I love my mother, but...

[speckles]

umm you're a big boy aren't you?? You can cook for yourself. I understand that it's hard with all that temptation...but it's never going to be easy!

As far as the smoking goes- it's her house.

Sierra

As much as I respect you, Leonard, this is only one study that has been done. I guarantee you I could come up with many studies both pro and con concerning the effects of smoking. It's not just the fear of getting cancer through second hand smokethat bothers me, it's just the fact that I find it an incredibly nasty habit that effects my life as well as hers. She'll be smoking a cig and then put it down and touch all the food with her hands while she's blowing smoke all over the food as she prepares it. If we're in the car, she lights up and I have to cough and choke it all down. Do you see what I mean? I understand that my mom has a terrible habit and it's very dificult to break. I have compassion for her, but she just doesn't understand that non-smokers don't really want to suffer along with her. This is just my cross to bear for a while I guess.

Is it your car? If it is, I don't see that there would be anything wrong with saying she can't smoke in it. If it isn't your car, you could ask if she'd mind waiting. Otherwise, keep the windows down!

About the greasy fried foods: Buy a quart of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and fry some chicken, if she likes it maybe she start buying the Olive Oil - it's very healthy. My mother (89) has Acid Reflux desease and ever after I started frying with the Olive Oil she doesn't have any trouble whatsoever with the desease.

I was going to suggest something similar! My boyfriend's mum uses a spray on oil thing which is a lot healthier than most alternatives.

Olive oil smells bad when you put in hot enough to deep fry chicken, I would assume it would taste nasty too.

[speckles]

He's not going to stop his mom from smoking at her age, even with a breathing problem. As long as he gets alot of fresh air his lungs can repair themselves over time from anything he's getting. We don't have to live in fear of things all the time. Life happens and around here, near the capital, I have to deal with smog more than cig smoke...

[Guest mareesta]

ok mareesta, it doesn't have to make sense to you. the government made a lot of money off alcohol at one point too, but that didnt stop them from passing the prohibition laws. and chances are that if they banned cigarettes, they might regret it and repeal it the same way. bottom line is, the truth is out there if you choose to really beyond the hype and dig deeper. if you don't want to, that's fine. it's not any sweat off my back.

for the record, i don't appreciate you twisting my words. i never said second hand smoke isn't harmful. i've said there is no conclusive evidence AT ALL that it CAUSES disease. i have also said quite clearly that it absolutely does aggravate existing conditions. and that aggravation, i might add, can be fatal. usually isn't, but it can be. most often, smoke is a stinky nuisance that non-smokers want banned.

if you want to know what's more likely than second hand smoke to kill you or your children, go look under your kitchen sink or wherever you keep your cleaning supplies. because unless you use organic cleansers, you have lethal toxins in your own home that you probably use every day.

I am sorry if I misquoted you and you have set the records straight above and I will pursue this no further. I couldn't find statistically insignificant definition and it is too late right now to try and find it by scrolling back right now. Sometime tomorrow maybe.

[LadyRaven]

My did this turn into a second hand smoke thread?

[Guest mareesta]

My did this turn into a second hand smoke thread?

It didn't turn into that. That was what it was in the beginning, if you read the whole OP post. Or you could say it turned into cooking, which it was too. Or you could say it turned into the other issues he addressed. Take your pick. Which one would you like to address?

[Footsteps]

For the people who gave me good, solid advice about what to do about my mom....thank you. For the others who want to get off subject and debate this second hand smoke issue....it might be a better idea for the lot of you to debate it via pm. Then you can just spend all day long going back and forth, back and forth...blah, blah, blah...each one stomping over the other one....everybody trying to be "right."

How pathetically boring.

[shazza]

Sorry I am lost, what is thread about again???

Advice for a brother thats what

[Guest mareesta]

...she is driving me crazy with some of her bad habits. For those of you who don't know, I moved to Florida recently to take care my mom, so moving out is out of the question.

Here's my problem:

My mom smokes and I can't stand it. She's knows how I feel about it, but doesn't really understand how much I loathe it. I really don't want to inhale second hand smoke because I am at risk getting cancer also. Sometimes I feel like giving her an ultimatum (sp), either her cigs or me moving out, but I feel this is the wrong approach. It's using fear as a tactic for change and it doesn't seem right to me. I don't know what to do.

Also, I want to eat healthier, but my mom is stuck in the past, cooking all this greasy (although good!!) food, like pork chops, fried chicken, and she doesn't see it as unhealthy. Everything has to be cooked in butter or fat, etc. I want to eat better, but I know she will get her feelings hurt if I tell her I can't eat anymore of her foods. It's also hard for me to say no to a big plate of breaded pork chops and I'd rather not even be tempted with it! lol. I know how my mom thinks and if I start cooking healthier foods, she will choose not to eat and fill up on junk food and gargabe instead. Then I'll have to feel guilty becuase she won't eat anything beacuse I won't eat her cooking. She'll only eat if she knows I'll be eating also and all she'll eat is fatty foods. I want to eat right and excersize, but I feel my mom is holding me back.

I don't know what to do and would appriciate any advice I could get.

Thanks!

Mike

Your OP shows first and foremost that your problem is second hand smoke and that is what I and others addressed. Also you adressed second hand smoke later with reference to being in the car and her smoking while she is cooking. If you want to change that, it is okay but don't blame people for addressing what you put forth.

[Guest Aisha]

Hi Footsteps,

I love my mother too, but I don't think it is a bad tactic to state your wants since you are caring for your mother. I live in Florida and the weather is usually very nice. Get your mom a nice comfortable lawn chair and tell her that if she loves you and appreciates your assistance, she will smoke outside. I know it is her home, but she does need your help in order to keep it now. Some people just cannot bear the smell of cigarette smoke.

Sometimes hurting peoples feelings is necessary. Fatty foods cause more health problems than cigarette smoke. Since mom isn't ready to change her ways, you are the one who must take control of your own diet. You are the only one who can do it. Let her cook and eat what she wants and then freeze the rest in little packets for her to reheat later when she doesn't want to eat your healthy diet food. Cook for yourself and make it look highly attractive in presentation.

Keep fresh fruits and vegetables cut up for easy snacks on hand. Who knows... maybe she will become addicted to carrot sticks instead of cancer sticks!

[Guest mareesta]

umm you're a big boy aren't you?? You can cook for yourself. I understand that it's hard with all that temptation...but it's never going to be easy!

As far as the smoking goes- it's her house.

Sierra

As much as I respect you, Leonard, this is only one study that has been done. I guarantee you I could come up with many studies both pro and con concerning the effects of smoking. It's not just the fear of getting cancer through second hand smokethat bothers me, it's just the fact that I find it an incredibly nasty habit that effects my life as well as hers. She'll be smoking a cig and then put it down and touch all the food with her hands while she's blowing smoke all over the food as she prepares it. If we're in the car, she lights up and I have to cough and choke it all down. Do you see what I mean? I understand that my mom has a terrible habit and it's very dificult to break. I have compassion for her, but she just doesn't understand that non-smokers don't really want to suffer along with her. This is just my cross to bear for a while I guess.

This looks like second hand smoke and smoking is your issue Footsteps