Shayha Posted April 21, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 42 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 27 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/14/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted April 21, 2016 I met this man about three years ago through an online game. I had never really played online much with my upbringing and well, since online interactions were looked down upon in my family, I adopted that mantra (obviously now not so much). I took a risk with this, and now I've found possibly my best friend in life. He and I hit it off right from the start, and although the only thing that connected us at first was text messages within a game, we both felt a strange, deep connection. We flirted and grew very close--closer than I had with most people in real life. He is a strong Christian (Baptist), single, honest, virgin, wants to serve in the military, trying to receive his associates degree in business, shares many of the same likes and dislikes and hobbies as me, very similar political beliefs, goes to church every Sunday, volunteers at the church, and lives a couple states away from me. Almost everything I love yet never knew I loved in a man. lol He admitted to me how he's told me things he has never told anyone, including his family. He's said how special I am compared to other girls, and was shocked at the fact I had never had a boyfriend let alone my first kiss yet (I'm almost 25 and he is 25). He's encouraging and makes me feel unlike anyone ever could; he taught me to trust in people again, encouraged and motivated me to lose weight (which to me was considered impossible with the medical condition I have, but through him I was able to push past that), inspired me to become more active in taking a hold of my life, and most importantly brought me back to God. I had been born into a Catholic church and unfortunately, the hypocrisy of its members and leaders left me jaded, so I removed myself from it without really working on my personal relationship with God. My friend turned me around and helped me see there was more room for me to grow and I needed to focus on building that relationship. Now, I've been praying and reading the Bible almost everyday, and I'm genuinely invested in bettering my relationship with my heavenly Father. But despite this wonderful blessing God has brought into my life, it hasn't been without its problems. You see...it didn't take long for me to fall in love with this man. Now before anyone jumps up and starts saying "how do you know he's really who he is?" and "do you even know what he looks like?" We have shown each other who we are and have been talking for going on three years now. We trust each other with everything and support each other spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. We have not been able to meet in person though due to our circumstances (both of us are unable to move out of the house due to not being able to support ourselves financially as well as the fact our families are very much against online relationships). This makes things really difficult for the both of us, as we have to keep our friendship secret from our families and meeting while we are still living at home is nearly impossible without chaotic consequences. But he does want to meet and spend time with me, as do I. The other thing is...well.. he doesn't love me as I love him. He sees me as only a close friend and I truly feel in my heart he's much more than that. I feel like at one point he did have strong feelings for me (which a friend of his told me he admitted at one point), but because what happened to his brother (married a woman he met on facebook without spending time with her in person first, family was extremely upset and angered by, and issues arose from it), he's scared or rejects it. I've prayed to God about this for the three years I've known this guy and every moment I'm ready to throw in the towel and say to God "That's it; I'm done with this man. It hurts too much and clearly nothing more is going to happen between us," I feel a warm presence in my heart assuring me that things will be ok, and that I just need to be patient; don't grow bitter. Still love him, and in time things will be ok. And in that moment, all pain and sorrow is gone and I'm at peace. My friend knows I'm in love with him, and we have talked about it a few times and he hasn't wavered, but neither has our friendship. We're still just as close as we were at the start with the only difference being he doesn't flirt anymore because of obvious reasons. And no, he doesn't have a girlfriend. I just wonder, after three years of loving him like I do, if it really is God's will for me to love him or if I'm being misled. I look to the Bible for guidance and it helps, and I've been praying all the way. But everything I read and feel God is showing me keeps assuring me. My other friends say to move on, but my heart says the opposite. My heart is at peace either way, because I love him regardless, and I trust God will take care of the both of us, whether or not we become more than friends or not. I know since there are so many gaps to this story, no one can truly give me the answer. Only God can do that anyway, as He is the only one to know His plan for me. But I guess what I'm asking here is for some support and advice from fellow Christians about their take on something like this. Any and all would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted April 21, 2016 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,816 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted April 21, 2016 Blessings Shayha,,, And what is the problem?Okay,you are asking God,Show me,tell me,guide me & you are "hearing" nothing,right? Well,sometimes no answer is the answer,,,,maybe you need to ask something else like "If the desires of my heart are not what YOU Will for me,,,,change them Lord,I am willing",,,,,,,,,,,,,,Sometimes we do not earnestly seek the answer because of our hearts desires AND God knows our hearts better than we know ourself!!!! If this man is sent to you by God then it will come to pass & what's the rush? You are both only 25 & circumstance will not make it possible for the 2 of you to meet at this time,if it is gods Will for both of you to be a pair then it will happen in Gods Perfect Time,,,be patient,look to have a deeper relationship with God(as you say you are) & don't be concerned about when & if something more will