Celibacy - Gift/No Gift

[EnochBethany]

 

3) refusing to have sex with a spouse is the sin of defrauding.

4) There is no scripture that says to the Christian, "You must produce children."

 

That right there is what I'm talking about. It's like God is backing us into a corner or something.

3 and 4 are basically saying "please have sex with your wife and let's hope the condom doesn't break because i don't ever want kids." lol.

 

But how do you know which is God's plan for you - marriage later in life or staying single forever? Ask Him to reveal this to you. Then be open to the answer coming. It could be in the form of dream, or many people speaking the same thing into your life, or something else that prods you, even a prophetic word (if you are open to that).

 

I hear that all the time... "well all you gotta do is ask him and hear his voice"....

 

sorry nebula I don't agree with that. it doesn't work. it's just not realistic to me.

 

I've been in Christ for eight years now and still.... no voice.

 

The Lord wants you to love Him & your neighbor as yourself.  I think it is a great mistake to isolate commandments from that hierarchical context.  We are not backed into a corner.  God's rules are not like theological tiddlywinks. 

 

Let all us Christians pray the prayer in Eph 3:14-19 for each other.  Do you not perceive God's voice when you read His word?   Are you willing to let Him shape your desires, the meditations of your heart? 

[Guest DRS81]

But how do you know which is God's plan for you - marriage later in life or staying single forever? Ask Him to reveal this to you.

 

Why do I need to ask him to reveal something. He's God. If Jesus wanted to reveal something he will do it, no?

 

It is possible to have sexual relations without getting pregnant - either you follow what is called "the rhythm method" where you abstain during the time the wife has the best chance of getting pregnant, or you use modern methods to prevent pregnancy.

 

No it's not possible. You're taking a risk. If it was possible there would be less people in the world. Where there is sex there is risk.

 

God can comfort us where those holes are left unfilled, but He meant for those holes to be filled with people.

 

I can agree with this, but marriage is a choice we make. You can still serve God and people and not get married.

 

I'm no expert on hearing God either. But He did give me two words through other people that He had marriage plans for me. Of course, as the years dragged on and on and on I had a hard time believing this. 40 years old and still no prospect in sight! But, the Lord revealed him to me when the time was right.

 

So, as I read your words, I hear the same reasoning that was in my heart and mind - clinging to the concept of "the gift of celibacy" as a means of dealing with the pain.

 

I would think it would be more painful to have the burden of fatherhood when you're not ready. Have you ever heard of the phrase 'Cognitive Dissonance' it's best explained like this…"sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with the core belief." (Frantz Fanon).

 

Let all us Christians pray the prayer in Eph 3:14-19 for each other.  Do you not perceive God's voice when you read His word?   Are you willing to let Him shape your desires, the meditations of your heart? 

 

I'm getting there Enoch. I'm just having a hard time trusting God in a fallen world. Maybe he'll make me undone one day and change my heart.

[other one]

 

Wanting kids is another issue.  If you got the itch, you don't have the gift.

How is it another issue. God made sex specifically to procreate.

 

For the animal world, yes. But as a newlywed, I can testify that there is so much more to sex than conceiving a baby. I'll just say that the number one purpose for sex in marriage is strengthening the marriage bond. When you focus on bonding with your spouse and giving your spouse pleasure (not on giving yourself pleasure), you will discover you and your spouse falling more and more in love with each other.

 

and that is part of the process of becoming one.... 

[Guest HisG]

Just my 2 cents worth - I think it's natural to want to be physically connected to the opposite sex as our physical and mental makeup is hard wired for it - however, to be celibate is going against the grain so I would say it is a gift.

There are exceptions to the rule of course with loners, those with lower than normal sex drives etc but on the whole, the drive to be with the opposite sex is strong and natural.

As Followers of Christ, obviously we have boundaries where this is acceptable eg: marriage.

[nebula]

 

But how do you know which is God's plan for you - marriage later in life or staying single forever? Ask Him to reveal this to you.

Why do I need to ask him to reveal something. He's God. If Jesus wanted to reveal something he will do it, no?

