tjhawks1 Posted February 8, 2010 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 104 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/21/1981 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Pray and wait is the biggest trouble that I see. I waited for over ten years for the Lord to respond and He even allowed me to try on my own to show His way is the best. The best I can describe it is that Lord will let you know for sure without our feelings getting in the way. Pray and trust is the key. I would really appreciate if you would share your story in more detail. Fez, South and Damo stories where really uplifting to me. Hearing words of encouragement would be great. I'm 28 and have never had a girlfriend or dated. Passed up on oppurtunities to date nonchristians when others haven't and they have since been married (thankfully to christians). That is something I struggle with a lot. It's been a struggle somedays with loneliness and wondering if God has forgotten me. At times I wonder if maybe something is wrong with me. Although I know that it is part of the devil's plan to attack me with all the things I mentioned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damo1 Posted February 8, 2010 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,822 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 19 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1967 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Pray and wait is the biggest trouble that I see. I waited for over ten years for the Lord to respond and He even allowed me to try on my own to show His way is the best. The best I can describe it is that Lord will let you know for sure without our feelings getting in the way. Pray and trust is the key. I would really appreciate if you would share your story in more detail. Fez, South and Damo stories where really uplifting to me. Hearing words of encouragement would be great. I'm 28 and have never had a girlfriend or dated. Passed up on oppurtunities to date nonchristians when others haven't and they have since been married (thankfully to christians). That is something I struggle with a lot. It's been a struggle somedays with loneliness and wondering if God has forgotten me. At times I wonder if maybe something is wrong with me. Although I know that it is part of the devil's plan to attack me with all the things I mentioned. hi tjhawks1 this is damo i read your post and i can feel were you are comming from draw close to god and dont let the lonliness get to you and dont let religon dictate to you if you are seriouse and you are wanting a spouce you wil need to do some leg work to dont expect god to do the courting on your behalf satan can only attack you if you alow him to cover your self i hav been on my own since i was young i am an unwanted child most of my christmas and birthdays hav been spent on my own tjhawks i am nearly 42yrs old i am going to be out of the country for two months i wil hav my lap top with me i will try to add to this topic i do hav a USB modem that i use when i am in the philippines i sort of tend to step out in faith and dont tend to rely on what has worked for some one else if i did not act on my gut instiincts and listen to that inner voice i would not hav met my partner if i can say one thing dont alow history to repeat its self you know what your flaws are i dont my biggest fear was adjusting to a family i hav gotten so use to being on my own it got to the point were it did not bother me i tried sharing to fill the void and often would go to my room just to avoid my house mate or i would go walk about i did this often my problem was this when ever i got close to a women who i showed intrest in it ended bad wer i pushed the ones i was drawn to out of my life i never allowed no women to get close to me i found it hard to open up and say what was realy going on i did this with my x wife and son and if i could take back what i did i would yet i tend not to blame satan for the mistakes i hav made god gives us a free will and its up to us if we do it his way or our way before i began searching for a partner i stayed singl for 10yrs my x wife left me in 1998 found a guy moved in with him he ended up chatting to another women online and moved to melbourne leaving my x wife with a big ph bill and inter net bill to pay off me and my x wife are good friends her new husband use to be a youth pastor my son loves him and has taken on his last name i gav my x wife the ok to do this its taking time for my son to come around and i am not pushing him to cal me dad or am i pushing him to forgiv me i get up dated photos and my x wife tells me what he is up to my son just turned 13 and has started high school i hav a chance to raise a child that is not mine my new fiance comes from a big family and they al belong to the baptist church you need to do some pros and cons and some praying i wanted a filipina wife and i made it clear that i did not want an australian i did my re search talked to other guys who had looked abroad and what i saw is this how ther filipina wifes treat them and how happy they are also she is very prottective over me the ones i dated only used me and cheated behind my back hope fully fez wil take over and giv you some sound advice i am getting ready to travel i am looking forward to being with my fiance and her daughter and her family if i get the chance i wil reply to your questions hear is one question i am going to leav are you comfterbal in your own skin ? damo1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted February 8, 2010 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.94 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Hearing words of encouragement would be great. My brother "met " his wife when he was 38 years old. I say "met" in quotes because they had a few encounters with her efore, but the two of them never really got to know each other until a few years ago. She was a long distance friend of mine for years. I was a few years out of college and she was in high