come of this wonderful relationship God has Blessed you both with Dear Shayha,you cannot "push" love & expect more from someone that does not have that to give,,,,,,but love can come from a friendship ,I commend this young man for taking it slow & for his faithfulness to our Lord,,,,,,,,,now for you,simply Trust God & keep seeking direction & guidance from Him,He is right beside you & He Will show you what is for you if you earnestly want to know,,,,,,,,,God Bless you I am thrilled for you for drawing nearer God in Jesus! Praise the Lord! With love-in Christ,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shayha Posted April 21, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 42 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 27 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/14/2016 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 21, 2016 I don't really hear anything but to be patient and continue to love him through anything. I trust in God but not sure I trust in myself about it. I know I can't push love either, which is how I know I truly love him because I don't expect anything in return. It just difficult at times because I don't want to mess up and I've never experienced anything like this before. I tend to get pretty emotional at times so it's hard sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esther4:14 Posted April 22, 2016 Group: Senior Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 603 Content Per Day: 0.19 Reputation: 628 Days Won: 1 Joined: 08/07/2015 Status: Offline Share Posted April 22, 2016 That is something of an interesting situation you are in. In my opinion, I think it sounds fun and very sweet that you are developing a relationship with someone this way. From the information you have given, I don't see why there is any reason to not follow the prompting to be patient for now, until you have a clearer understanding of what His will is for you to do. However, I can also see how a situation like this could cause you to feel vulnerable to the unknown because the situation is somewhat unique and there is not a whole lot to compare it with in order to have confidence of a positive outcome. Nevertheless, you can never go wrong with a clear conscious, and the situation seems fairly innocent. Therefore, I don't think that there is any real reason to fear that you won't be able to handle change to the present circumstances, if they arise. Your innocence can go a long way in protecting you spiritually. Psalm 15 "O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? 2 He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart;3 who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend;4 in whose eyes a vile person is despised, but who honors those who fear the Lord;who swears to his own hurt and does not change;5 who does not put out his money at interest and does not take a bribe against the innocent.He who does these things shall never be moved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shayha Posted April 22, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 42 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 27 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/14/2016 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 5 hours ago, Butero said: If all I had to go by was the cold hard facts of what is taking place between you and this guy, I would say you should let him go and move on. That being said, you threw in something else. You have said more than one time you feel God is telling you to "be patient and continue to love him through anything." I will never tell anyone to go against what they feel God is speaking to them. If you feel in your heart that God is leading you to continue in your relationship as it currently exists, and that things will work out, listen to him. What makes this difficult is that I can't rule out that it isn't really God speaking to you, but the way you describe what is taking place, I tend to feel it very well could be God. I don't see any real harm in waiting a while longer and then see what transpires. Maybe you should kind of back off in being too free with your feelings of romantic love for him, and see how he reacts. Don't tell him you lost feelings for him or lie or anything like that, but just kind of cool it with wearing your heart on your sleeve, and just continue to talk with him as a friend. I almost feel like if he really has feelings for you, if he sees you backing off a bit, he will be forced to look inside at how he really feels out of concern over closing the door on you. If he does find someone else or continues to be satisfied just being friends and nothing more, I believe you will know the time is right to move on. If on the other hand, he begins to show romantic feelings towards you and you see him beginning to soften a bit, you will know it was the voice of God speaking to you all along. I guess patience is what is called for here, just to give things a bit more time. Still, if it was me, I wouldn't wait around forever. I think if another year passes and there is no movement one way or the other, I would cut things off and move on. The main thing is, this is your life, and I don't want you to have regrets. Be sure within yourself you are truly ready to move on before you do anything. I wish you the best and I will pray for you and your friend and that God's will be done in both of your lives. Thank you, Butero. Many of my friends have told me to move on (many of whom aren't Christian), mostly because of the fact he's said he doesn't love me like I love him and doesn't try for it. But like you said, that feeling deep inside that keeps me going really feels like its God, because there have been multiple times where I was ready to just never even speak to my friend again because of my feelings and give up on him completely. But every time that happened, and I'd cry at night about it, a calm would wash over me and assure me that it will be all right if I just hang in there. I understand why I shouldn't wait forever; if he's not the one, then why hold myself back from the true one God has for me? There's just something so different about this man... When we were first getting to know each other, and about a month passed by, my family and I went on vacation for a week. During that vacation, they had found out I had been talking with a man in another state (my friend), telling him about my life and about my vacation, etc. Needless to say, they weren't happy at all, and I