Why do some professing Christians seem cold?

[warrior12]

15 minutes ago, gemstone777 said:

I will give some examples hopefully soon.  I'm trying to go through all the posts, but I can't keep up with you all!   There is no resentment, it's more a hurting of the heart (sad to see) for the way our world is, the lack of authentic, Christ-like love.

Just saw your post as i was browsing and thought i would give a quick feedback.  Take all the time and yes reading through post can be time consuming especially if you don't want to misquote ect.   As i said to one other earlier on in this thread, i may have not chosen the proper word as resentment, but rather should have used something like "disappointed".     Below was my earlier reply. 

"I think that person can speak for themselves in a reply of their own.  The word resentment, may not have been appropriate in the context that i used it, but it was not meant as the way you took it.  I was merely seeking for an example to see what actions Christians carry out, do or perform that makes them want to "pull away" as the OP has said.  You used the meaning as in your quote, but words do have multiple meaning as below.   So then i choose another one from below.   dissastisfaction or discontent.   How's that, hope it satisfies you and if not, don't hesitate, let me know. "

[Gemstone777]

On 7/24/2017 at 8:49 AM, fixerupper said:

There is no resentment in this persons reply.  I'm surprised you can't tell how this person feels without prodding at their 'resentment.'

"I'm a social, outgoing person.  I used to find it easier to make friends.  I'm finding it harder to find loyal, loving, genuine friendships as I get older. This is making me want to pull away from others and become a hermit.  I know God has called all of us to love others, and I do, but I want to love them from a distance.  I see the ugliness in the world, and it makes my heart sad.  I don't see how truly loving believers can treat people the way they sometimes do.  I want to continue to love others, but I don't want to allow others to hurt me, or watch them hurt others.  Some wisdom, Scriptures, and prayers would be most helpful, thanks!"

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Maybe Christians on the forum could use better words to express themselves.  

RESENTMENT...

bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly.

I feel the very same way this person does.  I'm older and very tired of Christians PERIOD!  READ what the person SAID!  You don't need any more of an explanation!  

1.   I'm finding it harder to find loyal, loving, genuine friendships as I get older.

2.  This is making me want to pull away from others and become a hermit.

3.  I know God has called all of us to love others, and I do, but I want to love them from a distance.

4.  I see the ugliness in the world, and it makes my heart sad

5.  I don't see how truly loving believers can treat people the way they sometimes do.  I want to continue to love others, but I don't want to allow others to hurt me, or watch them hurt others.

I'm in the same situation.  I've distanced myself from CHRISTIANS because they're NO GOOD! They do NOTHING for my walk with Christ.  All they ever do is undermine it.  They have NOTHING good to say about ME/people.  They are even more difficult to become friends wih than unbelievers.  I like being ALONE away from their self-righteous, holier than thou, "we don't make mistakes" attitude.  I don't like being friends with Christians because they impose their convictions on everyone else and then condemn you for believing different. I have trouble loving Christians even from a distance.  I've been crapped on so many times by PASTORS (which I use to be) that I'm about ready to dump the entire religion of Christianity with all the messed up people in it.  I see ugliness in the world too.  Much of it in the followers of Jesus Christ, and it makes me sad that I have to get away from such people to maintain my 'sobriety.' And most of all...

When I read some of the wonderful, loving replies by people here I get sick to my stomach.  On one reply they're so sweet and they talk about God's love and compassion  Then on another, usually because their beliefs have been seriously challenged or opposed, they say all sorts of derogatory things about you and even condemn people. 

Christianity, It's just not what it use to be even 30-40 years ago.

Fixerupper,

Thank you for your understanding of my original post.  I agree resentment wasn't a good word choice for them to use, but I myself could have used some better word choices in some of my replies.  I wasn't expecting the numerous responses that I received, and I've been trying to reply as quickly as possible.   

