did i do the right thing?

[princess_childofthekingofkings]

so like, my best friend kelly started dating this guy. and if any of y'all read the last topic i had here, you know what the deal is with them. but for those who didn't read it, the guy is stupid, abusive (more verbally than physically), suicidal, and pretty much a psychopath. anyways, so i'm not getting into the whole what should i do about them thing. but like, she has changed SO much. she's not really a nice person anymore, she's easily angered, takes his side even when i'm DEFENDING HER against him, and the girl who was always easiest to talk with is now one of the hardest. and like, the boy told her mom about one ofhtese times i defended her and yes it was kinda rude, but he showed the message to kelly's mom and we almost weren't allowed to talk anymore. and like, if that had happened, it had gotten to the poiint where i was sure kelly wouldn't have done anything. she wouldn't have talked to travis about it. she wouldn't have gotten mad at him for it. she'd have said "oh well" and like, there were things i NEEDED to tlak to her about. but she never answered the phone and never returned calls. ever. and like, when we did talk it was about HER life. and then i'd mention something going on with me, and she'd be like whatever and change it back to her. so eventually, i couldn't take it anymore. and i told her i couldn't be her friend anymore. and she said stuff like she had thngs she needed to tell me, and i had no idea what she's going through right now. but you know what? i would know if she's answer the phone or return a call on occasion. the only time she ever called me was when she was drunk because of how upset she was with her boyfriend. basically, did i do the right thing by saying i couldn't stay her friend?

[rtwo]

At some point, you will need to call it quits. However, at this juncture (and even when and if that time comes), I think you need to continue praying for this friend -- constantly. Clearly, she has issues in her life she's needing to work through. Who knows what. Despite herself, she does need a godly friend for counsel - even when she doesn't take it. I've had friends like this, and there does come a time when you have to be done... but remember how hard it is for Jesus to give up on us, before you give up on your friend.

Praying for you and your friend.

[princess_childofthekingofkings]

At some point, you will need to call it quits. However, at this juncture (and even when and if that time comes), I think you need to continue praying for this friend -- constantly. Clearly, she has issues in her life she's needing to work through. Who knows what. Despite herself, she does need a godly friend for counsel - even when she doesn't take it. I've had friends like this, and there does come a time when you have to be done... but remember how hard it is for Jesus to give up on us, before you give up on your friend.

Praying for you and your friend.

well like, when i give her that counsel she doesn't just not take it, she throws it back in my face and does the exact oppisite

[rtwo]

At some point, you will need to call it quits. However, at this juncture (and even when and if that time comes), I think you need to continue praying for this friend -- constantly. Clearly, she has issues in her life she's needing to work through. Who knows what. Despite herself, she does need a godly friend for counsel - even when she doesn't take it. I've had friends like this, and there does come a time when you have to be done... but remember how hard it is for Jesus to give up on us, before you give up on your friend.

Praying for you and your friend.

well like, when i give her that counsel she doesn't just not take it, she throws it back in my face and does the exact oppisite

Like I said... been there. Keep listening to her. At some point (maybe now is a good time) stop offering her advice, and if she asks why, tell her why. Let her know that she's been disregarding your counsel and that you don't feel it does any good. As I said, at some point, you may have to shrug her off and let her know why... but I wouldn't give up just yet. Keep praying. Keep listening. She doesn't want your advice when she asks you questions - she wants your validation.

I had a friend in college who was constantly sad in her love life. She had made numerous mistakes, and I can remember very clearly one night driving her to a clinic to find out whether she was pregnant. A few weeks after that, she informed me that she had slept with somebody else. One way or another, she wanted my validation -- either my concern for her or some sort of recognition of her great choice of guy. Instead I expressed disappointment in her. And I told her exactly what I'm telling you to tell her friend - I would listen and be there for her, and I would pray for her, but until she realized where her life was going, I wasn't going to involve myself in her love life anymore. Period.

If she doesn't want your advice, don't force it -- but you don't have to validate her stupid choices, either.

[ladypeartree]

At 15 you cannot take the pressure of trying to change your friend and stop her from ruining her life but you CAN pray for her, Tell her when you are both calm that you do not want to be dragged into her ways and that if she needs to talk then you will be there for her but that you will not keep trying to pick up the pieces until she is ready to change then find more friends that share your interests and your beliefs.

Stay away from her when she is with the boy because sooner or later he is going to blame you for any quarrels they may have and that could put you into a dangerous situation.

If the friendship really haas broken down ....and that DOES happen ...then move on but try to do so without hard feelings and please remember to pray for her as you know prayer does work wonders

[AndrewA]

Read Luke 15:11

[Child-Of-Israel]

so like, my best friend kelly started dating this guy. and if any of y'all read the last topic i had here, you know what the deal is with them. but for those who didn't read it, the guy is stupid, abusive (more verbally than physically), suicidal, and pretty much a psychopath. anyways, so i'm not getting into the whole what should i do about them thing. but like, she has changed SO much. she's not really a nice person anymore, she's easily angered, takes his side even when i'm DEFENDING HER against him, and the girl who was always easiest to talk with is now one of the hardest. and like, the boy told her mom about one ofhtese times i defended her and yes it was kinda rude, but he showed the message to kelly's mom and we almost weren't allowed to talk anymore. and like, if that had happened, it had gotten to the poiint where i was sure kelly wouldn't have done anything. she wouldn't have talked to travis about it. she wouldn't have gotten mad at him for it. she'd have said "oh well" and like, there were things i NEEDED to tlak to her about. but she never answered the phone and never returned calls. ever. and like, when we did talk it was about HER life. and then i'd mention something going on with me, and she'd be like whatever and change it back to her. so eventually, i couldn't take it anymore. and i told her i couldn't be her friend anymore. and she said stuff like she had thngs she needed to tell me, and i had no idea what she's going through right now. but you know what? i would know if she's answer the phone or return a call on occasion. the only time she ever called me was when she was drunk because of how upset she was with her boyfriend. basically, did i do the right thing by saying i couldn't stay her friend?

I don't think you did. Obviously this is affecting her in a negative way. If she doesn't yet, she will need someone to be there for her. Just befriend her. Show her the love of Christ. Live the love and be an example. She is your best friend, and she is deterriorating because she is in a relationship that she doesn't want, and may not be able to get out of. You should take an opportunity like this to be a light in the darkness of her world. When you need counsel go to God, because at the moment she needs you, and you have abandoned her.

Edited May 22, 2007 by Child-Of-Israel

[Guest]

[princess_childofthekingofkings]

so she called me earlier...and we didn't tlak out ALL of our issues, but we talked out some of the more important ones. and she told me she and travis really will be breaking up this time. and i told her i had a hard time beleiveing that and told her why, but she told me that she found someone else. this guy's name is zach. and everytime she hangs out with zach she just feels so happy. but when she's with travis they're fighting and he's making her cry. so yeah we talked some things out, and we're friends again. everything's cool now.

[ladypeartree]

great to know