Godlovesme Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 I would like to explore this subject and get others opinions, I've been told time and time again, if your offended or hurt it's by my choice, regardless if the person is being offensive or hurtful, in a way it feels like the blame is being put on me for the reaction to the action and their way of not taking accountability for the wrong doing. Am I way off course? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1to3 Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 140 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 4,274 Content Per Day: 1.24 Reputation: 3,092 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/28/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 I would like to explore this subject and get others opinions, I've been told time and time again, if your offended or hurt it's by my choice, regardless if the person is being offensive or hurtful, in a way it feels like the blame is being put on me for the reaction to the action and their way of not taking accountability for the wrong doing. Am I way off course? When someone one slaps you on the cheek and you feel the sting and get a black and blue bruise on your face, Is it your fault, your choice for feeling the stings ? Is it your fault, your choice for getting a bruise on your skin? I guess its how you react to the pain and the bruise. That reflects by what spirit you are reacting by. A spirit of Mercy and Grace or A spirit of hate and revenge. Will it help to further communicate with the one who slapped you? Can you find a peaceful way to reason with them? Can you still show them Gods love to them, in spite of the pain you are experiencing? or is it better to dust yourself off and walk away from a situation that seems to want to remain hostile instead of God loving and keep moving forward to be of service to God somewhere else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Teditis Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I agree with 1to3, sometimes offenses are very real, painful and even planned. It's our reaction to these offenses (real and perceived) that matters to our life and God's view of us. Some people will not care about being "accountable" for their actions and therefore we must walk in a world where injustice abounds. We can speak our minds about these things but there is no guarantee that we will be heard, much less listened to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinM Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 144 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 4,512 Content Per Day: 0.68 Reputation: 625 Days Won: 10 Joined: 04/11/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/07/1979 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Everyone gets offended by something. The real choice is how we handle it. Some people use offense to enrich themselves. (suing a certain cake maker for several hundred thousand dollars). Other's handle offense by hurting the offender ("blaspheming" muhamed). Independent minded, socially mature and emotionally stable people handle offense by either ignoring it, shaking their head in dismay, or confronting/informing the offender that his/her actions are inappropriate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlovesme Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted June 8, 2015 I agree , and I turn the other cheek, forgive, overlook , turn to God. I'm just dumbfounded by the idea that if someone does something offensive or hurtful and my feelings get hurt or I'm offended, and I'm not talking about a cut your heart out hateful reaction, I know that reacting badly to anything doesn't bring glory to God, but to say ouch, that hurt, or hey why did you do that , only to hear back hey if your feelings got hurt its because you chose it. Im flabbergasted by it to be honest, it was something learned in church I believe and I think they either misunderstood or read into it that wasn't there. You stand there like huh? And feel like your the crazy one. So I guess I'm asking is this biblical? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Teditis Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 There's a thing called "blame shifting"... when the offender tries to excuse their own behavior by trying to pawn off the blame on the offend or someone else. Generally done by using relativism or rationality as the basis of their argument. "it's not my fault, you're misunderstanding my intentions." or "If you hadn't jumped to conclusions, I wouldn't have responded the way I did." or even "Where I come from things are always handled this way...". Some see themselves as "right", therefore everyone else is wrong. The thing is you can't reason with such people in the first place so trying to continue to reason things out with them only brings strife. It helps to build confidence in yourself that you did little or nothing to deserve the response that you got... and go on about your life, praying for that person and others that you'll meet throughout your life that act in similar fashion. Sometimes in this life we are sinned against and there is no recompense... give these to God and ask Him to soften your heart to such offenses, forgive them the debt of an apology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 I would like to explore this subject and get others opinions, I've been told time and time again, if your offended or hurt it's by my choice, regardless if the person is being offensive or hurtful, in a way it feels like the blame is being put on me for the reaction to the action and their way of not taking accountability for the wrong doing. Am I way off course? They are trying to put a guilt trip on you and turn it around and make it seem like it is your fault.It is a manipulative game they are playing.It is damaging.Pray for this person and ask God to guide and direct you on how to respond to this person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningGlory Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1,022 Topics Per Day: 0.16 Content Count: 39,193 Content Per Day: 6.09 Reputation: 9,977 Days Won: 78 Joined: 10/01/2006 Status: Offline Share Posted June 8, 2015 I would like to explore this subject and get others opinions, I've been told time and time again, if your offended or hurt it's by my choice, regardless if the person is being offensive or hurtful, in a way it feels like the blame is being put on me for the reaction to the action and their way of not taking accountability for the wrong doing. Am I way off course? I'm not really clear on whether you have been offended or someone has offended you. Can you explain? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gamnot Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 15 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 221 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 64 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/23/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/21/1945 Share Posted June 8, 2015 I suppose that I would have to consider the motive for someone offending me. I might even stop and think that maybe I could be in the wrong about something and ask for clarification. ................ I know that some people have an ingrown basic hostility that resulted from their upbringing. .............. People who have personality disorders have the tendency and become skilled at shedding responsibility and those who are neurotic have the tendency to absorb responsibility for bad activities without reason. I don't think that there is any one formula for dealing with bullying tactics. It depends on the situation. May the grace of God be with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted June 8, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 27 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,715 Content Per Day: 2.45 Reputation: 8,535 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted June 8, 2015 its a two edged sword. Yes, others can be mean, and hurtful. and your feelings will get hurt, and you can't control what other say. But you do have some say over how you take it, you can choose to be offended-which in many cases, no one will blame you if you do-but you can also choose to just move past it and ignore it, not let it get to you. The problem can be sometimes though, that after awhile you build such an emotional shield that while hurtful things dont bother you, neither does anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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