 

He can, but He also wants a relationship with you. Relationships involve communication. He wants us seeking Him. While I may struggle with hearing form God, I know others who are more sensitive in this area, so I know it is possible. Even still, there are times I know the thoughts and impressions that came to me were God speaking to me.

I remember one time feeling frustrated with myself, and I cried to God, "Why do you love me?" (for I certainly did not love myself). A thought came to my head: "Why do you love your cat?" That took me back a bit. But I thought about it, and responded with my thoughts, "Because she is mine." The impression came back to me, "And that is why I love you - because you are Mine!"

It blew me away.

 

 

 

It is possible to have sexual relations without getting pregnant - either you follow what is called "the rhythm method" where you abstain during the time the wife has the best chance of getting pregnant, or you use modern methods to prevent pregnancy.

No it's not possible. You're taking a risk. If it was possible there would be less people in the world. Where there is sex there is risk.

 

I feel very puzzled at your perception of things. The evidence that this is possible are the various couples that have no children, and the many more couples who stop having children after one or two. The "ooops" babies are the rarity, not the norm.

 

 

God can comfort us where those holes are left unfilled, but He meant for those holes to be filled with people.

 I can agree with this, but marriage is a choice we make. You can still serve God and people and not get married.

 

For me it wasn't a choice. For decades (yes decades) I wanted to be married, but there was no man who loved me and I likewise loved back. I had several "one way" streaks - where I liked him but he didn't like me, or he liked me but I didn't like him - but there was no reciprocating feelings with anyone. Thus, I was stuck with being single. Sure I could chose to marry someone I had no such feelings form but being married for the sake of being married wasn't worth that.

However, when I fell head-over-heals over a man who already deeply cared for me and thought the best of me (and I found out later apparently could not keep his eyes off my legs!), not getting married would have been insane.

 

 

So, as I read your words, I hear the same reasoning that was in my heart and mind - clinging to the concept of "the gift of celibacy" as a means of dealing with the pain.

I would think it would be more painful to have the burden of fatherhood when you're not ready. Have you ever heard of the phrase 'Cognitive Dissonance' it's best explained like this…"sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with the core belief." (Frantz Fanon).

 

If you mind is made up, then why did you ask for our opinions of the gift of celibacy in the Question and Answer forum?

[EnochBethany]

 

 

But how do you know which is God's plan for you - marriage later in life or staying single forever? Ask Him to reveal this to you.

Why do I need to ask him to reveal something. He's God. If Jesus wanted to reveal something he will do it, no?

 

He can, but He also wants a relationship with you. Relationships involve communication. He wants us seeking Him. While I may struggle with hearing form God, I know others who are more sensitive in this area, so I know it is possible. Even still, there are times I know the thoughts and impressions that came to me were God speaking to me.

I remember one time feeling frustrated with myself, and I cried to God, "Why do you love me?" (for I certainly did not love myself). A thought came to my head: "Why do you love your cat?" That took me back a bit. But I thought about it, and responded with my thoughts, "Because she is mine." The impression came back to me, "And that is why I love you - because you are Mine!"

It blew me away.

 

 

 

It is possible to have sexual relations without getting pregnant - either you follow what is called "the rhythm method" where you abstain during the time the wife has the best chance of getting pregnant, or you use modern methods to prevent pregnancy.

No it's not possible. You're taking a risk. If it was possible there would be less people in the world. Where there is sex there is risk.

 

I feel very puzzled at your perception of things. The evidence that this is possible are the various couples that have no children, and the many more couples who stop having children after one or two. The "ooops" babies are the rarity, not the norm.

 

 

God can comfort us where those holes are left unfilled, but He meant for those holes to be filled with people.

 I can agree with this, but marriage is a choice we make. You can still serve God and people and not get married.

 

For me it wasn't a choice. For decades (yes decades) I wanted to be married, but there was no man who loved me and I likewise loved back. I had several "one way" streaks - where I liked him but he didn't like me, or he liked me but I didn't like him - but there was no reciprocating feelings with anyone. Thus, I was stuck with being single. Sure I could chose to marry someone I had no such feelings form but being married for the sake of being married wasn't worth that.

