Trying to please people.

[ZOEgirl 4 GOD]

Ok, everyone makes me do everything, everyone asks me to take sides in an argument, and a whole bunch of other stuff while still trying to please myself! Anyone else feel like this? I just feel like a slave sometimes. Other times I feel like I have to please everyone while trying to please myself. And I can't take it anymore! Does anyone else feel like this?

[Guest LadyC]

i used to, but i eventually learned to set my boundaries and keep them. it was not an easy thing to learn! zoe, never feel afraid to say no. when someone wants to put you in the middle of a debate or argument, simply tell them you have no opinion to share... even if you do have one, don't share it. if they keep insisting, tell them flat out that if they can't respect your choice to stay out of the conversation, you will remove yourself from their company until they sort it out for themselves.

if someone asks you a favor that you're really not comfortable with, for whatever reason, tell them "hey look, i'd love to help, but right now i have enough on my own plate to deal with."

practice practice practice! it takes time to learn to say no, but each time you do, and stick with it, you'll gain strength and confidence. of course, there's no harm in helping people out if you're feeling in the mood to do so!

[Guest LadyC]

but river, she's 14!!! have you ever met a 14 year old that has the slightest interest in politics? i should be counting my blessings... it will be years before you can corrupt her political views! :LOL:

[Guest rmj7]

(lol). Don't worry hon. That's just one of those young thoughts. I used to think the same way when I was around your age, which really wasn't that long ago compared to most of the people on this board. (I'm 18)

But the older you get, the more you'll realize how little of importance it is to please people. The human mind has this urge to have everyone like them, but you'll soon discover that no matter how hard you may try, there will always be someone out there who just doesn't like you. It may not be for any particualr reason even! . It's sad, but that's jsut how the world is.

But anyway, I was in a role where I felt I had to meet this certain "image" for people....wait a sec....

.....ahem....as a matter of fact Lady C, I so happened to have some interest in politics when I was 14, thank you very much... :sam:

But back to the point. I was in this "place" in my church where all the older members expected great things out of me, and all the people my age didn't expect me to do some things that they even did. These things didn't even have to be morally wrong, but I, rmj7, couldn't do them.

It was an awful feeling! I felt like I couldn't really be myself because you know how some church people can be. We can be very quick to point fingers at each other, can't we? But, at the same time, I really like the image I had. Not to mention, a lot of younger boys were starting to look up to me. I had to be very careful about what I did around them. Whew! What a trip!

Zoe, remember this though, and this will make you life a lot abundable. We were not placed on this planet in order to please people, but to please God. As a matter of fact, Jesus came "not to bring peace, but a sword." Think about what that means.

I think Lady C was bringing up to a good point. There IS going to be a time where someone special to you will ask you to do something you by no means want to do whether it's something very wrong or just something you don't want to do. You're just gonna have to learn how to tell your friends no sometimes, or that some discussions and situations are out of your league. Ya feelin me?

Chyeah, I dunno what it was about me, but my friends alsways came to me when they needed some advice. I guess it is because my character gave them a sense of trust in my answerings. This MAY be very true in your case. Older people do not yet realize that people are getting wiser at younger ages. But this can be found in the Bible...where, I dunno. But it does say that each generation will lose some of it's physical strengths, but we make up for it with our knowledge and wisdom.

So, be happy that your friends trust you to such an extent, but remember, you are just a person as well, and you have certain extents of your own, and you do not have to push yourself to other's expected expansions if that just isn't the true person you are. Learn this fact quicker than I did, because life will be so much more bearable. I know being at the age of 14, it's already bearable enough, right?

Peace and Blessings

[Guest LadyC]

.....ahem....as a matter of fact Lady C, I so happened to have some interest in politics when I was 14, thank you very much... 

well aren't you the odd duck?

actually, i think that's great! even though it's awfully unusual. i wish more young people had an interest in politics! my own kids think it's terribly boring.

[nebula]

I think LadyC gave some sound advice.

But one thing I'd like to add.

How is your self-confidence level? How secure are you? Do you fear rejection? If you say, "No," what do you think or feel will happen? Is there something else you are afraid of?

The Bible talks about the dangers of this thing called "the fear of man."

I'll be honest and tell you that I struggle with this, too. In my case, I've had a lot of insecurities, and I still have some to deal with.

Sure, we are commanded in Scripture to be servants. But He didn't mean for us to be doormats in that.

[RGR]

i used to, but i eventually learned to set my boundaries and keep them. it was not an easy thing to learn! zoe, never feel afraid to say no. when someone wants to put you in the middle of a debate or argument, simply tell them you have no opinion to share... even if you do have one, don't share it. if they keep insisting, tell them flat out that if they can't respect your choice to stay out of the conversation, you will remove yourself from their company until they sort it out for themselves.

if someone asks you a favor that you're really not comfortable with, for whatever reason, tell them "hey look, i'd love to help, but right now i have enough on my own plate to deal with."

practice practice practice! it takes time to learn to say no, but each time you do, and stick with it, you'll gain strength and confidence. of course, there's no harm in helping people out if you're feeling in the mood to do so!

Spoken like someone who has been there and done that. Sound advice Zoe -- LadyC is right on the buck with this one.

Now if ya go to her with political advice you might wanna see me first............ KIDDING!

God bless ya both!

Don't pay any attention to that dude! Consult him on politics? Run fast and hard the other way and quick!!!