Relationship Issues

[thomasabishek]

Hi there!
It's Thomasabishek and I'm new to this forum...Well, to introduce myself, I'm a Christian, but definitely not a perfect one. Still learning and hopefully, one day I will be a better Christian than I'm right now.

 

My first question here isn't about anything specific in the bible, but, nevertheless, I require some spiritual guidance. I fell into sin by developing a relationship with an unbeliever (atheist to be exact). I even ended up engaging in pre-marital sex with her. After a year of dating, we broke up because she had commitment issues and I think there was another man involved. It's been almost 4 years since the break up, but we've managed to keep in touch. I have asked god for forgiveness for my sins and he has also been helping me through the break-up. Of course, it hasn't been easy and I still do occasionally have some thoughts about her, but I would confidently say my guard is up. In fact, I even refused to get back with her once, though she asked me to.

But my question here is, should I continue being friends with her? I'm still getting over her and I've accepted that I cannot get back with her for my own spiritual well-being. But, I feel sorry for her sometimes because she's been through some tough times and that is part of why she is the way she is. I still have a general sense of love, concern and care for her.

Extra Info: I've also establshed a very strict set of guidelines regarding our interaction. I've told her that communication will only be through phone calls and very brief physical meetings once a year (she lives about 400 kilometres from where I stay, so that shouldn't be a problem). She is also dating someone right now, which I've learnt to accept and though it is a mildly upsetting, I'm generally okay with it.

[surik]

If your goal is to be a better christian, thomasabishek, (as you have stated in your interest section) then you need to develop a relationship to Jesus Christ and also put that relationship over any other relationship. The term "christians" basically meant "those that follow Jesus" or "follow the way." So to be a christian one must follow Jesus, but in order to follow Him, one must see Him and hear Him; you cannot follow a person you neither can see, nor hear.

 

Therefore to be a better christian you need to develop a relationship to Jesus himself. Get to know Him personally. Understand that He loves you, and cares about you; that He indeed can fulfill a mans deepest needs and longings. 

 

To develop and have a relationship to Jesus is not difficult, because He is perfect in every way.

He is perfect in Love (He gave His own life for us, and that whilst we still were sinners).

He is perfect in Knowledge (He knows you better than yourself).

He is perfect in Strenght (He protects us and is our safe haven).

He is perfect in Wisdom (He always know how to help and gives us precisely what we need).

He is perfect in Splendor (Which means that He as the rising morning Sun surely will fill you with true joy everlasting, and scatter whatever darkness that might be in your life).

In short: Jesus is not only good; He is far more than better; in fact, He is 100 % perfect. And He can be your cherished treasure for ever and ever if you only want Him to be. 

God bless you, and may the peace, guidance and grace of God follow you always, and entirely, until you enter heaven itself. To be with Him, and your brothers, forever.

[Jerry1023]

Hi there!

It's Thomasabishek and I'm new to this forum...Well, to introduce myself, I'm a Christian, but definitely not a perfect one. Still learning and hopefully, one day I will be a better Christian than I'm right now.

My first question here isn't about anything specific in the bible, but, nevertheless, I require some spiritual guidance. I fell into sin by developing a relationship with an unbeliever (atheist to be exact). I even ended up engaging in pre-marital sex with her. After a year of dating, we broke up because she had commitment issues and I think there was another man involved. It's been almost 4 years since the break up, but we've managed to keep in touch. I have asked god for forgiveness for my sins and he has also been helping me through the break-up. Of course, it hasn't been easy and I still do occasionally have some thoughts about her, but I would confidently say my guard is up. In fact, I even refused to get back with her once, though she asked me to.

But my question here is, should I continue being friends with her? I'm still getting over her and I've accepted that I cannot get back with her for my own spiritual well-being. But, I feel sorry for her sometimes because she's been through some tough times and that is part of why she is the way she is. I still have a general sense of love, concern and care for her.

Extra Info: I've also establshed a very strict set of guidelines regarding our interaction. I've told her that communication will only be through phone calls and very brief physical meetings once a year (she lives about 400 kilometres from where I stay, so that shouldn't be a problem). She is also dating someone right now, which I've learnt to accept and though it is a mildly upsetting, I'm generally okay with it.

I believed i understood your post very well,

first and formost,in this world nobody is perfect,

as the bible said all have sin and come short of the glory of God,

You have taking a very good decision,

by desiring to be a better christian,

the scirpture says,

Therefore,if any man be in Christ,he his a new creature,old things are passed away,behold all things are become new,

2 corinthians 5:17"

The bible said we should not be unequally yoke with unbeliever...

