Honeybee88 Posted March 24, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 38 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 746 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 52 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/25/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/30/1988 Share Posted March 24, 2008 (edited) I find it very interesting to see the different responses on this issue. My parents have been through this, and I wonder if it will ever be resolved. Here's the issue: Father lost job. Lost it through his own neglect. House was foreclosed upon. Mother separated from Father. She didn't wait till we were thrown out, but got a job after 20 years of homemaking and refused to support my father with it, and so we moved out. My mother left the church we were at because they didn't support her actions. Was she justified in leaving (either my father or the church)? What do you think? They are now back living together in our house, with my father paying my mother rent, as he doesn't make enough to support the family, but enough apparently for her to let him back. Things are far from perfect, and I think they always will be as neither is apparently seeking the Lord, though both claim to. EDIT: for clarity Edited March 24, 2008 by Honeybee88 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat8585 Posted March 24, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,360 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 7,866 Content Per Day: 1.23 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/18/1946 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I agree. Show me in the scripture where it says ALL marriages are sanctioned by God. Not all marriages are sanctioned by God. Just because you are married in the eyes of men does not mean you are married in the eyes of God. I've thought this for years. My daughter was too young, in rebellion against God, and married out of lust, and rebellion against me, addiction to him, and they were both alcohllics and drug addicts. They were marrried by a justice of the Peace. I've never believed that it was a marriage in God's eyes. Plus, he beat her on a regular basis. Since they divorced, she has been clean and sober for years, and can't even say his name without getting sick. But that would be a very different situation and an extreme one. I am very happy for you and her that she is out of that marriage. My point is that I don't believe all marriages are marriages in God's eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia1 Posted March 24, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,858 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/24/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/23/1957 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I think your mom was correct. I must caution people from making decisions out of emotion for they are usually wrong. There is nothing wrong with losing a job and having difficulty... It is very depressing for a man to have this happen for they are taught most of their lives to be the bread winners and provide for the family. Even Gods word says if a man does not provide for his family ,(he is worse or is it same as....oh well I will look it up,) than a infadel. It is the length of time they are out of work and what they do in between that time. My girlfriends husband does construction...depending on the weather depends if he works, they have blessed times and lean times. He left the Lord and became very abusive. She started to look at all the Godly men around her and comparing her marraige. They all looked better than hers....After I asked her if she knew if her marraige was God ordained, she replying yes we had to put a stop to the 'comparison shopping' before she got caught in a snare... She is married to the same man today. Smal~~~ it is for that person to evaluate if it is a excuse or a real promblem. If they divorce under false pretenses ther will be a price to pay where God is concerned. But it is just up to us to advise as best we can. Accordding to scripture and The Holy Spirit knowing some cases are unique. I think you know as well as I do people will mostly do what they want anyway..then come back repentive..I do not think this is the case here and believe the shock treatment may help if this person still wants to salvage her marraige. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nyoka Posted March 24, 2008 Group: Junior Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 89 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 16 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/04/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/25/1963 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I think your mom was correct. I must caution people from making decisions out of emotion for they are usually wrong. There is nothing wrong with losing a job and having difficulty... It is very depressing for a man to have this happen for they are taught most of their lives to be the bread winners and provide for the family. This is why I believe a temporary separation may be the thing. It would cut of this husbands supply of money and give the wife time to sort herself out so she is not making a rash decision and still give the marriage a chance. At the end of the day it really doesn't matter what we say about the situation as the wife is going to have to do whatever seems proper to her - we are just merely bystanders looking on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smalcald Posted March 24, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 32 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 5,258 Content Per Day: 0.76 Reputation: 42 Days Won: 3 Joined: 06/16/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/22/1960 Share Posted March 24, 2008 The hard part is there is the conceptual part and then there are the people we know. What I mean is that for me I would veer toward a pretty literal understanding of Christian divorce, almost to the point of simply saying it is never okay, as Christ says what God has joined let not man separate giving no exceptions. However I know that is simply not the way of the world, and I also know when I meet people who are divorced including in my own family I take a different view. I don't and never have challenged anyone in real life who has been divorced, and I always welcome anyone to our congregation regardless of their past or their divorce history. For me I think the emphasis should be put on the beginning of marriage and prior too marriage what it means. I remember when we got married we went through pre-marital spiritual counseling as a condition of getting married in this congregation. Part of that counseling was that at the end my wife and I both got on our knees in the pastor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Openly Curious Posted March 24, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,568 Content Per Day: 0.68 Reputation: 770 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/18/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted March 24, 2008 One of my very best friends is a female who is having marital problems and is on the verge of divorce. I understand the bibles position on divorce (as does