How does a Christian Find a spouse

[nebula]

I don't have a clue how a Christian can "find" a spouse. But as far as how Christians should interact with each other in regards to seeking a spouse, we sure do have a lot to learn.

First we need to teach the principle of boundaries. I have learned the hard way that there was much wisdom in separating guys from girls. It's too easy for "just friends" to form attachments that get confused for "being in love," and the end result is a lot of broken hearts. Now I am not saying Christian guys and girls should not be friends, but I am saying we need to teach and learn how to have healthy relationships that won't cross the boundaries that lead to messed up emotional attachments.

Second we need to deal with the process of getting to know someone you have an interest in. The problem with "dating" is that the word means different things to different people. To some it can be two people going out to dinner as a means to get to know each other. To some it means having a steady romantic relationship (love notes, holding hands, kissing, etc.). To others, you aren't dating if you aren't sleeping together. So before we tackle the issue of dating, we need to define what dating means to you.

So for the sake of confusion, I will attempt my own wording. Engaging in a romantic relationship with someone should not be engaged between people unless you have intentions of marrying the person. Can we agree on this?

Getting to know someone and spending time together should be kept at the level of friendship. Can we agree on this?

Now, at what point do you become romantically involved with a person? I personally believe one should not become romantically involved until one is engaged. Some people would argue that you should become romantically involved once the two of you know you are both interested in each other. The problem with this, though, is that if you come to discover it's a bad relationship, the break-up leaves you with a lot more hurt than if you kept things at a friendship level. You can't form ties with people without consequences.

Once you become romantically involved with someone, how far should you go? I am sure we can all agree that Christians should not have sex before marriage. But why are so many Christians failing in this area? Again, we don't teach and encourage boundaries enough. Some couples create their own boundaries by refusing intimate contact beyond holding hands, hugs, and leaning on each other on the couch while watching a movie. In other words, no kissing and keeping hands away from private areas of the other person's body. Some may not like this.. But I do not know what guards people who kiss have to keep their passions from running away from them. How many Christians fall pray to fornication on account of losing control in the passion of the moment? So really, you need to discipline yourself and set up guards and boundaries to keep this from happening.

That's as much as I can think of at the moment.

[e lansing]

WOW! WHat in the world!!! What was the question again?

When im asked these kinds of questions, I do my best to keep it simple I want them to remember what i said I do not advise dateing. Not in the way we think of dateing. I advise friendships. How do friends act? I ask them to tell me how do you act with your friends? I have never heard anyone of them say "Ya, every now and again we kiss and ect". Friends are friends That it! Well what if you want to be more then just friends? I say why? They say I want to get to know them better and i say How well do you need to know your other friends? I also remind them that she is also your sister in the Lord [if there Christian] so treat her like your sister, this gets them all gross out but thats the point. I have found that when I talk to the youth who have been active in there pass, they are the ones who keep asking why and tell me that, its ok to all the way to the one yard line and leave it at that, and then I say, why is this ok? They never have a good answer, its always selfish. The youth who are still pure they are most of the time cool with just being friends. They have some struggles the young men, but its not like the appetite that the active have created. What about if you think you found the right one? If the feelings are mutual lock it up asap The goal is to marry your best friend Because you want to take all of that first love passion into your marriage, God knows you will need it in the early years Well thats my DR Phil.

God Bless

e

[redwing]

I knew my wife less than a month before we got married. This August we will be married 36 years. From the first time we met we both knew that this was a match made in heaven.

[nebula]

How old were you when yuo met your wife redwing?

[Isaiah 6:8]

I don't have a clue how a Christian can "find" a spouse. But as far as how Christians should interact with each other in regards to seeking a spouse, we sure do have a lot to learn.

First we need to teach the principle of boundaries. I have learned the hard way that there was much wisdom in separating guys from girls. It's too easy for "just friends" to form attachments that get confused for "being in love," and the end result is a lot of broken hearts. Now I am not saying Christian guys and girls should not be friends, but I am saying we need to teach and learn how to have healthy relationships that won't cross the boundaries that lead to messed up emotional attachments.

Second we need to deal with the process of getting to know someone you have an interest in. The problem with "dating" is that the word means different things to different people. To some it can be two people going out to dinner as a means to get to know each other. To some it means having a steady romantic relationship (love notes, holding hands, kissing, etc.). To others, you aren't dating if you aren't sleeping together. So before we tackle the issue of dating, we need to define what dating means to you.

So for the sake of confusion, I will attempt my own wording. Engaging in a romantic relationship with someone should not be engaged between people unless you have intentions of marrying the person. Can we agree on this?

Getting to know someone and spending time together should be kept at the level of friendship. Can we agree on this?

Now, at what point do you become romantically involved with a person? I personally believe one should not become romantically involved until one is engaged. Some people would argue that you should become romantically involved once the two of you know you are both interested in each other. The problem with this, though, is that if you come to discover it's a bad relationship, the break-up leaves you with a lot more hurt than if you kept things at a friendship level. You can't form ties with people without consequences.

Once you become romantically involved with someone, how far should you go? I am sure we can all agree that Christians should not have sex before marriage. But why are so many Christians failing in this area? Again, we don't teach and encourage boundaries enough. Some couples create their own boundaries by refusing intimate contact beyond holding hands, hugs, and leaning on each other on the couch while watching a movie. In other words, no kissing and keeping hands away from private areas of the other person's body. Some may not like this.. But I do not know what guards people who kiss have to keep their passions from running away from them. How many Christians fall pray to fornication on account of losing control in the passion of the moment? So really, you need to discipline yourself and set up guards and boundaries to keep this from happening.

That's as much as I can think of at the moment.

Thanks Neb you have helped me clarify!

Edited February 3, 2010 by Isaiah 6:8

[Smalcald]

Go with the arranged marriage it is the best.

[Guest]

.... Go with the arranged marriage it is the best ....

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:9

[humbleseeker]

or russion girls are always in need. mail order your bride they come in all faiths and sizes

[Believer1997]

Go with the arranged marriage it is the best.

Arranged by whom?

[Babbler]

I always believe that one shouldn't hunt for a spouse, but have faith. Wait till the Lord shows you who is the one. I believe that many pass up the one they are suppose to be with because they refused to listen.

Redwing listened!