crossFX77 Posted January 16, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 24 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 8 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/04/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted January 16, 2014 Getting past insecurites from being abused as a child can be a hard thing to do, it can lead to insecurities and issues within relationships as an adult. As a young man I would cover them up with muscles and playing football. But that does not fix things and I am now 36 and on my second marriage, which is all but failing. I can be selfish, inconsistent, and disrespectful. I want to be the man that God wants me to be and the father and husband my family needs. I begged to God on way to work after an argument asking why he has left me, I begged for him to please help me... 30 secs later the phone rang and the Christian College called for a 2nd interview with the VP. That opened my eyes. My wife and I are on the verge of divorce and I have been praying and asking people to pray, but I have not been praying with my "ENTIRE heart" I don't want a flame, I want an inferno in my life, I want to have such a desire to change things in my life and for my wife to become saved and for the marriage to be healed! I would like some input on things about being a Godly man and a better husband... Please be upfront and honest as I will honestly answer any questions I can. I desire to fix this marriage and Jesus I desire to draw close to you and I pray for your strength in this. Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted January 16, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted January 16, 2014 Dear cross, It is so difficult to tell someone how to do this or that when the first thing one must do is seek Gods Will......how can anyone tell you to do this or that to repair a marriage that may not have been what God intended in the first place or tell someone to move on when Gods Will may be one for each other as one flesh?Firstly,being unequally yoked is very difficult to begin with and that is why God tells us not to & though your hearts desire is that your wive come to Christ,perhaps you have planted the seed & someone else may or may not water it...... These are the things that will be answered by God Himself & your coming into relationship with Him,seeking His Face......You said yourself that you are not praying with all of your heart.My brother,I honestly believe that unless you earnestly seek God with all of your heart and submit to Him without reservation then you cannot be pro0mpted tp follow those directions of the Holy Spirit.Becoming the man that God intends comes by the Power of the Holy Spirit,the transforming &* renewing of your heart & mind to become that new creature in Christ Jesus....... By no effort of our own can we do the Will of God but by Christ abiding in us,I do hope this encourages you to seek God & be willing to have Him as Lord over your life......a life more abundant here on earth comes from submission & yeilding to the Spirit of God,God bless you and you remain in my prayers....giving God the Glory! With love,in Christ-Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2014 Share Posted January 16, 2014 I'm Jesus Is Still Working On This In My Life And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, 2 Timothy 2:24 Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hall7 Posted January 16, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,385 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 491 Days Won: 5 Joined: 04/25/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted January 16, 2014 Try to fill yourself with the Word daily because that truly is what transforms us, little by little. Be yourself no need to cover anything up, I had trouble with that issue myself some time ago because of my past childhood. You'll find that when you completely surrender yourself to the Lord, everything begins to fix itself automatically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hall7 Posted January 17, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 75 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,385 Content Per Day: 0.32 Reputation: 491 Days Won: 5 Joined: 04/25/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted January 17, 2014 As Kwik said... Verified by two through the Holy Spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WebFisher Posted January 17, 2014 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 51 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 13 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/19/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/25/1968 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Cross, As Kwik has stated, I am not sure if any of us here can fix your relationship with your wife and family, however, I can offer this advice. 1) Do seek God with all your heart. 2) Confess to your wife what you have mentioned here, and earnestly ask for her forgiveness. 3) Forgive yourself for your past. 4) Know that God loves you so much, and values you so much, that HE sent His son, Jesus to die on the cross for you. You are THAT important to HIM. Finally, I would ask you do this: Make a conscious effort to be the man God wants you to be by getting into the Word more, praying more, and speaking with your wife daily about your journey and ask her for help. It is ok to admit to her that you are struggling, and that you don't know how to fix it. A wise brother once told me that a marriage is a daily competition between a man and wife to see who can out-please the other. Try to win daily. 1 Thessalonians 3:16 Romans 1:9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeedYouLord Posted January 17, 2014 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 21 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 601 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 196 Days Won: 3 Joined: 04/27/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted January 17, 2014 Much love to you, cross...The only reason I can see so much of The Hand of God in your situation is because it is so similar to mine...and regardless if there was abuse or not as a child...I think without God in our lives...being led and guided by Him...we just plain walk around with insecurities-and still being a human in the flesh-we sometimes still do have these insecurities at times...In Him, His Word and our brothers and sisters is our answer (because He is in them)...Sometimes I go through periods where I just need to hear: It's going to be ok...and like Hall said: We need our medicine (The Bible) everyday...A dose of it everyday...That's what I need...and like that ol' Southern Gospel song I heard the other day said: My doctor (Jesus) is in the (Prayer) closet... I only know in part but the part I do know...I know...Hahaha Being completely honest with an unbeliever or a carnal believer is the way I have chosen to go...I expressly express my belief in God...and I don't deviate and I stand!!! See I was called out by God in the very middle of my 2nd marriage...surprise surprise...I did the same thing you are doing now...Went after God!!! And still am With All of me!!! At first it was for a different reason but the outcome is the same...He will take care of that desire that is in us for Him!!! God Will...You just go after Him...what happened to me was I saw miracle after miracle...