school when we first met at church. I lived a 20 minute drive north of the church; she lived about the same distance south of the church. Thus, we didn't get to see much of each other. But it didn't take long for us to "click" together. Despite our age differences, we found ourselves connecting. We didn't develop friendship right away. Rather, it grew as we had further iterations (we attended a large church, so people don't always have much time and opportunity to interact unless they are working in a group together). Eventually we did work together in a ministry, after she was a little older, and that's where our friendship cemented. But then she had the audacity to leave for Teen Mania down in Texas for an internship. When that was done, she didn't stay around long; rather she moved to New England to be with her sister. And then she went to college in another New England state. So we could only see each other when she came back to the area to visit her parents. But we've kept contact through the years via e-mail mostly. (I'm not much of a phone chatter.) Somewhere along the line, she and my brother had seen each other. Apparently there was a youth group horseback riding trip that my brother went on that she also had been on (I must have been away that time) where she remembers him. But considering the age difference (my bro is even older than me - she was in her early-mid teens when he was in his early 20's) there was not much in the way of interaction between them. Other times they saw each other when she and I were hanging out, or all three of us were attending a similar activity - but again, there was not much interaction between them. It wasn't until a few summers ago that they had this opportunity - and when they did they just had the best time together, and the rest is history. So why did it take so doggone long for them to get to truly know each other? Well, one was the age difference. The younger you are, the more you notice the age gap; the older you are, the less you notice it. For another, my brother will testify that he wasn't ready to be a husband. Not that he wasn't longing for it, but there was a lot of wounding in his life that needed healing, a lot of maturity that needed to be developed, things like that. Likewise with her, if they developed a relationship sooner would not have gone through college and stuff like that. But they both will tell you without reservation that it was worth the wait. Both have learned over the years how husbands and wives are supposed to treat each other and have made the effort to be better spouses than our parents were. Both our parents have broken relationships, and they individually a good while ago determined that they were not going to repeat their parents' marriages. Thus, the Lord made sure that they were at a place of having overcome enough of the junk so that the brokenness cycle would not be repeated. So by using my bro's example, my encouragement to you is not to "wait for Ms. Right" but to focus your attention on "being Mr. Right." Develop you relationship and walk with the Lord so that you will be the spiritual leader of the home, develop emotional and mental maturity. Most husband-wife struggles come from two insecure individuals trying to make the other person fill their insecurity before they will sacrifice to fill the others' insecurity. So, seek the Lord for healing in any area of insecurity in your life - even if you are not aware of what they are right now, ask him anyway to reveal these to you and to work the healing process on you. Learn from marriage courses about how to be a better husband, and begin learning how to be such a man. "Loving your wife as Christ loves the church" is not as easy a command as you might think it is. If you can learn how to do this before you get married, this will make your marriage so much more fun and full of life. So ask the Lord to teach you how to love. OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tjhawks1 Posted February 8, 2010 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 104 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/21/1981 Share Posted February 8, 2010 Thanks nebula and as always great advice. About the age and waiting thing. I am so glad that I didn't find a wife when I was 18-24. That would not have been a good thing because of some of the other things you mentioned. I did need to mature in Christ at that age and also a couple more years of trying to understand the opposite sex better. I was very clueless about that at a younger age, maybe still clueless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damo1 Posted February 8, 2010 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,822 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 19 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1967 Share Posted February 8, 2010 with the age gap i am 41 turn 42 on the 16th of nov my new fiance is 28 turns 29 on the 22nd of feb women in foreign countrys are more mature then then ones i dated in the philippines they go by this old saying age is not a problem when it comes to dating and faling in lov with the opposite sex the women in my fiances country preffer mature guys then a younger guy who has not grown up and matured its the way they are raised by ther mothers also i am going to add this i notice some pastors and leaders avoid to tell the truth to singl guys lucklly i hav some good strong men around me who dont beat around the bush when it comes to datiing expect to be burt and expect to be let down down dont go to bed angry christian couples hav the same problems as secular couples a lot of hard work goes in to a relationship dont expect your partner to be perfect try not to control the women your with you need to see the women your with the way god sees her women want a guy who is strong who wil be the bread winner they dont want a spiritual wimp we hold this course in my church valiant man its a 10 week course valiant man discusses on topics pastors will not discuss with ther male members also ther is