when to speak

[AndrewA]

Here is a saying I try to remember

"Those who keep their silence keep their dignity "

[Iryssa]

I committed this verse to memory:

"Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue" Prov. 17:28

Basically, when in doubt, I try to shut up (I admit, I definitely don't practice it as often as I should, but I'm a work in progress!) Sometimes I sleep on it. I figure, I can always go back and say "hey, remember what we were talking about yesterday? Well, I had something else I wanted to say about that..." It's far easier to come back to a conversation than it is to TAKE back a conversation.

[His_Own]

As with any of our freedoms, it is not just about "is it allowable", but "does it edify" -- another way of saying - is it necessary. There is some small talk and games that may seem "unnecessary", but are actually helping building the relationship by tearing down walls; so this is not always easy to discern.

1 Corinthians 10:23

[His_Own]

Additional pondering...

The opposite of foolish is fear of the L-RD. When Solomon begins his book of Proverbs, it starts with a statement of the purpose of the book - to know wisdom and instruction. The next paragraph states that the first step is to fear the L-RD. The paragraph which IMMEDIATELY follows starts with a command "Do not consent if sinners entice thee... " How interesting. Seems as if once we define the goal, set our hearts on the direction to pursuing that goal, that the VERY next thing we must do is learn to say NO to all that would distract us. HMMMM....

Also, edify is related to the word edifice: 1. a building, esp. one of large size or imposing appearance. (dictionary.com) Seems most of the edifices I know are built of stone, not wood. Hmmmm....

So, the word is definitely rooted in the building/construction trade. My guess is that common cultural knowlege (if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, and such) would be roughly equivalent to the foundation needed for a 800 sq.ft. frame house on a slab: definitely sufficient shelter for the majority of weather for a small family. Using a concordance (I use Strong's) to find verses that relate and looking up those verses and the definitions of some of the key words probably strengthens the foundation to a 2.5 story, 2,400 sq.ft. brick home with a usable basement; bigger and more solid.

But, you love to talk, and your concern is about work, these may not be sufficient. Perhaps you are being called to build an edifice? All the ones I'm aware of are stone, and much bigger than a house - one dictionary used cathedral as an example. It may be that no one else in the environment understands that each conversation is "building" a framework within which relationships are developed and work is done. If that is true, there is no 'general contractor' to inspect the quality of the materials used for the building: no one to say that the wood is for scaffolding and forms, but is not for the edifice; that only the stone is for the structure. But, if He is calling you to be the general contractor for an edifice, the first thing that is required is to dig deep. I have heard some skyscrapers have a foundation that goes down 14 stories!!! If that is the case, this has only scratched the surface. I am working on a site that will help with digging foundations (Bible Study, etc.) If you are interested, PM me or click on the link in my signature for more information)

So, what might a 'general contractor' in this situation do? Some have found that just ignoring the off-color humor, criticism, etc. is enough to squelch it in their presence. You need to be very good at changing the conversation to a topic of interest quickly to do that. I'm not good at that, I tend to be more direct, not usually at the time, but go to the offender afterwards privately - but that is not always effective. What seems to be best for me is to try to structure the environment more. Here are two examples I have seen work well.

I was part of a team of contractors, some of whom had been with the project throughout its life cycle. We were now preparing for the "grave" part of the project, and the team was being "redistributed" to other departments. Because we were contractors, our seniority was based on the time with a team, not the amount of time with the company with which we were assigned. So, we would all become the first to be let go in a downsizing, after having worked several years as a team on this project. But, we still had to work for a couple months closing down a project/team to which we had all become attached. It would have been easy to succumb to the thought: what is the point of finishing tasks for a project that is being buried - why not just have a bonfire and walk away? Not the most joyful work environment, layoff seemed imminent. We made a list of tasks that needed to be accomplished. Each time one was accomplished, we celebrated for about 15-30 min. - justs a tad longer than a typical cigarette break in that company. I'm not a drinker, so I don't know what they were, but I bought a set of stemware, one for each person on the team, and a bigger matching one for the person who had accomplished the task. We stocked up on non-alcoholic fruit "wines" - bubblies. The closer the end came, the more we laughed and celebrated - enough that others in the building - knowing our situation - still came up to us and expressed a desire to be on our team!!! That was a critical key to getting the team through that depressing and potentially paralyzing period.

An example that is probably more applicable for you: a man wanted to focus his team on delivering early, within budget, and beyond requirements and expectations; that required teamwork, creativity, lots of hard work and a positive attitude. He developed a "knock their socks off award" that he gave to those who had delivered these things. He would buy the very smallest baby socks, publicly award them and "pin" them to the outside of the cubicle as a trophy. As you walked through his department, those baby socks were a continual reminder of the values he wanted to encourage at work.

Hope this help!

May you be richly blessed!

[psalmone]

LOL Here I am guilty of replying before finishng reading the third page, though like the above poster it's because I didn't want to forget thoughts that came to mind as I read.

I just was at a bible class earlier where I was very quiet, in a church I am relatively new at. I was considering these points also and acknowledge that conversation is to be encouraged, because a timely word can be very healing. It also came to my attention that alot of people may be quite frustrated with unanswered questions, the resolveing of which might be very productive, as they might newly contextualise their lives accordingly and be a greater blessing as their gratitude for the godly knowledge manifests in their lives. I hope this has been some of my fruit, because I was taught that the word is able to work the transforming we need in us causeing us to change without straining.

There are times also when others need things confirmed and just our agreement helps alot, in a world where radical christianity is seen as peculiar (and they're not wrong), though their wrestleing might be credible.

I wanted to say other things but I trust they might be expressed at the right opportunity lol.

[sierra21]

I've found the old saying "less is more" to be quite insightful.

It applies to conversation, makeup, and junkfood.

[His_Own]

I've found the old saying "less is more" to be quite insightful.

It applies to conversation, makeup, and junkfood.

I would tend to agree, just keep in mind, there is balance to be considered as well.

I also know of times when less is simply selfish, lazy, and/or a rebellious refusal to communicate with others with whom you are to be dealing. Silence, too, can be used as a weapon to undermine someone or force them to take a responsibility that belongs to you.

Those the Father sets as watchmen, prophets, teachers, evangelists, etc. are told that they will have blood on their hands if they do not speak to sound a warning that might turn others from the destructive path on which they travel. Some of us are able to enjoy talking fluently and publicly, we are to receive it as His gift and not refuse it. But, it can only be used as His when we understand the principles related to it and use it as He directs.

It is like food. It is necessary for our survival. One can limit consumption to that which is required for survival, but people of only skin and bones do not usually have an abundant life. One can also relish the tastes and textures and become so large that a hole must be cut in the house so the person can leave. Neither extreme is healthy. It is only as we understand the principles and follow His leading that we can use this gift for an abundant life and to bless others.

Edited April 4, 2008 by His_Own

[Carol R]

The less you speak, the more you hear. This can help you figure out what the other person will say next. Have you ever noticed that allot of people voice an opinion during a conversation that have not been asked a question. Further, if you keep silent, often any questions you may have are usually answered if you allow the other person to just keep talking.

Actually , staying quiet can be fun...practice it for awhile, you may be surprised at the reactions you get.

This is true, I need to do it more..Thank you for the reminder.

[sotphmfm]

Wow

I've been out of town and without internet

I come back and ya'll have given me much to think about.

Thank you all for your suggestions and input.

I will read and reread until I find the Lord speaking through me.

Instead of me trying to speak through him.

I will try this week to listen carefully,

don't interupt,

and think about what Jesus would say

before

I speak.