am a protestant, and he is a so called Catholic all though he does not go to church. He does come with my son and I maybe 5 times a year. When my son was born we had talked about all going to the same church as a family. I told him that he being the Man of the house, if he wanted to bring up his family Catholic I would be willing to go to the classes and what not. He never "got around" to taking us to the Catholic church... so my son and I went to my "church of God" My husband is a good guy. He prays and he believes in God, but he doesnt go to church, nor do we have the same beliefs. ( as far as this strip club ) In my eyes he might as well go out and sleep with another woman. Anytime I try to talk to him about how I feel, he says that Im being childish, and that it is a 1 time thing and everyone of his friends and all of the guys in his wedding will be there... but... im not too sure if any of those guys are christians. I myself have a lot of studying to do.. even though i was brought up a christian.

So should I just leave it go and pray about this??? Not say anything to him???

To me it says in the Bible to honor your wife... and to me ... whether he understands why i dont want him to go or not he should understand that this upsets me alot, and just for that he should not want to go. He doesnt have to understand WHY.

Thanks

[Guest LadyC]

God has a whole set of rules for both husbands and wives about how they are to behave in a marriage. listen, i don't want to come across as harsh, but nagging him is going to do nothing but make him more determined to go. and he may even ignore God "nagging" him and go anyway. but let me share something that i seem to be sharing frequently on various messageboards lately.

my husband has a porn addiction. for seven long years i cried, nagged, gave ultimatums, took bathroom doors off hinges so he couldn't hide in there with magazines, monitored his viewing habits online, yada yada yada. i tried to control his behavior. it wasn't until recently when i finally did what i had vowed to do when we married... and i mean that literally, because i wrote our vows, and in them i vowed to love my husband with all his faults and trust God to bring about the necessary changes in him. somehow i lost site of that. i guess i was impatient. or maybe i just couldn't give God that much trust. but a while back, on another board, i realized there were many of us wives dealing with this same thing, and we started a daily prayer thread in the women's forum, unseen to any of the men. and there we lift up our own and each others' husbands on a daily basis. well, some of us do.

as for myself and another woman who's husband is addicted and who has dedicated herself to trusting God (which means giving up control), we began seeing very amazing and very fast results. within a week the behaviour of our husbands had changed so drastically, and the changes continue to occur.

so while yes, you should pray for your husband and leave it in God's hands, letting go of your need to control his behavior, that doesn't mean you should pray once and forget about it... you need to be in a near-constant state of prayer for him.

would you like me to add you to the daily prayer thread on the other forum? it doesn't sound like your husband is addicted to porn, but this is still a struggle with sexual sin that is hurting you, so i believe your situation does qualify to be in that daily thread!

[Guest LadyC]

i'm heading to bed for now, but i'll check for your response in the morning. in the meantime, i'll be praying for you both.

[brownster82]

Well, I dont want to say too much on here... but, actually my husband has had a porn addiction... I dont believe that he is looking at it right now, meaning within the last couple months... but i have had so many heart to heart talks with him and had said he wouldnt look at it anymore cause he knows how much it hurts me, but he did it again and again anyways... I cant honestly say that he is NOT looking at it anymore because i dont know for sure..... but i know he has a hard time not looking... even though he says he doesnt have a problem. I would love to be in the thread... but i would also like to say that i need alot of prayer myself. As for being a christian that is. I dont really want to say a whole lot on this public thread ecspecially being new. But i just need a lot of prayer. Please. I am heading to bed now and will be checking for responses after i get home from church. thanks you

[brownster82]

One thing I do want to mention is that we are a very young married couple. I am 23 and my husband is 26. We have been married for 2 years.

[Guest John 3:17]

I really don't like to be so blunt but I feel I have to because I just got a divorce at age 44 and we raised a son together...you are both unequally yoked...a strip club for a follower of Christ is out of the question...he should know this.

As far as the pornography, he may not be unequally yoked but he is trapped in a terrible sin...he is being lied to and he doesn't see it...men are visual, woman are emotional ....generally....when my wife brought the first romance novel into our house, I told her, it would be like me bringing in playboy...it means that they are looking for something that they are not getting....with pornography and and romance novels, it is impossible to fight....those girls are airbrushed and those stories are professionally written...you are right...pray, pray, pray, ...bring it to your Pastor and elders if that's what it takes...My x-wife has literally hundreds of romance novels...which I was powerless to stop...now she is gone...pornography is the same thing....no woman can compete with the junk they throw at a man...tell him that that is someones little girl he is looking at, with a mother and father etc....even if she doesn't, she has a Father in heaven grieving for her and your husband.....In Christ, John

[Leonard]

Tell him plainly: "If you care at all about me, you will not go." That should be a highly clarifying point for both you, and the future of your relationship. Make sure he understands the gravity of his decision.

[Constant]

Your husband may not see any harm in going to the strip club for the party but I can see why you do. I used to work at one of those clubs and I can say that it is a filthy, sinful place and I would forbid him into going. I am not trying to make you worry more but the things that happen at bachelor parties there, yuck!

Pray like crazy to God that your husband will respect you and himself and not go. He can hang out with them before and after the club, just not during.