secondeve Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Nonbeliever Followers: 1 Topic Count: 117 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,276 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/02/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/21/1986 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Among my friends and their friends, I know or have heard of a number of Christians from 18 to 21 getting married. This has tended to be because sex outside of marraige is against God, and they have abstained from everything, even kissing or holding hands, before marrying. I know many young people in relationships for whom I think marriage is the next logical step, but I worry about young Christians entering into this commitment for several reasons. Firstly, when neither partner has any other romatic or sexual experience, they don't know how sex will change their relationship, and might have regrets too late. Secondly, the motivation with the young can be suspect- marrying out of lust, rather than because they believe that this is the person with whom they should spend the rest of their lives. Thirdly, as they have never been with anyone else, several have believed that they've met the right person first time; but because they feel that having multiple 'boyfriends' or 'girlfriends' is against God's will, even when nothing physical takes place, some of them have ended up with people to whom they are markedly unsuited, but who, with a little more experience, they might've known to be wary of. Particularly, I worry that some males in this situation marry loving girlfriends out of sexual frustration, but then start to be more cavalier about the relationship once they've realised - too late - that the girl wasn't for them, while she ends up trying to maintain the relationship for the sake of what marriage means. And if kids enter the picture, it complicates things even further - couples can end up staying together for the children, but unable to admit that they shouldn't have married whoever it was in the first place. I'd be stupid to say that these problems never occur in secular marriages or weddings between people of different faiths - they do - but this seems the place to ask about specific Christian ones. Essentially, what I'm asking is this: What do people think Christian teens should do with regards to commitment, dating, sex and marriage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apothanein kerdos Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 331 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 8,713 Content Per Day: 1.21 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2004 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2006 Well the Bible is plain in it's teachings that sex outside of marriage is wrong. It also says that if someone is unable to contain themselves they are better off to marry. I have been told, but admit that since I have no data to back me up that I could be wrong, that couples that experiment with sex outside of marriage have more break ups later than those that don't. Here is all I can say in the matter. I got married at age 20 and am still married today. I didn't fornicate before getting married as I have been a Christian since age 17 and have never messed around on my wife. I am happily married, but even if there were problems, divorce is not an option because it goes against the Bible. I think the key thing here is commitment. When someone gets married, it should never be in the back of their mind that if they don't get along they can get a divorce. Instead, if they make the decision to marry, it should be with the idea that this marriage is for life, for better or worse, and that they are going to make things work. If the marriage is between two Christians and they follow the Bible on how to run their home, they shouldn't have a problem with working things out. Secondeve, the problems you list are real but are also not caused by "lack of experience" per se. Too often young couples who have not had sex or have not dated other people (and I believe this to be ideal) do not seek wisdom from those who have been married for a long time. They think they know what they are getting into but in all reality they don't. It is best for them to get to know older couples, and I mean OLD, who have been married for 25+ years. These couples have seen a lot and been through a lot, they can give wisdom to these young couples and help them along the way. Likewise, they should know them well enough to know if the couple shouldn't get married. I have friends that are now married but also experimented around before marriage. I do not know of a single one that doesn't regret it. I think it is better to wait until marriage for sex and ask questions about marriage from those who have been married for quite some time than it is to use yourself up and then enter into a marriage. Sex doesn't just change the relationship you are in, it changes all relationships you will have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ayin jade Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 44 Topic Count: 6,178 Topics Per Day: 0.87 Content Count: 43,798 Content Per Day: 6.19 Reputation: 11,244 Days Won: 58 Joined: 01/03/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2006 Eve, in the 1960s, people started to have a lot more sex outside of marriage, the Sexual Revolution. Yet divorce rates increase, families are torn apart. It isnt lack of experience that causes problems, but rather the over emphasis on the gratification of desires, the pressure to get lots of experiences. People no longer see a need to remain commited to their spouses, because society teaches them to discard their relationships when things get rough. Look at the stats on living together and getting married. Once a couple lives together, and marries, they end up with a higher divorce rate than those who resist and get married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Dole Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 139 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/28/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2006 I don't think they should even consider marriage unless they've been living together for some time. That way they're much better prepared for marriage. You have to get used to the idea of seeing someone every single day. Also, I find that in high school a person might think that a relationship lasting a year is a long relationship, they have no concept of how long a marriage is going to last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.94 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Unbelievable. I never thought I'd hear anyone proclaiming that having multiple sexual partners saves marriage. Thought question: how would you feel about meeting a person who had sex with your mother/father (whom they were never married to)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted June 8, 2006 I don't see what's bad in living with your girlfriend for, say, 5 years or so (just to throw a number) and then marry when you're absolutely (or reasonably) sure everything will go smoothly It's not like you go around having sex with anything that moves and with her cat too Statistically couples who live together out of wedlock, and then later marry, have a HIGHER divorce rate, than couples who never lived together before marriage. I think our whole system is stupid. In most the rest of the world PARENTS arrange marriages, and with their broader and longer learning about just what goes into making a marriage work between two people, these marriages have a far, far higher rate of success than do our non-arranged marriages in the USA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted June 8, 2006 Statistically couples who live together out of wedlock, and then later marry, have a HIGHER divorce rate, than couples who never lived together before marriage. I think our whole system is stupid. In most the rest of the world PARENTS arrange marriages, and with their broader and longer learning about just what goes into making a marriage work between two people, these marriages have a far, far higher rate of success than do our non-arranged marriages in the USA. That's because in a system were arranged marriages are the norm divorce is not a possibility. Usually the marriage is arranged for economic reasons by the parents and the woman is on a lower level than her bridegroom. In south Italy, e.g., a woman who leaves her husband used to be considered an outcast of society. In the meantime the bridegroom could go have sex with prostitutes without being frowned upon so he has no reason to divorce. Thankfully that kind of society is almost gone except in some very small towns where everyone has a mentality dating back to the early 90s. WOW!!!! ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE 90'S???? That impossibly far into the ancient past? Gee whiz! Boy do I feel old!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matthitjah Posted June 8, 2006 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 1,285 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 17,917 Content Per Day: 2.27 Reputation: 355 Days Won: 19 Joined: 10/01/2002 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2006 I closed this discussion. Peace, Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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