trying to fit in here, but don't seem to

[georgedrw81]

Every painfull moment you have is Jesus pain. Ask God and Jesus to take your pain away and it will.

Praying

[Miss Elly]

I have been wondering why I still don't fit in here very well, even after all this time... ( And yes, I have made genuine attempts to write people and reply to posts. So please don't say it's that. Only a couple folks have even noticed.... I praise God for them!) I feel like an outsider. 'Always on the outside, looking in'. Even my topics are unpopular and barely replied to. When I have ventured outside of just the prayer request forum. Ex: prophecy. Which really does interest me. Some said they thought discussing parables was pointless. Though I obviously disagree...especially when they have to do with the end times. ( Others acted like I was a moron for even bringing up the subject of the Ten Virgins parable... Like it is self explanatory. All I am trying to do guys, is become more actively involved in discussions. To be more a part of this ministry...Isn't that commendable? I wish I were healthier, because then I gladly would have participated in the prayer week. But I didn't think my being unavailable on my sickest days would have been fair to the partner I'd be assigned, so I opted out. (How did that prayer week go, by the way? ) Anyway, I hope my usual transparency isn't making anyone angry. But coupled with so many diseases (between mine and my family's), this is another source of depression for me. Rejection. My feelings are fragile and raw, so please do be "gentle as a dove" as Jesus put it. I ask nicely that you don't blow me off or be harsh. Okay? Because I seriously can't handle that treatment right now. I am too much feeling I wish I could just die. And I'm not being a drama queen. I mean that. I am deeply depressed. I don't even have anyone who wants to spend Christmas with me and am feeling sad enough about that. That's why I at least wish I could fit in better at Worthy somehow. I base my question about not fitting in here on the way that many of the folks at Worthy are 'tight with' each other and hit it off so well. They are comrades and true pals...something I long for! But I, on the other hand seem to 'rub people the wrong way' a lot, honestly not meaning to! I am just being myself. Had I come here years back and acted totally different than my true personality...would I have found my niche at Worthy by now?? But then that wouldn't have been real, would it? Not to mention that it is a form of lying and deception. (Shallowness, at best...) The problem with forums is that people can always put on acts and bravados and basically be whoever they want to be. Or who they think others might want them to be...I guess I just don't know how to do that. Nor do I have the energy to, being ill as I am. Besides which, I feel if people don't accept me for who I am...then what's the point? That's not a TRUE friend. Sorry. But the bottom line is that this is the way God made me. ( I wish I could be liked, even though I am more serious minded than most of you are probably used to on forums. Sorry if that makes me a drag to have around. Maybe someone should take a poll here and see how many would prefer me to stop posting at Worthy. A well meaning person said that coming to Fellowship Hall might help. And I really wanted to give it a go... So I went over there to read a little of the interaction. But I just can't get into the giddiness that often is engaged in there. I would be speechless. Because it's simply not who I am...The Scriptures say God made the members of the body of Christ to be different, even as parts of the physical body are. Think about how unique and very different from others some of our physical body parts are... So why can't that be understood in the case of me? So what if I stand out a bit because few here post about struggling with chronic illness and having constant trials? Sure, that's not pleasant. A bummer or downer to read... But I still need to be loved! And all the more, really. The history? I first came to Worthy after battling a sudden and terrible physical disease, all alone...Because I thought it would help me cope to seek out fellow believers. I naively thought they would gladly embrace me, pray with me and offer words of comfort. And some did, thank God! ( But many ignored me, as though I were raining on their parades or something!) Because of the barrage of severe trials befalling my family and I, it is only human to feel depressed. For me to be joking around is a real stretch which I have much trouble doing...especially NOW. In the face of people I love at risk of dying and the doctors having given up on treating my own disease. How do you sincerely 'put on a happy face' when you are in excruciating pain daily? I can't seem to master it. And I have tried last month at Worthy to do this. To get outside my own problems and minister to others hurting here. But few wrote back to even acknowledge it. So I shrugged my shoulders and figured it must not have made a dent. Because when some have ventured out to be compassionate to me, I definitely make it a point (sick as I am) of thanking them either openly or via pm. I realize I tend to post negatively a lot and maybe this has 'turned people off' to pursuing friendships with me... Not just superficial, open forum ones. But deeper, pm ones. I have even noticed some of you here saying to others "call me up." Nobody sure ever cared enough to offer me their number! So obviously those who have exchanged their personal phone numbers here have the magic touch. They have found the secret on how to form friendships. God knows I have been kind and sent encouraging messages both on the open forums and through pms. They say 'to have friends, you need to be one'. I really have tried, whether you believe me or not. Those of you who have been the recepients of my caring messages know I am telling the truth. Why have I stayed this long? Well, I need a safe place to vent, fellowship and am physically unable to attend a local church. My goals in joining back in 2007 were to be ministered to and minister to others by encouraging. To be prayed for and to pray for others. I still have those same goals. But am I even WANTED here? Be honest. I am afraid to leave because of the extreme matters that need prayer...like dad's liver cancer.

