I need some good advice

[Guest WMary18]

Hey everyone...

I have a small problem.

Well, maybe not a problem...but anyways.

I've never had a boyfriend before...Meaning: never been kissed or anything else.

Well, anyways, I'm finishing highschool this year (I'll graduate in June) well, this guy that I know, is totally awesome, my parents like him and he's totally sold to Christ. (which is super)

I really care about him too...Well, His parents think that he should go as slow as he possibly can since I have a half of a year left to finish highschool and that it can be stressful for me...he's in college and has already gone beyond that, I need mommy and daddy to walk into the school with me...hehe..I understand that and I totally agree...He and I have already talked about not kissing or even touching too much...And he totally respects the way that I feel...But I want this to work! And I know that God has the number one say in all of this! and I've prayed, and I've spoken with my parents and he and I have talked.

Since I know that these last few months are gonna be kinda stressful esp. getting into the college that I want, I truly believe with everything in me, that we should do less talking on the phone, simply because thru this stressful time, I don't want to ruin anything and cause this to end "IF" (meaning: if God wants it) before it should, or "IF" it's not supposed to...We're taking a week break right now and I'm fine...It's not like I'm dying or anything, but I don't want to come off as a class "A" jerk to him either. We only see each other, maybe once every two to 3 weeks, but we talk on the phone like every two days...

How should I go about telling him the way I feel about this? I def. would like advice from the Christian men/guys out there. He has stood by me in all of this...But I think that saying this to him may seem like, I want to break off our close friendship.

I think that there is a lot of testing to be done between us, and if we can last this out, I think there's a huge possiblity for a rest-of-my-life-with-u-future...But again, I have spoken with my parents and GOD...and I look at it this way...If he and I don't make it beyond where we are now and even say that we want to stop talking, I wont die and I wont turn from Chirst or blame anyone. I'd be hurt, yes, but it's not the end...But right now, I feel like I love this guy (I know it in a lot of ways) and I have always asked God to send one guy that I truly get close to....Not to say we've made it to that CLOSE place, but we have started praying together, and that's more than awesome to me! He said he'd wait on me. But I know that talking is a lot different from doing...I just want to know how to tell him this.

Thankz for reading this and God Bless.

[Nicks Girl]

I am finishing high school this year as well.

Sounds like you are very mature and intelligent! And most importantly LOVE THE LORD! It sounds like you are both going about this the right way, both Love the Lord, and want His will to be accomplished. You say you love this guy, that is great! Do you plan of doing 4 years of college? how many more does he have left? Sorry I'm being nosy!

I would just keep praying about it!

I met my FH when I was 15, and we are now 17, almost 18, and would LOVE to get married as soon as the Lord provides for that to happen. I think its sooo great that He is already in College and you are planning on going as well.

I do not plan on attending college. I don't feel it is my calling or that the Lord wants me to. My FH wants to be a pastor, and I will be a pastors wife, and take care of the many kids we want to have! To me that is one of the greatest ministries a woman can have, is being a stay at home mom, teaching and raising her children : O)

I'm not sure what else to say, other than Keep in prayer, Sister, and Follow the Lord's leading. I know that when we are walking in the Spirit and following Him, Everything will become clear. If you love that guy, and you know it, and have taken it to the Lord, everything will work out. : O) God will open doors!

God Bless!

P.S Message me anytime you want, if you wanna talk! I enjoy meeting other Believers my age! It's a rarity for me : O)

[Guest WMary18]

WOW Thankz!

It's not often I can tell someone my age how I feel about this and not get an average piece of advice, just stating that I should do what my flesh says....thanx...

I can only reply thru message boards (like this one) so I wouldn't be able to message u back...sorry, but soon I will...

He's in his junior year right now...We're 3 years apart...But here's the deal...some people say "OMG...u're too young for him" but my parents have both looked into this and he's not seeking what most people accuse him of being after...I mean, if he were a bad guy, he'd try to get me to go out by myself..on the contrary, he asked me to pray with him and even asked who all is gonna hang with us...

