Fed up with wife!

[carlos123]

First of all you have to controle your anger and not let things get to you.

You can say that again Angels! That's for sure. From my end that is key though I don't know how I can avoid being angry about stuff that it seems one should be angry about. It's not wrong to be angry mind you but it is wrong for me to let my anger get a hold of me and control my reaction.

...its not the end of the world to have extra channels during the holiday ....

Well it's not the end of the world. You are right about that Angels. But on the other hand I don't think it's a cute thing to have all these extra channels on which Jesus Christ and all that He stands for is ridiculed and mocked and berated most all day and all night just because some of us want to watch a Christmas special or two.

I might as well go out and buy Playboy out of a desire to read about a Christmas special reviewed in the magazine as get extra channels full of licentiousness, immorality, and righteiousness mocking "entertainment" just to watch Frosty the Snowman the night before Christmas. Something doesn't seem right about that picture.

She's (my daughter) in highschool and like to watch cartoons, man you should be happy she's not out on the streets doing who knows what. And of course she will try to rebel a bit,

but thats where you come in to guide her ....though the rough times when she needs you. You get a lot farther with love then critizizing everything.

Granted Angels. Love is where I need to grow. But I don't think love means overlooking things about my daughter just because it's not so bad when compared to what other teenage girls might engage in. The standard of comparision is that of Jesus Christ and His righteousness. Not what other teenage girls are or are not doing.

Not to say that I should be a harsh taskmaster and get on her case every time I see her fall short. That would be far worse than anything I may see in her (I have certainly been guilty of that in the past). Only that what I see is indeed a problem in her attitudes and such. A big problem.

I don't subscribe to the notion that teenagers just can't help themselves and that we should tolerate their behaviour and attitudes because...welll...they just can't help themselves. Being teenagers I mean.

How do I deal with my wife regarding our cable?

Don't say a word about it and she might be the one to want to cancel the extra channels soon

Forgive me Angels. I know you mean well but that's like so many these days who would rather not confront sin in those they love thinking that perhaps God will do it for them when God has commanded us to speak the truth in love. In love being paramount of course. But to speak it nevertheless.

Don't worry though, I am not leaving my wife though I certainly felt like that last night, once again. The lessons of God to teach me how to love as He loves the Church continues .

Carlos

[Charisse48]

Carlos,

I was not going to write to this post again but I felt some things about all you have said. First its the holy spirit that convicts the sinner. I feel like your taking on that role here with your family. We all want our children to do right and our spouses to love and respect us. When I read your answers to others I feel your describing what it will be in heaven. Your stuck by the fact christain counselors would charge when this is what supports them and their families. I know I would rather be counseled by some one who has a gift for this and has studied the process.

Sure I can have friends and family help, but as you said the process is faster the other way. You don't belong to a church and I would ask you why you don't want to. There, is much of your support. Your not able to find other christians near you why would you not fellowship with other christians in the church setting? I'm not sure what turned you off but this leaves you and your family out by yourselves.

God Bless you Carlos

Charisse

[carlos123]

    I was not going to write to this post again ....

Sorry to hear that Char. If yoiu don't mind telling me, may I ask why not? Feel free to PM me if you don't want to say it publicly. I want to learn from any mistakes I may have made in communicating as I did. Did I come accross in a way that caused you to take anything I said personally? I am open to correction Char if you think I said something in a way that was wrong or hurtful either publicly or in a PM (private message).

I know you meant well by your input Char and in no way, shape, or form, did I mean to hurt or insult you by what I said. I felt certain things about the advice to go to a counselor or pastor in general that I wanted to express but I sure didn't mean anything personal against you Char.

First its the holy spirit that convicts the sinner. I feel like your taking on that role here with your family.

Can you elaborate on this a bit more Char? Perhaps you have something there but I just don't see it. If anyone else thinks I am taking on the role of he Holy Spirit can you please pipe up and share why you might think that? Perhaps Char is right but again I just don't see it.

When I read your answers to others I feel your describing what it will be in heaven.  Your stuck by the fact christain counselors would charge when this is what supports them and their families. I know I would rather be counseled by some one who has  a gift for this and has studied the process.

