Divorce support thread

[kat8585]

Hi, there's no divorce. I'm still waiting for Legal Aid to call me for an appointment....but...

I really need to vent a bit. Does it make sense when I say that God has told me my marriage was over long ago, and that all I need to prove it is the paper? So why is it, when I'm in a chat room (NOT HERE) and talk about it, people constantly remind me that I'm still married??? I'm so frustrated and angry that people INSIST that I not talk about being single, dating, finding someone else until I'm divorced. My marriage was over long ago, I just need the paper to prove it. My ex is having continuous affairs with other MEN. That snapped all the vows in half. Why can't people just let me talk about it???

This really hurts, you know. Most people have no clue what it is I'm going through, with everything ELSE I'm going through as well. But I'm expected to keep my mouth shut about what I'm going through, no matter how painful it is. I'm sorry, but when you break a bone, you're going to cry out, right? My HEART was broken, why shouldn't I cry out with the pain????

Does it make sense, what I'm saying???

Anita

My heart goes out to you, honey. My heart was so broken I thought I would die from the pain. A sizable group of prayer warriors were praying with me for my ex to give up the other woman. But when it became clear that he was going to marry her, they began to back off, even hinting that maybe it was God's will. When he did marry her, and I said I still wasn't giving up, I was met with "He's married now", as if he was married in God's eyes. It threw me for a loop.

[anitarose]

Hi, there's no divorce. I'm still waiting for Legal Aid to call me for an appointment....but...

I really need to vent a bit. Does it make sense when I say that God has told me my marriage was over long ago, and that all I need to prove it is the paper? So why is it, when I'm in a chat room (NOT HERE) and talk about it, people constantly remind me that I'm still married??? I'm so frustrated and angry that people INSIST that I not talk about being single, dating, finding someone else until I'm divorced. My marriage was over long ago, I just need the paper to prove it. My ex is having continuous affairs with other MEN. That snapped all the vows in half. Why can't people just let me talk about it???

This really hurts, you know. Most people have no clue what it is I'm going through, with everything ELSE I'm going through as well. But I'm expected to keep my mouth shut about what I'm going through, no matter how painful it is. I'm sorry, but when you break a bone, you're going to cry out, right? My HEART was broken, why shouldn't I cry out with the pain????

Does it make sense, what I'm saying???

Anita

My heart goes out to you, honey. My heart was so broken I thought I would die from the pain. A sizable group of prayer warriors were praying with me for my ex to give up the other woman. But when it became clear that he was going to marry her, they began to back off, even hinting that maybe it was God's will. When he did marry her, and I said I still wasn't giving up, I was met with "He's married now", as if he was married in God's eyes. It threw me for a loop.

I can understand that, Kat. I just cannot handle the pain of this anymore.

There was someone I was very strongly interested in on that chat site---granted it was one-sided, but it distracted me from all my other problems. I found out last night he has a girlfriend, and it just shattered everything. Once again, I felt all the pain and agony from my ongoing marriage woes, and I deleted my account on that site. When I was talking to a friend from there, he told me to "forget about him (the guy I was interested in) and come back". Hard to do when he's always there. So now here I am, feeling lonelier than ever, so much so that I make a decision not to go to church today and stay home.

My ex had affairs with men. It's not like he's going to marry any of them, since gay marriage hasn't been approved in Florida and likely won't be. In the meantime, I just have to go on with life the way I've always gone, just a little bit lonelier and sadder with each experience.

Anita

[RCruise]

Hi, there's no divorce. I'm still waiting for Legal Aid to call me for an appointment....but...

I really need to vent a bit. Does it make sense when I say that God has told me my marriage was over long ago, and that all I need to prove it is the paper? So why is it, when I'm in a chat room (NOT HERE) and talk about it, people constantly remind me that I'm still married??? I'm so frustrated and angry that people INSIST that I not talk about being single, dating, finding someone else until I'm divorced. My marriage was over long ago, I just need the paper to prove it. My ex is having continuous affairs with other MEN. That snapped all the vows in half. Why can't people just let me talk about it???

This really hurts, you know. Most people have no clue what it is I'm going through, with everything ELSE I'm going through as well. But I'm expected to keep my mouth shut about what I'm going through, no matter how painful it is. I'm sorry, but when you break a bone, you're going to cry out, right? My HEART was broken, why shouldn't I cry out with the pain????

Does it make sense, what I'm saying???

Anita

My heart goes out to you, honey. My heart was so broken I thought I would die from the pain. A sizable group of prayer warriors were praying with me for my ex to give up the other woman. But when it became clear that he was going to marry her, they began to back off, even hinting that maybe it was God's will. When he did marry her, and I said I still wasn't giving up, I was met with "He's married now", as if he was married in God's eyes. It threw me for a loop.

I can understand that, Kat. I just cannot handle the pain of this anymore.

