Please help me make sense of my Mother-in-law.

[grace222]

The day I started dating my present husband, my MIL hated me!

Even though she claimed to be a christian, she never did treat me with much respect.

Infact...she really caused a lot of trouble and actually managed to successfully break us up when we were dating.

And...when we finally got engaged, she had problems with her son

sitting next to me in church and told us to separate because as she said,

quote"It didn't look good - we wern't married yet!!"

So, that's just to give you a little background of how she is!!

Well, after my brother in law passed away last month there has been a lot of sadness in the family.

At my BIL's funeral, I happened to meet my nephew's fiance(they got married a week later).

My MIL asked me what I thought of her and I replied, "She is such a lovely girl - it's just a pity I had to meet her at the funeral and not earlier".

My MIL asked, "are you rebuking me?"

I said, "no, just making a statement, that's all".

With that she sends my husband a SMS(mobile text message)

saying that she has finished with me and was going to give my husband her private

cell(mobile) number so he can contact her without me knowing!

All very childish!

Anyway, fast forward.

We went to a beautiful christmas concert at HILLSONG(Australia)

a few days before christmas and they were sharing about how special famlies are.

My husband began to weep, thinking about his brother.

So I suggested that he get-together with his family so that they could help each other in their grief.

He thought it was a great idea!

So he organised to meet at the big local reserve for a picnic.

I told my husband that I wasn't comfortable about going because his mother wasn't talking to me.

He was upset about it.....

But..and this is the part I can't understand.

She invites one of the men who is currently under investigation for the death of her son

and her two young neices who didn't even know their 39 year old cousin(that passed away!!)

I think she does these things to annoy me.

I also can't understand why she accepts her daughter's husband and loves

him unconditionally when he was recently charged with 20 offences relating to his position

as Police Detective in the force. He has since been sacked 3 years now and waiting to attend court in regards to the charges. One of the charges involved tipping off a peadophille and planning to kidnap a woman for money and also stealing $20,000 worth of gold jewellery.

I can't understand why she accepts the criminals and those that lead

rough lives rather than me.

I am persecuted because I asked the wrong question.

And what's more she never apologises!!

Am I missing something here?

[tsth]

I'm sorry. It sounds very difficult, and the issues sound way too big to be figured out on a discussion board. Sorry, I wish I could offer more, but it really does sound like a pretty big "family" issue, that would probably require Christian counseling.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[kat8585]

Sounds like she's one brick short of a load. Don't let her get to you.

[Guest Biblicist]

grace,

Unless I know her side of the story I can only tell you to consider what Jesus would want you to do in relation to her.

She is your mother, in law, which means she deserves respect, and you should honor her, no matter how she treats you. It doesn't sound as if you have disrespected her, unless you count telling complete strangers about the situation disrespectful. But that is for you to decide.

I'd say, defer to your husband about this situation. He knows his mother, and you, best and would/should be able to counsel you on your actions and reactions to her.

Remember Jesus words in Matthew 10

34 "Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.

35 For I have come to turn

" 'a man against his father,

a daughter against her mother,

a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law

[Marnie]

It reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw recently: In case of rapture, my mother-in-law will grab the wheel.Seriously, you married your husband, not his family. Just try to ignore her; don't let her get under your skin. Sounds simplistic, I know, but life is as complicated as you make it.

[AndrewA]

My inlaws or should i say Ex inlaws hated me from day 1 and have never liked me at all. They have done as much as they can to make my life miserable, even after their precious daughter did the dirty on me they still have not given up persecuting me and sticking their nose in, even years and years after the divorce they still try to interfere with my life.

At end of day its all down to spiritual warfare and Satan. Now my inlaws definitely not saved. It is not my place to say what relationship your mother in law has with God, however even the strongest Christians can succumb to Satans lies and deciet. WHy your MIL is thinking these things or more to point allowing certain thoughts to take root and the reasons behind them, only she can explain why.

Generally in these circumstances the parents have an idea of what is best for their child, this includes their choice of partner, it maybe that you did not meet certain criteria or qualities she wanted for her daughter in law and she resents your for this, maybe you did something from early on to insult her or someone told her something about you.

Whatever the situation you may never understand why, it is i believe a waste of time and futile to try to understand, simply accept that your Mother in law does not like you for whatever reason, do not rise to the bait, do not allow her comments to take root, they can be seen as attacks from the enemy and you should just let them bounce of your shield as with any other firey dart from Satan. You must not argue with her nor try to defend yourself or engage in any kind of hostilities as this has been planned all along by Satan.

LEave the situation with God and see what God says you must do.

[Guest Biblicist]

It reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw recently: In case of rapture, my mother-in-law will grab the wheel. Seriously, you married your husband, not his family. Just try to ignore her; don't let her get under your skin. Sounds simplistic, I know, but life is as complicated as you make it.

I ignore you in Jesus name.

[Guest]

Not knowing both sides of the story, one of my questions would be this:

Are you and your husband on the same page about your feelings and what's been happening with the MIL? Like the other reply said, you married your husband not the MIL, so I would start there. Communication is key. If your husband doesn't know what's going on I would start there. Then both of you pray in agreement about the problem and see where the Lord leads from there. Jesus has a lot more experience with relationship trouble that we do!

[Trusting Jesus]

This is a problem that can easily escalate to a bigger problem. First, it sounds to me as if your mother-in-law needs to be needed and needs to be in charge. I think you and your husband should really have a talk about this and be honest with him about what you said and what she said.

"The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." Matthew 19:3-6

I hope your husband nips this in the bud because his mother seems to be trying to cause trouble.

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Nathele

[AnExample]

Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Keep in mind that it may be your testimony, your light, your love that is used to truly draw her to God. Then...you might consider asking God what your lesson or take away is in this relationship or lack thereof. I've found that whenever controversy exists, there is a lesson to be learned. Seek God's face for the answer. Love her with unconditional love. I would advise you to leave your husband out of it. The worse thing to do is put him in the middle, although he is to leave and cleave. I would keep him out of it. God always has the answers.