cutting

[Guest Evangelist Dare]

when we truly love and care for a person, we give them the TRUTH..God's word is TRUTH.

AND YE SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE.

FREE HOW?

NO LONGER HELD CAPTIVE IN SINS BONDAGE.....WE ARE NEW CREATURES IN CHRIST.

WE NO LONGER HAVE A DESIRE TO SIN , WE HAVE A NEW DESIRE AND THAT IS TO SERVE THE ONE TRUE LIVING GOD.

If there has been NO CHANGE IN A PERSON THEN THAT PERSON IS NOT SAVED....

BECAUSE GOD'S WORD TELLS US THERE IS A CHANGE AND THAT WE ARE INDEED NEW CREATURES IN CHRIST.

YE MUST BE BORN AGAIN...

GOD BLESS, UNTIL THE SHOUT THAT WILL TAKE US OUT, Evang. dare

[ColleenLovesMischief]

I used to be a cutter. For me it was a way to put mental pain into a form I could deal with it......physical. I have not cut for about 7 years now. Even in my mid 20's I am still tempted to cut. Counseling never did anything for me. At one point I hated myself so badly I thought everyone had to hate me too. I had numerous suicide attempts, and to this day I will still say it was not a cry for help. I thought I was beyond help. If you're a cutter there is hope. Jesus can rescue you from it. For some it becomes an addiction..... A crutch, Just like alcohol or drugs. You can become dependant and need Jesus to deliver you. A :t: for all the cutters and if you need prayer don't be afraid...ask!

[ColleenLovesMischief]

Don't harm yourself for others!

[hazel]

I used to be a cutter. For me it was a way to put mental pain into a form I could deal with it......physical. I have not cut for about 7 years now. Even in my mid 20's I am still tempted to cut. Counseling never did anything for me. At one point I hated myself so badly I thought everyone had to hate me too. I had numerous suicide attempts, and to this day I will still say it was not a cry for help. I thought I was beyond help. If you're a cutter there is hope. Jesus can rescue you from it. For some it becomes an addiction..... A crutch, Just like alcohol or drugs. You can become dependant and need Jesus to deliver you. A :t: for all the cutters and if you need prayer don't be afraid...ask!

Well said, and welcome to the boards!

[Guest tickle_me_blue]

I am actually dealing with the issue of cutting myself. I am in fact a Christian and I personally have sought out help. I know that sitting her down and preaching to her will not help. She will feel like you are pushing it on her. Honestly, I don't even think you should bring it up to her. Unless she seeks your help, she will just ignore what you are saying and have less chance of coming to God with this. I agree though that you should pray. Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. And really show her that you love her, invite her out to church of maybe any outreaches or youth events that are being hosted by your church.If after a while things do seem to get out of hand then I would get her professional help but, until then forcing her probably will do nothing.

Edited August 17, 2006 by tickle_me_blue

[cjrose]

I used to be a cutter. For me it was a way to put mental pain into a form I could deal with it......physical. I have not cut for about 7 years now. Even in my mid 20's I am still tempted to cut. Counseling never did anything for me. At one point I hated myself so badly I thought everyone had to hate me too. I had numerous suicide attempts, and to this day I will still say it was not a cry for help. I thought I was beyond help. If you're a cutter there is hope. Jesus can rescue you from it. For some it becomes an addiction..... A crutch, Just like alcohol or drugs. You can become dependant and need Jesus to deliver you. A :t: for all the cutters and if you need prayer don't be afraid...ask!

I just admitted today that I also was a cutter and you said exatly the same thing as I did. Putting our mental pain in to a form I could see and feel that would be a physical form. I can so relate to you on this post and give you my love and encouragement.

Thank you for sharing.

[Elisabeth]

I have a niece who has a 12 yr. old daughter who recently cut her arm many, many times. She is a product of a divorce since a small child. She listens to wrong music and reads about witches. She dresses in black and paints her nails black and wears very dark lipstick and is into Gothic. How can we approach her to get her out of this direction?

