Please Help.Marriage in Trouble

[Guest dove2]

Is there anyway that you can take a vacation and ask your wife if she would like to visit her country in Europe with you? You could make it a romatic vacation for her so she would want to return with you. If she is that depressed over wanting to see her country maybe that would do her some good.

When you and your wife got married did ya'll know the Lord at that time and did you truly get married in the Lord?

[Guest LadyC]

helpme, if it makes you feel any better...

i didn't see your posts as prideful at all. i saw them as an earnest cry of anguish and plea for advise. i saw where you had earlier posted that you'd asked forgiveness. i saw a genuine concern for how this situation might affect your standing with God.

Romans 5:1,2 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.

i also see in your words a man who, despite the anger felt, is very much in despair, deeply hurting.

John 16:20 I tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.

but...

I have no anger, bitterness, or conceit, I don't know why you said that.

begged the Lord to forgive me of my unloving heart towards her

I really struggle tremendously with, yes, Mrs Irish, loving her like Christ loves the church,

you contradicted yourself. yes, you do have anger and bitterness. that's a normal reaction! God, however, will honor your pleas for forgiveness, and will heal the wounds. it won't happen overnight, but if you continue to pray for God to forgive you, forgive her, and forgive her through you, it will happen. don't lose faith.

as for how you would have handled it, the question you asked of linda... hindsight is 20/20. you can't change what you did, and no, it doesn't justify her wanting a divorce. but in the future, may i suggest that, rather than talk to your mother about it, no matter how well intentioned, that you speak with a pastor, or a counselor, or a medical professional about matters that involve your wife. (or future wife.) your mother will always, always side with you, and even if she totally understands what bi-polarity is, you discussing it with her will only color your mother's opinion of your wife in a very unflattering light... this would have been far less damaging if your wife was seeking treatment for the disorder when she found out.

i will lift you up in prayer, that God will comfort and heal you, and your wife, and that He will do His will in both of your lives, whether that means divorce or reconciliation. while i won't say that God's will is ever for a couple to divorce, it often is not His will for a couple to get married in the first place. her leaving may clear the way for God's ultimate will for your life to occur.

[Guest idolsmasher]

helpmelord777, do you think a person has to be perfect to be a saved Christian? You have admitted sin and you are obviously a Christian. Do you question your wife's salvation to her face? This could be extremely hurtful to a person who, although saved, is struggling with her faith. If you look deeply on these boards you will find many people who are disillusioned with the churches for various reasons. Perhaps she has also become disillusioned with the status quo of typical churchianity and perhaps for some very good reasons. Perhaps she is questioning Churchianity and not necessarily Christianity but just feeling there is something wrong with the churches. In which case, maybe she should be the one coming to worthyboards. I don't know if this is the case, I guess I'm just doing a little fishing. Please understand, I don't mean to criticise, you are obviously very sincere. Usually in a faltering marriage though blame can be spread both ways and some people don't recover from hurt too readily or easily.

Proverbs 18:19 A brother (or sister) offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

Chances are that there are a lot of things she would like to get off her chest but she has some reason why she doesn't want to open up. How well do you listen, do you really listen or do you act as though you have all the answers. Perhaps she is afraid of being condemned. Like I said, I'm fishing here so don't take it personal. You have to get her to open up and just listen to her. Don't go bringing doctrinal disputes into it or pointing out how she is failing God. Maybe she isn't. Maybe she is just looking for real truth instead of churchianity and religiosity. Let her be who she is and love her for who she is, not for what you would like her to be. If you can just make one person feel loved, then to me, that is serving the Lord. If you don't understand that, seminary school won't teach you squat.

I hope I made some kind of sense here. I'm kinda rambling a bit, sorry! :x: Anyway, it would be nice if you guys could work things out but a condescending attitude ain't gonna help ya git down that road. Look at her on an equal level, not as someone who is failing the Lord and then maybe you will be on a level where you can begin to see eye to eye. To give you an example of what I mean, I will quote you here:

the dividing difference is that one wants to operate in the spirit and resolve this the other is turning there back on God.

