Figure of eighty

Finally have a pcp close to me ..can they prescribe ocd meds or would a counselor or therapist have to do it ? Im feeling panic wash over me and just wishing i was dead and mad Im not. Im trying to hold on.. Idk tommorow is Sat udk if my pcp is open then I wish i were sane but im not. Why doesnt god let me die? Why cant i just get in an accident and die.? Why?why?why? Im tired of struggling mentally .. I have no purpose I wish hed just take me for gods sake

Faith. Its such a gift not to doubt.

I feel ive made so many mistakes and just messed myself up. Messed my integrity and feel so ugly.. I want to go back to who I used to be but feel Im too ruined for that.

Since im working and get decent pay a move out date is now set and im very scared. Im afraid to live alone with my baby bc i feel i cant protect him. Ive thought about owning a gun which im thinking about more and more and will most likely get one that and a dog. Not sure if a small watch dog will do or if i should get an attack dog like a doberman or something. Idk im just really afraid but i need to move. I cant stay with my parents forever and they wont live forever. As a matter of fact my parents were involved in a bad accident tonight ..theyre alright thank goodness but that proves my point.

Yeah i am. Im tired of the everyday ratrace to get enough money only to live paycheck to paycheck then dealing with my mental illness among other things. Id only wish me and my baby would fly high together bc he is the only thing keeping me here. If it wasnt for him I wouldve been gone long ago.

Hmm id pray and read more than ever

Wow. Im so sorry.

Heard from a friend her car was covered in ash due to the fires Anyone thats in Cali how are getting by? It seems pretty bad right now over there.

Im glad youre better. I too will try to seek medication for my issues bc Im done struggling.

Have you gotten psychiatric help? Hearing voices isnt normal or something you should bear alone. You deserve help.

He isnt but even if he was I dont think the lord wants me living with someone im not married to. I also know if we arent doing anything he probably wouldnt let me live with him long.

It wasnt laying around.

At this point i feel i cant trust my mom. I agreed to help her bc she needed money for rent but she took more than what I agreed on. Its hard to save and move if 200 here and there is being taken from me. My mom owes me id say about 1200ish but i just want the 200 she took from me and the 200 i gave her from my stimulus. She complained to me about my dad who isnt working that he uses up and spends her money and then she does it to me. Idk what to do. My friend(who's out of my state) suggested a roomate but i dont trust online people. Not with my baby. I need to know them for a while. Then theres my ex. I would buy i cant bc thatd be livinf in sin. Idk what to do.

I agree

Wow. Thats very powerful. Can I ask what made you feel such despair?

This is true. I hate feelings and such.

See i feel i sinned way less before i was saved. I feel i do it more now and my love for God is strong its like a tiny flickering flame. I keep feeling like he doesnt want me to be happy

Ive been reading how people who get saved feel an instant change or their desire for sin is diminished. Also they grow and change ... Meanwhile its always stop and go with me. Something or someone enters my life and it shakes things up or My silent/one sided relationship with God gets too painfully quiet to continue and I just stop. Idk I never experienced those chsnges others talked about. Maybe Im a "normal" christian or not one at all. I goy baptized and filled with his spirit( well my brother who was a minister helped me) so idk if I need the Holy Spirit or if I still have it. Idk what to do. I feel like having a pastor or someone fill my with Gods spirit. That way maybe i wont struggle so much. Idk

I'm functional but my ocd and anxiety is taking its toll. I don't have alot of money just wondering if you all know of online resources or inperson that help with mental illness. bc all I'm doing right now is distracting myself with my phone or through sleep or work but my issues are still there. I feel I can't really read God's word bc I can't concentrate--I feel all I can do is sit here and monitor my thoughts and make sure I'm not going crazy.

I snuggle with my baby. Like im doing now.

Im going to be honest but kind. I think your suffering is do to psychiatric issues which i think you should seek help for. As someone that also suffers mentally i just want you to know this isnt coming from a demeaning place but I feel you shiuld get the help you need.

Go to church

So what do I do on Sundays? Just read and pray? I agree eith you though. Im all my son has-- I wont do anything stupid. I was speaking out of frustration.

I work Monday through Friday. I dont pick up extra hours so i can spend time with my baby. I took him out today and idk its hard. Im gonna try going to church tommorow. I dont care abt corona virus or if i get it. Im just gonna go.

I really wish God would let me get corona virus and die. My life is worthless. I struggle mentally daily. Wish he'd be merciful and take me already