There was someone I was very strongly interested in on that chat site---granted it was one-sided, but it distracted me from all my other problems. I found out last night he has a girlfriend, and it just shattered everything. Once again, I felt all the pain and agony from my ongoing marriage woes, and I deleted my account on that site. When I was talking to a friend from there, he told me to "forget about him (the guy I was interested in) and come back". Hard to do when he's always there. So now here I am, feeling lonelier than ever, so much so that I make a decision not to go to church today and stay home.

My ex had affairs with men. It's not like he's going to marry any of them, since gay marriage hasn't been approved in Florida and likely won't be. In the meantime, I just have to go on with life the way I've always gone, just a little bit lonelier and sadder with each experience.

Anita

If I can step in on this gently; The reason so many others are telling you "rules" of marriage and divorce is because it is rules of acceptable doctrine adopted throughout most denominations for one not to date or act single until such time as a "Legal Divorce" is obtained. The problem is they do not have a "Biblical Leg to stand on..." Marriage as seen by God is not the Legalistic License and Divorcement we have today. If it were A LOT of people will be in trouble with Him when we stand before Him. Plus, many want to apply "Rules of Doctrine" as though they were Law and enforce them upon others whether those others are Christian or not but, especially when they are Christian. Jesus nailed the "Enforcement of God's Laws -- Ordinances" to the cross 2000 years ago turning The Law into nothing without Salvation and Grace in Him Alone and Loving Acceptance of God's Laws into our hearts when we Accept Him - Jesus - into our hearts. That is the ONLY way the Law can be "written on the fleshy tables of our hearts".

From what you have said in here, you Never had a marriage to begin with and...Paul tells us that when an unbelieving spouse leaves, we are IMMEDIATELY free from that Bond of Marriage. Period. Yet it is good to remain unmarried and portray ourselves as such seeking the Lord more deeply pouring all our focus into Him.

I had to learn this the hard way and when I did wait upon the Lord and held firm not to date or rush into another marriage I was so sure was of Him, He then brought my wife Dolly into my life. Never met her, never saw her but, met through online Group Ministry. When it was time, He spoke to each of us and confirmed it BUT..... only after each one of us had spent nearly a year and half focusing only on HIM - Jesus. We have been blissfully married for eight years and never so much as an argument or trouble. That's God!

But it came with sacrifice of our hearts and minds and bodies to His Word and total submission to Obey All His Word before He ever revealed anything to each of us.

We know it is a lonely world out there and usually pain and heartache await many ... yes many Christians also... who believe they found their God Given Soul mate and only in short order have their heart ripped to shreds. But we serve the Master of Heart Surgery and if we will only submit fully to All He has to say in His Word and by His Spirit which never deviates from His Word, Joy unspeakable awaits!

The funny thing is, I would never have chosen Dolly by sight if I had seen her and was looking for a wife on my own. She is not ugly but just not what I preferred looks wise....THANK GOD! She is the most Beautiful woman inside and outside since His Revelation to us both almost eight years ago. But see, I would never have seen her that way before Jesus did a lot of "Overhauling" on me.

In my almost ten years as a minister, I have seen God Heal marriages ... even where Adultery was involved and save the souls of both spouses! And I have seen Him take hold in one while the marriage continue to deteriorate to divorce and the other left or they left right away. Many push that God will salvage a marriage and, He WILL .... IF .... Both are submitted to Him. God NEVER Forces ANYONE to serve Him nor remain with someone who does serve Him. "His Will" is that Jesus is Glorified in "as many who will..." and salvation comes to the same. All else and everyone else.....well we know their outcome as well as our own just, theirs is not pretty or peaceful.

[anitarose]

If I can step in on this gently; The reason so many others are telling you "rules" of marriage and divorce is because it is rules of acceptable doctrine adopted throughout most denominations for one not to date or act single until such time as a "Legal Divorce" is obtained. The problem is they do not have a "Biblical Leg to stand on..." Marriage as seen by God is not the Legalistic License and Divorcement we have today. If it were A LOT of people will be in trouble with Him when we stand before Him. Plus, many want to apply "Rules of Doctrine" as though they were Law and enforce them upon others whether those others are Christian or not but, especially when they are Christian. Jesus nailed the "Enforcement of God's Laws -- Ordinances" to the cross 2000 years ago turning The Law into nothing without Salvation and Grace in Him Alone and Loving Acceptance of God's Laws into our hearts when we Accept Him - Jesus - into our hearts. That is the ONLY way the Law can be "written on the fleshy tables of our hearts".

From what you have said in here, you Never had a marriage to begin with and...Paul tells us that when an unbelieving spouse leaves, we are IMMEDIATELY free from that Bond of Marriage. Period. Yet it is good to remain unmarried and portray ourselves as such seeking the Lord more deeply pouring all our focus into Him.

I had to learn this the hard way and when I did wait upon the Lord and held firm not to date or rush into another marriage I was so sure was of Him, He then brought my wife Dolly into my life. Never met her, never saw her but, met through online Group Ministry. When it was time, He spoke to each of us and confirmed it BUT..... only after each one of us had spent nearly a year and half focusing only on HIM - Jesus. We have been blissfully married for eight years and never so much as an argument or trouble. That's God!

