Marriage "not a good find on FB" Sad and dissapointed

[Jay99]

OKAY, HERE GOES. My apologies for the long read but please help me gather my feelings together? This is a facebook story. Last couple of nights ago I was on my facebook and I was checking out friends and I came across my wife’s FB. Not a big deal. So I clicked on her profile and noticed she did not have her relationship status as married anymore? She once did. I do not know when that changed it to nothing or if she changed it but it’s gone. I was a little distressed thinking if she did delete the status what would be her reason be? That made me sad but I let it go and thought I would asker her at a more appropriate time what might have happened. I don’t want to come across as needy or over bearing but it hurt my feelings a little, AM I BEING SILLY?

 

So here is where it gets a little complicated. Last night my wife went to bed and she left her face-book open. She has a small group of private friends that share the same interest in a hobby (so far all females I believe). I was going to close it but something told me to scroll down a bit. (Maybe I should not have done that but I did).  I saw my wife posted a picture of a really good looking guy and made some type of suggestive remarks about him. Basically something like “wow how can I work with him” it was obviously in a sexual manner / tone…that got me thinking so I scrolled down more and noticed her commenting on a another male picture shared by a member of the group. I all so read some of her posts to the ladies (them as well) discussing our sex life and their sex lives in small detail. Not graphic but how often and in some cases what we do…etc… After that I close the page and spent the night and early morning chewing over what I hade seen. At no point did I see betrayal in the raw sense but definitely some kind of trust violation. What should I do? or am I at fault for looking at her FB? should I deal with it and ask about the relationship status only? I feel like a creep reading her posts but here we are. 

[ncn]

You should pray and then discuss this with your wife.  

 

Praying for you both. 

[other one]

take your wife out to dinner and in the discussions of the night just ask her if she's happy.....   ask her if you are doing the things she needs?

All couples should do that occasionally

[Jay99]

Thank you servant. I have prayed .. and here I am now. I have prayed and have a peace but I am still unset. Thank you for the input. Other one I will do this again. My wife has said we need more closeness but then does things that undermine that. This is confusing to me. But you are right.

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Jay...

     I don't want to sound offensive but is your wife a Christian,,,,,,I just don't see a group of Christian ladies posting pictures of hunky guys,making sexual insinuations & discussing  with others their marital intimacies ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,To me,this is all kinds of wrong,it is gossip,amongst other things.

     From what I understand about FB,only you can change anything in your profile so since her "status" has been changed that would raise a red flag for me also,I do not think you are silly. I know alot of Christian couples who do go on FB & their accounts are openly available for each other to read,,,,,,nothing hidden,nothing that the other does not know about.................isn't that what is supposed to happen,you are supposed to be "one flesh"?

     My friend,I think you & your wife have some things to discuss...............perhaps you both need to re-invite the Lord into the union?

                                                                                                                                                                        With love,in Christ,Kwik

Also,welcome to Worthy......I am praying that you both get on the same"page"

[Jay99]

Thank you Kwik....Yes she is a Christian. Not making excuses I all so understand we should know better but sin is sin and I see this as a (silly) (and I am being kind) mistake. I have prayed and felt lead to approach this causally. Sooooo….I asked my wife last night why she changed her status. She told me that after her facebook account was hack a little while ago and she changed her page again she thought because I abbreviated my name I wanted to keep me private. Cause I am kind-of a private person like that…I remember her page being hacked. So I told her that hurt me she apologized and she promptly changed the profile. Ironically, I received tons of like when she did that???? I am starting to hate FB… But now you have got me wondering why would she think like that. My head is spinning and I don’t know what to do. I am trying to keep it together and I am losing it. Now I don’t even know if what she is telling me is the truth…. I feel so alone.  Thank you for your advice please pray for me :-(

[Guest LadyC]

jay, here's the thing that will be hardest for you to understand.

 

YOU don't need to know if she's telling the truth. GOD knows. what your role is in all this is to pray that God will restore your trust in her, and if there needs to be restoration in your marriage, that He will do that, too. pray, pray, pray. don't ever think that's not enough! keep giving this to God and QUIT taking it back upon yourself. trust me, it took me 10 years to learn the lesson i'm telling you now... when you try to maintain (or gain) control of the situation, all you're doing is getting in God's way of the work that He's trying to do.

 

and in my opinion, reading her facebook page shouldn't be a violation of anyone's trust. and she shouldn't think of it that way either. you didn't indicate that she accused you of snooping or acted offended in any way, so that's a good sign.

[Jay99]

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. I have prayed and now I need to talk to her. I told her we need to talk and it's serious. I think she has an idea now cause last night when she came home she asked me is there something wrong and then followed up with did you find something? I said I just wasn't feeling right and she accepted that answer. I wasn't ready to say anything in that moment. This morning I told her I don't want to start the conversation we need to sit down for a couple of hours. I want to hurt her as much a she hurt me right now. That can't be Godly I am sure? The one thing I am thankful (I think) is that there hasn’t been an all out affair Internet or physical (I really hope not) but that's what I am going to find out. There are some other things I found out last night and I have been following up all through the night. Help...and thank you. I know that I have no one to talk this trough with skin on right now but this helps me process things. Your support is appreciated.

Peace.

[Willa]

Tell satan to stop attacking your mind as well. He loves to create doubt and fear, and to divide families.

Your wife deserves to be considered innocent until proven guilty. And above all you need to forgive her before you speak to her. Tell her you want to be a better husband to her and ask her how you can be more sensitive to her needs. Be a blessing to her and be her best friend.