Thanks.

Pam

Pam, your description of the girl who cut herself ... she is about as opposite from me as one could get ... and yet I have cut myself also. I don't believe one can lump all cutters into one nice and tidy category. I only did it once, but as others have said here, I did it to relieve my internal pain. And I did it when I was an adult Christian with a solid foundation in the Lord.

God had already healed so many areas of my life. But this time, my emotional pain was so great, it was gut-wrenching and overwhelming. I should have given it to God. I knew better. But it was a pain I had repeatedly felt before, and cutting myself diverted my attention away from my internal, to my external pain. It did not resolve my internal pain, only God can take care of that. But I wanted a "quick fix" to take away my pain right then and there. Instead of resting in the Lord, I relied on myself.

Whatever is causing this precious young girl to do this ... pray that it be stopped immediately. She needs the source of the pain to stop. No 12 year old should have to suffer like this. She will need counseling -- preferably Christian counseling. She also needs to know that people who hurt her are WRONG. She needs loving Christians in her life. She needs to know that God is not the same as all of us sinners on this earth. He loves her and He will never leave her or foresake her. He wants to heal her and take care of her.

God bless you for caring.

[LadyGunivere]

I delt with the depression side of it.....Just sit down and talk with her about it.

[John R Nolan]

I'm speaking from the position of a "reformed cutter". Alot of this is ringing true, and some isn't. DO NOT ASSUME THAT YOUR NEICE IS DOING THIS FOR ATTENTION!!! It's probably not a suicide attempt either.In my case, once I was caught, I just found more discreet places on my body to cut. I would also steal and hide razors for future use . I'm 32 now, so when I was cutting myself, it was pretty much unheard of in the psych community. I was hospitalized, and the Dr's told me they had never seen anything like what I was doing .I have about 200 scars on each arm, many on my chest , and many on various other areas. It started when I was about nine, with a sharp steak knife. I wasn't caught until I was 16, and I didn't stop until I was 22.This girl probably does feel unloved, and she may, or may not be going through child sexual abuse. I wasn't sexually abused, but I was verbally abused. I did feel worthless. I wasn't "crying out for help" . It was a tool I used to cope with a "hopeless" situation. She may not even really know why she's doing this, I wasn't able to give an answer when asked. Eric's probably right, I know I'm not qualified to advise on this topic formally, but I know what would have helped me. Take this precious girl in your arms and tell her how special she is. Tell her she's beautiful, and that God made her that way! Tell her that no one could ever take her place in your heart, and that she is important to you. Tell her that God has a special work for her that He created her to do. Keep telling her those things until she belives them. Please, tell her before she cuts deeper than she meant to. That happened to me..... 17 stitches .

God bless you sis for such a courageous and thoughtful contribution

Yes, the problem is psychotic, I work with people in this situation, but I also see it as part of a larger Spiritual confrontation, where, through the media, every level of entertainment, we are witnessing the works of satan

Witchcraft, self-mutilation, tattooing, all part of Babalonian and Egyptian religious service to their gods, have already infiltrated our society, including the churches

Satan worship, Halloween, heavy metal, self mutilation, drug abuse, suicide amongst our youth are 'signs of the times'

Sadly there is little to be done except pray

Please don't 'preach' her into a corner, for this will only more deeply seperate you and sub-consciously justify her actions

Live the life, show her alternative ways to express her anger, emotions, love her unconditionally, give her alternate choices to consider, but, in the end, it is up to her to work out her answer

[LadyRaven]

Cutting is a way of externalising pain. I wasn't a cutter, I was a biter, but it's pretty much the same thing. When people saw what I was doing I started biting the inside of my cheek to avoid the interference of others, helping her live a healthy life will take a long time, as this doesn't develop over night and if you aren't in for the long haul, don't do anything as she will only hide her condition. At least now it's out in the open and if it ever becomes a suicide attempt you will see it coming. Once she hides it, you loose that. You must must must be willing to walk with her to the end of the earth cause fixing the hurt is going to take that.

