Can I kill myself?

[1to3]

TJ;

I am glad you wrote us back and that you are still here alive.

Life can be very hard and a struggle. No disputing that.

What you must have experienced sounds terrible, and I am sorry for your pain, the memories, and what awful feelings may seem to be never ending.

Please, keep holding on and staying strong.

You are not alone in having had very bad and troubling experiences happen to you in your life. Saying this, not to diminish your truth, but to assure you that others to in this world, have suffered greatly and have found inner strength to push through and continue on.

One day will eventually come to be our last breath here on earth, believe me, I have had days when I have felt so hopeless, so lost, so alone and especially in the hard and cold winters, the thoughts where the mind can take me to, can be a very low and dark place. This is when I really have to make sure my armor of God is well fastened to me . check Ephesians 6

I am a christian believer and do pray and call on the Lord for prayer and healing. From past experience of prayer and healing being answered, I keep my faith that God will never give me more than I can handle and that He alone can find me in the darkest of places where even man could not reach me.

Somehow for me, it has been my experience that when those times when I have felt at my worst, it has been that there was no one -human available- that I could call and the helplines for suicide where not available, busy or closed.  This led me with not much of a choice but to call upon the Lord for help., and to just wait it out, going into prayer and into His Word. And eventually the strong negative thoughts and desires left. The Psalms and prayers of David found in the old testament have helped me to know that what I have felt, others too have felt and that even David also felt and prayed to God for help with his own fears and despair.

 

The devil is the great deceiver, he is the best predator snake oil salesman available and he knows our week points and will always come to tempt us on those first.  His sole purpose it to -steal-kill, destroy.-

Gods purpose for us is that we may have life and life more abundant in Him

 God is greater than satan any day, and He can free you from all past hurt. He will help and guide you to recover. Just you have to never give up trusting in Him or going towards Him, asking Him for help, healing, and guidance, protection. The Blood of Christ Jesus was shed for this very purpose. to redeem us, to cleanse us, to heal us, to protect us,to be our shield through and through and make us one step at a time new creations in Him. =Progress, slowly perfecting us, step by step,lesson by lesson.

Virtue that is not tested is not virtue.

We learn and gain wisdom and find more peace through trials and errors that are overcome

 

Just this past winter, as I was in a slump, not feeling well, and with very little energy,  I started to think of all those who have made it through wars, who have gone through a lot of physical, mental, and emotional pain, and how those that survived and began making a new life somewhere else, where once again able to find new hope, new, joy, new peace and greater wisdom from having lived and come through overcoming the experience.

 Prayer and text reminders, that I keep close around me where I live are the Serenity prayer, the Desiderata, the St. Francis of Assisi prayer.

I have them framed on my walls as reminders.

 

Serenity Prayer:

God Grant Me The Serenity

To Accept The Things I Cannot Change

The Courage To Change The Things I Can

And The Wisdom To Know The Difference

Grant Me Patience With The Things That Take Time

Appreciation Of All That I Have

Tolerance Of Those With Different Struggles

And The Strength To Get Up And Try Again

One Day At A Time.

 

Another Text that helped me when I have felt less than deserving to be alive, with many feeling of rejection,

has been the Desiderata.  The part that says - you are a child of the universe no less than the tree and the stars and have a right to be here-

Has gotten me through some awful feelings that would try to creep in and say I did not belong anywhere.

 

For when thoughts come to make me fell like i don't belong:

The Desiderata:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max  Ehrmann 1927

 

 

 Almost last but not least,

when I feel dejected, I remember the passage where Christ Jesus said If the world hates you, know that it hated me fist.

The Hatred of the World

found in John 15:18 Christ Jesus said:

18 "If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. 19 "If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.…

 

And than I conclude in continuing living with:

St Francis of Assi prayer:

Lord Make Me  An Instrument Of Thy Peace

Where there is hatred ... Let me sow love;

Where there is injury  ... Let me sow pardon;

Where there is doubt ... Let me sow faith;

Where there is despair ... Let me sow hope;

And where there is sadness.. Let me sow joy.

Divine Master, Grant

that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love;

for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning, that we are pardoned

and it is in dying to self will that we are born into His eternal life.

 

This prayer has been a reminder to me what Christ did and had to endure and also what we as Christ followers by faith in Him must also strive to practice and overcome

endure all things always in Him.

If we go right in His ways, we can't go wrong.

 

God Bless you! 

In Him  : )

Always!

1to3

 

 

 

 

 

[RustyAngeL]

On 3/25/2016 at 7:12 PM, TJ said:

I'm not coping anymore I need out this life is too hard for me God made a mistake thinking I was strong enough to handle this life he's given me. I can't keep going much longer I need out xxx

And once you are out of this life and into eternity  without Christ, then what do you do?  I would say please don't do this. God is your answer.

[missmuffet]

Yes,you could kill yourself if that is what you  want. But that is not what God wants. God is the only one who can take our lives. But that is what a born again Christian believes.

[TJ]

A crisis mental health team are coming out to see me again tomorrow xx 

[Paradigm]

On 3/25/2016 at 7:12 PM, TJ said:

I'm not coping anymore I need out this life is too hard for me God made a mistake thinking I was strong enough to handle this life he's given me. I can't keep going much longer I need out xxx

If ever a person should procrastinate TJ, it is when thinking about suicide. We go through struggles that are very tough at times. Sometimes when we are going through them our minds and emotions are so flooded that we can't totally think straight. Given a little time, clarity begins to return again and things are not so dire and grim. There is no hurry on doing something rash like that. At least put it off for a while. You will be so glad that you did. 

Everything we do affects things. If you took your own life, so many people would be hurt so bad. Not only that, there are people out there who need you TJ. They need you to stay strong for them. 

You can get through this and overcome it TJ. Find someone that you can trust and talk to them. Continue talking to people on here. Believe me TJ, it will get better and it is difficult to imagine at this moment, but your whole perspective will later change. You will see how precious life is and what a marvelous gift it is. 

[gdemoss]

Tj, I am sorry to hear that bad things have happened to you.  I have also experienced bad things and wanted to check out of this life.  I have pleaded with God to kill me.  At the time I felt that I would never be ok again so I should die and get releif.

Thank God I did not.  I actually made it through everything and life is OK now.  God sent the right people at the right time to help me.  I pray he will help you too. Peace.

[enoob57]

16 hours ago, TJ said:

A crisis mental health team are coming out to see me again tomorrow xx 

TJ what do you believe about life?

[TJ]

Not much really the crisis team don't want to come back even though a week last Monday I was at hospital for trying to takemy own life again. 

Apart from possibly ending up on court over my step father soon which I don't want to go to the court but I have to. I have no enjoyment out of anything I'm drugged up from my Dr to stop me killing or hurting myself the drugs don't work and I can't talk to my family.  

I talk to God but he can't magically take the pain away.  Xx 

[alien224]

Prayers. I know you feel alone but you are not. God is with you. God bless. Hang in there!

[Floatingaxe]

On 3/25/2016 at 8:12 PM, TJ said:

I'm not coping anymore I need out this life is too hard for me God made a mistake thinking I was strong enough to handle this life he's given me. I can't keep going much longer I need out xxx

No one is strong enough to handle everything. That is why we need God to fight our battles for us. He loves you and wants to make you an overcomer. Place your faith in the one who took the punishment for your sin, and be united to the King of the universe who can be counted on to take up your fight, your cause---JESUS!