2corinthians 6:14"

The easiers way to over come mistake,is to confess it and forsake it,

The bible said we should not be ignorant of the devices of devil,

You said she is dating someone els,

and you are desiring to be a better christian,

my brother,allow the sleeping dog to sleep,

tell her your new found life,

and how you are determine to live a godly life,

The bible said that two can't walk together,execpt they are agree,

she is an unbeliver and you are a beliver,

If iam in your position,i will let her go,unless she is willing to join me,

Cut off the link,so that devil will not use her,to entice you,

Remember this is just my opinion,

The best advice is the one you give yourself.

[RustyAngeL]

Hi Thomas,

 

Welcome to Worthy.

 

None of us are "perfect"  we are all a work in progress until we go home to be with the Lord.  

 

I would warn you not to continue any kind of a  relationship with this woman.  It's just to easy to get into trouble,  and have a trap set for you that you may never see coming.  

 

God needs to be first.  When we get involved in the lives of people that are non believers, especially people that do not believe in God at all, we are usually the ones that get pulled down.  Step away and let God deal with her.

 

Because He Lives!! RustyAngeL

[Kesi20]

My name is Lakesiya. I have a question. Well, I recently hurt someone I really loved. I apologized in every way that I could think of. Nothing worked. This person recently told me to basically stay away. I don't know what to do. Should I leave this person alone or keep apologizing?

[the_goofball73]

I, like you, was unequally yoked (or however you spell it LOL) myself. I married a Catholic, and I am a Christian. She promised me from the day we met that she would convert for me, and go to my Church. I go to a non-denominational Church that preaches the Bible boldly! After we married, she changed her mind, and chose to please her family rather than God. Now, after almost 10 years of marriage, she wants a divorce. We have a 7 year old son. I can FOR SURE relate to you! If your goal with this woman is to be a beacon of light to her, and lead her to Christ, and be there for her as a friend to help show her the way, By all means keep in contact! However, if you feel she is pulling you down, and turning you away from God, please steer clear of her. Ask yourself this. What would Jesus do? Read your Bible, and you would be amazed at some of the people Jesus "broke bread" with. So, my friend, if your desire is to be a light in her dark world, then be her friend. I am not online much, but if you ever need a friend, drop me a message, okay?

[kwikphilly]

Blessings Thomas

    Welcome to Worthy

 

Extra Info: I've also establshed a very strict set of guidelines regarding our interaction. I've told her that communication will only be through phone calls and very brief physical meetings once a year (she lives about 400 kilometres from where I stay, so that shouldn't be a problem). She is also dating someone right now, which I've learnt to accept and though it is a mildly upsetting, I'm generally okay with it

   I see no reason not to talk to her on the phone.perhaps you are the only Christian she knows at this time?You seem to already know what you have to do to stay away from temptation,stick with the "very strict set of guidelines" you have set for yourself,in Jesus Mighty Name & it should be just fine........the once a year physical meeting does not seem to be necessary,you know what you can handle & what you cannot,,,,,,,God Bless you            With love-in Christ,Kwik

[RustyAngeL]

My name is Lakesiya. I have a question. Well, I recently hurt someone I really loved. I apologized in every way that I could think of. Nothing worked. This person recently told me to basically stay away. I don't know what to do. Should I leave this person alone or keep apologizing?

Kesi, You have done all you can do.  If this person refuses to accept your apology then do as scripture tells us to do, shake the dust off your feet and go on.

 

We can only do so much and the rest of the work is left up to the Holy Spirit.   He is the only one that can finish the work.  Keep praising Him and let Him do His work through you.

[1x1is1]

thomasbishek......you have 3 things going in your favor right now,  1) Jesus loves you and is aware of your situation,  2) you had the sense to break off the relationship & 3) you being a Christian have a kind heart.  Your sincere feelings have brought you to this forum in seek of assistance.  We can listen and fellowship with you on this subject and combined with prayer, you may gain wisdom concerning your issues. There are many excellent post already for you to sift through.  GBU Brother.

[Ezra]

But my question here is, should I continue being friends with her? I'm still getting over her and I've accepted that I cannot get back with her for my own spiritual well-being.

As a Christian who as already suffered because of this person, you could certainly ask her some pointed questions and request honest answers.  However, if an individual is basically dishonest, you may not get the truth:

1. Are you prepared to truly repent and believe the Gospel?

2. What exactly are your feelings for me?

3. After you are saved, are you prepared to put God and Christ first in your life?

4. Are you prepared to give up all other relationships, and maintain a strictly faithful relationship?

 

If you cannot get positive answers to these fundamental questions, it is time to move on.  Perhaps it is already too late. But it's worth a try. If you have never clearly shared the Gospel with her, then that would be a necessity.

 

BTW as far as relations go between men and women, the concept of "friendship" is a myth. The relationship either has to develop further as a man-woman relationship, or you have to walk away.