WHY? HOW? Does this get started? Often times it starts with a tradgedy which could not be controlled, could not be stopped and cannot be understood. People who self injure are very sensitive beings who internalise things more than most and feel pain at a level many cannot comprehend. The betrayal of a friend hurts everyone who experiences it. The betrayal of a friend to a sensitive soul will leave the person feeling totally alone and bereft of any hope even though they have more friends and family who love them very much.

A very deep hurt, such as a divorce, the breakup from a very intense relationship or the lack of security that sometimes comes with life is hard for such a person to deal with. It hurts too much for the mind and heart to even analyse much less feel. Therefore, hurt and the lack of understanding of circumstances gets stuffed down when the person is unable to process them, so that later on they can be brought back up and dealt with. We all do this to a point, however, sometimes in some lives things never seem safe enough to bring the whole hurt back up...and yet it can't stay down inside the person forever, it will kill them inside. This "stuffing" of emotions leaves the senstive soul feeling like they can't feel, numb...and they cannot remain like this forever, it's against their very core of being.

So the body will often take over, externalising pain in many ways, including disease, insomnia, headaches and bizarre behaviours like cutting, biting, hair pulling, rocking (they beat the back of their heads against the wall or furniture usually)... These things remind the person that they can feel, it also gives them control over WHEN they feel, how much they feel and the scars remind them of their humanity when they are not currently feeling things the way they would normally. They know that this is not normal, and eventually the feeling of inadequacy (including the fact that they can't "deal" with the problem normally) also contribute to the whole concept of self destruction.

I can't understand why... and I can't deal with it, therefore something is wrong with me, I should be able to understand this, and I should be able to find a way to handle it. but I can't so I'm not strong, therefore I'm inadequate.

The thing is that the gentle souls who do these things understand the condition of the soul and man and themselves better than the whitewashed, perfectionistic elements of society who think that if we just know enough and dress ourselves up enough we will finally be good enough. Unfortunately, according to God, we're not good enough and never will be without HIM. In order to truly be wise and righteous in God's sight is the destruction of the flesh and the death to self. What is going on here is a very poignant understanding of the truth in a very physical way.

In order to help this girl understand what is going on, she must understand that she must make spiritual applications of the truths she already grasps on an emotional and physical level. Does she want to feel adequate, whole, worthwhile? Then she needs to lay down the physical tools of her purification and take up the spiritual ones available to her.

Unless she has some sort of epiphany (yes, sometimes that happens) or develops another, less dangerous method of self comfort, she most likely will need help, however I would recommend that if you get regular medical or pyschological help that it be accompanied by spiritual guidence. In her brokenness she is more open to spiritual truth than she will ever be in the future. She knows she can't do it herself, that's why she's externalising things. Once she understands that God wants broken people, in her inner core, she will understand spiritually what she knows already.

One thing though... do not automatically assume her association with gothicism is going to hurt her and seek to separate her from it. Of course her whole life needs to be evaluated but... if she is a truly melancholy, sensitive, moody soul, (the true gothic person) she will not be harmed by it, it is a means of catharsis and most likely something she is doing as an expression of her true feelings. If she associates with or understands gothicism from it's deepest foundation, she will learn to embrace pain rather than to hide from it, she will learn to truly feel again rather than control when she can feel. If she was not always this way, it might also be filling the same role in her life, though it will be laid down one day when she feels she no longer needs it.

It only becomes a problem when those she associates with or the gothicism she knows is not the emotional core but the social event. It might not not encourage her to feel, or to embrace pain, but to rebel against it or to give up in futility. It's odd that the surface expression of gothicism is the opposite of the heart of it, but that is the way it is. Don't worry so much about her identification with it, as much as what *it* is telling her.