Stuck

[ashwise]

I really like this guy. Unfourtunately, he's unbeliever and comes from a broken home which has affected his personality. He's nice, but he is somewhat sociallly awkward and antisocial. My friends think he is a jerk and haven't really met him but base this opinion on what I've told them and from his appearence and his body language. At the begining of the semester, we got into a really bad fight and after blaming everything on me, he told me to not speak to him. For almost two months we haven't spoken until the last week in october when i told him I wasn't mad at him and he apologized, realzing it was not anything to be upset about. We get along fine and talk whenever we see each other. I still have feelings for him and I've been praying to God to see if this man is supposed to be the one. I feel like God is silent for a while and then i get a variety of answers such as "be patient, you will have your answer soon" "yes, you two will be together, you must be patient, he is being difficult, it will be awhile". I keep asking God because I'm not sure if its my thoughts messing with me. Another friend has told me the answer is no because she asked if he has hurt me emotionally and mentally and God would not put someone in my life like that. I have kept her answer in mind, though I silently disagree because I believe God puts a variety of people in our lives for a reason. I have also a theory that he could have treated me as such because it could be a defense mechanism because some people tend to push others away. Now that we are talking, I'm not really sure what to do. I've been praying and debating of asking him what's next. A friend of mine said to let it be and work on it next semester since this one is almost coming to an end...Any suggestions?

Edited November 18, 2011 by ashwise

[~candice~]

Oh dear sister, it's hard when the heart wants something, but the Word says that marrying a non believer is a no no. And the Word has proven itself wise many many times by the testimony of women who thought they were strong enough to do this, and in the end, were forced to compromise or walk away from their faith because of their partners. I urge you to have a look at King Solomon... do you know what it was that lead him astray? It's that, despite a direct warning, he went after women not of his faith. 1 cor 7 is also a warning against marrying outside of the faith.

I know we can pray and patiently wait for God to speak. But in this case, God has spoken, in the bible. The voice we hear in prayer, and the voice we hear when we read the Word, are one and the same, and His answer on this won't change.

I pray You do hear Him in this matter, and He gives you the strength to humbly submit to His command, and heals your heart.

[j102]

I really like this guy. Unfourtunately, he's unbeliever and comes from a broken home which has affected his personality. He's nice, but he is somewhat sociallly awkward and antisocial. My friends think he is a jerk and haven't really met him but base this opinion on what I've told them and from his appearence and his body language. At the begining of the semester, we got into a really bad fight and after blaming everything on me, he told me to not speak to him. For almost two months we haven't spoken until the last week in october when i told him I wasn't mad at him and he apologized, realzing it was not anything to be upset about. We get along fine and talk whenever we see each other. I still have feelings for him and I've been praying to God to see if this man is supposed to be the one. I feel like God is silent for a while and then i get a variety of answers such as "be patient, you will have your answer soon" "yes, you two will be together, you must be patient, he is being difficult, it will be awhile". I keep asking God because I'm not sure if its my thoughts messing with me. Another friend has told me the answer is no because she asked if he has hurt me emotionally and mentally and God would not put someone in my life like that. I have kept her answer in mind, though I silently disagree because I believe God puts a variety of people in our lives for a reason. I have also a theory that he could have treated me as such because it could be a defense mechanism because some people tend to push others away. Now that we are talking, I'm not really sure what to do. I've been praying and debating of asking him what's next. A friend of mine said to let it be and work on it next semester since this one is almost coming to an end...Any suggestions?

well in your post you said that he was not a believer, and scripture tells us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. i would suggest that you 2 can be friends but be careful not to let past emotions impair your judgment. plus the bible says in the new testiment, to "let the peace of god be your guide in the choices you make"

take care and be blessed.

[Thejumpsuitman]

I agree with the two others. The Bible has already answered your question.

