Michael, God is not like that. There are of course consequences to the things we may do, but the Lord would never "make you pay" by heaping things on your head.
Psalm 27:13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 - Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!
There is hope in the land of the living!! The Lord is our strength when we have no strength, he is our hope, our refuge, our strongtower! He is always with you and he will never leave you.
I will be praying for you Michael.