But it came with sacrifice of our hearts and minds and bodies to His Word and total submission to Obey All His Word before He ever revealed anything to each of us.

We know it is a lonely world out there and usually pain and heartache await many ... yes many Christians also... who believe they found their God Given Soul mate and only in short order have their heart ripped to shreds. But we serve the Master of Heart Surgery and if we will only submit fully to All He has to say in His Word and by His Spirit which never deviates from His Word, Joy unspeakable awaits!

The funny thing is, I would never have chosen Dolly by sight if I had seen her and was looking for a wife on my own. She is not ugly but just not what I preferred looks wise....THANK GOD! She is the most Beautiful woman inside and outside since His Revelation to us both almost eight years ago. But see, I would never have seen her that way before Jesus did a lot of "Overhauling" on me.

In my almost ten years as a minister, I have seen God Heal marriages ... even where Adultery was involved and save the souls of both spouses! And I have seen Him take hold in one while the marriage continue to deteriorate to divorce and the other left or they left right away. Many push that God will salvage a marriage and, He WILL .... IF .... Both are submitted to Him. God NEVER Forces ANYONE to serve Him nor remain with someone who does serve Him. "His Will" is that Jesus is Glorified in "as many who will..." and salvation comes to the same. All else and everyone else.....well we know their outcome as well as our own just, theirs is not pretty or peaceful.

Pastor Ron, I thank you. You have said something that most people are sort of afraid of saying these days.

My ex refuses to come back to the faith he supposedly professed. In fact, two weeks ago he said to me "what if I were to walk into your church and announce that I was both psychic and gay?" I said we'd love him.

Recently he wrote a letter to our senior pastor making a point that instead of giving to missionaries overseas our church should be giving help and assistance to those in our church who are having problems financially. Jim has always felt this way, but an associate pastor made it a point of telling me that the church received the letter and that " your ex husband has some serious problems". DUH....as if I didn't already know that.....

I have said all along that my marriage was over pretty much before it began. You have confirmed what God Himself told me. And for that, I thank you.

I am still waiting for Legal Aid to call me. Perhaps I should try to light a fire under them.

Anita

[kat8585]

I am still waiting for Legal Aid to call me. Perhaps I should try to light a fire under them.

Anita

You have to keep on calling legal aid. Don't hold your breath waiting for them to call you.

[anitarose]

Well, ya ain't ready for this one:

Legal Aid has been calling ME for 2 days now. I just today (while waiting for Roomie to get out of surgery) called them, and they set up a phone appointment for me on Tuesday when I talk to a lawyer. FINALLY, something is being done towards this!!! You have no idea how relieved I am.

On the other hand....in a way I'm feeling guilty cause the ex is now 5 weeks away from losing his house because of back property taxes. Keep in mind, the title SAYS it's not his, but he actually provided the money to purchase it. He's really upset about it. I'm praying for a miracle to happen. He has to come up with at the very least $1500 to save the place, then we have to go through this all over again.

Please continue to pray for him.

Thanks,

Anita

[I_found]

I haven't read all the posts here, but am aware of a very helpful program for coping with separation or divorce, from a Christian perspective.

I'm unsure if the rules here would allow me to post the website, however... so maybe your church is aware of the program?

[Guest Megg]

Hi! I am 19 and going through a divorce. I, like many others, always swore that there would only be one man for me, and got married at 17 to a guy that I had known for many years and thought I knew so well. We were married for 2 years and 3 days when he told me that he didn't want me anymore. I was devestated, and am still having days where I'm just like "Why wasn't i good enough?". I know the Lord hates divorce, and I have read that anyone who was married, gets divorced and then remarries is commiting adultrey. I am wondering how this works... I know that divorce is wrong, and i don't believe in it, but when it isn't your choice, then why can't you "move on" and find someone that "completes" you and makes you happy without being in sin?

[RedeemedByHim]

Going through this is so much harder than I would have imagined. Here I am waiting on the papers to come in the mail for our separation. (In Minnesota I guess you have to be separated first) But anyhow, my husband has completely cut me out of his life. There is no way that I can get a hold of him. I cry at the oddest times and then can't stop. I am filled with so many emotions right now. I am angry, hurt, sad, confused, in shock. I just want the pain to be gone and all of this to be over with so I can get on with my life.

[jewels4jb]

I am new to this site and not sure where to add my question, so I will just post here and hope some of you can respond.

I am a Christian, have been for many years. Without going into major background that can fill a book, let me just ask my question as straightforward as I can:

My husband and I are divorced. I need scripture to hold onto when he approaches me wanting to "make love" even though we are divorced. I still love him very deeply and so let's be honest, of course I'd like to....but we are divorced! Isn't it wrong now!???! Someone please give me some scripture to support why I'm right or why I'm wrong.

THANK YOU!!!