Short story... My sister is a Christian who allowed herself to fall in love with a non-believer. After 4 years he has left her. She now sees why the Bible says not to be unequally yoked. They have nothing in common when it comes to the absolute most important things. He has no reason to follow what the Bible teaches or to pray because he is NOT a believer. His moral compass is not guided by the Holy Spirit and what the Bible teaches, but by his own flesh and it's desires. That's the way it is with anybody who is unsaved. This command is there for the protection of God's children. Be strong!

Marc

Edited November 16, 2011 by Thejumpsuitman

[ashwise]

I really appreciate the advice and I'm quite familar with the verse and I'm praying to make sure this is the right answer. Reading this though has raised many questions though. Are Christians being too judgemental to nonbeleviers? And are there other factors that can cause relationships to suffer besides faith? I have a former friend who athiest and bipolar and she married her husband, a believer and highschool sweetheart, this past April, just to share an example.

[OldShep]

I really appreciate the advice and I'm quite familiar with the verse and I'm praying to make sure this is the right answer.

Reading this though has raised many questions though. Are Christians being too judgemental to nonbelievers?

And are there other factors that can cause relationships to suffer besides faith?

I have a former friend who atheist and bipolar and she married her husband, a believer and high school sweetheart, this past April, just to share an example.

To answer you first question, Yes some Christians tend to be very judgemental toward nonbelievers, in part because it is Human Nature,, which all people have and all people struggle with. Each of us wants to be seen as right, or correct in the stand we make, weather we are believers or nonbelievers in Christ. One must remember that the "Church is not a museum of sinless Saints, it is a Hospital for the sinner. Paul in the Bible advised people not to be yoked with unbelievers, a warning, not to join into relationships with a person that may be wicked or profane, this does include those matters of the Heart as well. Yet mostly it deals with those people that follow Christ, as a warning to not hang out with those who do evil, not to desire being accepted by them that have no understanding of the Grace of God. A warning, that some people that we may want to be accepted by are very Bad and that we could fall into the same pit that they are digging from themselves.

The answer to your second question is also Yes: What things do you share in common with this person, what likes do both of you share, does this person take drugs? Do you know what color he likes? Does he hold you as being an equal an open to hearing your words? If you want to go to Church would He come with you or would he complain that he has to set around the house alone while you have fun with other people from the Church? Can he share time with you and your friends and not have your friends look at him like a 3rd wheel?

Better yet, does he and you, know that Love, is not always a feeling, Love is a choice? There are dozens of other reasons that can break up a relationship. My advise is to sit down and really get to know this person before leaping into something that could hurt you. Talk to him, go to a church and get premarital counseling.

In Christian Love

Dennis

[joi]

In brief: Run while you can.

After you have had a child with him is much to late and you will have to force child support from him.

I know you are a ways from this, but unless he does a radical change this may well be your future, and

you will not like it.

[ashwise]

What about hearing God telling me that I was supposed to be this man's perfect mate in church?

[~candice~]

Well.. that's what you think you heard. You can check if you've heard right by comparing that voice against the Word. Sadly in this case, the Word disagrees. So I think you've heard what you want to hear . Sorry it's hard, but there is no wiggle room with dating non believers.

[nebula]

What about hearing God telling me that I was supposed to be this man's perfect mate in church?

Please share what you mean by "God telling you."

In our fallen word, it's easy to inject our own thoughts and feelings into what the Lord is saying. And even the most prophetic people will encourage you to seek confirmation on anything they tell you.

But if it truly was the voice of the Lord speaking this to you, do you not think your number one prayer ought to be for this man's salvation? You see, if you develop a relationship with him in his unsaved state, you are opening the door to a world of hurt. Sure, your friend has a working marriage, but that doesn't mean the unequal yoking spiritually isn't causing stress. I've listened to many women with unsaved husbands crying out their pain over the matter.

So this is my advice and encouragement to you.

1. Intercede first and foremost for his salvation, that he would fall head-over-heals in love for Jesus. (Rather than praying about him falling in love with your. If the word was from the Lord, that's a given you need to stand on, not plead and pray for and fret over.) PRAY FOR HIS SALVATION WITH NO THOUGHT FOR YOURSELF.

2. Seek confirmation of the word.