If I am describing how it will be in heaven Char then I am describing what is right and in line with what Christ would want am I not? And if what I am describing is what Christ would want should we not, by the power of the Holy Spirit in us and by virtue of being born again as new crreatures in Christ, aim to please God by doing that which I have described? Not that we will ever be perfectly obedient Char but at the same time I do not see what I described as impractical for today simply because it might describe a way which is more likely to be found implemented in heaven than in this life.

I am stuck on Christians who have received freely the most valuable thing that could possibly be imagined and given, the blood of Christ, turning around and hoarding it and how it might apply to helping a couple have a better marriage, and not sharing it freely but rather only if they are paid to do so. And handsomly so.

Jesus commanded His disciples "Freely you have receiived. Freely give." Jesus "became poor for us that we through His righteiousness might become rich".

I simply do not see a Scriptural justification for Christian counselors to charge before they end up giving out information that may help a struggling couple. Please step out of the box of church tradition Char and try to see it from my perspetive. If not from my description then at least in light of Christ and the example of the New Testament Church.

As for finding people who are gifted to draw us out and to help us see God's perspective on that by all means Char! Some are more gifted than others for sure and I too would want to go to someone that is gifted in this than to someone who is not. I did not mean to imply that just because we all have the Holy Spirit in us that we are then all just as able, through our respective giftings, to be just as good as any counelor around. That simply isn't true Char. We are all able, I believe, to counsel each other but not all of us are as able to do so in as good a way as any other of us.

  Sure I can have friends and family help, but as you said the process is faster the other way. You don't belong to a church and  I would ask you why you don't want to. There, is much of your support. Your not able to find other christians near you why would you not fellowship with other christians in the church setting? I'm not sure what turned you off but this leaves you and your family out by yourselves. 

Not entirely by ourselves . I have a good Christian friend who I communicate with and of course the input of others on the forum. Sure I would much prefer to be in local fellowship and I am praying and thinking through way to find some. As for why I can't stand going to your typical Sunday church? It's a long story which I don't mind sharing but it would definitely veer off into another topic and would probably not be good to get into on this thread.

Suffice it to say that it has to do more with the way Church traditions have become so acceptable as to make anyone reading the Word and looking to it to determine their life and practice be like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. That's the way it's been for me in most churches I have attended (I was in one for close to ten years so I am not your bounce from church to church to church every other month type of person).

If you don't respond Char that's okay though I will be sorry to see you go. I might have learned something through you about how to communicate in a more loving way through my posts. Regardless may the Lord bless you and keep you safe.

Carlos

[2bba]

Carlos -

I am going to respond to this post without reading the others, something I do not normally do. I want to speak from my heart about this situation you are in.

Marriage is a partnership, it is hard work to keep a marriage together, and anyone who says differently must live on another planet.

Many people marry for the wrong reasons like sex and pregnancy. Many people divorce for the wrong reasons like family members interfering with two people who should be left alone to work out their own lives together.

I will be married 30 years in a few months. We have had very high highs and very low lows in our marriage. There were times that I thought just as you, so has my wife I am sure. People and marriage are not static things. People change, sometimes through physical changes, mental changes, environment, health, beliefs, many ways of changing. Christ knew this, he knows this. Want to read about a stormy marriage brother, read Revelation and the seven churches.

Christ has gone through a really stormy marriage with his church and he would like to spew it from his mouth he mentions at one point. Christ took a vow; He was and is committed to the marriage.

When you look at it that way, look at your wife with loving and kind eyes my friend and break her heart by your love. All things truly can be conquered with love, even when it is one sided for awhile. I had the great fright of my life a few months ago when I thought I would lose my wife because of health problems

[angels4u]

Carlos,

I don't mean to overlook sin if you see something whats really bad of course you have to say something, are the new channels bad channels?

I agree with 2bba, we are married for 31 years and yes there were very highs and lows in our marriage also, if it wasn't for the Lord we would have been divorced long time ago.

Its most of all a commitment we made for God and life is not perfect.

Someday it will .

Men think so very different then women do, ever heard of left brain and right brain thinking?

