ladypeartree Posted June 10, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 37 Topic Count: 540 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 32,935 Content Per Day: 5.04 Reputation: 23,688 Days Won: 232 Joined: 06/21/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/23/1953 Share Posted June 10, 2012 Hmmm .. I am the same age as your mum and my youngest daugter is your age ... I look after her two toddlers whilst she works sooooo if there is no medical reason for your mum to start doing this it may be time to help in other ways. ( Have a chat to her doctor or district nurse and ask if they can do an assessment to see if your dads needs are getting too much for her could be the start. The doctor wont be able to discuss their medical issues with you but you can alert them to the possibility that there may be a problem) If you call " age concern" they will be able to give to a good list of clubs/activities etc that are in your area ..all free of charge as it may be simply that she is lonely especially of your dads health now means he is less " company " for her .... you could suggest she joins in some local activities that may even get her started on a new hobby. Perhaps she thinks that as you are not working YOU need the company ??? ( my mum appears to think I need a phone call at about 6 am each day lol ) If /when you start work again she will not be able to call you for everything so have a chat and set times when you will be available ( as well as for any real emergancies ) and set some time for yourself. Make sure she is getting all she is entitled too as well as since she is caring for your dad she should be able to claim carers allowance that will give her enough money to be able to afford taxis instead of you more often. Also look into respite care for your dad if he is becoming less independant as he can at least attend day care sessions to give her a rest and a chance to get out and about to do something that interests her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeinnocentspirit Posted June 10, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 20 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 115 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 10, 2012 I think we pieced it all together and its all around how my mum is totally passive and not assertive enough. We recently gathered the reason why so many people needed/ wanted that shuttle service. The dinner event was supposed to be held at the house that I drove to having picked up two passengers. When I got there there was a sudden change and we where given the postcode for a new venue to drive to so I took the two original people I drove there to this new venue a 15 to 20 minute drive away. Once we left I had that extra person - however a number of people had hopped into others cars and ended up stranded up there. There was an element of chaos to the whole event and we should have done a u-turn and come home instead of being put in a situation where we dont know where we are going and are being a postcode for our sat navs! My mum called me in a state of fury as she had discovered all this information. I then just said that 'we' (I didnt want her to feel as though I am blaming her in anyway) should have come home from there and had our own dinner at home with my brother and dad. We have a different sort of lifestyle where we are caring for someone and that she needed to be assertive and say no we cant just go along with whatever time plan as we need to be home to take care of dad. Also with that ladypeartree you are so so right about having an activity where she can stop being a full time carer and I am now taking her with me to a yoga class so that she can do something different for a couple of hours. Im still very concerned and I am looking to keep an eye on what sets her off then maybe it will be easy to fix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted June 11, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted June 11, 2012 Two helpful phrases: 1. "No. The answer is no." (Not rude, just direct and accurate.) 2. "For the best reason in the world: I don't want to." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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