I don't have bitterness in my heart towards the people that are unloving, it just makes me sad to see.  I don't think I can ever say it's okay for others or myself to be treated wrongly, or for me to treat someone wrongly.  Now can I forgive others, sure...I should extend mercy, grace, and forgiveness because it's been extended to me by God even if the people don't. 

I have friends and family that have pulled away from the church because of the deep hurts they have experienced.  It breaks my heart to see some out of fellowship in the body, and some non-believers not wanting to know Christ because of the examples they say some Christians are.  Unfortunately, I've seen it too and even been on the receiving end before.  I'm sorry to hear that you've been hurt too and seen others hurt.  

I agree with you that people need to be more edifying and uplifting as Christians.  Sometimes there is so much "self" focus in our world that it pours into our churches.  

My father who's retired used to be a Youth Pastor, and my husband was a Senior Pastor, but is now in the corporate world.  He still fills in teaching/preaching at our church so he's able to use his gifting.  We too have experienced a lot of persecution.  One of the verses that's stuck with me lately is Matthew 5:11-12 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.  Rejoice, and be exceedingly glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.  

Some of the loving replies are genuine, not everyone is unloving.  We all make mistakes, and God keeps reminding me to be merciful to others even when they are not to me.  It is so hard to do and requires reliance upon Him!

By the way off topic, Is your name based on the house improvement show, Fixer Upper?  I like that show, that's why I asked!  I will pray that God heals your heart, and feel free to pray for me if you want!  Thanks for sharing your genuine feelings!

Love in Christ, Gem

 

 

[Gemstone777]

16 minutes ago, warrior12 said:

Just saw your post as i was browsing and thought i would give a quick feedback.  Take all the time and yes reading through post can be time consuming especially if you don't want to misquote ect.   As i said to one other earlier on in this thread, i may have not chosen the proper word as resentment, but rather should have used something like "disappointed".     Below was my earlier reply. 

"I think that person can speak for themselves in a reply of their own.  The word resentment, may not have been appropriate in the context that i used it, but it was not meant as the way you took it.  I was merely seeking for an example to see what actions Christians carry out, do or perform that makes them want to "pull away" as the OP has said.  You used the meaning as in your quote, but words do have multiple meaning as below.   So then i choose another one from below.   dissastisfaction or discontent.   How's that, hope it satisfies you and if not, don't hesitate, let me know. "

Thanks for your patience!  Even though I can be a fast typist, I'm trying to not say things that can be misconstrued.  This type of communication is not as effective as face to face because you can't see body language, hear voice inflection, etc., but it's what we got so I'll take it!  I don't want to provoke, hurt, or anger anyone, so I'm trying to be as thoughtful as I can in my word choices.  Some of my word choices as I read over them I thought hmmm, somebody might not understand what I'm saying and take that the wrong way, lol.  

Yes, "disappointed" I think would fit there better. Thanks for giving clarity there.  I try to give people the benefit of the doubt cause I need it too!   I was hoping to get to the examples tonight, but that might have to wait til tomorrow or the next day since it's the weekend.  We shall see.  

Thanks for participating in the post!  

~ Gem

 

[4LdKHVCzRDj2]

On 7/19/2017 at 2:51 AM, gemstone777 said:

Why do some professing Christians seem cold?

I will tell you about my experience:

I am what people call a "cold" individual, I do not talk much, I do not have friends, I stay alone most of the time, when people talk to me I do not feel to smile, I just feel to hear and answer with a serious face. And I do that most of the time, but I try to force a smile when the other person I am talking to is smiling so they don't think I am emotionless.

 

I am not the type of person who say many kind words, especially in person. I do not know exactly why, I just don't feel comfortable and natural on my part.

But I really care for the people I talk to. I just do not make this so evident when talking to them, apparently.

Every time I talk to someone - and this is not common to happen in my daily life - I think about my interaction with that person, and keep evaluating if I was kind enough or if the person will have a wrong impression of me; if they will think I am rude, ignorant, unloving, cold, etc.