However, when I fell head-over-heals over a man who already deeply cared for me and thought the best of me (and I found out later apparently could not keep his eyes off my legs!), not getting married would have been insane.

 

 

So, as I read your words, I hear the same reasoning that was in my heart and mind - clinging to the concept of "the gift of celibacy" as a means of dealing with the pain.

I would think it would be more painful to have the burden of fatherhood when you're not ready. Have you ever heard of the phrase 'Cognitive Dissonance' it's best explained like this…"sometimes people hold a core belief that is very strong. When they are presented with evidence that works against that belief, the new evidence cannot be accepted. It would create a feeling that is extremely uncomfortable, called cognitive dissonance. And because it is so important to protect the core belief, they will rationalize, ignore and even deny anything that doesn’t fit in with the core belief." (Frantz Fanon).

 

If you mind is made up, then why did you ask for our opinions of the gift of celibacy in the Question and Answer forum?

 

"why ask for our opinions"

 

(pardon me for answering a question not directed to me)

 

My guess is that he was hurting and had a rock in his shoe.

 

I agree with him that trusting the Lord is not easy, even if it is essential.  We are all like Peter walking on water in the Christian life, requiring the constant miracle, frequently taking our eyes off the Lord & starting to sink. Fortunately, if we have truly trusted Him as Savior, we don't drown before He pulls us up.  If I could find some way to weld my gear shift lever into the "trust the Lord" position permanently, I would love to do it; but it frequently jumps out of gear!

[Guest shiloh357]

DRS81,

 

You're a lonely person, aren't you?

[Шарон]

Hey guys, and good evening. I have a good question.

 

Do you think celibacy is a gift implanted from God into a christian, or is it something that takes time, practice, service and continual prayer..

 

thus being a choice we make.. - Blessings All, DRS81

 

I believe permanent celibacy is a choice. This has always been my personal view of it. It doesn't make sense to me that abstaining from sex would be a 'gift', even if it was for the most heavenly of reasons. I abstain from drinking, which is something that I choose to do...so does my abstinence in drinking make that abstinence a 'gift'? I don't think so. There's a lot of 'gifts' floating around if this is the case. 

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Everyone....

      Praise & Glory to God.......we cannot do much of anything without the Lord,anyone can abstain from anything but it can be quite a struggle and I think it depends on what we are talking about & whether or not it is something we crave or desire in the fleseh.....a person can abstain from using profanity,for example & it may have become a habit from being around others that do & hearing it constantly.......by making a conscience decision to to be more mindful of what your saying it can be corrected(just an example)

      Then there is the person that is bound by the spirit of addiction and tries to abstain from drinking,the flesh with wrestle against the spirit and although the individual may be able to resist until they are delivered & have submitted to Christ it will be a constant struggle

     If a person makes a willful decision to be celibate with the intention  of serving the Lord with that type of devotion I think unless they are given this "gift" for that purpose of Gods calling then it would be a continual struggle for them as well.......so I do believe it is a gift.I have known quite a few people that have tried to make the vow of celibacy & it clearly was not Gods Will for them ,they were miserable ......There is a big difference in abstinence & making a vow to remain celibate,,,,,,,,just my opinion

                                                                                                                 With love-in Christ,Kwik

I just want to say to Cobalt...... what you said about intimacy in a marriage was very beautiful & just what is meant by being "one flesh"......your wife has been Blessed with a good man(a man of God)& I am sure your wife is a treasure that the Lord has Blessed you with................May God continue to Bless you both all the days of your life!

[Guest DRS81]

DRS81,

 

You're a lonely person, aren't you?

 

I think we're all lonely in some degree shiloh. It all depends on how you balance it out though, but going against the grain of society will do that to you. You gotta wanna go against the grain, and people fear and hate what they don't understand. And I'm not even talking about the fact that a man should want to be a father and choose fatherhood to be a part of his journey.