Arranged marriages- still a good idea?

[Guest HIS girl]

Seems a very limited pool to pick from.

Well it's a way of weeding out the undesirables and leaving a better crop as a more desirable option : )!! If this whole thing is done properly, the adult child has the freedom to pick and choose within the group of suitable people. It shouldn't be a forced thing.

Abrahams servant prayed for guidance as to which woman was to be "Ms Right" for Isaac. Most Christian parents start praying for the right one whilst their children are still young...it's not as if it has to be some robotic selection process.

And also RG, I'd say that there are times also with arranged meetings that a couple WOULD be physically attracted to each other at first sight and have chosen partners because of this as a main factor....wonder how there marriages turned out though?...

[Guest HIS girl]

Are you researching this so that you can arrange marriages for your boys, HIs Girl? LOL!!!!

They are too Westernised to take to that way of meeting someone!! Pity. I actually like the idea of it, if it is within Biblical guidelines.

[Guest HIS girl]

Well it's a way of weeding out the undesirables and leaving a better crop as a more desirable option : )!! If this whole thing is done properly, the adult child has the freedom to pick and choose within the group of suitable people. It shouldn't be a forced thing.

In my humble opinion, you are limiting God to whom you think is "desirable". Had my wife's parents done this we would never have been married. We didnt know each other prior to the day we meet. we were married 11 months later and are going on 16 years. I was (and still am) a US Marine when I met my wife, and to be very blunt, a Marine is not on most parents list of desirable options for their daughter. The way we meet and the way things worked out on our first "date" leave me to believe that it was God's hand that brought us together. But again, this would not have been possible if the parents had limited people only to those that they felt were desirable.

This is not to say that I wont have much say and input into whom both my children date, and hopfully I will have the same input into whom they marry.

Abrahams servant prayed for guidance as to which woman was to be "Ms Right" for Isaac. Most Christian parents start praying for the right one whilst their children are still young...it's not as if it has to be some robotic selection process.

This is something every parent should be doing that is for sure. It just seem to me (and this is my opinion and nothing else, I am not telling anyone they are wrong) that the whole idea of limiting the pool to people that I as a parent know well and have made judement on seems wrong. Hopefully my children wont get married till their mid-20's at least, and by then the pool of people they will know will be well out of my reach.

And also RG, I'd say that there are times also with arranged meetings that a couple WOULD be physically attracted to each other at first sight and have chosen partners because of this as a main factor....wonder how there marriages turned out though?...

marriages go bad for all sorts of reasons and getting married only based on only being physically attracted is one of them. I would also say that marriages fail for just the opposite reason also, a lack of be physically attracted to each other.

I see exactly where you are coming from...and I'd say that in my early 20's there is no way I would have wanted to meet anyone who was arranged for me. I was TOO headstrong...

I really like the IDEA of it though, but to be honest, I can't see my boys being willing participants to it.

[Guest shiloh357]

In many parts of the Orthodox Jewish community, marriages are arranged practically at birth or at least during the child's infancy.

The reason for this is so that the boys will not be so preoccupied with finding a wife, but will be occupied with both the study of Torah and also learning their chosen profession. The girsl will not not be overly concerned with finding a husband, but rather they will learn how to be a good wife for their future husband.

The men teach the boys and the women teach the girls.

[Guest HIS girl]

Well that's exactly it. I think people would be more inclined to embrace it if it's a way of life within your family etc. If I was brought up in a Christian family who did this kind of thing, regardless of me being an independent 20 year old, I may have gone with the flow and accepted the "tradition". I like the fact that it's safegaurd for your child.

[Guest Biblicist]

The secret is not choosing a person based upon their financial status, or their community status, or their job, you don't pick someone you "think" your kid would like. You choose people for them to associate with that are BELIEVERS.

This way of thinking must start when they are young. My children know that we are going to [and now do] have an active role in the choosing of their future mate. We've been telling them this since they were little. Grooming them to be a proper husband and wife, and teaching them how to choose the proper spouse to compliment them.

One can not just take any old teen that has never even heard of this and expect them to automatically accept their parents control, especially when the parents have had little to no control over the other areas of their lives. You can't just tell them "You are of marriagable age now...let's pick you out a spouse!" Like you are going to the store for shoes. It's a long, lifelong, process. A mindset.

We control a great deal in our children't lives. From the television they watch, to the friends they are allowed to spend a lot of time with. If I do not know the parents, they don't go. Simple as that. We have controlled the kinds of things they own, and the "characters" they are allowed to emulate. Not in a dictative way, just in the way I approve or disporve of the character from the time they were very small. Parent's example is key.

Now that my children are teens, I am happy with the choices they are making, on their own, because of the training they had when they were young. If my son and his girl part ways and he finds another to marry, I trust that he will choose the right kind of girl, and again we would begin the process of getting to know her, and her family, and background, and he would NOT object.

People spend more time choosing tires for their vehicle than they do choosing a spouse for their child. If you remember correctly, Abraham's servant was given certain guidelines when choosing the Miss Right for Isaac. And if you remember correctly, Jacob tried to choose his own wife and look at the trouble it got him in.

[Guest HIS girl]

My children know that we are going to [and now do] have an active role in the choosing of their future mate.

You mean 'guiding' right?

Please tell me they won't have get Mum's permission/approval before picking THE one......! Because that's how it's coming across......

[Guest HIS girl]

Hey Bib, I think my reply was lost in translation as it was said 'tongue in cheek'!!

You and hubby are doing a great job. Stick with it!

[Guest Biblicist]

What's wrong with getting the parent's approval? Isn't that what happens when the man and woman come to her parents, blushing and giddy, and he asks for the her hand in marriage, he's looking for approval?

Why don't parents give blessings for marriages anymore...Why don't kids ask for them?

I would not have married my husband if he had not gotten approval from my parents, [mainly because they would not have paid for the wedding ] and I would not have married him if his parents had been against it. I've seen parents break up marriages. I know the problems it can cause when the parents don't approve, and they simply "accept" what the child wants so as not to make waves. It's poor parenting.

Even my sister, who met her husband six months before they married, asked our parents for approval. And our Uncle, who was a Pastor, and who did their premarital counseling, and performed the service.

Look at it this way, it's like premarital counseling, from birth, instead of just a few weeks.

Come on, the wife's family still pays for the wedding....hello...dowery!

[Guest HIS girl]

What's wrong with getting the parent's approval? Isn't that what happens when the man and woman come to her parents, blushing and giddy, and he asks for the her hand in marriage, he's looking for approval?

Why don't parents give blessings for marriages anymore...Why don't kids ask for them?

I would not have married my husband if he had not gotten approval from my parents, [mainly because they would not have paid for the wedding ] and I would not have married him if his parents had been against it. I've seen parents break up marriages. I know the problems it can cause when the parents don't approve, and they simply "accept" what the child wants so as not to make waves. It's poor parenting.

Even my sister, who met her husband six months before they married, asked our parents for approval. And our Uncle, who was a Pastor, and who did their premarital counseling, and performed the service.

Look at it this way, it's like premarital counseling, from birth, instead of just a few weeks.

Come on, the wife's family still pays for the wedding....hello...dowery!

I'm all FOR it!!