femelle Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 131 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/13/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted September 19, 2007 (edited) Now this is where my pride comes in because i am reluctant to post yet again looking for advice but i really need to. I'm working on my other issue, taken the advice offered and made an appointment with a careers office. This one is a little closer to things that hurt so badly at present. I can't pray, not even open my mouth to utter a word directly to God. It's not as simple and just knowing i've been forgiven as i have to work through correcting these things practically, telling the people that were involved and hoping they will forgive me. Which means that every time a new situation occurs i feel the impact of what i've done. I can see it on their faces, the tears in their eyes and the disappointment that they feel. It's not like this time of correction will go on forever, it won't. There are only a couple more people to see to put things straight with but i just cannot say a thing to God at all. I know how silly this must sound and i wince at the thought of being so self-indulgent but you must know that apart from here, joining this forum, i have never admitted there was ever anything wrong, not to anyone. Being here, finding this forum, well... it has and is a haven for me really, to offload a little and to get assistance at a safe distance, where if people judge me then it doesn't matter because i can just leave. Not that that's happened, people have been patient and understanding, even when i don't understand myself. Sorry to be rambly Edited April 15, 2010 by femelle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Redefine_Me Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 543 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 3 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/28/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/15/1966 Share Posted September 19, 2007 .... and i don't feel i can allow myself to come into Gods presence, ..... This line of your post really stuck out to me. The thing is, what God wants, more than anything, is for you to come into His presence and for you to let Him heal your hurts. There is no angry parent here wanting to punish his child. He has completely forgiven you and wants to fill your emptiness with His love and Holy Spirit. Don't feel like you need to do some elaborate, oral prayer. Just open your heart and ask him to come in - just call His name. That's all He wants. He loves you SO much! He'll guide you through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Dear one: Your despair illustrates for me once again how the typical Protestant church impoverishes itself, and its members, because there is no Sacrament of Confession! I think it will do you worlds of good to find a Catholic, or Byzantine Catholic, or Charismatic Episcopal Church, Priest who will take you through a Rite of Confession. I await the storm!.............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
femelle Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 131 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/13/2007 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 19, 2007 Dear one: Your despair illustrates for me once again how the typical Protestant church impoverishes itself, and its members, because there is no Sacrament of Confession! I think it will do you worlds of good to find a Catholic, or Byzantine Catholic, or Charismatic Episcopal Church, Priest who will take you through a Rite of Confession. I await the storm!.............. I can do that, i have a Catholic church right near me. Would they be ok given that i was not born or raised a Catholic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike2 Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 258 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 5 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/06/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted September 19, 2007 Now this is where my pride comes in because i am reluctant to post yet again looking for advice but i really need to. I'm working on my other issue, taken the advice offered and made an appointment with a careers office. This one is a little closer to things that hurt so badly at present. I can't seem to pray, not even open my mouth to utter a word directly to God. I think it is because of the shame i feel and guilt because of what i'm dealing with, the things i'm correcting that i've done wrong over the years. It's not as simple and just knowing i've been forgiven as i have to work through correcting these things practically, telling the people that were involved and hoping they will forgive me. Which means that every time a new situation occurs i feel the impact of what i've done. I can see it on their faces, the tears in their eyes and the disappointment that they feel. It's not like this time of correction will go on forever, it won't. There are only a couple more people to see to put things straight with but i just cannot say a thing to God at all, it just makes me cry to even try it. Only recently (a month i would say), have i started down the road of repentence, for the last year i have been under the conviction of God and dropped out of church because of it, because i could not face the truth, could not see a way out, didn't have the audacity to talk to God when we both knew there were issues between us of my doing. Well i have the way out and i am slowly doing what God wants me to do, what i must do to be obedient and end this mess i'm in. But my inability to pray bothers me so much as i can't tell people i will pray for them, can be around it and i don't feel i can allow myself to come into Gods presence, like an angry parent where you have to keep out of their way for a while. I know how silly this must sound and i wince at the thought of being so self-indulgent but you must know that apart from here, joining this forum, i have never admitted there was ever anything wrong, not to anyone. We were in a leadership position my ex-husband and i and i just could not. My lack of humility at the time meant that i probably wouldn't have anyway. Being here, finding this forum, well... it has and is a haven for me really, to offload a little and to get assistance at a safe distance, where if people judge me then it doesn't matter because i can just leave. Not that that's happened, you all have been so loving and understanding but i also need truth with a capital T, even when it might sting me. I know i need to pray, i feel so wretched and don;t know where to begin and am afraid as irrational as it sounds, that God will not want me speaking to him yet. Could that be true? Does God put people through a time of silence or something, especially when they have offended him very badly? I can remember something about sackcloth and ashes in the old testament but my mind is jumbled and i can't recall. Sorry to be rambly Femelle Read everything above that you have just written accept start with Dear Lord Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted September 19, 2007 Dear one: Your despair illustrates for me once again how the typical Protestant church impoverishes itself, and its members, because there is no Sacrament of Confession! I think it will do you worlds of good to find a Catholic, or Byzantine Catholic, or Charismatic Episcopal Church, Priest who will take you through a Rite of Confession. I await the storm!.............. I can do that, i have a Catholic church right near me. Would they be ok given that i was not born or raised a Catholic? I would go there sometime during the week and seek out a Priest, and just talk to him about it. I know I would certainly agree to take you through the Rite...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terter Posted September 19, 2007 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 473 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/14/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted September 19, 2007 Run to Yahweh - not from Him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shepherdsgrace Posted September 20, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 880 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/28/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2007 Leonard is so right. Having someone to talk to will help you greatly. But you can do the same thing with the LORD in prayer. The word tells us to pour our hearts out to the LORD. Just go and pour it all out before him. Sometimes I have days when I am silent before him. Something in me does not want to pour out what needs to be said. But once I start all is well. I would imagine the same is true for you. Just sit down. AND begin. Tell him everything you are feeling and experiencing and trust him with it all. And go by the blood of Jesus. Tell him you are coming into his presence not on your own works but by the blood of Jesus. You will see that He will welcome you into his loving presence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarletprayers Posted September 20, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 135 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,537 Content Per Day: 1.08 Reputation: 157 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/06/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/29/1956 Share Posted September 20, 2007 oh boy, have I been there.............just "talk" to Him, thats all He wants right now is for you to tell Him the things you are telling us. Not that we mind, because we don't, but we are no substitute for Him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
femelle Posted September 20, 2007 Group: Junior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 131 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/13/2007 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 20, 2007 Mike2: I just can't, i'm sorry. Leonard: This morning i have telephoned Fr Peter Hollins from St. Swithun's Roman Catholic Church and left a message asking him the best time i could come and speak with him about the Rite of Confession. Terter: That is the only answer Shepherdsgrace: I agree and thank you. Maybe this might help a bit, if someone takes me through it and i can see it in scripture and ask questions, that would reassure me i think. Scarletprayers: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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