It is hard for me, because I feel I did the best I could. And still it could not be enough.

 

I know I am not cold, but I know many people think I am because they just judge by what they have experienced for a moment. They do not really know me.

 

I am not emotionless, I am not cold. Maybe you are just not seeing it.

I do not hate you. I hope you understand.

[frienduff thaylorde]

3 hours ago, Davida said:

For sure, one can see within the world and seeped into the Church is a lot of hypocrisy, superficial affection & that gets passed off as Christian Love but few know the difference.  I'm sure there are Pastor's out their who truly Love with love through the Holy Spirit for a member of their church & for that person's soul but when they try to give that person Biblical teaching or correction they are rejected and judged for being callused ,intolerant or rigid.  It's like how some see Apostle Paul as not nice -but I see him as a humble , godly obedient servant of Christ who had such deep Love for the people he ministered to like a goodly father who watched over them.

I seen the very same thing.  Some go after paul like he was some kind of hater.  They see his approach as judgmental or Pharisee,

because he corrected.  Yet paul did all for the sake of the gospel.  The man was beat down with stones, beaten with whips five times

to get the gospel out, whipped with rods three times all for the sake of the gospel

In prison often , for the sake of the real gospel.   Yet these who claim him as Pharisee. they themselves lift not a finger to, much less even put their life

in any danger for the sake of the gospel, yet paul who did they see themselves as better christains .   Aint that sad.   I mean very sad.

[Gemstone777]

9 minutes ago, 4LdKHVCzRDj2 said:

I will tell you about my experience:

I am what people call a "cold" individual, I do not talk much, I do not have friends, I stay alone most of the time, when people talk to me I do not feel to smile, I just feel to hear and answer with a serious face. And I do that most of the time, but I try to force a smile when the other person I am talking to is smiling so they don't think I am emotionless.

 

I am not the type of person who say many kind words, especially in person. I do not know exactly why, I just don't feel comfortable and natural on my part.

But I really care for the people I talk to. I just do not make this so evident when talking to them, apparently.

Every time I talk to someone - and this is not common to happen in my daily life - I think about my interaction with that person, and keep evaluating if I was kind enough or if the person will have a wrong impression of me; if they will think I am rude, ignorant, unloving, cold, etc.

It is hard for me, because I feel I did the best I could. And still it could not be enough.

 

I know I am not cold, but I know many people think I am because they just judge by what they have experienced for a moment. They do not really know me.

 

I am not emotionless, I am not cold. Maybe you are just not seeing it.

I do not hate you. I hope you understand.

Hi 4LdKHVCzRDj2!  

I appreciate you sharing your experience!  It's a good reminder that we all have different personalities, giftings, etc.  Although it could be taken that you are unloving by those actions, I don't think those are the unloving actions/words of which I am mainly speaking.  I'm talking about deep wounds.  I guess unloving could be smaller things, but in my initial post I was thinking more along the lines of bigger offenses.  

I have lots of friends that are shy, wallflowers, and introverted.  I get along with them great, and my outgoing nature and desire to include everyone and make no one feel left out seems to click well.  You wanna know a secret?  Some extroverts/social butterflies feel awkward to and they're winging it, lol.

I do think it's good to try and let your actions meet your words, so if you're happy smile, if your sad frown/cry, as it helps others to know you better.  Please don't feel as if you're not good enough!  We all have quarks, make mistakes, and we are all sinners.  

Yes, that's one of the key things I've brought up in my posts....that people don't know each other.  The reasons they don't can vary...shyness, lack of trust, lack of time, etc.  Just as our relationship with Christ is the ultimate model we are to desire intimacy with Him.  I also believe that our relationships should be authentic and intimate.  It's hard to get that though, I know.

I see kindness, gentleness, and authenticity in your post, and I'm appreciative of that.  Thanks for sharing what was on your heart and mind!  

