Relationship Questions

[AliceJane]

It's been a while since I've posted but I'm well no worries! I wanted to ask what you all think about the limits young people, Christians especially, set in terms of how far their relationship will go? 

I have a friend who is very dear to me who is only 19 and she just started dating a 28 year old. She is a strong believer and she is very conservative when it comes to kissing and other forms of affection. Her boyfriend, however, has an ambiguous faith and I'm not sure where he stands with the physicality of their relationship. I feel like she is compromising her beliefs for this boy and I'm not sure how to bring it up without making it seem like I'm judging her and her boyfriend. What would you do? How far do you think is acceptable in a relationship? 

[Ezra]

3 hours ago, AliceJane said:

What would you do? How far do you think is acceptable in a relationship? 

AliceJane,

Since you are too close to the issue, you would be better off to get either her mother or your mother, or a mature Christian woman to talk to your friend.  

Perhaps the simple solution would be to have them distance themselves from each for a bit.  That would give her a chance to assess his character and her true feelings. The age gap is a red flag to begin with. The ambiguity of the boyfriend's faith is nothing to be dismissed lightly either.

[gdemoss]

When I am in this position I have to ask myself who or what is leading me?  Is fear in the drivers seat?  If so I am being misled and everyone will get hurt.  Is love in the drivers seat? I am commanded to love my neighbor as myself and christians as Jesus loved me.

I need to make sure I am not being motivated by self but how can I know?  Love is not a respecter of persons.  Am I thinking about getting involed because this is MY friend and if they do something it will affect me?  My self-esteem, my pride, my personal ambitions, my security or my personal relations?  Why do I feel moved to intervene here?

Many people want to do the right thing for the wrong reasons, myself included.  My ministry work has been spent learning to recognize self in all activity because I am only useful to God and others if I doe to self and live unto God.

Experience has taught me that that which is outside of me only reveals what is inside of me.  If you leave $100 laying out and I come across it and pocket it, tge $100 only served to reveal that I am a theif. Your freind will act according to who she is.  I suggest praying for her and ask God to protect her from evil.

[AliceJane]

1 hour ago, algots said:

So, she has a very strong faith, but she is willing to be unequally yoked to someone who may end up to be an unbeliever?

And you don't see a contradiction in terms?

You care more about being called judgemental, than protecting her? I thought you said you were her friend?

Am I missing something here?

 

How would you feel if they got married, she got pregnant, he left (her with the kid), and you tell her I WAS going to warn you about him?

What would you want her to do if yours and her roles were reversed?

Let me address your questions: she has HAD a strong faith for as long as I've known her, which is why this is uncharacteristic of her and it concerns me. It is a contradiction which is what I fear. 

It isn't that I fear being called judge mental above all else, but I fear that she may find my concerns dissmissable, because I feel strongly about the situation and she is easily defensive. My problem doesn come from not WANTING to speak up, I do! It comes from not knowing how to approach it in a way that she will listen with an open heart. You know? She laughs it off when I address my issues and I don't want her becoming secretive, knowing that I am looking out for her. 

[C_Beth]

51 minutes ago, AliceJane said:

Let me address your questions: she has HAD a strong faith for as long as I've known her, which is why this is uncharacteristic of her and it concerns me. It is a contradiction which is what I fear. 

It isn't that I fear being called judge mental above all else, but I fear that she may find my concerns dissmissable, because I feel strongly about the situation and she is easily defensive. My problem doesn come from not WANTING to speak up, I do! It comes from not knowing how to approach it in a way that she will listen with an open heart. You know? She laughs it off when I address my issues and I don't want her becoming secretive, knowing that I am looking out for her. 

One of the surest ways to block her receptiveness to you is to push too hard. Nineteen is a very tender age.  The time when life seems to throw everything at you and you have to figure it all out.

All you can do is express your concerns, and let her know that you're there for her.  You seem to have a strong friendship with her, and I'm sure that means a lot to you both.  

God bless you for being such a caring person.