Advice on relationships with friends/family.

[hamletcat]

Hi,

I have some "difficult" people in my life and I need advice on how to improve my relationships with them. In the past, I found that I used to just walk away after conversations with them feeling like I had just been "abused," and if it happened to many times I would just eventually just avoid talking to them altogether. Now I realize through the teachings of Jesus, that it is important to try to work through these difficult relationships. But I need some help or advice from people that have had this type of experience.

Some typical behaviours is "starting arguments," "putting me down, so that they can have their own way," "not letting a heated discussion just die," "refusing to change their behaviour, when it hurts other people," and "always needing to be right."

Anyone have any experiences with these types of issues in personal relationships? Can you share your experiences and offer some advice. Thanks so much.

[OakWood]

You need to improve your self-esteem. Mine has improved enormously since I found Jesus.

It seems that the closer we are to people, the more they have that capacity to hurt us and we to hurt them. Like the old saying, "you only hurt the ones you love."

Don't try to work through these difficult relationships too much and straight away. Some things need time. I suggest you take some steps back and analyse the situation. It appears that the hatred lies with them and not with you. Learn to say 'no' to some things and be aware that if people are setting out to put you down and they appear to be succeeding they'll keep on doing it. So you have to let them realise that they can't hurt you. Never stoop to their level either. Lead by example by showing love but also being firm when necessary.

[1x1is1]

I agree with OakWood.  A relationship with Jesus will give you elevated confidence.

 

You may be able to deflect some of the antagonizing by getting in the first punch. ..... I mean, even if you live in the same building with these people, there is a first meeting each day...... when you first see one, comment on something positive right away, like their appearance.  You can even go as far thank them for something that they did for you the last time you were together.

 

When it comes to the person that has to be right all the time.......don't forget to listen to their side....I mean pay attention to what they say.  At some point during the conversation acknowledge that they made a good impression on an issue and you would like to investigate it. (don't just say...prove it) Then research that particular point that they mentioned and discuss it next time.     GBU

[chapmic]

If someone is trying to start a heated argument or upset me, I give them a blank stare and tell them "sure" or "ok" and make awkward silence. Sometimes the best defense for negative energy is neutrality, if they see that their insults are not upsetting you at all it will not be fun to them and they will stop. The first time you ignore them they will try to say everything you possible can to push your buttons you can choose to give them a blank stare and ignore them or give them a smile and tell them you love them anyways. Positivity works wonders as well but to start out that may be hard to do in the moment. But if you tell a family member how you love them in the middle of an argument and mean it, they will be emotionally confused because they are trying to irk you but you are complementing them. Their evil words are empty and they can have no effect as long as you do not believe the bad things they say about you. Even if they bring up negatives in your past realize that can't hurt because you have a new identity in Jesus and he sees the best in You. I hope this Helps, I will be praying for you and your family, God bless!

[hamletcat]

This is great advice, thank you everybody. I found it very helpful.