she) and it is a very difficult thing to watch as the marriage deteriorates. We have both prayed ALOT for her husband, but there seems to be no change in his attitude towards his wife, or the marriage in general. I should point out that they are BOTH Christians. Here is my question... First off I don't think it wise to be friends with this woman with whom you say is your best friend. I mean where do you and this woman meet to share your friendship together is it at her home around her husband or do you meet in private somewhere. That is something you need to think about. The bible tells us that ONE of the two reasons for divorce is physical abandonment (i.e. the spouse actually leaving the marriage). In this case the husband has not "physically" left. In fact, he seems to be taking advantage of the biblical principle of physical abandonment in that he feels justified in his actions as long as HE isn't the one leaving. However, he has completely spiritually abandoned the marriage by refusing to partake in the marriage or the spiritual growth of the marriage, or his wife. He has refused Christian counseling and seems intent on doing nothing to stop the bleeding. However, he feels justified in his behavior as long as he doesn't leave the marriage. My friend even gave him a deadline for change (their anniversary date in the middle of March) hoping to motivate him to at least go to counseling...that date came and went. In fact, he didn't even speak to her on their anniversary. It just seems like lunacy to me. Has this man not abandoned the marriage? Even if he refuses to "physically" leave? On the abandonment part it is the unbeliever who wishes to leave may depart and if the unbeliever is pleased to stay married to a Christian then he can stay as divorce is not an option in this case. There may be problems within this marriage as it is plan but what this couple needs is to reconcile there difference as I do not by into that spiritual abandonment garbaley goop. That is only an excuse to make it sound good to take the bible and twist it so it will look like you had a right to abandon your spouse. You must remember this is not your marriage and you have no right to interfere with it for it is not your business as they have to work out their problems in the privacy of their home as they must decide the course they should take. I think the wife made things worse when she demanded a dealine to her husband and I think the wife was out of line in that case more of a godly attitude would have been more appropriate as the word says it could win the husband. No, this man has not abandoned their marriage it isn't possible if he is still there that is garbaley goop looking for a spiritual man made doctrine so people can have a way out and it want work. I know this might sound like I am phishing for reasons to support divorce...but I can assure you I have prayed for this marriage for some time. It is becoming increasingly more difficult for me to be objective as I see the pain my friend is going through. So I thought I would turn to my friends here at WB for a more objective viewpoint. You don't seem to be objective at all it is plain that your concern is only for this man's wife and don't see the pain her husband is obviously in as well OC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Biblicist Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 I find it very interesting to see the different responses on this issue. My parents have been through this, and I wonder if it will ever be resolved. Here's the issue: Father lost job. Lost it through his own neglect. House was foreclosed upon. Mother separated from Father. She didn't wait till we were thrown out, but got a job after 20 years of homemaking and refused to support my father with it, and so we moved out. My mother left the church we were at because they didn't support her actions. Was she justified in leaving (either my father or the church)? What do you think? They are now back living together in our house, with my father paying my mother rent, as he doesn't make enough to support the family, but enough apparently for her to let him back. Things are far from perfect, and I think they always will be as neither is apparently seeking the Lord, though both claim to. EDIT: for clarity I think your Mom is wrong.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
His_Own Posted March 25, 2008 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 127 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/21/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) I began my adult life believing that divorce was never, ever G-d's best; that He will turn all situations to our good, if we just hang in there. He will turn all things to our good, but it is not always because we hang in there, but because we listen to His voice. This is not about pride because we can do it, when others can't. It also has NOTHING to do with happiness. It is about being His servant, understanding that we gave our lives, each breath of it, to HIM! So the road I take is HIS decision, not mine! There are women who have 'hung in there' for years, and the Father gloriously saved their husbands, it was worth the wait. I have also known women who married for lust, but the Father remade him to be the man of their dreams. So I am not sure I can agree that this fact alone means it is not of Him. But, G-d divorced Israel, not because He wasn't happy, not because He couldn't hang in there, not because He couldn't wait for the transformation, not because He was settling for second best. He is the Almighty; He does not do second best. His nature is LOVE, so if the most loving thing He could do for His wife was to divorce her, than I needed to look VERY closely at what that means. I am concerned about his laziness on many levels. This shows how the early church approached it. The issue here is 'should young widows remain widows and be cared for by the church': In I Tim. 5:11-15 - 11 Edited March 25, 2008 by His_Own Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Openly Curious Posted March 25, 2008 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 4,568 Content Per Day: 0.68 Reputation: 770 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/18/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted March 25, 2008 In I Tim. 5:11-15 - 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patricia1 Posted March 25, 2008 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 44 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,858 Content Per Day: 0.30 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/24/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/23/1957 Share Posted March 25, 2008 people are quoting" what God has put together let no man seperate" How do you know God put them together? The husband himself has seperated himself. Away from the family . The wife is his meal ticket. Come on guys. Sometimes the wrong god put them together. One looks to the vow spiritually the other fleshly, they are not even equally yoked.. And I am sorry but many a men / women stayed saved just long enough to get married and that was it. What a betrayal of Love and trust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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