To me that last little bit was rather condescending. That's three major blowits I have seen just on here. Number 1, questioning her salvation, number two, questioning her sanity, number three, questioning her desire to do God's will. Who the heck would want to live with someone that drives you nuts or makes you feel like you will never measure up? Does God want us to live that way just for the sake of the institution? To live in unhappiness and bitterness? It's better to move on in some cases if you just can't live with someone. I hope I'm on the right track here but these are the things I seem to be getting so I'm just putting it out there by faith. I hope this can somehow be a help and a blessing. I guess I should leave it here for now before I say too too much.

I'll pray for you and your wife! I hope you can both learn what the Lord wants to bring about from all of this. His will be done. God bless you brother! Keep fighting.... for the Lord's will I mean, not with your wife.

[Guest Teri]

helpmelord

Time--Daniel 10:12 Then he continued, "Don not be afraid, Daniel. Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them. But the prince of the Persian kingdom resisted me twenty-one days.

Daniel before this had been praying and fasting the entire time waiting upon an answer from God. Can you imagine, tired wore out, hungry. But he waited upon the Lord. The answer did not come right away, and it was not Daniel fault nor have anything to do with what he was doing or not doing, it was forces of evil that were stopping the answer from getting to him.

This problem will obviously take some time and the only thing I can say again is fast, pray, and don't talk about it. If she wants to keep saying things let her but do not respond in any way that says I'm trying to fix you. She hasn't left yet and that's a good sign, it means she is still struggling with the decision. Reading your last post it is pretty clear the enemy is using your wife to attack and demean your relationship with God, and to undermine your calling. I have to emphatically disagree with idolmasher saying sometimes it's better to move on from a bad marriage. We as mortals have no idea what is going on in the spirit realm but we do know certain things which is God hates divorse.

Take the time and read the entire book of Job. Obviously the things that happened to Job took a bit of time. And all that time spent talking back and forth with his friends trying to figure it all out. Isn't that what we do? Then God steps in and even though Job was faithful in his belief of God he still got whiny and God gave him a serious dressing down but then lifted him up to a status higher than where he had been to begin with. Even though you may not be able to see it right now God does have His hand in this and trust that no matter what He will get you through to the other side and with a ton more knowledge than you have right now. God knows exactly what is going on, He knows exactly why it is going on, let Him lead you through it.

Give your wife to God, tell Him you really don't know what to do and you cannot save yourself let alone her. If she is a believer God will deal with her accordingly, we all know this from experience.

In Yeshua's love

Teri

[Guest helpmelord777]

Well the Lord truly was miraculous in my life last night!

I had given the relationship completely over to Him while praying with a dear brother in Christ and accepted that the Lord can still bring her back to me in days, months, or even years and still use me mightily and bless my walk regardless of what happened in my marriage (but of course I was fighting for my marriage and never wanted to end it) when I walked out of my office restroom my wife was standing in the hall in sort of a half weeping mode looked at me and smiled and I knew the Lord had softened her! She was sorry for the pain we caused each other and though she didn't say much I knew her arrival at my office was an "I'm sorry, forgive me".

What is the Godly lesson here I suppose?

1.)"They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength."

2.)"Trust in the Lord and do not lean on your own understanding"

3.)Cherish the precious gift He has given me, my wife, and be the Godly leader she deserves.

Thanks to those who messaged me and helped me through 2 of the toughest days as a Christian man.

God bless.

[Guest idolsmasher]

Glad to hear you guys and the Lord are working things out together, even if it makes me lood like a nerd for saying the things I did in my post. And I was looking forward to hearing your answers too, ... oh well. Hope things work out for a long and happy life together. God Bless!

[Guest dove2]

Praise the Lord things will be alright now. I am praying they will pray.