Always, ~ Gem

[Heleadethme]

8 hours ago, frienduff thaylorde said:

I seen the very same thing.  Some go after paul like he was some kind of hater.  They see his approach as judgmental or Pharisee,

because he corrected.  Yet paul did all for the sake of the gospel.  The man was beat down with stones, beaten with whips five times

to get the gospel out, whipped with rods three times all for the sake of the gospel

In prison often , for the sake of the real gospel.   Yet these who claim him as Pharisee. they themselves lift not a finger to, much less even put their life

in any danger for the sake of the gospel, yet paul who did they see themselves as better christains .   Aint that sad.   I mean very sad.

Yes, it's very sad.........any such don't know Paul very well.  Just like the church at large doesn't know the God it purports to serve any more.   If we find ourselves at odds with anything in the bible, we can be sure it's because something needs to change in us, not the scripture.  We need to come up to HIS standard, not try to make Him fit ours.  God's ways and His thoughts are not like ours........the same goes for His love, it is not like ours either, but is much higher. 

 

[frienduff thaylorde]

46 minutes ago, Heleadethme said:

Yes, it's very sad.........any such don't know Paul very well.  Just like the church at large doesn't know the God it purports to serve any more.   If we find ourselves at odds with anything in the bible, we can be sure it's because something needs to change in us, not the scripture.  We need to come up to HIS standard, not try to make Him fit ours.  God's ways and His thoughts are not like ours........the same goes for His love, it is not like ours either, but is much higher. 

 

Indeed when any thing we have come to understand is contrary to the pattern JESUS set and the apostles kept,  we have strayed.

Like Love for example  .   We have to understand that anything which comes FROM GOD............HONORS GOD.   HIS WORD HONORS HIM.

If we follow a love that is not holy , is not compatible with GOD, does not honor GOD.   But honors sin,  ITS NOT FROM GOD, its of the world.

Love that is not IDENTICAL to the SONS WALK, IS NOT LOVE .

its sensual , that is all it is.   Has it not been said............LOVE REJOICES IN...................TRUTH.   NOT in inquity.

Most are under a dark spell.   Love , the love they claim IS NOT OF GOD.  IF IT WERE IT WOULD HONOR HIM.

not despise him and call evil good and good evil.  NO love that embraces any sin is from GOD.   A love that wont correct is not from GOD.

FOR ALL WHOM GOD LOVES HE CORRECTS, HE CHASTENS and SCOURGES for our own welfare, that we be partakers of HIS HOLINESS and not partakers

with the world.    TRUTH MAGNIFYS TRUTH , not lies.   A love that simply wont correct is false.  FOR GOD desires not the wicked to perish

but to REPENT.  NOT STAY IN IT AND GET HUGS...........that is of satan , its a gospel that sets no captive free, but rather makes them feel free while still in SIN>

IT is a LIE FROM HELL, from the darkest pits of socery of men and women of belial gone mad with its drink.

Any LOVE that does not focus on the end state , where one will spend enternity, but rather just hugs and embraces all..............IS NOT LOVE .

The churches have swallowed a pill of poison.   most preach a love , a freedom, a liberty , a unity, and a peace that honors the flesh NOT GOD.

AND this will get worse till in time .................anything or anyone that stays true to GOD , will just be hunted, betrayed

and worse by many who say.......WE DO GODS WILL...................

[Reinitin]

14 hours ago, gemstone777 said:

Reinitin, thanks for sharing your personal experience. I'm genuinely happy that you feel loved!   As I'm reading the posts in this thread, I'm reminded that everyone has different experiences.  I've been observing both extremes (loving vs unloving) and everywhere in between.  If all the genuine Christians you know are loving, than that is a blessing, and something all Christians can aspire to because that is what God calls us to do, LOVE!  

Unfortunately, mine and many others haven't had that experience.  The more one gets involved in a church or ministry, sometimes the things that are not as they should be can be seen.  The more you are sold out for the Lord, sometimes the more persecution comes.  Also, there are wolves in the midst of the sheep, so we have to be careful for some will stir up trouble and evil.  