I'm glad you're not giving up and I'm sure the Lord will work it out for you, just try not to be too hard on your family, God will deal with them when you can't anymore! Life can be very overwhelming, are you taking your shoes of now ?

God Bless, Angels

[carlos123]

I don't mean to overlook sin if you see something whats really bad of course you have to say something, are the new channels bad channels?

I think the reason we think some channels are much worse than others in general is because the boob tube has so desensitized us to sin that we don't usually don't think anything of being entertained with stuff that makes light of what Jesus had to die for. I guess that is the long way of saying that I think most of the channels we have fall into the bad category.

There are some that are particularly bad though in an extra sort of way. We had one that routinely shows full frontal nudity shows once a week. Now that we have greatly expanded our channels we now have at least two (including Showtime).

I have never wanted cable in our house as a result but since I am the only one in our house that has had a problem being tempted to watch these kinds of shows I didn't make a big stink about the one channel since my wife wanted to watch other things, that while no less damaging ot her spiritual well being, were not as blatent. Now when you add them all up they spell only one thing in my mind. JUNK! Absolute junk that we are allowing into our minds. Day in and day out. We watch JUNK and waste our time and life sitting in front of a box in the family room being entertained by shows that depict the very things that Jesus had to go to the cross for. I say this collectively since I don't watch much TV normally. I would rather be on the Internet interacting with ya all, friends, making new friends, or reading various blogs and news that keep me abreast of what is happening in the world.

I agree with 2bba, we are married for 31 years and yes there were very highs and lows in our marriage also, if it wasn't for the Lord we would have been divorced long time ago.

Its most of all a commitment we made for God and life is not perfect.

Honestly I have sometimes wondered why we get married at all. I mean most couples are not living in marital bliss and happiness. From all that I have heard it almost seems better for singles to remain singles. Of course I have seen one very significant benefit to being married. Even though our marriage is not the best thing going I have not felt lonely since me and my wife married. At all.

I used to feel so alone that it literally would hurt inside. And hurt so much that sometimes I would have done anything to avoid the pain of being alone.

I did not marry to avoid this pain, though I guess some people do, but almost as an afterthought I came to realize after I married my wife that my loneliness entirely disappeared! Completely.

I know that now there is someone for whom I am an important person. And that she is an important person to me. I know that someone, for better or for worse, must endure me and what I go through as I must endure them. And that together we are trodding through life. I am no longer alone in the sense that what happens to my life does not really impact or matter to anyone (other than my biological family of course).

I suppose that is a great benefit to marriage though I sometimes wonder if the loneliness that I experienced once was a passing phase such that I would not again experience such if me and my wife seperated.

Men think so very different then women do, ever heard of left brain and right brain thinking?

Yeah I've heard of it. I have read so many marriage books that I have probably heard every description of how men and women think differently at one time or another.

In all my reading I have come to one main conclusion....that women should be more like men I was reminded about that today when on going to work there were two women yacking away, in a van, holding up an ever increasing line of cars driven by men who wanted to use the passing lane.

Isn't that just like it is. Men want to get somewhere while women want to enjoy the trip and interact with each other while the world passes by.

Life can be very overwhelming, are you taking your shoes of now ?

Yeah. I've gotten into going upstairs with my slippers such that when I come in the house I take off my shoes and put my slippers on. BUT the issue has not been entirely settled yet. It's more like what happens when two people work so much that their relationship gets better as a result of not interacting with each other. The problems just sort of "disappear". You see I still go walking around all over the house when I come in momentarily. Since my wife is not around much no harm done though I am sensistive to making sure I don't leave any tracks of wetness behind out of consciousness toward her.

I would say my relationship with my wife has greatly improved! Though I think in part it's because we literally do not see each other hardly at all anymore between her work and mine. Of course some credit must be given to the Lord in drawing me to Himself again such that I am more inclined to love these days than to stomp all over the house pouting and angry in my heart. As such I am inclined to think that my wife would say I have become somewhat easier to be around

Carlos

[Charisse48]

Dear Carlos,

I read your post to me and oh no, you didn't offend me. I had a very good day of feeling healthier than usual so I did some shopping for curtains for our house. The reason I said I wasn't going to post no more is I felt that I looked at things perhaps to different than you. I felt I was becoming a broken record, and I didn't want to just repeat the same things.

