Why do some professing Christians seem cold?

[JoReba]

Let's hear what would be some examples you might have of unloving Christians.  

Thanks.

[warrior12]

17 minutes ago, Redemption79 said:

thank you for your compliment, i do LOVE to grumble

or maybe it is because i happen to live in the real world where there are no fairy dust, sprinkling from Heaven at all times, making EVERYTHING MAGICALLY better.

The world has always have hypocrites and imitators, even in the church.   Just like navigating to a destination you are trying to get to, one must try at least to take the safest route and avoid the pitfalls that may be in some of the byways.  Church and the Christian life is no different.  Paul has left many teachings of how to avoid  the traps and the enemy tactics to detract the christian on his journey.   

[Gemstone777]

I will try to respond to you soon for those that have asked questions of my statements.  I am not ignoring you, but I've not been on the forums every day.  Your patience is appreciated.   

[Sower]

Pro 11:12  He that is void of wisdom despiseth his neighbour: but a man of understanding holdeth his peace.

Pro 11:12 Whoever derides their neighbor has no sense, but the one who has understanding holds their tongue.

 

 

[notsolostsoul]

Some self identifying Christian's (type 1) love to point out other Christian's errors or even question their validity and claim it's out of love and their duty.

Then when other Christians (type 2) state these facts of noticing the behavior of the first type of Christians (type 1), The first type (type 1) go on further to question the second type of Christian I mentioned (type 2).

Seems very hypocritical.

This is The problem with Christians thinking it's their duty to judge and point out others flaws.

They don't want anyone saying or correcting their behavior but it's right for them to do so.

This in part is the behavior others see from Christians and may turn away from God and Christianity.

Because God's representatives come off as hypocritical and as self righteous. They Act as if they are better than the next sinner, and don't look at or correct themselves.

And yes some will question my validity. It wouldn't be the first time. I really don't care, it doesn't change the fact of the Truth.

Some on here resort to name calling and insults and as soon as there is a rebuttal or clever response to point out their ill behavior, the initial one who started the name calling is quick to report they are being attacked. The proof is on many of threads.

It's not good to turn blinds eye to the truth when oneself is a culprit. Yet it constantly happens.

Matthew 7:1-5New King James Version (NKJV)

Do Not Judge

7 “Judge not, that you be not judged. ² For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. ³ And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? ⁴ Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? ⁵ Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

The OP was not attacking Christians, and those that replied were just stating their experience with similar type Christians (type 1). Their experiences are not invalid nor was it bashing Christianity.

It is stating how SOME CHRISTIANS Behave and this behavior looks bad within Christianity and to new comers, non believers or other religions.

[Gemstone777]

On 7/19/2017 at 1:58 PM, Mike 2 said:

This ain't easy annnnd, you can't do it from a distance

You can't help whether or not you like someone or their behavior but love.....

Love is something you have to work at....and teach by example

I gotta agree with Omegaman....sometimes humanness steps on love, that's why the verses from Paul can be hard to practice.

 

You got that right Mike!  I agree, the distance thing doesn't work, I just meant it sounded nice!  I do love people, even the unlovable ones.  Sometimes I'm actually drawn to them because sometimes that's because they're hurting, and they need love the most!  Giving love actually comes easier for me than some.  My real name means love.  That's why I think it's so hard for me to see love lacking where it should be the greatest, withing the church, true believers!  I'm not saying that all Christians are unloving, I've been blessed to know many that are full of love!  None of us have arrived, and we all can grow even more in love.  This is not meant to be a criticism, more of an observation and reflection.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts!  

[Gemstone777]

On 7/19/2017 at 2:54 PM, Sojourner414 said:

Gemstone, folks here have given some reasons why that help explain a lot, but I suspect that deep down, this hurts you greatly because you want to be able to fellowship with folks and cannot. I go through the same kind of hurt myself, and it hurts deep at times and I don't want to get hurt either. I think one thing that may be driving the way people act is that they are getting scared with all the violence and wickedness they see, and that can cause folks to become reactionary and combative.

That being the case, some may not be following the Lord as they should, some may be in pain and lashing out at others, and yet more may only be "playing christian", I cannot say. Humans don't exactly come with a neon sign that blinks "I'm a genuine Christian" (would be nice though, right? :lol: ). But for whatever reason they do those things that hurt us, we need to be careful and observant. In the past, I  have found myself acting in ways that were rather aggressive and have had to bring that to the Lord in repentant, humble prayer when the Holy Spirit convicted me on it.

I will be praying that you find some gentle believers to befriend, as well ask the Lord to comfort you. It can be pretty lonely out there.