Many blessings to you!  ~ Gem

I'm not saying i dont see gossips, slandarers, envy, jeolousy, hatred, greedyness, unforgiveness, back stabbing being displayed in the name of our Lord.

Im saying 1 john tells us how to know our brothers and sisters. Christian means Christ like. Christ is in us, we are being made new. So of course we all fall short in ways. But no love? If we have no love we are a liar totally a false witness about our spiritual condition. 

I dont assume people with no love are christians just because they are in church or ministry. Even the devil can parrot the Word of God he just doesnt live it.

I know who my christian brothers and sisters are by their love. 

Jesus loves everyone and can save everyone but not everyone that says i am Christian is saved. 

Christians are being led and guided by the Lord their consciences are not seared. They have been quickened to the truth of being dead in tresspass and sin and given life. 

We are not even close to sinless but we 'know' the great love of God bestowed on us. We love because we have experianced the merciful goodness of our Father loving us first when we surley had not earned it or deserved it.

How could anyone who has truely recieved the love of God in Christ Jesus withhold it? They can't. Gods love never fails.

Edited July 29, 2017 by Reinitin

[Heleadethme]

1 hour ago, frienduff thaylorde said:

Indeed when any thing we have come to understand is contrary to the pattern JESUS set and the apostles kept,  we have strayed.

Like Love for example  .   We have to understand that anything which comes FROM GOD............HONORS GOD.   HIS WORD HONORS HIM.

If we follow a love that is not holy , is not compatible with GOD, does not honor GOD.   But honors sin,  ITS NOT FROM GOD, its of the world.

Love that is not IDENTICAL to the SONS WALK, IS NOT LOVE .

its sensual , that is all it is.   Has it not been said............LOVE REJOICES IN...................TRUTH.   NOT in inquity.

Most are under a dark spell.   Love , the love they claim IS NOT OF GOD.  IF IT WERE IT WOULD HONOR HIM.

not despise him and call evil good and good evil.  NO love that embraces any sin is from GOD.   A love that wont correct is not from GOD.

FOR ALL WHOM GOD LOVES HE CORRECTS, HE CHASTENS and SCOURGES for our own welfare, that we be partakers of HIS HOLINESS and not partakers

with the world.    TRUTH MAGNIFYS TRUTH , not lies.   A love that simply wont correct is false.  FOR GOD desires not the wicked to perish

but to REPENT.  NOT STAY IN IT AND GET HUGS...........that is of satan , its a gospel that sets no captive free, but rather makes them feel free while still in SIN>

IT is a LIE FROM HELL, from the darkest pits of socery of men and women of belial gone mad with its drink.

Any LOVE that does not focus on the end state , where one will spend enternity, but rather just hugs and embraces all..............IS NOT LOVE .

The churches have swallowed a pill of poison.   most preach a love , a freedom, a liberty , a unity, and a peace that honors the flesh NOT GOD.

AND this will get worse till in time .................anything or anyone that stays true to GOD , will just be hunted, betrayed

and worse by many who say.......WE DO GODS WILL...................

The love that proceeds from the fallen human nature is emotional, partial and fickle.....and worse than that is often self righteous and selfish at the core.....filthy rags to God.  It is the wordly love which calls Godly love unrighteous.  Whereas the love of  God speaks truth to its neighbour and sometimes as faithful friends we inflict wounds.  We are to be soldiers of the cross, enduring hardship.......the Christian life is not a walk of comfort seeking.  God's love gives us what we need when we need it......sometimes it is comfort and encouragement, when we need it but not all the time so as to spoil us......often it is also chastisement, rebuke, reproof that we need to be conformed to His image......lumps of clay being molded by the Potter.  We need all of it if we want to be made useful in the kingdom.......not to mention working out our salvation with fear and trembling.  If our love looks no different than the world's version of it (which is increasingly that false politically correct kind these days), then something is wrong.