(Ummm...the call from the college?) My husband was promoted twice!!! So that we could live on what he made...I was laid off when the baby was 4 months old!!! and I really don't even think he applied for it...we never talked about it...but I know what happened...miracle after miracle...Does he give God all the glory? Nope...not yet...but there is so much hope...so many changes have taken place...I've been at it a while now and have chosen to obey The Bible this time...It's like before I knew The Truth...I could just run from trouble...well, God made sure this time I couldn't run so easy!!! Hahaha...I have chosen like Ms. Joy said in another thread what the Bible says: to stay and pray...and that's what I do... Have I learned to keep my mouth shut sometimes? Yep...Cause ya'll have seen how it gets me in trouble sometimes...I'm still learning but it's worth it to go after God...He can turn it all around for good...That's been my experience... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted January 17, 2014 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,242 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,658 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted January 17, 2014 Frequently people have very unreal expectations of their spouse. They want things that only God is able to provide, not the spouse. That is one reason why I suggest godly marriage counseling. They also may be able to help you to drop the baggage of your past. While God does make us new creatures in Christ, change can come slowly as we give every area of our lives to Him. Most women want a best friend in their husbands. They enjoy doing things with them. However, as a Christian your interests are supposed to be different than that of an unbeliever and you need to be a good example for children. As your grow in Christ you will no longer want to do many things that she likes. Even your friends may ridicule you or dump you as your seek to live a godly life in Christ Jesus. So growing closer to God can put a strain on a marriage, but you will never be able to be a good husband to her without having Him come first in your life and being filled with His Spirit again. You need God to pour His love for her through you so that you can love her just as she is.. You need godly wisdom to guide your kids and love them with a godly pure love. So you are in a very difficult situation. You cannot compromise your relationship with Him. As for bible college, You might get much more from an interdenominational bible study like Bible Study Fellowship if you just want to come to know and understand the Bible better. As far as drawing close to God and humbling yourself to become more Christ like, fasting and praying by yourself might be a good way. Some bible colleges or seminaries challange or even destroy your beliefs instead of drawing you closer to God. They may not be what you are looking for in your heart. And if your wife does not support you in this, It probably is not be the best decision. God usually tells you to put Him first,, your family second, and your career 3rd. Scripture requires you to provide for your family. So, as your heart is drawing you to do, you need to work on your family relationships. It sounds more like college was a temptation to me, especially since this overwhelming desire to be a good husband and dad as well as a man of God came after that phone call came. It sounds to me that God clearly answered your prayer for guidance. You might tell your wife that you have been praying that God would bless her and help you to learn how to be a better husband to her. TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. Women need you to put your arms around them, hold them affectionately and tell them this regularly without it necessarily leading to the bedroom. Ask her to forgive you for the hurtful things you have said and for being selfish. Tell her you want to change and ask her to be patient with you as you learn. Be quick to admit when you were wrong. Rules of arguing: No name calling or insulting, stick to the problem at hand, don't bring up past junk, and don't say "you always". Try to be reasonable--don't back yourself into a corner. Always hear her out. Respond with "this is what I hear you saying" and ask if what you heard is correct. Tell her how what she is saying makes you FEEL. Tell her that her feelings are important to you. Often we women just need to express our frustrations and after doing so we see a way to solve it and we feel better. But NEVER say "do you feel better now" if she is expressing a concrete complaint--that is condescending and dismissing it. She is not necessarily asking you to fix everything. Many of the things bothering her can't be fixed or solved and she is just telling you what is bothering her. You can even ask her if this is something you can help with or if it best you just leave it alone. Most men think women want them to straighten it all out. On the other hand, dealing with banks, creditors, identity theft, errors in her check book, household repairs, kids teachers complaints and conferences, consistant discipline that fits the crime (the goal being to instruct or help make them teachable), are all things you should handle as much as possible. Pray and ask God to help you be consistant and to make you aware when you are not, even if it is your wife telling you (and thank your wife for telling you.) I always tell people that I learned to raise kids by taking the dog through AKC dog training. I learned to speak with authority in my voice (not anger), to reward good behavior and how to correct bad behavior effectively (but I am not advocating a choke chain on kids lol), and the rest I learned from the Bible since my goal was that they come to faith in God. Men tend not to deal much with feelings and learning to do so is part of learning to live with your wife according to knowledge. She wants you to be tender to her and concerned about her feelings, and to feel protected and safe with you. But this is just my opinion, since you asked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerry1023 Posted January 21, 2014 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 97 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 427 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 156 Days Won: 2 Joined: 07/29/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/20/1980 Share Posted January 21, 2014 The heart also of the rash shall understand knowledg,and the tongue of the starmmerers shall be ready to speak plainly.Isaiah 32-4" what a wonderful replied above,my brother:God is speaking to you through his [WCF] mouthpics,beside that in the multitude of counsellors there is safty,worthy is bless with a godly counsellors,I'm somuch impress with all the replies above.right now the ball is in your court,Prayer is the master key,and Jesus is the answer.goodluck my beloved brother,for this very purpose the son of man was made manifest.that he mighty destroy the hands work of devil.I prophesy peace,love and understanding into your marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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