valiant women valiant women touches on the same topics valiant man touches on when i get back i will add a bit from the modual i hav to this topic when it comes to long distance relationships dont be thrown off a long distance relationship can work ther has to be trust and communication i get the say good day calling card from the post office it gives me an hour to talk to my fiance we also chat on yahoo and we email each other i also top up my mobil ph and we communicate by texing each other i also support my fiance i send her money threw the western union dont let negative people speak into your life get rid of the negativ ones and ask god to put posative christians in your path who wil listen and wil build you up not tare you down get inolved in a mens group ther are good christian mens groups today that are a blessing to guys like my self i am getting ready to liv with my futer wife me and my fiance have been talking openly as she has told me it would be hard for her and her daughter living hear with me in australia and i even said i dont want to take her away from her family damo1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7thseal Posted February 8, 2010 Group: Senior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 825 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 186 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/13/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted February 8, 2010 I would really appreciate if you would share your story in more detail. Fez, South and Damo stories where really uplifting to me. Hearing words of encouragement would be great. I'm 28 and have never had a girlfriend or dated. Passed up on oppurtunities to date nonchristians when others haven't and they have since been married (thankfully to christians). That is something I struggle with a lot. It's been a struggle somedays with loneliness and wondering if God has forgotten me. At times I wonder if maybe something is wrong with me. Although I know that it is part of the devil's plan to attack me with all the things I mentioned. I've been having a bit of trouble with the reply page so forgive me if you see some mistakes made in my post... can't even use the delete option for some reason, have to backspace alot. I understand how you feel, I didn't date much at all either for the most part and often I was thought of as being weird or not interested in girls. I had already been praying for several years that the Lord would bless me with a wife that truely loved me and respected Him. I was determined to wait on His timing and kept hearing the words in my heart...'trust me'. Well I very much tried and kept trying, I was ready to buy a place and get out on my own two feet. I bought a place to live close to where I work and then my brother went through a divorce and pretty much was just left with his truck and clothes. Of course he wanted to move in and split the bills which I agreed to do but his time 'enjoying his new freedom' became really long and years later he was remarried and got his own place. I thought finally, but then was faced with truely living alone and began to doubt God about my prayers. I then jumped head first into dating and met quite a few girls but the first thing I would share with them on our date was that I planned on saving myself for my future wife. Often that would result as the first and last date with them. I then began facing many temptations and really was struggling during this period of my life but kept myself for my future wife. I later met a girl that was very pretty and went to church and I had become good friends with her. I had already determined in my mind that she was the one without listening much for the Lord's guidance. We began dating and I later began seeing more closely of what was in her heart and the type of person she was. In the end I learned what it was like to have your heart broken and we stopped dating. I cried out to God in tears that I was giving up and was truely sorry for having tried to 'make my prayers happen'. At that point during my crying out I heard as clear as a bell the Lord speak these words in my heart... 'its going to be OK'. I experienced healing of the heart from the Lord during this time and he began using me on mission trips to Mexico with building churches. After this period of experience in my life I was at church and there was a particular young lady that I thought was beautiful but didnt think she was at all interested in me. Again I heard the Lord speak in my heart plainly...'she's the one I've prepared for you'. A month or two later someone told me that she was interested in getting to know me and so I asked here to go watch a movie with me. On that first date I knew without a doubt that I would one day marry her. We only dated for a few months before I then asked her dad for permission to marry his daughter. He said he already knew that one day he would be giving her over to me. Through it all the Lord taught me patience, trust and that he was listening every single time I struggled and was praying. I learned that He had other plans for me while waiting and teaching me during this time. My house was paid for and I was debt free with a job that I really enjoyed doing when we got married. I still have the same job with moderate salary and we have a lovely daughter. We've been married for 12 years now and the whole time I was waiting now seems short compared to the wife I received in the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tjhawks1 Posted February 9, 2010 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 104 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/10/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/21/1981 Share Posted February 9, 2010 7th seal thanks for sharing that. The last paragraph is just awesome. I felt joy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GerdaHannah Posted February 9, 2010 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 159 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 295 