NickyLouse

I am nickylouse. The nickname comes from the compound "nick" and "louse". When selecting a nickname for myself in 1997 I admit that I was not very creative. The first thing that came to mind was the word "nickname". Then came "nick" as in the shortened version of Nicholas. Well Nicholas didn't seem very unique, so I started forming other sounds that were similar. When I look back on it, it is fitting that I selected the term for a blood-sucking parasite that likes living in the dark. That is who I was though I didn't come to realize it for about 7 years.

As of 2008, I had been a child of God for around 4 years. The turning point was on Ash Wednesday of 2004 although the Spirit began working on me after 9/11. I mean, we're all going to die, right? I was the most scared I have been in my life. I thought it was terribly unfair that my life should hang in the balance over the whim of a terrorist.

As I started thinking about my own death, it occurred to me that I WAS GOING TO HELL. I was right... but for the wrong reason. I started thinking about why Muslims would do what they did in the name of their god. Trying to figure it all out, I conversed with a few Muslims who told me how I had to try to do things that would make up for any wrong-doings I had done in my life. Pffffew... I was done for. There was no way I could make up and I knew it. My only hope was that Hell wasn't real.

By 2002 (at the age of 38) I had heard a few things growing up about Jesus, but I didn't understand grace at all. I thought that I would have to be a better person in order to be invited to Heaven. So I started trying really hard to be a better person. Surely Jesus would forgive me. Of what I knew about Him, He was all loving and forgiving. I heard those things growing up and I also heard that only really bad people went to Hell.

Well, in my quest to change my behavior all I could think about was how awful everyone else was. The more I tried on the morality, the more I saw of immorality and it just made me steam inside. I had become a SELF-RIGHTEOUS person, which left me feeling no better about myself because occasionally I would slip and break one of my own self-imposed rules.

In the summer of 2003, there was a lot of hype over a movie Mel Gibson was producing. I wanted to see the movie when it opened and decide for myself about all of the controversies surrounding it. I went to the theatre by myself, but the place was packed. I was sweating like someone who was taking a polygraph test and I had a whole lot to hide. The movie was intriguing to me. I pitied the Man as the crowds inflicted their venom upon Him. The climactic moment in the movie for me was at the scourging. I was fully engrossed in the movie and thought (maybe even spoke outloud) that if I had been there I would have been one of those cruel guards. I would have relished the attention I would have received from the crowd.

When you realize your culpability in the death of Jesus, you wonder what to do with that guilt. Oh I could forgive myself for all the petty things I had done in my life, but what could I do with this? After several months, it occurred to me through studying the Bible that this is what He came to do. "It was for the joy set before Him that He endured the Cross" (see Hebrews12:2). WHAT? JOY? Are you kidding me? It is true. He loved me so much that in spite of all I would do in my life, He died just for me so that I may be forgiven and have eternal life!

That is when grace took on a whole new meaning to me and I am forever grateful to my God, Savior, and Lord Jesus.

You, reader, must realize that each one of us have offended a holy and perfect God who will take out His wrath on sin. You can be sheltered from His wrath if you have the free gift of faith from God. When that happens, He also gives you the Holy Spirit whose power can begin changing your heart from one that hates God to one that loves Him.

One of the hardest things is admitting that you hate God. If you do not love following His commandments, you do hate Him though. If you love doing what is right (in His eye - not your own), then He will help you turn away from sin.

I pray to God that you have read this entire message and understand that the reason I write this is because God does not want any of us to die in our sin. I also feel compassion towards everyone who has not heard and understood the wonderful message of Jesus Christ.