was forbidden from talking to him ever again. Granted, I was about 21 at the time but when you live with your family and under their rules, there's not much I could do. About two weeks went by before I was allowed to even play online games again or do any kind of online communication outside of applying for jobs and work-related things, and I can honestly say those two weeks were the most painful weeks of my life. While on vacation, I was completely depressed and could not find happiness in anything; I would spontaneously break down in public because of the shame I felt from my family and the pain of losing someone I considered a friend. At the time, I didn't realize how deep my feelings were or how important this man was to me. I only knew I liked him and had a crush on him at the time, not completely in love. I never knew if I would ever speak to him again, and back then, because he and I were just starting out as friends, I didn't have the stronger relationship I have now with God or as much trust in Him. But looking back, I reflect on that pain that I felt over almost losing him and view it as being significant to his role in my life. I've loved and lost before many times (both friends and guys I had romantic interest in but they didn't reciprocate), so it's not a new feeling to me. The strength of this one struck me terribly. And I think because of that, I realized how special he is and know that God has something in store for the two of us. I'm willing to wait however long it takes for God in regards to this, because anything like this from God is worth waiting for. I may have to move on from him being more than a friend if God plans for that, but I think no matter what, I can never move on from being his friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jayne Posted April 22, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 16 Topic Count: 107 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 3,820 Content Per Day: 1.30 Reputation: 4,805 Days Won: 2 Joined: 03/31/2016 Status: Offline Share Posted April 22, 2016 Hey, Shayha, You say that you have "shown each other who we are". How have you done that? There are all sorts of ways to fake that. Have you skyped with him? I'd just like for you to consider a few warning signs for being able to tell if you are being scammed or not. If he[she] seems too good to be true very quickly – watch out! If he[she] doesn’t have or use skype – this is a big warning. If he[she] falls “in love” too fasts without meeting, seeing, or getting to know you live and in person – or at least through skype – it may not be real. If they only seem interested in an anonymous relationship online with you – you have to ask yourself why? If he[she] is insistent that that the relationship remain secret - that's a red flag. No one is immune to internet scams – long term ones, too. There are even people on Christian message boards who are not who they say they are. I've been on Christians sites since 2002 and it's crazy out there. And I cannot tell you how many times good and decent Christian people "hook up" physically, spiritually, or emotionally with someone anonymously on the net and honestly believe that God approves when he does not. You've said that he has said that he doesn't love you in a romantic way - that he only wants to be friends. Dear sister - you HAVE to ask yourself if the man is 25 years old - who IS he romantically involved with or who IS his romantic desire if not you? One thing you are spot on about - God WILL take care of your regardless. Trust God -and not your feelings. And THAT's WAY easier said than done. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shayha Posted April 22, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 42 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 27 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/14/2016 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 22, 2016 I have considered all these things many times. We have sent each other pictures of ourselves, which I have checked, voice messages, and videos. And it's been three years and I haven't found any reason to doubt their validity. -He's not too good to be true; he does have plenty of faults. As do all of us. In fact he used to drink, but wasn't a drunk, but now doesn't because of the negative impact it had on his life and also what God says about it. -He has tried to do Skype, but he is unable to do so because of issues with his phone and data. He can only handle short video messages (like less than one minute). Plus, with both of our family situations, we wouldn't be able to Skype hardly at all. -That's possible; can't really dispute that. Though I fell for him after that dreadful two weeks. So the same could be said of me, but I can definitely tell you its real on my end. lol -Again, this one is because of his family being completely against this sort of thing. His brother had met a woman on facebook and the day they met, he proposed to her. His family was completely appalled and there was a lot of drama and stress, and when it happened, my friend honestly sounded scared. So he has to keep our friendship under wraps (just as I have to because of my family). Not to mention his friends and others he knows within the church and community would harass him for it. -Wouldn't that apply to me too though? Even though I have no ill-intent? I understand the dangers; I used to be against online anything completely. I wouldn't have let it gone this far if I had sensed anything dishonest or malicious. I know it's not impossible to be fooled in this kind of circumstance. But I trust him after everything we've been through thus far. I know. My one friend hooked up with a single pastor she met online and she fell in love with him. But it didn't work at all. As far as I know, no one. And he's been so honest as to tell me when he goes on dates with other women. He's always afraid to tell me, but we stay honest to each other, and he doesn't have anyone now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezra Posted April 23, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 16 Topic Count: 134 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 8,142 Content Per Day: 2.35 Reputation: 6,612 Days Won: 20 Joined: 11/02/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted April 23, 2016 On 21/04/2016 at 7:10 AM, Shayha said: We have not been able to meet in person though due to our circumstances (both of us are unable to move out of the house due to not being able to support ourselves financially as well as the fact our families are very much against online relationships). Here's my response: 1. Since your friend in 25 years old, he should be in a position to support both himself and you. So if he is serious this should be his first priority. 