Your a good man Carlos, I just feel that your wanting things to be fair and just

and that is not how it will be here on earth. Sure we can do our best to do the right thing by our family and our walk with God. Some are stronger than others in their walk and if you feel strong in yours you would go a long way with your family,

to let love guide you. You have strong feelings about certain things and I think it is getting in your way.

I have, in my life, had to many times adjust my sense of some things I thought were right. There were times where I became so heavenly minded I was no earthly good. I would be glad to continue our conversation, if you feel you can benefit from it though.

As always Carlos, God Bless

Charisse

[carlos123]

            I read your post to me and oh no, you didn't offend me. I had a very good day of feeling healthier than usual so I did some shopping for curtains for our house.  The reason I said I wasn't going to post no more is I felt that I looked at things perhaps to different than you. I felt I was becoming a broken record, and I didn't want to just repeat the same things.

Whew! I thoght maybe I had been too blunt or bold in expressing myself and had blown you away. I tend to sometimes do that. Nice to hear it's just because you did not want to sound like a broken record in repeating the same things to me. I understand Char.

Just so you know by the way, you didn't sound like a broken record. At least to me.

      Your a good man Carlos, I just feel that your wanting things to be fair and just

and that is not how it will be here on earth. 

A point of disagreement between us I guess And that's okay. I do believe that things can be fair and just on this Earth in so far as Christians are willing to apply what the Bible says in their relationships with one another. Since my family are all Christians then I think it's perfectly possible to implement what is just an fair in our house in this life. The problem is that we are not all willing to do so or are deceived about what is just and fair, not that such a thing is not possible. But as I said I guess we can just agree to disagree .

Sure we can do our best to do the right thing by our family and our walk with God. Some are stronger than others in their walk and if you feel strong in yours you would go a long way with your family,

to let love guide you.

I don't feel particularly strong in my walk with God Char. In fact I view myself as very unstable in my faith. Nevertheless you are absolutely right in saying that it would go a long way for me to let love guide us. Well put!

You have strong feelings about certain things and I think it is getting in your way.

I prefer to say views rather than feelings Char . Yes I do have strong views / feelings about certain things. But those views come from my reading of the Word and praying in the presence of the Lord. Ironically it is just that tendency to look directly to God and His Word for what is true and right and just that causes me to not fit into a typical Sunday church. Where the sheep more often than not seem to be more prone to look to their pastoral leadership than to God for guidance and where a church may elevate it's traditions to the level of spiritual truth expecting everyone to abide by them. The moment it becomes evident that I am not your typical sheep, content to munch on what I am fed while sitting placidly in a pew, I start to have problems with those around me who don't want anything to rock the boat such that we might walk more in line with what God intended.

    I have, in my life, had to many times adjust my sense of some things I thought were right. There were times where I became so heavenly minded I was no earthly good.

As long as such adjustment does not compromise what God wants for us as a Church to be about Char I see nothing wrong with it. On the other hand it would be wrong and out of line with God's desire for us to not call evil, evil. Or to fudge His standard of rightesouness and say that since we are imperfect it's okay to not be holy as He would want us to be.

To be heavenly minded is a very good thing. To be so to the point that God cannot work through one to love those around them is not. The key is to be heavenly minded, upholding all truth and righteousness, while letting the Lord work though us to love those he came to die for. We cannot and must not compromise His standard of right and wrong simply because so many might not be willing to abide by it.

As it says in Romans 2:4...

"Let God be true, and every man a liar. As it is written:

[Charisse48]

Carlos,

Hey there, I've been trying to sum up all that I want to say in a word. Grace, I think we need to extend each other more grace. We all screw up and I keep thinking about how God is so gracious to us. I feel its about being able to love your kids through the tough times and to be there for each other to say, when you fall I will be there for you. To me, grace sums up all that I have said. I have been searching for that word and could not get it out. I think grace is what we all need more of.

You have a great xmas Carlos

Charisse