I plan on going to college and maybe even on to law School...

But, if that's not God's plan, then I will keep teaching modern/liturgical dance and doing the food ministry...

I want to have kids and be a mother, a good one, like my mother is...and Whomever is my husband I know he will be a great father to our children...

If it's not God's will for U to go to college...don't go gurl!

Our lives are about pleasing God not others.

Again, thanx for being so kind.

God Bless,

Me

[irishcowboy]

My oldest son is a Junior in High school (16 ). only has had a few group dates ( his choice ) and when I asked if he wanted to go on a date, being he has his own car which he has had since he was 15, he said no, that he dont thing that would be good yet.....

there are a couple young ladies he really likes, but would rather see them in church, sunday school, youth, bible studies, and such like that, the one that I believe he likes the best, lives in another town, but goes to our church, and to totally full of the Spirit of God....

He is thinking along the lines of get education first, get life moving first, then worry about the girl thing........

this year he is taking College algebra, along with 8 classes in High School, this next semester, he will be working on Trig ( college level ) and then this summer a couple ( told him up to three ) classes at the college, and also next year being his senior year....

Life is too short to mess it up by getting started with a family at a young age...... ( i waited til i was 25 to marry )

best thing i could say is that a person keep this before the Lord on a daily bassis...... seek the Lord for this and all things.... that is what God wants to do, He wants to be your Best Friend, and hear all about your day, every little thing...... He wants that one on one , love/love , Father/son(daughter) relastionship.....

I hope that He guides you thru you entire life....

Blessings to you both...

mike

[Nicks Girl]

No problem, WMary18!

Mike, the comment about Life is too short to mess it up by getting started with a family at a young age, i don't really agree with, of course God needs to be the one who makes those decisions in our lives. However...I agree with just about everything else too.

Bottom line is, I guess, Check it out with God first! For me, I know God is calling me to start a family young, with my FH, who is only 5 months older than I am. God has been opening doors left and right so we are going to be able to get married ALOT sooner than we had anticipated. And I know it is because we work so well as a team, together for the Lord.

God Bless everyone

[Guest rmj7]

Hi hon. Awwwwwwwwe :il: :il: :il: :il: . Someone's having their first ove. Aint dat beautiful.

Okay. Here's what I think. I'm a freshman in college right now, and I see the way you are handling things are in the same way I was handling my very similar situation. The only difference between me and you is that I had my moment after I graduated from high school and that you are actually in the branches of a relationship.

I've never had a girlfriend befor or yet either because I don't believe that you should just talk to anyone just because they're cute nice and funny. There has to be sumthin "special" about that person. And when it came to me, it was a "special" I didn't even wish to see!

But anyway, trying to make my point, I am so glad to hear you have made it beyond what I was able to do. It's so freaky. You sound just like me! It's good to know that you have thought this out and are trying to handle this situation in a mature manner, and it's even greater that you and your guy friend actually pray together. That was something I always wanted to do dearly with my "friend", but we were never able to do so.

The parents are right. Don't force your relationship on so quickly. Just, let it go. Go with the flow, and have it go whichever way it is to go. I know you wish you could just control every lil aspect of how this would go, but unlike any situation you've had to deal with, this is VERY different because this situation consists of not only one person, but two.

I like Mr.Mike's son. He has his "plan" in order. Make sure you get into that college first, find out who you are in Christ and life, and worry about the guy thing last. You're young, you got plenty of time ahead of yourself which is a good advantage.

I dunno why, but marriage and family seems to be a big subject for 18 year olds. I dunno why that is, but personally, I try to avoid any talk of that if I can since I know I'm still years away from marriage and parenthood. I don't like it when I hear people our age going, "how many kids are we going to have? HWhen are we going to get married?" How many couples our age do you see walking around with wedding bands? Hey! We're still living with our parents for cryin out loud! Don't get ahead of yourself too much.