2. There is no reason why he could not take two weeks vacation and visit the town/city where you live. That should give you both an opportunity to meet face to face, and if both are prepared to commit to each other, then an introduction to your parents/family would be in order. Then it is no longer an "online" relationship. Let him know that your parents will grill him (intense questioning and interrogation, as they have every right to do). 3. Three years is a long time to get to know someone. Before you invite him to visit you can ask him point blank if he genuinely loves you and if prepared to marry you. If not, then you will need to move on. 4. Neither of you should be attached to your parents' apron strings at this age. Therefore you both must be prepared to gently but firmly let your parents know that you wish to begin an independent relationship, which could also mean cutting ties with the Catholic church. That does not mean that you love them less, but that you love God and Christ more. It is best to be frank and honest from the get-go. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shayha Posted April 23, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 42 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 27 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/14/2016 Status: Offline Author Share Posted April 23, 2016 6 minutes ago, Ezra said: Here's my response: 1. Since your friend in 25 years old, he should be in a position to support both himself and you. So if he is serious this should be his first priority. 2. There is no reason why he could not take two weeks vacation and visit the town/city where you live. That should give you both an opportunity to meet face to face, and if both are prepared to commit to each other, then an introduction to your parents/family would be in order. Then it is no longer an "online" relationship. Let him know that your parents will grill him (intense questioning and interrogation, as they have every right to do). 3. Three years is a long time to get to know someone. Before you invite him to visit you can ask him point blank if he genuinely loves you and if prepared to marry you. If not, then you will need to move on. 4. Neither of you should be attached to your parents' apron strings at this age. Therefore you both must be prepared to gently but firmly let your parents know that you wish to begin an independent relationship, which could also mean cutting ties with the Catholic church. That does not mean that you love them less, but that you love God and Christ more. It is best to be frank and honest from the get-go. 1. Unfortunately, because he's been paying for his college by himself, he has barely any savings to do anything and he doesn't have a job currently. He's finishing up his degree this summer and he's been applying everywhere he can find for a job to get some money. His main focus currently is to get a hold of his life so he can become more independent, as I'm trying myself. Though I've managed to get both a subbing job and a cashier job. 2. Because he lives at home, his family would find out about me and react very badly. He knows my parents would grill him and more likely drill me more. Perhaps just kick him out. And we've talked about if I visited him and he claims his family would assume I'm there for more sinful reasons and not just visiting a friend. 3. Neither of us are ready for marriage. We don't have stable jobs, we don't live on our own or have the independence we should have at this point because of it. I know in my heart he could be my husband, but I don't want to marry someone I've only known online. I want to spend time with him in person and date him and develop the in person relationship first, as it should be done. Though we haven't met in person though, I know he loves me as a close friend and I love him. 4. I have no problems breaking off from the Catholic Church. And I know I shouldn't be living with my family; you have no idea how hard I've been trying to make it so I can support myself and get out on my own. Yes I could probably get out and rent a whole in the worst part of town and get on welfare but I don't want to take from people who genuinely need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted April 24, 2016 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,816 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted April 24, 2016 Blessings Shayha I am in complete agreement with Butero but I do think there are a couple of red flags here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,you mentioned how completely & utterly depressed you were on vacation for 2 weeks at the time your parents told you that you were forbidden to talk to him anymore,that scares me off,,,, No matter who is in or out of your life you should always have the Peace,Joy & Comfort of our Lord,,,,,,even in sadness,in grief & in loss I lost my dad a couple of years ago,the closest ,deepest love for any person I could ever have(besides my husband) & even with the feeling of grave mourning ,losing the most important person in my life I still had the Joy of my Lord,I was still at Peace,,,I was Comforted,,,,,,,,if my husband left me today,no one could steal the Joy of the Lord in my heart,,,,,,Jesus takes up all of my heart & I am completed by Him & Him alone,my ghusband is ADDED to my Joy but he could never make me complete,I am complete already,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I am madly in love with my hubby,he is my world,this world ,,,,,He is a Gift from God,My Love is God,He adds to it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,think about that God takes 2 complete people,complete in Him & join them to be together as one flesh,,,,He is the Core An incomplete person can never be completed by another human being,if you are looking for someone to fill that void it is a red flag to draw nearer to the ONE WHO first loved you Perhaps the desires of your heart need be changed,ask God,He will help but you will need to be Willing to know the answer Love Kwik And to God be the Glory! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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