God, an older woman, and me in the middle needing guidance

[Samthing]

I've run into a dilemma regarding my life and my relationships. Not just with other people, but also my relationship with God. I feel like I might have made a mess of things and I want to try and put things right and find the right course of action to take so that I don't stray too far from the path. That's partially why I came here: because I knew it would be full of good people who would be able to help me.

Towards the beginning of the summer, I made the foolish decision of telling God that I wanted to "live without consequence". I'm not even sure I understood what I meant at the time, and I'm not sure I understand what I meant then even now but I think that I was essentially telling Him that I wanted to indulge in the same levels of sin as my peers at school had done previously. I'd never been particularly popular, and I can remember feeling envy that people who did "bad" things ended up more popular than I did whenever I tried to do anything "good". I suppose that it was my envy and lack of understanding then that caused all of these problems for me.

Later regretting what I had said, I decided to take a vow of abstinence. Even so, I do not believe it to be a coincidence that a few days later, during my holiday in Rome for my eighteenth birthday, that I developed a fear of death that I battle even to this day. Whenever my mind wanders, it usually comes back to my own death and I find myself questioning my faith or whether or not I am worthy of any salvation after how selfishly I acted all those months ago. I believe that it is my just punishment and I do not deny that I deserve it.

True to my vow, I did not get involved with anyone sexually and constantly keep the decision to save myself for marriage in mind. However, I do feel immense regret at my actions, which were made purely in a fit of selfish and arrogant behaviour that was completely uncalled for before God. I no longer feel any kind of reassurance about Him and His presence and have never felt more alone in my entire life. I do want to be redeemed and I do want to have God back in my life, but no matter how much I ask I can never seem to remove the fear or knowledge of death from my mind.

To make matters worse, I have recently laid eyes upon a woman that I feel strangely drawn to. I don't know what it is, maybe some kind of charisma, but I can't seem to put her out of my head. The problematic part is that she identifies herself as a "cougar" (which is, to the best of my understanding, an older woman, usually in her thirties or more, who gets involved in relationships with younger men, almost always of a sexual nature). Despite knowing this, she is frequently in my thoughts and I feel some kind of attraction towards her (and I don't often become attracted to people for some reason). I'm not sure whether this is another trial I'm supposed to pass or whether I'm meant to be with her or what to make of this. Part of me wants to be with her, but there's another part of me that constantly tells me that if I do I might end up breaking my vow of chastity until marriage (and I do not believe that I have fallen in love with her, so marriage seems off the cards). I know that if I do get involved with her it will might be fun for a while but there's a high chance that I would break my vow and worsen my relationship with God even further, but despite this I can't help but be drawn to her. Even so, I don't think I want to involve myself with her if it would mean souring what is left of my relationship with God, I don't think I could live with myself, it would just be proving that I hadn't learn anything.

Honestly, I don't know what to do or what to make of this. No matter what I do, my fear of death persists and I find myself constantly questioning whether there is a genuine attraction towards her or whether it's just my darker, more lustful, emotions taking over. I don't want to be a slave to my base desires or to my fears of death. I just want to know what the right things to do are, but I don't know what they are or how to do them. All I know is that I need guidance so that I don't make the wrong decisions. I truly regret my actions and I need guidance to make sure that I don't make things any worse.

Please help. God Bless.

[Guest]

Trust HIM

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths Proverbs 3:5-6

The LORD Is Our Keeper

I will keep thy statutes: O forsake me not utterly.

Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.

With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments.

Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.

Blessed art thou, O LORD: teach me thy statutes. Psalms 119:8-12

The LORD Is Our Shepherd

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever. Psalms 23

Trust Him

[Trusting Jesus]

Let me first ask you if you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Saviour? This is the most important decision a person ever makes. We all have temptations in life, but it's what we do with those temptations that is important. It is only through the grace of our Lord that any of us are saved. Do you read and study your Bible? The closer you walk with Jesus the easier it is to resist temptation.

You seem to have a good understanding of this woman's intentions and I would suggest that you avoid her. Don't put yourself in a place where temptation turns into action. You have made a very good commitment - abstinance until your wedding night. Don't let anyone tell you that this is a wrong commitment. Pray about it and fill your mind with thoughts of Jesus rather than thoughts of a woman who cares nothing for you except for what she might take from you. Do you attend church? Find an Christ centered, Bible believing church and I am sure you will find a young woman who shares your commitment.

Fear of death is natural. Too often that fear is because we feel as if we have just sinned too much to be forgiven of. Remember, if you have accepted Christ as your saviour you are saved by grace through faith. If you have accepted Christ then when He calls you home you will be with Him for eternity. A Christian has nothing to fear from death.

Get closer to Jesus and you will find your fears will ease and it will be easier to resist temptation.

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Nathele

[Guest HIS girl]

Usually an older woman who is not a Follower of Christ chasing after a guy young enough to be her son is after ONE THING.

Stay away, as this is a situation that is cause for concern. And heartbreak.

Your loyalty to the Lord is far more important than a fleeting moments pleasure.

Women like this tend to have their fun, become bored and move on...to start the process again. A completely selfish scenario.

Pray for strength to resist satan and his tactics. Using willing women is one of his oldest tricks to try and bring down men - especially men of God.

[Samthing]

Thank you, everyone. I've been trying to avoid her for the last few days. Although it's still very difficult to put her out of my mind, as I still feel I have some romantic feelings towards her. Nevertheless, I shall try to follow your advice as best I can. Thank you so much.

Edited October 19, 2008 by Samthing

[yesult]

Have you been water baptised (complete immersion) and baptised in the holy spirit as a seperate baptism. If not - you're going to be struggling up-hill because you won't have the two-way relationship that enables us to negotiate that kind of stuff. All you'll have is rules and one way prayers.

That isn't enough for any christian.

If you arn't - do a websearch for a spirit filled church in your area - usually under the term 'charismatic' or 'pentecostal'. AOG churchs are usually pretty good and quite widespread.

Edited October 25, 2008 by yesult

[Guest]