Divorce

[Guest PistosHuios]

I have a close friend, who is unfortunatly edging very close to a divorce.

I've been walking along side my friend for some time and many questions have come up. Paralleling this, is another divorce at my home church (where I no longer attend since I moved) and my reactions towards how the church is handling and how it should handle this. I feel as though I am responsible in some way to act in some way in favor of this marriage. I stood as the best man at the wedding and in my speach said this "We should all do everything in our power to not only keep them together, but happily together"

Question 1: How do you help a friend stay married, when you are unfamiliar with the spouse, and you believe therein lies the problem? Do I have any responsibility? (Beyond prayer, or is that the only thing I need to do?)

Question 2: How should a Christian react to a spouse that leaves them after 5 months, and gives every hint of wanting a divorce without actually saying "i want a divorce"? How long do you wait to save a marriage you believe the other doesn't want? Months, Years, Forever?

Question 3: How should the church handle this situation? In my home church the man was a deacon. They went through counseling with the church, and still they divorced? What should the reaction be? I hope to be a pastor someday, and things like this frighten me. The legalist in me says, get rid of them, remove them from fellowship, or with paul in 1 corinthians I want to say, hand them over to Satan. But then the loving, forgiving side reminds me of my imperfections, and 2 Corinthians when we realize that it is for restoration and not for destruction.

Please, if at all possible, try to refrain from lengthy responses with numerous quotations. quite frankly I never read such responses. Try to respond to the 3 questions above, and not each other, if at all possible.

Thanks alot for you input and God Bless.

Edited December 23, 2004 by PistosHuios

[tsth]

First of all, I want to commend you on your care and concern on behalf of your friends marriage, you are right to feel obligated to help him stay in his marriage, and I am amazed at how little value we place on marriage anymore and our responsibility to uphold it and honor it.

1. Yes, you have responsibility, especially if your friend proclaims himself to be Christian. Then you MUST reveal to him what the Word of God says about divorce, and what he will end up sowing in consequence should he still choose to do so, it is very likely that in the Lord's eyes he will then go on to commit adultery.

2. A Christian must react the way the Scriptures direct he/she to react: (See 1 Cor. 7)

3. The same, follow the Scriptures and what they command. If the divorce went through, then the man should be removed from the office of deacon, and the church should abide in this as the Word commands. The church should be as obedient to the Scriptures.

In His Truth,

Suzanne

[tsth]

I do need to clarify that my response was based on the assumption that the divorces were not based on biblical grounds for divorce, which call for different counsel depending on whether the spouse had grounds for divorce based on the Word.

God hates divorce.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[Guest hubertdorm]

I agree with Suzanne that your friend needs to understand the significance of a divorce, but I don't subscribe to scare tactics either. Is his wife a Christian? While divorce can rarely be blammed on only one spouse, there are times when one simply quits and gets out, leaving the other wondering what went wrong. If his wife isn't a believer, salvaging the marriage may not be of anyone's concern. Again, it just depends on the circumstances.

[tsth]

I agree with Suzanne that your friend needs to understand the significance of a divorce, but I don't subscribe to scare tactics either. Is his wife a Christian? While divorce can rarely be blammed on only one spouse, there are times when one simply quits and gets out, leaving the other wondering what went wrong. If his wife isn't a believer, salvaging the marriage may not be of anyone's concern. Again, it just depends on the circumstances.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually it depends on Scripture/The Word of God.

In His Love,

Suzanne

[Guest hubertdorm]

There are circumstances given in the Bible that need to be taken into account. Taking the Word into account is to examine the circumstances and details.

[irishcowboy]

being it takes two to get married, bot consent to marriage.....

divorce, usually is not just a one way street, some times it is, but mostly, it takes both parties to cause the marriage to fail.....

best thing you can do is pray for them both and to support them both with out picking sides.

do not point fingers at either party,

if one is known to be pushing the marriage aside, and shopping so to speak, WHY????

as I said, it takes two.....

as in a dream that was relayed to me in the early 1970's, it speaks about this, about serving others.......

just to get to the gist of the meaning,

if both people are serving each other, both are being well fed and satisfied, if neither is serving the other and focusing on their own needs, neither get fed and neither are satisfied..... if one is serving the other, but the other is not serving the one, the one being served willl be fed and be satisfied for a time, but the one serving will then begin to weaken and starve, and thus, both will starve....

I do not know the reasoning behind each and every marriage failing, but I also know that there are times that rumors start flying about one or the other or both during these times, and i also know that one will be favored over the other, even in their own church body.... and then the friends will step in, trying to make things right, only to hinder.... it seems one will get more and more guilt laid upon them, and fault finding pointed their way then the other......

have seen it where both were members of the same church, and a divorce happened, the husband was blamed for it all, and even had rumors, gossip floating around about how unfaithful he was to her, and that he was running around and committing massive sins with a 15 year old, then ened up marrying some one that was out just looking for a man with money to latch onto.....

during the divorce proceedings, the property was suppose to be split even, and the debts split even, the husband took all the debts and virtually none of the property, then the woman tossed all the stuff she did not want, and the church bought her a new house hold full of stuff, replacing all the things she took from the house hold and tossed in the dumpster.....the man, well, he took the debt, and zero'ed it out with in 6 months ( over 30,000 ) and is living thrifty, while she is still squandering and living payday to payday, the man has had virtually no word come in for 6 months, and is still doing well...... the woman ignored the visitation, the man followed it plus ( both had one of the two children for residential custody )

the man remarried, which brought along three more children, for a total of 5, he and his wife are directly supporting two, indirectly supporting three, which includes vehicles and school and such and are building a ministry together for children...... God has blessed them beyond all imagination......

reason for this divorce? the woman was tearing the household apart, spending every cent that came in, and then some.... not supporting the husband what so ever, down talking him where ever she went, would not honor his request for her to slow down on spending, the man, finally told her it was either him or divorce, he continued to talk with her, trying to get an answer, and he got it the day the papers arrived ( months after it all began ) she left, even left state.....

so, you have heard of one story, one side of one story...... for every event there are many witnesses........ each has their own story, all pointing to the same event..

I do not condone divorce for anyone, after saying that, I do not condemn anyone that is going thru one or has gone thru one, they are painful, and by condemning them is just throwing more pain into the mess, and causing more guilt to be placed upon the people...... I do not advise either party whether to divorce or not to divorce, but to seek the Guidance of God thru the Holy Spirit........

advising them to do one thing or the other is not the answer.....

mike

[Guest hubertdorm]

Nice points Mike

[Guest antitox]

I would agree that in order to effectively help someone with this, you need to hear the story from both sides. I had a guy I knew tell me how his wife was doing all sorts of bad things to him, only to find out he was a control freak and she was being treated miserably. I also have found that in most cases both parties contribute to the problem.

[Budman]

Divorce and remarriage - What does the Bible teach?

Of Interest

warm regards

-bud