Sojo!!!  You commented on my post before I got to know you in chat, that made me smile!   I hope you're having a good day, and I've enjoyed getting to know you and the others there!  Man, you people comment fast, and I can't keep up with responses to this chat! lol

I do fellowship with people, and I love them.  I do think relationships within the church can often be surface (How's the weather?  How are you?, etc.,) and not move to the deeper level which I desire, authenticity.  But sometimes I have observed flat out nastiness and the opposite of love.  It's not even always directed at me, but other people that become deeply wounded, some even get out of church.  Not trying to be mean/judge anyone, but just a truthful observation.  I will provide examples in a later post responding to someone elses comments.  

Actually the increased violence, wickedness, and lack of love shows me that we are growing closer to the End Times.  Although those things don't make me happy, it does make me cry, "Come Lord Jesus, Come!"  

I love your neon sign/blinking lights idea, you should take that up with God as it would be most helpful!  I'm not really aggressive with people.  I love people!  I just was being vulnerable and sharing my heart.  Gentle believers are great, but I don't even mind the bold ones cause God made us all different.  I just desire to see more authentic love in the body.  It can be lonely, but God always provides!

 Thanks for listening, caring, praying, and responding!  I appreciate you!  

[Gemstone777]

On 7/19/2017 at 4:11 PM, Willa said:

The problem is not how much they love me, but how much do I love them?  God is teaching us to love and forgive, and to love as He does when we determine to love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable.  

God started me in my Christian walk by showing me that I lacked God's love, 1 Cor. 13 type love, in my life.  I also had pushed people away to avoid being hurt.  And He was asking me to keep on loving even knowing that people would continue to hurt me and reject me.  We are told that people will treat us like they treated Christ, so we should expect that--even in the church.  We are all at different stages of Christian maturity, and we should be an example to the Christians who are less mature in this area.  

When we are hurt, it is the old man in us that is hurting.  It is our pride, our selfishness and even some self righteousness if we think we are better than they are..  These things have to die so that the Spirit of Christ can be seen in me.  No one said that the Christian life would be easy.  

 

Isa 53:3 WEB He was despised, and rejected by men; a man of suffering, and acquainted with disease. He was despised as one from whom men hide their face; and we didn’t respect him. Isa 53:4  Surely he has borne our sickness, and carried our suffering; yet we considered him plagued, struck by God, and afflicted. Isa 53:5  But he was pierced for our transgressions. He was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought our peace was on him; and by his wounds we are healed.

Isa 53:6  All we like sheep have gone astray. Everyone has turned to his own way; and Yahweh has laid on him the iniquity of us all. Isa 53:7  He was oppressed, yet when he was afflicted he didn’t open his mouth. As a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and as a sheep that before its shearers is silent, so he didn’t open his mouth. Isa 53:8  He was taken away by oppression and judgment; and as for his generation, who considered that he was cut off out of the land of the living and stricken for the disobedience of my people?

Having said that, I have to agree that my father in law was much easier to love and forgive after he died.  While alive, he would just do some hateful thing again that I would struggle to forgive so I could try to love him.  But God was showing me my own arrogance and lack of love.  He sent the most unloving person into my life to show me my own sin.  I cannot love him.  Only Jesus could love him while being rejected and hated by him.  Thank You Jesus.  What I can't do, Jesus can do through me when I allow Him to live in me.

Hi Willa!   I appreciate your time and thoughts.  I agree with some of what you're saying.  Actually, my question is about love for everyone, not just me.  This isn't fully about me and my needs, but the lack of love I am seeing overall that should be evident in true believers.  I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, many others have confided that in me also as I do discipleship and lay counseling.  I was being very raw and vulnerable in sharing my thoughts, and this was only my 2nd post on this site.  You have to post 3 to get into chat, and that's what was on my heart at the time.  I had no clue people were going to jump on my comments and dissect them like they did, lol.  

I agree, love and forgiveness are beautiful things that we should all desire to do.  Yes, we're called to love the unlovable, and I sure do try.  I don't actually push people away, it was more a wishful thought in my head caused by the lack of love that I see.  I am a very loving person, I can love anyone, even random strangers that's why love is so important to me.  I think communicating this way and not being able to see people's hearts, or not knowing people can lead to a lot of assumptions.  Tone, meaning are not always clear.  Know what I mean?  I only desire the things that God does, and desiring love for the universal body of believers is not wrong.

I do expect mistreatment and rejection by the world, but I differ from you as I think we should expect genuine love by our brothers in Christ.  1 Peter 1:22 Since you have purified your souls by obedience to the truth, so that you have a genuine love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from a pure heart.  Sure nobody's perfect and we shouldn't expect perfection, but believers are to exhibit the fruits of the Spirit.  This is not judgment, or at least not mine, but it's God's commandments to Christians.  I agree we should be an example to less mature Christians, but I'm not only speaking of immature Christians lacking love.  You will have to look at some of the examples I will post later to explain what I mean.  