Don't try to make any "immediate" plans on when you're gonna get married or anything like that because if it doesn't work out, the pain would be all the more hurtful.

I'd have to agree with Mr. Mike. I wouldn't consider the "M" word as of now until you graduate from college. That's just me. Maybe God would want you to get married at a younger age, or even older, but whichever way it is, you'll know when it is time. Do not let your emotions full you. This sort of love can be a good or dnagerous thing because it can cause us to cloud our best judgements because we are so caught up with our feelings.

So, take it take it take it to the Lord. I'm still having to pray about my feelings after this whole time, and you might as well get used to it, because I bet we all will be doing alot of prayer when we get married! Can I get an "amen" from the married couples!? He he.......

But seriously, keep your school work ahead of you. I'm in college right now, and it's really stressful dealing with a broken heart or whatever, not that that will happen to you. I pray it doesn't! But keep your priorities straight. "Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and HIs Righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." ASK: Ask, Seek, Knock...

And another thing. From what I have heard so far, you have a good man, and that is a hard thing to come across these days, and you hear this from another young man. Even if you decide to take a lil break, don't let go of the feeling you have. If he feels for you, and you feel for him, that is truly all that matters, and to me, that's worth holding on to.

Remember though, "Love is patient".

[Guest WMary18]

WOWEE!!!! this is too cool...

Thanx a Billion times over...

And u're right, Love suffers long...And hey!

I'm def. going to college...Can u say "Future Lawyer?" and I have big palns for that as well...I mean u get all of these cheating and lying lawyers (And I know not all lawyers are like that) but many are...So why not have some HONEST Christian lawyers eh? hehe

I know this one lady that went to med school...He husband waited 9 years for her to finish school and then he married her...Now u tell me that's not Patient? LOL

The only time I think I've ever mentioned marriage to this guy is when we were laughing at how funny a wedding would be if the bridemaids were dressed like the terminator and if the candles squirted water on the guest and if the pastor was dressed like Elvis, and just a bunch of really ridiculus stuff...

But again, I have nothing against people who get married young...If it's in God's will...same for any marriage...I think that God is what both individuals have to stride towards, and once we reach the place that God wants, then marriage can be thought of;)...But I can't see marriage within the next 5 years...*shutters* But that's why I'm not God Because he has things in store for me that I'm totally unaware of...But I'm looking forward to it anyways...hehe

I'm one of 12 kids, and I look at the love that my parents have for each other, for my siblings and I "God, I want to love my husband so much that after so many years of marriage we can still love one another like it were out wedding day" and that def. can't happen if I'm out of God's will...So, I think I'll keep dancing with God until he decides to give me a dance partner (husband) and even then, we'll both be following God's lead (sorry, I'm a dance and softball zealot so I tend to use metaphors with everything...hehe)

God Bless the big things and the small things and the sky above the earth, God bless the huge and the tiny things and keep us in your will...

Later Dayz:)

[irishcowboy]

here is a good one to think on.......

my uncle, and some friends crashed a party when he was like a sophmore in high school...... met a gal there, they dated the rest of the time they was in highschool ( she was one year younger then him.....)..

he went thru college, still dating this same gal, and after they both was done with school then they jumped the broom ....got hitched..... married.... whatever term you wish to use..... that was in the early 60's...... they still together..... have two growed kids, and not sure how many grand kids now..... but they waited.... and waited and waited.....

mike

[Guest rmj7]

:a: :music: la la la la la la. "Patience is of virtue"....and waited, and waited and waited, and waited........ .........and waited, and waited, and waited......

Listen to the married guy! He knows more than we do!