Hi TT, here's a hug and a prayer for you!!!!!! Just keep those posts coming, we are a family, although we may disagree from time to time. Hope you start to feeling better soon. Just remember, the doctor's report may say one thing, but we have a higher physican whose heart is pure and true and he cares for YOU!!!!!!!

[nikki1]

Hi turtle

Sometimes, especially when we are going through trials and tribulations as

you apparently are now, it seems as if God and everyone has abandoned us. I have

felt that way in my life. Having a disabling, chronic injury or illness as you do can often times

make one feel inadequate. And the thought of losing a parent in itself can be a devastating

emotional blow. Sometimes these trials seem as if they are just too much to

bear.

Just so you know, I have read just about every comment you have asked for prayer for, and I do keep

your dad's salvation and illness and you in my prayers, and I apologize for not responding to let you know. Remember, this too shall

pass! 1 Corinth. 10:12. And our Lord has promised to never leave or forsake us. Hebrews 13:5

I wish I could take away the pain and sorrow you are feeling and reverse time to make you smile. But I

know I can't do that, because deep inside you are hurting. So I will be your friend when you

need someone to talk to. You can P.M. me any time.

With much love,

Nikki

[JIME]

Hello Turtletwo!!!!

I first want to say I am sorry that you feel depressed and unwanted here on Worthyboards. I truly have no idea how you feel, but you are very much wanted here. We need you very much!!!! As some of the others have already stated, most people just read the opening post and that is it. I know I do sometimes. I only reply when I feel prompted to. I have to admit that I can't read every post either. Keep those posts coming!!

Please click this>>>>>>>You gotta friend in me.

Your Sis,

Jime

[Guest]

Praying!

Be Blessed Beloved Daughter Of The KING

Love, Your Brother Joe

[nebula]

Hey Turtle

Having dealt (and still dealing) with depression, I know how easy one set-back, one disappointment makes you want to quit. I also know how hard it is to feel like you fit in anywhere.

If it helps any? Prophecy discussions have a tendency to be among the most abrasive topics on the Board. For some reason people get highly offended and defensive with their pet theories and interpretations. It's truly mind-blowing.

And I've started many, many topics that have been completely ignored, too. You may not have noticed that because I have a tendency to post a lot. But yeah, I take it personal when threads aren't responded to as well.

And the Fellowship Hall? I'm with you on that. I'm not a social chit-chat type of person, and I don't know much of what to say in their either.

But you seem to have something I don't have - talking with people on the phone. Rejoice in those friendships you have developed here. Maybe that's more important for your health right now than discussing theology? Does that make sense?

Prayers and blessings

[~Shalhevet~]

BTW, listening to praise music always lifts my spirits.

[Bubba4J]

[kat8585]

I can relate to alot of what jamilea and nebula said in their last posts.

Your courage and faith in the midst of such crushing health, family, and spiritual problems has been a huge inspiration to me many times. I'm not sure I'd make it thru such trying times. My problems aren't near what yours are, and I struggle with faith a lot.

And I have severe depression also, which doesn't make it any easier. You are not alone, and believe me, you are loved, wanted, and needed here!

[wyguy]

Turtle,

You are our sister in Christ. We can no more reject you than we can cut off our own arms. You are a part of the body of Christ, and thus you will remain. You are greatly loved, and badly needed. You are an awesome prayer warrior!

Don't let the devil make you feel you are somehow less than what God says you are. You are an heir of God, holy, righteous, perfect, chosen, santified, justified, redeemed, totally forgiven, a citizen of heaven and a saint!

And do not worry. The Bible says you cannot add a single hour to your life by worrying. God holds you in the palm of His hand. How much safer can you be? God's holy angels are all around you as a hedge, and the Lord is directing your steps. You Father in heaven knows all about your needs and concerns, and He has everything well in hand.

Trust Him. Turtle, just trust Him.

Let it all go and put it into God's hands. Everything. Cast it all at the feet of Christ and just rest in Him. Just picture yourself resting your head upon His chest. He wants us to do that because He cares for us, and loves us with a love that can never faid nor fail.

Rest.

Rest and know the joy of your salvation.

Your family is here, and all around the world. We would fight and die for you.

Whatever trials come your way are only what God allows, and knows you can bear. And it all works out for your good.

Praying for you and your family.

-wyguy