I also don't agree that when we are hurt it's the old man hurting.  Jesus was like us in every way and knew hurt and pain.  He cried when Lazarus died (John 11), He cried tears of blood in the garden before going to be crucified (John 11:35), and there are other examples of where He had great sadness and tears (all associated with hurt) and He was the only perfect being that ever walked the face of the Earth.  Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."  Clearly the Lord demonstrates compassion for others and approves of weeping, a response to the emotion, sadness, that He created in us.  Also, we don't want to be like Job's comforters lacking compassion as he refers to them as "sorry comforters" in Job 16:2.    

I think hurt can be pride, but it is not always, and that's not a fair judgment unless one knows a person's heart.  The Bible tells us in 1 Samuel, "For the Lord does not see as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."  The only person's heart we truly know is our own.  We can however form our opinions based upon the tree a fruit bears Matthew 7:16 (You will recognize them by their fruits.  Are grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles?"   I think that requires a lot of balance to see things clearly and a lot of discernment from the Lord.

The Christian life is definitely not easy!  I've been walking it for 30 some years, and I don't think it gets easier as you get older, maybe harder, lol.  Thanks for the good discussion.  It seems you desire God's ways too, and that is what's most important!  Have a blessed day!

 

[Gemstone777]

On 7/20/2017 at 1:01 AM, BK1110 said:

Miss Muffet has the right of it, in my eyes. And I was one of them, for many years, raised in a Christian home, well-trained and read, too, and church every week...but it was not my faith, and so there was not love in my heart. There was pride, placing myself above others, not caring about their own spiritual state, unwilling to reach out. Praise God that He did not treat me the same and He continued to reach out to me until I learned my lesson. Many professing Christians are just that; they profess it, but do not live it. It has not changed them.

Thanks for sharing your personal journey!  I love hearing people's faith stories as it reminds me of Pilgrim's Progress how we are all on a journey.  I definitely think as my dad would say, "Tend to you own," meaning we need to focus on ourselves first.  I do think there are issues that grieved Jesus when He was here, and I also think they should grieve our hearts too.  God is far more merciful with us than we are with each other, hence where love is lacking.  You made some good points!  Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[Gemstone777]

On 7/20/2017 at 8:02 AM, Neighbor said:

Great thread! Many a honest plead of the situation many feel they are in today.

 I too have those "feelings", and it is hard to find fellowship as I age evermore.  Yet fellowship is there, and caring saints in Christ do pray for me by name near daily! I know of the prayers for my well being, even in the lonelier of times.

Seems to me the Psalmists have that common trait too. It shows in their plea to God  out of a sense of being alone and separated- a loneliness of even soul at times.

The fellowship  with saints, it seems superficial and perhaps it is , except when saints do gather specifically for the protection of accountability, one with another in prayer groups. That is perhaps where real friendship is to be found, at least the most intense of fellowship and lifting may be therein.

Much of our local body of Christ's men get up at five on Friday's to then be ready to read pray, and meet at six AM. Our women gather  just a little later in the morning on Thursdays for similar  gathering and bonding. Tuesdays there is evening prayer gathering for  missionaries. And Sundays prior to services there is gathering for prayer for the presenters of information at services. There are  a few additional  gatherings but  the idea has been presented- I suggest these are the places of making strong friendships, not at the meet and greet handshaking sessions before a worship service, nor after services as people leave to go fill their bellies.

The volunteer projects those sign up sheets tell of, they too are the opportunities to  meet fellow saints and become close friends. None the less, loneliness will creep in come the day I slack off being part of active faith's errands. So, I suggest that when  the feeling of what the... happens it is time for me  personally to take it up a notch  get very active in service  as a soldier of Christ Jesus by doing some separate project some special interest thing that does fit into service to our creator. For it is His company  that I need most. Perhaps it is the same for others too.

Neighbor, I'm glad you could share your personal experience here.  I'm also glad you see a real problem here.  We surely can not base everything on our feelings, or they would lead us astray.  However, when our views are aligned with God's that's a good thing.  

I too have some of those precious people in my life, those rare gems it seems that are hard to find.  I keep them very close and cherish those relationships.  They are God sent to help me go this life so I don't have to do it fully alone.  I know all we truly need is Jesus, but blessings of true friendship I believe are His gifts to us in this world.  

You're right about the Psalmists.  That's a good point.  I'm also reminded of Jeremiah (The Weeping Prophet,) and Job when he lost everything.  They poured out their heart before God, and in their loneliness is where they became even more intimate with God.  

Accountability partner is a wonderful thing.  True community can be found in small groups, Bible studies, prayer groups, etc., but that doesn't always happen.  Sometimes those groups only scratch the surface too.  They are very good real solutions, and I appreciate them!

One can still be lonely in serving Christ.  Again I say if you are always pouring into others and not having your pitcher replenished, you can reach burnout.  

Christ is the answer for everything!  He is our best friend, or should be!  He fills the loneliness that others can't fill!  Basically, God is good!  I really enjoyed reading your post!  I wish you many blessings!