Call it youthfullness, call it being naive, call it whatever you want, but I agree with you, Mary, that married people can still be "in love" after all those years of being together. It is possible, and I do not say it because I hope it, but because I've heard it from countless couples, and I've seen it with my own eyes when I see the way my parents look at each other some times......sniff sniff.......excuse me, got sumthin in my eye. Lemme put on my glasses..... .......are you diggen em? (the glasses)

I just have one lil itty bitty question though. You say you love this brotha, or at least you think you do. How does the guy feel about you? Does he just really really really Really LIKE-like you, or do you think he loves you as well?

I think you could still manage if onee's feelings are a teeny tiny tad.....okay....can anybody else see where I'm goin with this? Cause if you can, elp me out with what I'm tryin to say, PLEASE!!!!!

I know what you mean about talking to people our age on this issue. Personally, I made a personal note to not try to get advise from friends my age. What do they know about love? Most of the are pretty stupid about it all and they're all caught up in the lubby dubby thing. "Oh, we're goin to be together forever and I love her and she oves me." Oh geez, people, geet real. It annoys the pants outta me! Be a lil logic. So I usually talk to grown ups about things I'm dealing with. They have been down the road before and even more things, so I know I can trust what they have to say to me.

Ah hahhhh. A dancing partner. I like the analogy you use there. Ohhhhhh, so you haven't made the marriage thing a big thing? Phew, that's good to know. Yeah, that word makes me shudder too. Ewwwwwwwwwwe. Marriage. Ewwww hoo hoo. I just say the word, and it makes me all tingly......just like,........Mufasah.....ewwww. Mufasah Mufasah MUFASAH! He he he. Sorry. Had a Lion King moment. I couldn't resist.

So, your main problem is that you want to...ummmmm, you simply don't feel like contacting him too much, right? But, you don't want to give him the idea that you want to break off of him though, righhhhhhhhhht?

Here's what I think. Just tell the man how you feel, girl! We can take it! We can take it!.........No! No we can't! It's a lie! It's all a lie, and you're going to break his heart! Nah, I'm kidding.

From the way you describe him, he sounds like a purty understanding gentleman. I'm sure he'll know what you mean and won't ake it the long way. There's an old saying, "distance makes the heart grow fonder". Why don't you see if that is a true statement?

[Guest WMary18]

LOL....Too Funny...*is laughing because her younger siblings are watching The Lion King right now, and that scene just pasted* LOL

Anyways...Dude, I know what u're saying about the age deal and asking younger folks for help...That makes a world of sense, because they don't understand anymore than I do...But I do enjoy the opinion of others even if I don't agree entirely, or at all for that matter anyways...Going to Christian boards and juss chekin' if ma peeps R feelin' me, iz all um afta...hehe

And dude...I def. know all about being on the boat of so-called love, and I'm rowing my heart out and the guy isn't doing a thing...I've talked to guys, but never where there was a mutual care or "love" I guess u'd say.... If ya feelin' me;) hehe

anyways...This dude told me that he loved me September 24th 2003...hehe I remember stuff a lot...lol

And he has expressed (like everytime we talk) how doing what God wants is the most important deal for us...Esp. since we're both still young, helpless and stupid...LOL JK but u get my drift!

One day we even talked about the difference between love and infatuation...and we decided that love was what we were looking for...And I'm talking, going beyond the norm. kissing deal-e-o...But learning about the next, how we each felt about certain issues...I hate when we disagree, but we never conform to the next just to make them happy...But so far, we have a agreed on a lot of biblical stuff and just LIFE in general...

So yea...He loves me! and this isn't something that I think...I have a great assurance in him lovin' me...

He and I are of different ethnic backgrounds...He's (celtic-American) and I'm (Afro-indian American..and let's not forget my jamaican grandpa...hehe)

So, he's white and I'm black basically...And here in the south it gets difficult, with the stares, and people start talkin' and it's just horrible...So, I think for him to look past the skin deal is another way of showing that he cares...Because the way people in the durty south act...It gets hard sometimes...

So, what do u think about that? I mean, the whole ethnic deal-e-o...

Well, I'm about to bizounce...hehe

God Bless,

Mary