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 70 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/03/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/26/1988 Share Posted February 9, 2010 Please elaborate on this sentence a little more, "The best I can describe it is that Lord will let you know for sure without our feelings getting in the way". I am especially interested in "without our feelings getting in the way". I need advice really desperately, please guide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damo1 Posted February 9, 2010 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,822 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 19 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1967 Share Posted February 9, 2010 short sweet and simple do not doubt god can do the impossible it is our humen nature that gets in the way on my own accord i would not hav been able to travel to the philippines god has never let me down when ever i come before the lord he comes threw for me if i was to listen to disgruntled christians and hav only negative people around me i would not be were i am today i too strugled in this area god has put some good strong mature men around me who hav taught me a lot one close brother has been a big blessing in my life he taught me what he was taught and i am thankfull for the man god has put in my life i come from a poor family i am not a rich man what i hav today is of the lord if i doubted and listened to disgruntled christians and only took on the advice from negative people i would never hav met my fiance hear is what the price costs for a return ticket from sydney to manila $1 , 480 i would not hav been able to raise this money on my own accord this is what philippines air lines charges GerdahHannah listen to that inner voice you will know when its the right person for me i felt this peace come over me i also heard this inner voice saying she is the right one this is the one who i want you to settle with we hav to learn to listen to that inner small voice i hav never been let down by god were man has let me down not once has god let me down he takes the loneliness i feel and replaces this with his peace and when ever i say dad it hurts please take what i am feeling he does it if we tend to let our feelings and doubt get in the way its pointless sharing the gospel christ preached to the lost around us i love debating with animal welfare activists thes guys let ther emotions take over right know i am in a heated dabate on a secular forum the topic eating dogs a vegetarian has set up a topic to the point were thes guys are putting my fiances people down i am cracking up as ther feelings are showing in the blog that has been set up i know for sure that dogs are not eaten in the philippines or are dogs brutaly killed or kept in cages sold to the public were the dog is slaughtered thes vegos and aminal welfare activists are americans who hav a lot of time on ther hand thats what it means when we alow our feelings to get in the way damo1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
7thseal Posted February 9, 2010 Group: Senior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 825 Content Per Day: 0.13 Reputation: 186 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/13/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted February 9, 2010 7th seal thanks for sharing that. The last paragraph is just awesome. I felt joy for you. God indeed was faithful to what he had been assuring me of, even through my doubt. I was the first and only guy which her parents had allowed her to date. Actually I was the first guy that she had really gotten to know well. My wife and I are both rather shy and don't speak much in person when around others. On that first date at the movies, when the movie was about to start a storm came through and knocked out the power leaving it pitch black in the building. You could hear others moving around slowly making their way out the building. We decided to just sit there and talk to one another, only able to see each others heart in the words we shared with each other as we sat there together in the dark for a couple hours. She now tells others that during our first date, God left us with no choice but to talk to each other and getting to know one another. Personally, that was the best movie that I had ever been too. Please elaborate on this sentence a little more, "The best I can describe it is that Lord will let you know for sure without our feelings getting in the way". I am especially interested in "without our feelings getting in the way". I need advice really desperately, please guide. What I mean by this is that desperation (such as in desiring a life long partner) can make it easier for us to push aside the leadership of the Holy Spirit in our lives. Reacting based soley on our own emotions/feelings. Or desperation can make it easier for us to remain still and listen for word from the Lord and reacting based soley on what he gives us in the leadership of the Holy Spirit concerning our situation. For me, it was only until I had experienced the troubles brought by me reacting through option one, which then truely opened my heart to the second one and I could hear clearly from the Lord as to the direction he was leading me in concerning my situation. How God responds in one person's life may not be exactly the same as to how he responds in another person's life. Or how he responds to one situation in your life may not be exactly the same as to how he responds to another situation in your life. But in either case it will always be in love and inline with his Word. God has created each one of us in a unique (spelling?) way and I believe that he is able to respond in each of our lives and situations in a unique way. That's part of the beauty that I see that only God is able to bring into each one of our personal relationships with Him through our Lord Jesus Christ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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